Name: Bunch Of F*cking Babies - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2022-07-08T02:59:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bunch Of F*cking Babies - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bunch Of F*cking Babies - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-08. Transcript available.

By the way, dude, I don't think I've ever gotten more goddamn shit
for some stupid fucking stand-up thing
than I did for that Netflix thing I hosted.
Good Lord.
What a bunch of fucking babies.
I talked about COVID and Rittenhouse.
You'd think I fucking tore up the Declaration of Independence.
Fucking unreal, man.
Fucking unreal.
These people, ah, Bill's a fucking government shill.
Fucking whining goddamn babies, man.
You know what I do love about the left and the right,
aside from the fact that my fellow countrymen,
is they just have no fucking self-awareness
of, like, how they, everything that they say they don't,
that the other side's doing, they're fucking doing.
Both sides are doing it.
Like, you know, in the 2000s, we'll just do right now.
Right now, like the rebels, man, the people saying,
hey, man, fuck the government, man.
This isn't what the Founding Fathers were talking about, man.
That's the right.
They're like, fuck you, government.
Fuck you.
I'm not listening to you.
I don't trust you.
Fuck you.
You want my guns?
Come and get them.
Right?
They're doing that shit.
Those same fucking assholes in the 2000s,
when dumbass George Bush went ahead and bankrupted this fucking country
by trying to shoehorn 9-11 into Iraq,
they were like, you know,
he's fucking going like,
he has weapons of mass destruction
and a nuclear fucking whatever program.
We got to go stop it.
And he was part of 9-11.
And I don't think he likes my dad.
Right?
So then we fucking go in there.
The guy's got nothing.
And then it goes from,
we're stopping him from that.
It goes to a liberation.
It's like,
did you just change the fucking mission,
like overnight?
After you committed all of these lives and money over there?
So liberals were going,
no, don't do that.
The government's full of shit.
They're slave to fucking oil companies,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
The same fuckers today who are going like,
ah, fuck the government.
Back in the 2000s,
like support the troops.
America, love it or leave it.
He's got weapons of mass destruction.
Turns out he doesn't.
It's a liberation.
Same fucking people.
Exact same fucking people.
In my head they are, right?
And then you had the liberals
doing the whole,
hey, it's my body.
It's my choice.
Fucking Roe v. Wade.
My body, my choice.
Fucking vaccine comes out for COVID.
People don't want to take it.
Like, take the fucking shot.
So I am,
evidently I've learned from this,
my last two specials,
the special and then this thing I hosted.
I'm somehow stuck in the middle of these fucking,
they both fucking can't stand me.
Oh God.
Wait till you see my abortion bit.
This is before Roe v. Wade.
I got a special coming out next week.
Oh jeez,
the hairy legged white chicks are coming.
How can you fucking say that?
I knew you liked Donald Trump.
I'm going to be getting that.
I don't know.
I don't,
I don't know what to tell you.
I guess because back in the day
I used to fucking go off on banks
and the Federal Reserves
and all that type of shit.
And you know where that got me?
Do you know where that got me?
It,
all it got me was meeting people
like that guy
that had the buffalo horns on
that went into the fucking
House of Representatives,
Senate,
whatever,
the Capitol building.
That's all that that ends up with.
And nobody gives a fuck
and nobody's doing anything.
So what was I going to do?
I'm going to be the guy sitting there
flapping my arms
with my head on fire.
I just said,
fuck it.
And you know what?
Kind of feels great.
So I don't know what to tell you.
All you Federal Reserve
fucking bankers,
I still agree with it.
I still know it's a fucking Ponzi scheme,
but I can't,
you know,
I fought the good fight for five years
and then I just stopped.
It's like right now
everybody's fucking,
you know,
fucking blaming Joe Biden
for the gas prices
and ignoring the fact
my buddy was just saying,
it's like,
dude,
they fucking pumped
like two trillion dollars
out of nowhere,
20 trillion into the economy.
There's going to be inflation.
I was actually saying like,
I feel like the oil companies
are trying to get back
all the money
they didn't get in fucking,
in 2020
when people stayed home.
I don't fucking know.
But anyways,
people,
stop taking my shit
so goddamn seriously.
I'm a fucking comedian.
Good Lord.
These fucking idiots.
You're a stand-up comic.
They want you to be their fucking,
I don't know what,
president
or surgeon general.
It's like,
no,
I'm neither one of those things.
I'm a fucking moron
who tells jokes,
all right?
So shut up.
All right.
Bunch of fucking babies.
