Name: Broadway Show in NYC - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2022-06-17T16:30:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Broadway Show in NYC - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Broadway Show in NYC - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-17. Transcript available.

You know, and if you're one of these guys where you're like, dude, I'm not
fucking going to some, see some fucking, some, you know, fucking, you know, scoody
boop, fucking little stupid ass fucking Broadway play, I'm telling you, if you're
one of those guys, you hate the theater, go see this shit, you won't.
You know, you bring your wife down there. She's fucking happy. Take her out to
dinner. You know, you go in there. She gets a program. She gets to dress up and
all of that shit. She watched a great play. And guess what? She won't be mad at
you for at least fucking, you know, 36 hours. Then something will happen. But,
you know, for those 36 hours, I just want to say that was really nice.
You know, we should do that more. The whole thing, the dinner, dressing up,
just being out, just us like connecting again. It's really nice. That's the
only thing that stinks is when you do something nice like that. Now they're not
yelling at you, but now they're commentating about what the fuck you just did.
You know, and then we came to the street and it said walk and we walked. We
didn't run. We just walked. It's like we had the time. We went up to the ticket
booth. We got the tickets. You know, and that lady in the ticket booth was so
nice. She's like, all right. I was there. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I had a
good time. Right. And then, and then you're back into it again.
So anyway, uh, I went out and did stand up last night, went out to the New York
comedy club and I popped in at the, uh, comedy cellar and, um, and I was trying
out some new shit. It was classic New York, you know, New York comedy club is
the first time I was doing it. It was kind of going okay. It was kind of going
all right. And then I fucking went over to the cellar and now I'm doing it
again within the hour.
And it gets just that much better. It was fucking fun, man. It was a good time.
Um, although New York comedy club, I always feel a little old when I'm there.
It's a kind of a young crowd and I was doing my shit and, um, it was just this
one young woman in the crowd was just like staring at me blankly.
Like who is this old idiot saying all this fucking ignorant shit. And, uh, you
know, the old me would have said something, would have said, Hey lady, you know,
the fuck is your problem?
But I'm old now. And I'm like, I know she doesn't have a problem. She's normal.
She's looking at some bald orange idiot up here, deliberately saying a bunch of
dumb shit.
I was too. I kind of went in there and I was fucking making fun of abortion
rallies and feminists and stuff just right out of the gate, just to kind of
like sort of feel them out if they were going to be like laughing or whatever.
And they, they, they were, they were actually pretty good. It was a part of me.
Actually, I was tempted to take the night off, which I didn't, which I did not
because I knew I needed to do my act a little bit.
So tonight when people are actually paying to see me, I'm not going up there
fucking, you know, shaking the dust off or the rust off, whatever the fucking
expression is.
Uh, but I was tempted, you know, both the Mets and the Yankees had a home game
last night and the Mets, I just saw them play the Dodgers.
But I haven't been to their new, you know, their new city field. I've only been
to the last one game I went to, which is still at Shea, which was a painful
place as a Red Sox fan to go to.
He's always looked over at first base and you're like, right there, that's what
happened.
Look at home plate, that's where the pass ball was, right there.
And then right there was where the fucking, you know, behind the bag and the Mets
went at, you know.
That owner's fucking hilarious.
He spent the most money in the league and he's in there playing like some of
the best baseball in the league.
And he's still talking the trade deadline.
Hey, you know, if I get to fucking do something else, I'm going to do it.
It's just great.
And he finally learned from their older brother across the fucking river there.
That's what you do.
You spend more money than everybody else.
I was actually, or I was going to go see the Yankees because the way they're
playing with their record and everything, it reminded me in 1998, as much as I
hated the Yankees, I'm like, greatness is greatness.
And I got to go see this fucking team.
And I didn't either.
And I was also like, this is Stanley Cup final tonight.
Colorado Avalanche versus the fucking Tampa Bay Lightning who are trying to
attempt to become three Pete fucking Stanley Cup champion.
I didn't watch it.
I went out and I did the goddamn work.
I'm trying to guilt you guys right now.
I went out and I did the goddamn work.
Can you say that about yourselves?
I heard it was a fucking unbelievable game.
I walked by a bar when I was done with my second spot.
It was three to three.
It was like six minutes to go in the third period.
And Colorado won it in overtime.
And one of my buddies was fucking texting me, going, dude, this is like such
high level, sick level fucking hockey.
All of my friends are picking Colorado.
Just saying they're too fast on all of this type of shit.
But I don't know.
Tampa's got this the third time.
And I don't know.
They got a defense and shit.
I just always feel like the experience on a defense, that's going to be tough
to beat.
But I am rooting for Colorado.
I don't know.
Actually, this one, I'm not really fucking either way on this one.
