Name: Overweight Trainer And Health Talk - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2022-05-27T16:15:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Overweight Trainer And Health Talk - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Overweight Trainer And Health Talk - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-27. Transcript available.

I gotta be honest with you, old freckles, old freckles finally moving the
fucking workout in the right direction
after I tried that stupid intermittent fasting that just completely shuts down
your metabolism.
So fucking stupid.
Do you want to lose weight? Don't eat anything for 17 hours.
Oh, great. Then my body feasts on what little muscle I have.
Then I'm walking around like fucking Spongebob Squarepants, but my stomach's
flat.
What am I, some kind of asshole who listens to someone?
You know what's really annoying? I don't understand.
A fucking out of shape personal trainer.
If I see one more fucking out of shape personal trainer, it's fucking working
out.
I'm looking at this guy. He's like telling this person what to do.
It's like, dude, you're not even in shape.
I'm going to get you in shape by getting you to not do what I'm doing.
Because if you do what I'm doing, I mean, as a personal trainer, you shouldn't
look like your client.
Right? Unless they're towards the end of the journey.
All right. Give me 10 of these. Give me 10 of these.
Are you ordering food? Are we still talking about working out?
You fucking man-titted tub of shit.
Let's do a little read here.
Oh, look who it is, everybody.
It's Helix.
The best sleep I've ever had, oh, man. Depends on, there's different kinds of
sleep.
There's comfort sleep. There's just being exhausted sleep. There's peaceful
sleep. There's passing out.
There's getting knocked out.
You know the best sleep I've ever had is afternoon naps as an adult.
Those are the best ones.
Just laying on a couch, waking up 20 minutes later cold.
Isn't it amazing how cold your body gets the second you stop moving?
Like, you can lay on a couch for fucking four hours watching TV, and every once
in a while just fidgeting, moving around.
The second you fall asleep, if you don't have a blanket on you, you'll wake up
with pneumonia.
Well, guess who needs a new fucking mattress?
This guy.
I need a new mattress.
Do-da, do-da.
I fucked up my neck.
I was climbing up a ladder to look at something inside this closet, and I, you
know, look at the top shelf.
I was trying to find my swimming goggles because I was going to go jump in the
pool.
I'm a big goggles guy.
I don't like going underwater.
I want to be able to see, you know?
I don't like open my eyes and get all that chlorine or whatever the fuck's in
our pool, right?
So I was looking for him, and I set the ladder up right underneath the doorjamb,
and I walked.
I wasn't even going fast, and just the top of my fucking Charlie Brown head
just hit it flush, and there was nowhere for it to go.
It wasn't a glancing blow.
It was blunt, just like that.
And I just felt it in my neck.
I'm like, all right, that's going to fuck with me.
That's going to fuck with me.
So I've been sitting in a chair while editing the movie, like with my hands on
both sides of my head, like I'm trying to lift my head up off my body, hoping
that that's going to work.
And what I don't understand is if someone else were to do that for me, it would
really give me relief.
But for some reason, if I do the exact same thing, I feel nothing.
It's actually gotten a little bit better.
A little bit better.
Um...