Name: Junk Food In The 70s - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2022-04-29T16:45:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Junk Food In The 70s - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Junk Food In The 70s - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-29. Transcript available.

You know, when I was a kid, speaking of pizza, they used to have these frozen
pizzas, before
frozen pizzas.
They had these little ones.
They were little bite-sized pizzas, and there was like either nine or 12 to
like a sheet,
right?
And you'd take out a sheet, and maybe it was just a box.
You just had the one, right?
They were these little circle ones.
They were probably, I don't know, I'd say a little more than half the size of a
hockey
puck in like circumference, right?
And one whole row was sausage, the other whole row was pepperoni, and the other
whole row
was cheese, okay?
And I come from the latchkey generation.
Your parents both were at work.
They shared a car.
You lived in a duplex.
You know what I mean?
It's one of those deals.
You want to have fun?
Christ, you went outside, you climbed a tree.
How old do I sound?
Anyway, so we used to come home, and we used to turn on the oven, because that's
what you
do.
I just realized that.
Your parents are at home.
They gave you a key, and now you're turning on the oven.
And there was no Simply Safe back then, man.
You were on your own.
That's what's wrong with these millennials, man.
We're all like 40 now, aren't they?
Isn't it time to blame another generation for shit that older generations
created?
Millennials, let me give you a little forecast here.
You're going to do the same thing.
It's what you do, unless you become one of the rare, the rarest thing on the
planet, a
cool old guy.
A cool old guy who lived the life he wanted to live, found the woman he wanted
to be with,
and therefore is happy for young people, and encourages them, rather than
telling them everything
they're doing is wrong.
I'll tell you what I did was wrong, is I ate Chinese food too fast, now I have
the hiccups.
Anyway, so we'd turn the stove on, as you do, and we'd throw those fuckers in
there, and
we would sit down, and we would just fucking chow those things.
And it was either that, or they had these things called steakums, which I know
I've brought up
a zillion times, so I won't bore you with it again, but those were the big ones.
Or you just came home, and you ate donuts.
And back in the day, you didn't buy donuts at a donut place unless it was after
church.
Other than that, you had donuts that God knows when they were made.
Somebody made these fucking things, and they put them on a truck, and they were
driven states,
across states, all right?
And then you fucking, they just stuck them in a goddamn supermarket.
Now, I know they still have donuts in supermarkets, and I gotta be honest with
you, you know?
There's something really cool about having donuts in your house, if you just
don't give a fuck,
right?
That's always been, like, the big thing for me.
If you're eating donuts, you don't give a fuck.
I know the expression is cake eater, but, you know, you gotta be honest, dude,
there's not
a lot of places to get cake, but fucking donuts, especially out here in L.A.,
for a city that
is so goddamn vain, well, at least Hollywood is.
Let's not blame all of L.A., by the way, all right?
There's plenty of people that like guns, four-wheelers, and fucking, you know,
reality show TV
stars with long ties.
There's plenty of those people out here.
They're just not right in Hollywood.
But anyway, I used to buy these fucking donuts, and they had three rows.
They had powdered, they had cinnamon, and they had the fucking plain.
And the plain ones was for the weakest of the herd, all right?
All the siblings came home, all right?
And the oldest ate high on the hog, ate the cinnamon and the powdered, and then
the fucking,
the weak ones would just get the plain ones.
And every once in a while, they'd try to sneak a powdered one, and then they'd
get beat down.
And that was the 70s, everybody.
And that is the podcast.
Sorry.
That was a sad story of children getting beaten over powdered sugar donuts.
You know?
And I'll tell you right now, I think that's why this country's so fucked up the
way it is today.
It ain't social media.
It's them powdered donuts from the supermarket back in 1975.