Name: Getting Old And Roman Swipes - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2022-05-03T16:15:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Getting Old And Roman Swipes - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Getting Old And Roman Swipes - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-03. Transcript available.

And lastly, but not leastly, for all you old fucking guys out there, old men
and women
like myself, I finally got the name of that thing that I've been using.
I'm telling you, it's incredible.
It's called the shoulder reliever.
I've been finally putting together like 40 days here where I just use it.
I'm telling you that that's that middle, that medieval thing that I've been
telling you
about, right?
With the handle, then there's a ball on the end of it and you're swinging
around.
Like you're in a Mad Max movie and there's four different weights.
Each one, each ball gets heavier.
That's what she said.
Each ball gets heavier.
And then by the end, I guess you're supposed to feel good.
So I'm on the third one and my shoulders feel fucking great.
And I'm starting to believe that I'm going to be able to win my fucking money
in this pull
up bet.
It's kind of what I'm hoping, to be honest.
We'll see.
We'll see.
We'll end up seeing what happens with this thing.
If I, as long as I don't go crazy in the gym, but I've been sort of hanging
from like a
pull up bar with my feet on the ground, stretching out my shoulder, which
shoulders, which also
really helps.
But, um, you know, I just gotta make sure I don't add too much weight when I'm,
when
I'm lifting or whatever.
Uh, it's embarrassing.
Using like five, six pounds.
At least I'm out of like the colorful ones that the aerobic chicks used in the
early
eighties.
You know, I was using those for a while, but then I also realized, you know,
the other
day I took a picture with somebody that was in their twenties and I, they
showed me the
picture and I looked at it.
I was like, I really am in my fifties.
You know, you know, what's weird about aging is you don't really notice it
because every day,
you know, you see yourself in the mirror, right?
You're brushing your teeth, you know, you're checking yourself out to make sure
you don't
have anything hanging off your fucking shoe.
And you just see your face every single fucking day and you just do not notice.
And then one day you take a picture with somebody that is the age that you
still think you could
pass for.
And then you go, holy shit, who is that waterlogged fucking hag, fucking hag
next to that person?
Oh my God, that's me.
That's fucking me.
Um, anyway, let's do some reads here for this week.
Um, as I'm bumming you out about aging, which I hope I'm not, uh, Roman,
everybody.
Speaking of being old, you know what I mean?
Is your dick old?
This, you know, is your dick like Roger Clemens the last year he played for the
Red Sox?
Would you like it to then turn into the Roger Clemens the very next year with
the Toronto Blue Jays?
Get Roman, everybody.
You know, when you're wearing a great outfit, everything looks, oh, this isn't
something for your dick.
This is for your suits, right?
Oh, no, it is.
No, it is.
This is for your dick.
Sorry.
Roman, everybody.
You know when you're wearing a great outfit, everything just looks right, and
your confidence
is soaring?
You can walk into a room knowing you're on an A game.
If you've been struggling with P.E.
Uh, what is P.E.?
What is P.E.?
Roman can give you that same feeling.
Isn't it E.D.?
What is P.E.?
Penis envy?
They can make your dick bigger?
What's going on here?
If you're struggling, what the fuck is...
I gotta look this up.
What is P.E.?
Here we go.
How do you Google this to know what does...
What's that?
Physical education?
P.E.
Stand for in medicine.
Here we go.
Pulmonary embolism.
I don't think that that's what it is.
All right.
I'm gonna write the worst word.
I wrote penis.
EJACULATION.
Oh, shit.
I feel like the last family member on the family feud, you know, they always
stick the dumbest
one all the way down to the side.
And the whole fucking family's just looking at them as they spit this dumb shit
out of their
mouth.
And they gotta be like, good answer.
That's a good answer.
It's not a good answer.
And you're not helping them by saying they're giving a good answer.
All right.
All right.
P.E.
All right.
If you wanted a feature-length film but only got a short, basically, PREMATURE
EJACULATION.
Why is everything about a guy and his dick so embarrassing that we have to
abbreviate?
E-D-P-E.
Ah, God.
I needed another one.
What's another thing?
B-D.
Bent dick.
I guess if your dick's like hooked and they're now saying there's something
wrong with your
dick, I have no idea.
Fitness.
Look, we all know that change doesn't happen without action.
Whether you're looking for gains at the gym or an experience in the bedroom,
there's never
any shame in showing up for yourself and your health.
So if you're dealing with P-E, PREMATURE EJACULATION, don't ignore the issue.
Instead, face it head-on with Roman.
Why can't women take P.E. as a fucking compliment?
You know what I mean?
It's just, you're so hot, I already jizzed in my pants before we even took our
clothes off.
I mean, I can't think of a grander gesture to talk about how beautiful you are.
Do you think I'm pretty?
Do you think I'm pretty?
Don't know.
Do I think you're pretty?
Are you out of your fucking mind?
I mean, I got to go change my underwears here.
All right, guys, man-to-man, I care about each one of you.
This is what they're, these are the words they're putting in my mouth.
I want you to feel confident.
I do, though.
I want you walking in there, you know, knowing that the first thing you point
your dick at,
it's not going to shoot, all right?
I want you to secure the perimeter.
I want you to feel confident and to prioritize your health and your
relationship.
If you're ready to do that for yourself, start with Roman.
Roman, we'd like to have a lot of fun around here on my channel, podcast show.
We'd like to have a lot of fun around here.
I like how this is morning DJ copy.
So I know if you guys are anything like me, you probably dread wasting time in
boring waiting
rooms.
Then having to spend money on a copay, then insurance is a hassle.
You know how it goes.
For my guys out there dealing with PE, I have to tell you about Roman.
Why is this a whole new intro?
It's not about in the waiting room and spending money.
It's about having to sit there across from another human being saying you come
too quick.
It's embarrassing.
And this is what we need to talk about.
We need to erase the stigma of PE.
Roman swipes are clinically proven to help you last longer in bed.
No prescription needed.
Premature ejaculation treatments are safe, effective, and used by millions of
men.
Free two-day shipping.
Go to getroman.com slash burr today.
If approved, you'll get $10 off your first order.
That's getroman.com slash burr.
Do you realize if men were like women?
I'm not saying we know fucking bitch all the time.
Hence my podcast.
I can guarantee you that like if there was some sort of PE version for women,
you know what
I mean?
Oh, if we were like them, this would be like something like we need, where are
the women
women, to support men when it comes to premature ejaculation.
Don't fucking quick come shame me.
All right?
I'm sorry.
I'm just in touch with my body.
I'm sorry.