Name: Woodstock And New York - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2022-06-22T16:30:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Woodstock And New York - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Woodstock And New York - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-22. Transcript available.

Maybe I'm just an old guy that's upset that all of a sudden it's fucking legal
and I'm too old to go to a rave, right?
I never had any desire to go to a fucking rave.
The original rave was Woodstock, which I performed at this weekend.
I want to thank everybody out there.
And as amazing as that concert is, I always look at it going like,
there's no fucking way I would want to be there.
Even at a young age, I would be over that in four hours.
Four hours and then my car was stuck in traffic
and people are sliding around in the mud and people are on fucking acid.
Oh my God.
And where are you sleeping, right?
You're sleeping on the grass.
And right as you finally go to sleep after the last guy has his bad trip,
fucking Jimi Hendrix comes out with his guitar.
Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.
Hey, Jimi!
Fucking give me another two hours!
Yeah!
Hey, Jimi, can you do that?
Yeah!
That's my Jimi Hendrix impression.
Yeah!
He does it all the time.
He sings Purple Haze.
He starts off, yeah!
He's a really agreeable guy, that Jimi Hendrix.
But anyway, I'm just fucking around.
That was one of my favorite gigs I've ever done at Woodstock.
Shout out to the chef that works there.
This guy made me a salad.
It's like they picked everything that was in it.
And then they had a little burrata on top.
Oh my God.
I didn't even know what the dressing was.
It's like, this is what a salad should be.
If a salad was like this, rather than that shit, they sell down there at the
Golden Arches!
Ronald McDonald, the original evil ginger, out there poisoning his own fucking
countrymen.
He's the one.
You know, they always say that, you know, redheads like me are the spawn of the
devil.
You know?
And then if you write with your left hand, that's another thing.
I'm a left-handed fucking redhead.
All right?
Ain't even I'm telling you to watch out for Ronald McDonald.
Okay?
Just give him a wide berth.
Go down there every once in a while.
Kiss his white glove.
What am I talking about?
Anyway, so I went out there and they gave, they were nice enough.
They actually gave us a tour of the place.
And on the other side of this little amphitheater,
oh, fuck, sorry.
Got right off the plane and played with the kids.
You know, Father's Day.
Father's Day stuff.
On the other side of the hill, you guys got to go.
If you have a chance, you got to go.
They have an incredible museum.
With all of this memorabilia, I had to blow through it because I had to like,
you know, get ready for my show.
But one of the really cool things that I saw there was they had,
they had this picture of people supporting the troops in Vietnam.
A bunch of young people with American flags.
And it's like, yeah, where is this story?
When they tell, I'll talk about the 60s.
They always talk about, they act like all young people were against it
and that type of shit.
And I knew that wasn't true because my parents, you know, are conservative
and they were supporting it.
I thought the hippies were a bunch of fucking, you know, loafers
who didn't want to, you know, wanted the advantages of freedom,
didn't want to fight for it.
You know, they went along with the company at that point.
And other people went against it.
I don't know.
I'll tell you right now, if I got a fucking draft card,
I would have gone just because I would have been too afraid to burn it.
It's like, I don't want to be on the lam for the rest of my life.
What am I going to do?
I'm going to go to Canada, fucking eat at a Tim Hortons for the rest of my life.
I can't do it.
I'm too Americanized.
I got to learn how to fix Jeeps or something that keeps me out of the action.
Oh my God.
Can you imagine that?
Can I just get out of going to a jungle because I'm fucking three quarters of
an albino?
You're really going to stick me in there?
Those fucking things are going to eat me alive.
I'm going to come walking in there looking like a red velvet cake to them.
No, I just would have done drugs.
Would have done drugs and pointed the gun at the tree line.
That's what I would have done.
Jesus Christ, what a fucking time.
But anyways, you go through that museum, you kind of relive all of that.
All of that stuff that was going on back when they used to report on wars.
Before, they just became the two propaganda channels that we now have.
That somehow pit us against each other.
We just scream at each other.
That's what we do now.
Now we just yell at each other when we used to yell at the government going,
hey, what
the fuck are you guys doing?
Enough of this shit.
Now we just sort of scream at each other.
Oh, gee, Bill, did you figure it out?
Breezing through a fucking museum in upstate New York?
Well, I think I did.
But I really loved seeing that, that that was in that museum showing young
people with
American flags saying support the troops and stuff like that.
That was really, it was like, all right, there's the other half of the pie.
Now this is sort of put into, you know, more of a balanced perspective as far
as where young
people were back then.
But I got to tell you, man, you've really got to go there.
It was one of my favorite gigs I ever did.
It was like the perfect temperature.
The food was amazing.
The people were amazing, so friendly.
And they gave us a tour and you actually, they took us to the hill.
The hill where the actual concert was is like sacred ground.
So nobody like walks on it or any of that type of stuff.
But like, you just look at the hill and after all the years, you know, my whole
life seeing
footage of it, like the hill is famous.
And it's funny because it goes up and it sort of dips and then goes up again.
And if you look at pictures of the crowd, the crowd takes on the shape of the
hill.
So then the crowd's not there.