I will tell you this, Stamkos' goal against the fucking Rangers, where he shot
it and then it went off his body and somehow went into the net.
That was one of those bullshit fucking plays that you can't fucking, there's no
way to prove that he sort of guided it in.
But he did.
He absolutely fucking did.
The first thing I thought of was Reggie Jackson when he was stuck in that rundown.
And he fucking leaned his body, his hip, you know.
And he fucking made the ball go out in right field.
And Steve Garvey's fucking pointing at him.
And, of course, the ref didn't see it.
The ref didn't see it because it's the fucking New York Yankees.
You're in the Bronx.
You wanted to get out of there alive.
It was the late 70s.
Summer is Sam.
Fuck this.
Yeah, I thought that goal was bullshit.
But there's no fucking way to prove it.
It's just like it happened so fast.
I get why they called it a goal.
But it was like he shot it.
It went to hit him and he just angled his body at the goal.
But it was great.
It was perfect because he didn't fucking slap at it with his hand.
He didn't kick at it with his foot.
He just sort of fucking got his body, you know, squared up with the net.
And physics did the rest.
Congratulations to the Rangers, though, even though it was a fucking brutal
loss or whatever.
But, I mean, they seem to be headed in the right direction.
And what blows my fucking mind is they ended that 54-year curse.
And they're almost coming up on 30 years already since they won it the last
time.
It's unreal.
They're more than halfway there.
Curse was 28 years in 28 years.
They're fucking 20.
They're 28 years.
They're halfway there.
Jesus Christ.
Time is flying over here.
I was thinking that the Montreal Canadiens haven't won it in 29 years, which
was just unheard of when I was growing up.
Those fucking assholes.
They used to win it, like, every year.
And then the 80s, they still won one.
The 90s, they still won one.
So it's like, all right, well, now that there's 30 teams in competition for
these guys, they'll win it once every fucking 10 years.
And then I think the 90s was the first decade they hadn't won a cup since the
1900s.
They won in the teens, the 20s.
I mean, numerous.
Teens, 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s.
No, 90s.
93, they won it.
What the fuck am I talking about?
They want to win almost a whole fucking century of winning at least one
championship in a decade.
Holy shit.
Holy shit, everybody.
The old sports nerd who can barely skate backwards is fucking geeking out over
here.
Anyway, Red Sox are winning.
And what's great is nobody's really noticing because the Yankees continue to
win.
They have such a huge lead on us.
But what's fucking great thing is, is there's still the wild card.
So for all the winning the Yankees could do, the Red Sox could still make the
fucking playoffs
and come in there and break their fucking hats.
I mean, last time the Yankees beat us in the playoffs was 20 years ago.
19 years ago.
How fucking nuts is that?
I don't know.
This team, this team they got this year.
Jesus Christ.
But the Red Sox, I don't know.
Center pitching's looking good.
Devers is, uh, Devers.
I always want to call them Devers.
Devers is fucking hitting some home runs.
I think it's going to be all right there.
By the way, I'd have to say the Oakland A's uniform might be the best in
baseball.
I know you have the Yankees, the classic pinstripe or whatever, which is a
great uniform and a great logo.
You know, but I think a lot of it is associated, too, with the success and the
players, which is a part of it.
But I got to tell you, if you didn't know shit about baseball, that fucking
green with the yellow and the white of the Oakland A's is unreal.
You know, and you combine that with the fact that I feel the Oakland Raiders
have, like, the best fucking uniform and logo in all of sports.
You know, especially when they wear the white jersey with the silver numbers.
It's fucking incredible.
Both of them played in Oakland, and now it looks like both teams, well, one's
already gone.
Both teams are going to end up in Vegas.
Who the fuck is going to go to a goddamn baseball game in Las Vegas?
I don't know about that move.
Football, yeah.
You just got to sell out eight games.
Generate gamblers love to bet on fucking football.
I mean, that was a no-brainer.
But then again, who would have thought hockey would make it in fucking Vegas?
I don't know.
I have no idea.
But it's looking like they're going to fucking move.
That's such bullshit, too.
That really is fucking bullshit.
It's like the guy trades away his fucking team every year or tries to win with,
like, not doing anything, like spending no fucking money.
And now, you know, the fans are going to pay for it.
Oh, build me a fucking stadium or I'm leaving.
You have a stadium, you fucking cunt.
It really blows my mind that they can fucking do that to cities.
The shit that people can do, take over the food supply, pour shit in the water
supply, dump shit in the fucking ocean.
You know, fire hundreds of people at a corporation while you take a fucking
nine-figure bonus.
Hold the city hostage, build us a stadium or we're fucking leaving.
You can do all of that shit.
Nobody gets in fucking trouble.
Then you send out one tweet as an individual not doing anything and they
fucking destroy your life.