Name: Abortions And Male Pregnancies - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2022-05-20T05:25:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Abortions And Male Pregnancies - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Abortions And Male Pregnancies - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-20. Transcript available.

Why this fall? You're going to take the summer off?
I mean, that's big-time banging time, isn't it? The summer?
That's why there's so many goddamn kids born in, like, April.
Because everybody's running around with no fucking clothes on.
I'm telling you, keep running around like that, you're going to get pregnant.
That's what they used to say.
Is that battle still going on?
These fucking idiots on the right? Jesus Christ.
Who gives a shit if you think it's the taking of a life?
How much harder does the world have to get?
There's 7 billion of us.
By all means, don't bring any more here.
I understand if you think it's killing a baby.
You know what I mean? I get it.
How do you know that baby's going to be a good person?
You ever think of that?
Over there on the fucking...
Over there on the right?
Or maybe on the left. There's a lot of people on the left.
That's another thing, too. That's the dirty secret.
The dirty secret of the left.
Is there's people on the left that they, you know, they're not going to say don't
do it.
All right?
But they view it the same way people on the right do, minus telling other
people not to do it.
Okay?
I view abortion the way I view heroin.
Okay?
It's not something I would do, but I'm not going to tell you not to do it.
Okay?
Listen, God put heroin on this planet for a reason.
Okay?
And maybe, just maybe, he put strip malls on this planet for another reason.
Okay?
I'm just saying, all right?
I'm fucking with you.
I don't give a shit about any of that stuff as far as telling you what the fuck
to do.
All right?
Someone shouldn't tell you to get a goddamn, I don't know what, prostate exam
or to wear a mask, whatever your fucking cause is.
I love how everybody fucking walks around, they don't want people telling them
what to do, you know?
But then whenever there's a fucking problem in society, they then look at
government and they tell them to fix it.
I mean, make up your mind.
Do you want fucking parents or do you want to move out?
You know, you want to be fucking snake plissken?
Or do you want to live in 1984?
That's my question.
All right.
Abortion.
What should I look up here?
Abortion clinic near me.
Abortion news.
Let's look up news.
There's going to be some angry people screaming.
All right.
Here we go.
Democratic witness tells House committee men can get pregnant, have abortions.
All right.
I don't even need to click on that.
What do you mean men can get pregnant?
What the fuck are they talking about?
This is like, this is just, I don't know.
As a lefty, I don't understand.
Well, you know what?
It is the extreme left.
You know what I mean?
It's like, I'm a, I'm a fan of sports.
I'm a big fan of sports, but I don't call in sports.
Did I ever tell you guys how much I love and hate a fucking smartphone?
I swear to God.
It's got so many goddamn shortcuts, but you don't know what anything is.
I barely touched the side of the thing and it stops the fucking recording.
Now, what the hell was I talking about?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
I just, I was talking about abortion.
Then I was talking about, yeah, the extreme people on the left.
Oh, sports fans.
Yeah.
Like I would never call up, I would never call in sports talk radio.
I mean, I guess I'm glad people do.
I'm glad there's people that go before like the fucking Senate or whatever, our
house committee,
and tell them that a man can get pregnant.
A man cannot get pregnant.
We're not born with a womb over there unless, I will tell you this, in the
future, that's
going to happen.
Because they can already grow like an ear in a Petri dish.
The shit that they can do is fucking unbelievable.
So basically, when modern medicine becomes, you know, gas monkey garage, and
you can basically
do a body off restoration and do a chip foos thing where you're combining
different eras
except you'd combine different genders.
There's going to be like women pressuring their men.
It used to be to get a vasectomy.
Now it's going to be, why don't you get a womb and why don't you carry this
fucking thing
around?
You know what I mean?
I love how women bitch about that all the fucking time.
They bitch to guys about it.
It's like, don't talk to us.
Talk to the good Lord.
The good Lord made you that way.
I didn't.
What the fuck are you yelling at me for?
I mean, I agree with you.
Sounds like it sucks.
By the way, good luck with that.
That's a, I just love how when women are going through shit, like that men have
to care about
it too.
As if they give a fuck what we're going, they don't give a shit.
They really don't.
They don't give a fuck.
That's why, you know, I, you know, I love women individually, but as a group,
when they
start bitching, I just can't stop heckling them.
It's just too much fun.
I don't know what it, but it's not really a woman thing.
You know, bunch of Star Wars fans get together.
How do you not say something bad?
Yeah.
Why don't you grow up?
You know?
Your childhood's over, man.
Right?
Childhood's over.
As I'm still talking about Apollo three speeds, you know, yeah, I know people
are in the NBA
playoffs, so I bitch about the fucking lack of defense.
It's just, I'm a cunt.
All right?
I am a cunt.
Wait a minute.
Do I need to transition?
Um...