Name: My Childhood Bullies - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2022-05-20T16:00:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'My Childhood Bullies - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'My Childhood Bullies - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-20. Transcript available.

like big kids this is like this was the beginning of like all of that shit for
efforts for family if you ever saw it it was from that neighborhood and um me
my my my best friend
from back then we would just sit on the hill and we would watch them and we
always made sure that
we didn't get too close because if you got too close they either beat the shit
out of you or
they'd make you get on a bike and go do it yourself so you always knew with
like big kids
you always knew that they were doing something cool but you wanted to make sure
you gave yourself
enough of a head start or like be up a hill so you could get the fuck away from
them because uh they
were assholes they were fucking assholes let me tell you a story why i got like
i got a cowboy outfit
for my birthday i couldn't have been more than like six years old and my mother
dressed me up in this
thing right cowboy hat with a little bandana she tied it around my neck and
then i had a holster
right and they had this and it came with one gun with the mother of pearl
handle right a six shooter
it was all plastic but i couldn't believe it i was so psyched and she sent me
outside dressed like that
and i didn't even make it to the end of the driveway because kids just fucking
roamed around they were
just out there the whole neighborhood they just like parent parenting back then
was go outside
just go out you just went outside they did the same thing with pets there was
no fucking leash laws
they just let their fucking dog out and when the thing came home they fed it
and that was it so
we were fucking i don't know so she sends me outside
and i yeah i basically made it to the end of the driveway and then this one
dude who was like
sometimes cool sometimes not depended on who he was hanging out with and then
he was with this other
kid who's always a douche fucking hated that kid still hate that kid um babe i'm
not gonna say any
fucking names they came up the street they saw me and they just walked right
over and no i know it was
three of them i can't remember who the other kid was i think he was that other
rich kid down the street
they had the apollo three speed with the slick fucking tire on the back i
couldn't believe it
it's like he had a fucking motorcycle except it was a bicycle um that's how you
would judge it back
then in the early 70s what your lawn looked like and the kind of bicycle you
bought your son
um so anyway i got to the end of the fucking driveway and i'm thinking i'm
looking all cool
and i remember that on again off again kid walked right up took the gun out of
my fucking holster
and just fucking like gronkowski spiked it into the street and it shattered
into a million pieces
the handle did so i guess the rest of the gun must have been metal and then him
and his friends
walked away laughing and i just picked it up and i walked inside and i handed
it to my mother and she
goes what happened to your gun and i just said big kids
and that was it she should have asked me who did it i was young enough it would
have been all right
if i ratted him out i could have got another fucking gun but i didn't i just
said big kids
and she just set it on the counter and i sat down and i was all sad and she
made me a sandwich and that
was it no cell phone video no fucking uh facebook twitter fucking whatever the
hell you guys are on now
tick tock classroom coming to the stage whatever that shit is that you guys are
on
um i like that social media has kind of slowed the fuck down
where it was like myspace and then facebook and then twitter and then fucking
vine
then that other fucking thing and then fucking instagram and somewhere along
the way it was just
like all right twitter's not going away facebook's not going away instagram's
not going away all right
everybody can keep fucking jumping around and blah blah blah blah blah but at
the end of the
fucking day you're coming back to these i mean what's wrong with instagram who
the fuck leaves
instagram i mean instagram is the shit i mean what do you want what do you want
to look at
huh everything from ass and titties to old cars guitars fucking animals killing
each other
i don't know i don't know what else you need so anyway um that same kid that
was on again off again
cool i i do remember when they were putting the pool in at his house
we were watching him and and the guys had fucking put the concrete in and they
were sitting there like
with those things smoothing it out and they were in like the deep end which
makes me wonder how the
fuck they would have got out and uh one of the big kids dared me to throw a
rock into it
and i wanted their approval so i did it i picked up this rock and i just
fucking threw it
it's big fucking but you know i want to say it was the size of a softball but i
was a little kid
but it was a significant size rock i just threw it there the guy just stopped
and he looked up
and he goes you throw that and i just went yes and he goes get the fuck out of
here
and i walked away but i achieved what i wanted to do i made the big kids laugh
and the next couple
times they saw me they didn't beat me up so that was all right didn't break any
of my toys