You conservatives,
you liberals,
you're all a bunch
of fucking babies.
It's the amount of shit
that's actually fucking
going on out there
and these fucking idiots,
all they can do
is go after a goddamn,
you know,
stand-up comedy.
Yeah,
that's gonna change it.
As if what comics are saying
is suddenly becoming law.
That's what I've always loved
about that
because the reality is
if stand-up comedy
did have that level of power,
it wouldn't be legal.
They couldn't,
you couldn't just have
any jackass doing it.
Oh,
wait a minute.
Any jackass
can just go in
and buy a gun.
Oh shit,
now he's a liberal again.
Hi,
I have a chicken on my head
and I'm wearing a diaper.
How old are you?
I'm over 18.
Here you go.
I don't know how it works.
Okay, people?
I don't understand
how it works.
I told you guys
when my F-250 gets here,
I wanna write like really
like disgustingly liberal shit
in the back window
to offset those people
that write like freedom
and whatever the fuck else
they write back there.
That's like a big thing.
Like I've noticed that
like for some reason
people with pickup trucks,
they're the conservative version
of liberals with Priuses.
Like if there's a Prius,
you can almost guarantee,
well,
if you're gonna hear
somebody's lefty political opinion,
it's gonna be on like
a fucking Prius,
right?
But if you're gonna hear
somebody's right,
oh my God,
this is a reality show.
You know,
they're always like,
you know,
sticking like opposite people
or, you know,
in the same fucking house.
You take a fucking
bleeding heart liberal.
You know what I mean?
She has like a future,
the future is feminine.
Remember that stupid
fucking slogan?
That's another thing
that the classic
like hypocritical shit
on both sides
as opposed to me
who's in the middle
and is a perfect person.
Okay?
Which is the only reason
why I'm attacking both sides.
This has nothing to do
with anything about me
wanting the country
to be better
and people to get along.
This has to do with me
trying to frame myself
in a light
that feeds my ego.
The future is feminine.
Remember that shit?
It's just like,
isn't that what
you were just fighting?
Because the present is male
and you're saying
this is oppressive.
So how is,
if the future is female,
how is that just not
going to be the same thing
on the other side?
And they were just like,
whatever,
whatever,
Trumpster.
That conversation
never happened.
It happened in my head.
But that's what I feel
like they would say.
Honesty.
So you take one
of those fucking idiots,
one of those hairy
like white chicks,
you know,
that has it all figured out,
man, right?
They're fucking,
you know,
the rainbow flag,
bumper sticker,
the future is feminine,
gender neutral bathrooms,
my leg hair,
my choice,
right?
You take that person,
my overgrown bush,
my lawn,
right?
So,
you stick her in the house
and then you just have
some guy pull up
in a pickup truck
with freedom
and
that one,
that one other guy said,
a mask
has the same ability,
you know,
a stop in the virus
as your underpants
to have
of stopping a fart
or something stupid
like that.
I love how some egghead
wrote underneath that
going like,
well,
actually,
a fart is a gas
where COVID
is a solid
that travels
through water vapor.
Anyway,
that's another one
that I like.
I like how like
the anti-maskers
are like going,
oh,
that didn't fucking work
and all this shit.
It's like,
first of all,
you did not wear a mask
because you knew
from day one
that they didn't work.
I love how everybody's
acting like they're
this fucking scientist now
and now that they have
the information
or whatever.
They're saying
they never fought.
It's like,
that's not why
you didn't wear a mask.
You didn't wear a mask
because you felt
it was coming
from people
that wore blue ties.
So you were like,
don't fucking tell
my freedom
what to do.
If George Bush
in 2001
told you to wear a mask,
those same people
would be like,
America,
wear it or leave it.
And then the liberals
would have been like,
this is oppressive.
How can I talk about
gender neutral bathrooms
with a mask on?
Why can't you all
be perfect like me?
When will you guys
understand that
I've figured out
everything in my head
by talking to myself
and not reading books?
I didn't finish
that fucking story.
So you take the fucking guy
with the pickup truck
and you put him
with the shit
written all over it
and you put him
in a house
with some fucking
lady
with a Prius,
you know,
or you have two guys,
whatever you want
to see happen
and maybe they can
fucking just scream
about politics
and in the end
and in the end
they find a middle ground
right?
And then
no,
that would never happen.
Whoever makes it
out of the house
I was going to say
without crying.
If they cried
whoever cries first
you know the liberal
would lose.
It's got to be balanced.
You guys help me
flesh this out.
I'm going to pitch it to FX.
All right.