Name: Collectors’ Items - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2022-03-30T16:45:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Collectors’ Items - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Collectors’ Items - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-30. Transcript available.

Collector items, or collectors items.
Is it collector?
Wouldn't it be collector's apostrophe items?
Athlete?
Dear Billy Good Stuff, acetate.
I've been collecting comic books and unopened trading card boxes for 25 years,
since I was 10.
I like boxes of cards with plastic still on them, despite what the cards are
for.
I.e., I don't like Pokemon, but I have a few boxes based on their value.
See, this is why I stopped collecting cards, because it became like adults
doing shit like that.
I mean, I just wish they would go back to the regular football cards,
a two-dimensional fucking picture with all the stats on the back, and then some
fun fact.
You know, I still remember Louis Kelcher had a size 16 quadruple E sneaker, or
cleat.
I still remember that, from the back of his card.
And they'd have a college pennant, and in there they'd say what college the
person went to.
They'd have their height, they'd have their weight, they'd have all their stats.
It was everything you needed.
It was amazing.
Anyways, it says,
I was told for years that they would be worth nothing, and that my comics would
be devalued by the overprinting of variants.
God, that is a popular word.
Variant.
The Delta variant of Captain America.
Imagine 15 different cards for the same player in the same series.
And anyways, and loss of interest in the markets.
The truth is that there have been ups and downs, but overall, everything is up
significantly.
When kids would rush to open 50 packs to find a certain card, I would just buy
a box and hold on to it.
Lots of times, boxes are guaranteed to have a certain card.
For example, I have boxes that surely have expensive rookie cards, but I have
never opened the box.
That's like these fucking jerk-offs who buy a Ferrari, you know?
Oh, that fuck, what's that Ford car?
The mid-engine one, that one Le Mans, whatever the fuck that thing is.
They'll buy the thing, and then like, they'll sell it at Mecham auction 15
years later,
and it's got like fucking, you know, 600 original miles.
It's like, you're a jerk-off.
That thing should have fucking 300,000 miles on it.
You bought it as an investment?
You don't buy a Ferrari as an investment.
You buy it to drive the fucking thing.
They have like 1,600 miles on them.
They better all be at the track.
Anyway, so this person didn't open.
He said, I was wondering if you regret getting rid of anything that you're in
your getting rid of anything phase.
I don't, and I'll be honest with you, I can't even remember what I got rid of.
I mean, I get rid of my football cards because they mean so much to me.
But, you know, you know, other things, just knickknacks and shit like that, I
don't.
Anyways, he said, he or she said, I should mention that I sold five boxes of unopened
cards in 2020,
and I made over $250,000 from them?
It barely affected my collection, and I was able to buy a house.
Well, there you go, man.
I mean, you're doing it right.
I mean, if that's good for you.
Good for you.
Are there even jobs anymore?
Like, I don't even know what people do.
There's, it's kind of like a fucking, I guess we don't make anything in this
country anymore.
Thank God for fucking people growing weed.
We still grow food, we grow weed, you know?
And you got the Shinola Company that makes watches, bicycles, and all types of
shit like that out of Detroit.
There's a few out there.
Hey, if you're an American company and you make some shit, write into the
podcast.
I'll give you a shout out here.
Help your business.
We've got to get things going here again.