Name: My Kids Are Rough With Me - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2022-04-29T16:00:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'My Kids Are Rough With Me - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'My Kids Are Rough With Me - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-29. Transcript available.

- Anyway, I am back out here, back out here in LA.
I'm so psyched to be back out here
with my family and all that.
I'm literally sitting around, I just reached down,
I have a pacifier in my pocket.
You know, I'm living the dad life here.
I was sitting on, for the ninth inning,
eighth and ninth inning,
my daughter was literally sitting on my chest.
Not on my lap, she was sitting on my chest.
She thought it was funny that I couldn't see the game
and she was looking at her little iPad,
which I don't like.
I don't like the iPads and all of that shit.
You know, they fucking sit there
and they hold them like two feet away from them.
So we got a little stand and it's like, all right,
you can do this.
The kid's always like, I don't wanna do that, you know?
I wanna hold it like right up to my face.
And you sit there and be like, you're gonna need glasses.
And they just, they don't listen.
And it's the end of the day and they wear you out.
And you know, I don't know.
I don't know what.
My kids look at me as much as I'm a dad,
as I'm a jungle gym.
'Cause then my son comes in
and he's jumping on my shoulder and stuff.
Oh, Billy's shoulders.
Oh, Billy, old shoulders.
All right?
My rehab's, you know,
my rehab's coming back here.
My rehab's coming back?
No, my shoulders are coming back.
So I'm able to,
I bought this fucking thing on the internet.
I gotta give these guys a shout out,
but I don't know what the name of this is.
I'll do it on the Monday morning podcast.
This thing where it almost looks like a medieval weapon.
That's the only, my only knock against it is the fact that it looks like a
medieval weapon.
I don't dare bring it to the airport 'cause they're like, what the fuck's that?
When you start swinging around and take over the plane?
No, no, I was born here.
I'm happy here.
I'm not trying to ruin here.
I just have old shoulders.
They'll just be like, yeah, whatever.
I'm from Massachusetts, man.
I got a rotator cuff issue.
Tell it to the TSA fuck face, right?
I know they're going to take it away from me.
So what it is, is it's just a, it's a handle with a little cord and then it
comes with, uh,
three different size balls, ladies, um, and some gentlemen, um, and it works
its way up in weight.
And all you do is you hold your stand, you have your shoulders down, you hold
it straight out, you do 30, you're just moving your wrist, but somehow this
helps the rotator cuff.
And I can tell you, my rotator cuffs feel great.
You do 30 clockwise with both hands straight, arms straight out, as if you were
beginning to be a Nazi and then thought better of it.
You only go like, you only go, you only go, uh, straight, straight up, okay?
You don't go, you go Sieg, you don't get to the Heil part.
You just do a Sieg, no, the Sieg's to the chest, right?
If I got my hate group shit down right, um, you just don't go up, all right?
Whoever has this product is so happy that I don't know the name of it, as I'm
tying the Nazis into this.
And then you go, you rest and then you do the same position and then you go, uh,
you go 30 clock, a counterclockwise.
You rest again, um, and then you do it at like a 45 degrees.
Five degree angle, same thing, you know, hand at the shoulder.
And then you do it all the way out to the side, clockwise, counterclockwise in
each position.
So it's a total of like 12 reps, three different positions on each side.
And, uh, I got to tell you, you do it 10 days with each one of the balls there.
And each ball gets a little bigger there and a little heavier and you gradually
work your way up.
And I got to tell you, it's been helping me out.
I've been going to the gym.
I'm doing the lat pull downs.
Everything's fine.
I'm doing that, that one that everybody does the exercise wrong.
You know, the one where you lean forward.
It's almost like you're rowing a boat and you get those people.
They just grab onto it and then just rocking back and forth.
Like they're going up the Charles river, right?
All they're doing, I don't know what they're working.
It's like their lower back.
Um, the amount of people that do that exercise wrong, myself included, you're
supposed to feel
it between your shoulder blades, the bottom of your trapezi, which I learned
because I have 80 shoulders.
Because all I did was bench curl and fucking tries for upper body and shoulders.
We just did like the military press and my shoulders rotated forward.
And that's why I have the problem.
So I'm trying to get my shoulders to come back.
You know what I mean?
So I'm not caving in on myself.
All right.
So the one man thrill ride won't eat a bowl of cereal out of my chest.
Um, oh, by the way, I'm getting my fucking car fixed.
I told you my son closed the fucking gate on it.
It was hilarious.
I was like, how the fuck did I hit?
I never, I never hit the gate in my fucking life.
How did I side swipe that thing?
And I looked up and he was just fucking standing in the window.
He somehow got the controller and he's fucking pressing on the fourth.
With all his might.
So what are you going to do?
What are you going to do?
What are you going to do?