Name: Cave Divers And The Ford F250 - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2022-06-10T16:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Cave Divers And The Ford F250 - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Cave Divers And The Ford F250 - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-10. Transcript available.

fucking cave divers i it's like jesus christ it's like how bad are you at
talking to women
that you have to fucking cave dive you know what i mean just so you have
something to talk about
or hopefully somebody talks hey that's uh that's uh mikey micerson over there
you know he does
cave diving you know like women don't give a fuck about that you know if you
cave dived and you
fucking found some buried treasure you know on a regular basis then all the whores
would come
running um god it's so cynical it's just really cynical tonight i don't know
why um i saw a
beautiful ford f-250 today a four-wheel drive it's all white i hate that they
don't offer more colors
in the f-250s you know what i mean like the f-150s have all the fucking colors
but every one of those
fucking trucks is four doors i hate i fucking hate a four-door pickup it's so
fucking it's like a
fucking giant station wagon except you don't have the cap on the back then you
have that little stupid
six-foot bed what are you gonna put half an l-shaped couch back there like what
the fuck is that for
you know what i mean get a four-door sedan or buy a fucking truck i i will go
to my grave saying a
fucking pickup truck is two doors with a bench seat and an eight-foot bed you
know you know unless you
get older you get older then you get the fucking the two-door with the bench
seat and the six-foot bed
and then that's trucks for like hot rodders and then like old guys that's the
truck version of like
the three-wheeled motorcycle you ever see that some old hell's angel he's gonna
ride till he dies but
now he's just he's got fucking sciatic nerve issues going down both legs so he's
got to have like the
fucking tripod thing he rolls down the street
i used to ride on two wheels now i'm on three
that ratty fucking braided ponytail you know his fucking tattooed wife with her
fucking skin damage
still showing that tramp stamp how about a shout out to women who still have
tramp stamps who didn't
get them covered up who aren't embarrassed that they came of age in the 90s you
know who have the
courage to have their tattoo let the world know that they backed into a lot of
dick when clinton was
in office you know i respect that um all right let's do some reads here some
advertising
oh look who it is everybody oh it's simply safe simply safe like riding a three-wheeled
motorcycle
those giant dumb fenders um by the way i thought like they ruled out those
things
well they used to have the honda atc they used to kill like fucking 20 kids in
every town when i was
growing up um simply safe everybody you know guys you know i can't read this
you guys know i love
the break-in protection that my simply safe home security system gives me yeah
i got one of the
cameras right on my cardboard fucking wall um but it's not always outside
forces that you need simply
safe protection from meet amy amy what the fuck happened to you did someone
break in that was
related to you why do you need cameras inside your fucking house meet amy a
simply safe customer in a
chronic sleepwalker who who lives near a four-lane highway holy shit did was
she aware of her fucking
problem before she fucking signed that lease jesus christ i'm suicidal i just
bought a penthouse fucking
apartment um one night a few months ago she slept walked out of her bedroom and
then continued right
out the front door wait a minute did she unlock the door at what point are you
awake that is a dangerous
situation dude have you ever fucking dated a chick that sleepwalks that's gonna
be the scariest
thing scariest thing ever it's like you're dating that chick from the ring um
anyways oh here's here's
the most obvious sentence of copy i've ever read that that is a dangerous
situation she could have been
heading for a big accident can you imagine driving down the street you're
fucking half asleep after
we're gonna double shift some fucking white chick comes out and her fucking
dressed like ebenezer you
know you know that long shirt people used to walk with that fucking hat just
walking barefoot
muttering to herself um i wouldn't say there was a horror movie that started
like that anyway she could have
been heading for a big accident luckily as she walked out of her house the
simply safe entry sensor on her
front door triggered the nine five db decibel siren in the base station that is
loud god damn right it is
loud enough in fact to wake her up before she wandered into the street or some
other trouble oh my god this poor
woman how the fuck do you go to sleep after that you wake up to an air raid siren
standing in the shrubs
hey amy you're looking a little tired this morning uh seconds later amy even
got a call from simply
safe checking to make sure that everything was okay amy was a little groggy i
believe she was probably
two glasses of wine in before she had that fucking phone call but she was just
fine amy actually says
that on that sleepy night simply safe saved her life well good for them
protecting yeah jeez i would
like fucking tie myself to the bed uh protecting people is ways they never
protecting people in ways
they never could imagine is just one of the reasons more than four million
people use and love simply
safe if you have sleep apnea does it set off that 95 decibel fucking alarm you
can customize the perfect
system for your home in just a few minutes at simply safe dot com slash burr go
today and claim a free
indoor security camera plus 20 off with interactive monitoring dude she should
have like one of those
fucking leashes you know back in the day when people would have their dogs in
the backyard and they'd go
running running after you and they'd reach the end of their leash and get
fucking yanked back by their neck
uh go to simply safe dot com slash burr s-i-m-p-l-i-s-a-f-e dot com slash burr
all right and with that that is the podcast here everybody i hope you enjoyed
it that was a fun one
i was in a stupid mood um yes leave the page how many times i'm going to click
on this shit
um not all redheads are the spawn of the devil don't ever forget that but i
wouldn't trust us all right