Now you actually see the grassy hill and they had all these amazing aerial
photos of like
the guy with the farm right next door, fucking hated everything that the
festival stood for
and said, you weren't allowed, you're not allowed on our property.
So literally you could, there was an aerial photo.
There's like a line, almost like a state and there's just nobody on his
property.
And right next door is like, you know, 500,000 fucking people.
It's pretty incredible.
So I really want to thank them.
That was a fascinating.
And I don't know.
I couldn't believe I was there.
And then I went out and the crowd was awesome.
The whole thing was amazing.
And the night before I performed in Wilkes-Barre, which I was calling Wilkes-Bar
because it's
spelled B-A-R-R-E, Wilkes-Barre.
And those fans were incredible.
That was a great gig.
Beautiful, beautiful part of the country, Wilkes-Barre.
You know, you're close enough to Philly if you want to get the city thing and
then you can be out there
and just seem like there's probably a bunch of great hiking and all that type
of stuff.
I don't know.
I'm really into like trees and lakes and shit now that I live in the upper echelons
of hell out here in the fucking desert.
And then the last night we did another amphitheater, which musicians have told
me they call them sheds.
So we played the PNC, whatever the fuck it's called.
The last time I was there was on that legendary Opie and Anthony traveling
virus tour.
And I was actually thinking, you know, the last time I was there, I believe
three of the comics on there, if not four.
I want to say the lineup had Bob Saget, Ralphie Mae, Patrice O'Neal, and Otto
and George.
Unbelievable, unbelievable.
And I went there and all of these memories came back of that crazy tour.
And I remember I looked out and I got that same nervousness I had when you were
doing that tour
because that was a fucking aggressive.
Actually, they weren't.
The Jersey crowd was great.
But what happened close to Philly and Camden, everybody kind of knew that that
show was coming.
So I don't know.
But anyway, I went out, had a great time.
And Joey Diaz swung by to say hello.
And I said, hey, you want to go up and do some time?
He said, I'd love to.
So we brought him up first.
And Dean Del Rey took video of it, didn't, you know, those fucking cell phones,
didn't do justice of how fucking crazy the crowd went when Joey took the stage.
I told Kenny to say, there's three legends in New Jersey, Frank Sinatra, Bruce
Springsteen, and mad flavor Joey Coco Diaz.
He fucking went out.
The place went fucking nuts.
You know, he comes out.
What's up, cocksuckers?
What exit you from?
You know, he just fucking murdered.
Then brought Dean out.
And then I came out to close it out.
And I could not have had a better time.
So thank you to everybody in all three of those, Wilkes-Barre, Woodstock, and
out there in PNC, parked there in New Jersey.
I actually had a great time in New York, too.
You know, it's a gay pride.
So it was wall-to-wall gay dudes.
And I was actually thinking, you know, gay dudes are not nearly as fucking
aggressive as they used.
When I was young, they were fucking scary.
But then I was thinking, maybe I'm just old, so nobody's fucking looking at me
anymore.
My old fisherman beard.
I'm talking like the early fucking 80s.
Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ.
I don't know.
Anyway, plowing ahead here.
So I had a great Father's Day.
I did my show.
And I literally, you know, had a pickup at like 5 a.m.
Flew back on like a 6.50 a.m. flight.
Landed here around like 9.30.
Came home.
You know, my daughter made me a card.
You know, we went swimming.
My wife took me out.
You know, I smoked a cigar.
We laughed.
I watched a little bit of the U.S. Open.
Which I, you know, ended up having to leave because my sitter had to go.
So we ended up coming back.
And I don't know who won that thing.
But I saw that kid picked up two strokes on one hole with two left, I think.
Sank like a fucking, I don't know, looked like a 30-footer.
Man, I had a good time in New York.
I really want to, I swear, I ran, hung out with a bunch of comics I hadn't seen
in a minute.
Caught up with some people, you know, as I mentioned, I saw American Buffalo.
And I saw Gerard Carmichael's new special that Rathaniel, which absolutely blew
me away.
Bo Burnham, the directing thing that he did on that.
I really hope those two do some more shit together because that was like, I can't
remember the last time I watched something like that.
It was just absolutely riveting from the beginning to the end.
It was a fucking masterpiece.
All right.
I will say, that beautiful part of the country, I was just, Wilkes-Barre, Barrie,
Woodstock, and out in Jersey.
I don't know, man.
I don't know.
There was a lot.
I'm probably going to retire back there.
You know?
I just, every one of those roads, I just kept thinking of fucking driving that
truck that I have coming down it.
Having a nice little house in the middle of fucking nowhere.
Nobody bugs you.
I don't even need to soundproof my drum room because there's no neighbors.
There's trees.
There's water.
Everything doesn't catch on fire.
It's like, you know, there's something to be said about that.
All right.
What do we got here?
Let's do a little, so don't let anybody ever tell you, you know, you live in
the middle of fucking nowhere.
All these fucking Hollywood douchebags or the people living on the East Coast
and call all these states flyover states and shit like that or the boonies.
I don't know, man.
You know, I know there's a lot of lunatics out there, you know, that drive
around with, like, the American flag hanging off their fucking truck like
people don't know what country they're in.
There's a lot to be said about living out there.