Name: Sports Championships Are Different Now - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2022-07-13T16:30:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sports Championships Are Different Now - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sports Championships Are Different Now - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-13. Transcript available.

um and we are free and clear of the advertising and now let's shit on insurance
companies you
know what i hate about those fucking cunts is all they are about is collecting
money they are not
about paying shit it's fucking unreal there's that's another group of people
that just what
they get away with what they fucking get away with is just off the charts
nobody gives them
any shit none whatsoever where the fuck is all my my reads here all right i
said i was going to
talk about um i was going to talk about sports so i have a buddy of mine uh i
love the guy he's a big
time yankee fan and um i did a gig with him recently and he was talking about
he goes yankees he goes
we're the best we're the best you know because they got 27 championship nobody
in any other sport
has like that many championships and you know i break his balls and i'm just
like i mean you guys
were the best for the first half of the last century you know you kind of
slowed down wouldn't you say i
mean like it's just like i i have this thing with like sports that this in
every sport including
basketball with the celtics where so i'll shit on the celtics here all right
where it's like
we win like 11 championships in 13 years we win nine in a row all right but you
look at the league
back then that's when like 511 white guys were all over the place you know will
chamberlain wasn't
allowed to dunk you know what i mean will scores 100 points in a game no one's
ever gonna fucking do
like there's always like these ridiculous fucking records and i just always
feel like it's like i get
it you won the championship back then but it's just like there's so many
different fucking variables
um you know to sit there and look at those championships back then and i'm not
saying that
winning a championship wasn't winning a championship i would never say that but
like the sheer amount
like take like the montreal canadians that like you know they're counting stanley
cups back when the
stanley cup was like the size of a mug of beer and you won it when you were
playing fucking pond hockey
um i'm just saying you know what i mean like if you look at baseball like how
much the game has changed
first of all to win a world series first of all to win the pennant back then
all right it's like all
you had to do was have the best record in in the american league or the
national league and that was
winning the pennant whoever had the best record that was it and you went
directly to the world series
so if you had the best record in the regular season all you then had to do was
win four games
nowadays there's 30 fucking teams there's all this nutrition and all of these
fucking stats
that all of these fucking nerds sticking to computers to try to fuck you out of
getting a hit
and then you make the playoffs as a wild card team you now have to win what's
it 16 games
and play a possible 28 fucking playoff games to do it it's just not the same
thing of course
nobody's ever going to go on a run like that same thing with basketball nobody's
ever going to win
nine in a row although the fucking 90s bulls probably could have won five or
six which and to me that
would have been better than winning nine in the 60s to win like you know seven
if you won like six or
seven in the 90s to me that's more impressive than winning nine in a row in the
inception of a league
you know so my thing is like i kind of like categorize shit where it's like you
know you look
at like like i always love using this example like the last person to hit 400
for this season was ted
williams okay and he did that in the 1940s i want to say 1946 i can't remember
when nobody has ever done
it again okay it's coming up on 80 years okay more than three quarters of a
century nobody has ever done
it again however if you go the other way and look at it somebody was hitting
400 like every other year
and if you go far enough back you'd have a couple of guys would do it in a year
and if you go all the way
back to the 1800s they had like years where three guys would hit 400 all right
so all of those fucking
records from way back then all of these home runs like rbis hank greenberg had
190 fucking home runs
nobody's ever going to break that record like guys in the 90s in the 2000s
literally had to do fucking
steroids and go up there like a goddamn x-man to break records done by by that
that were were set by
people who had offseason jobs he plays right field for the st louis browns and
during the offseason he
works construction
he hit 400 through a no hitter and had 190 rb like back then like you would
fucking literally like
if there was a double header it was like yeah bill you're pitching it's like
the first game right now
the whole fucking all 18 innings i can't do that what's the idea it's you're
pitching see
so i mean i can only take that shit like you gotta you gotta knock it down a
little bit like the way
i look at it there's like there's there's there's the inception of the league
slash only white people
were allowed to play championships i mean don't you think it's kind of weird
that the last time
somebody hit 400 it was still an all-white league all right and then all of a
sudden when the josh
gibsons and pedro martinez cc sabathias and all this great talent from other
races is allowed to play
nobody ever does it again despite the fact that you had guys like mickey mantle
willie mays pete rose
tony gwynn wade boggs all of these master fucking hitters george brett nobody
ever did it again
i don't know i i just feel i don't know there's just something about that so
for me i kind of look
at it in my lifetime so this is the argument i present to this my buddy who's a
yankee fan i just
look at it like this like in my lifetime if if i look at if you're gonna say we're
the best we have
the most championships there's sort of like you know it's like in tennis the
pre-open era the post
open era i have like the pre it was white guys only and then the post now
everybody can play and now we
really can see what you're gonna do okay and i'm not saying i'm not saying that
like obviously the
yankees would still have the most like world series and all of that and all of
that type of shit and
i'm not saying that all of those great yankees couldn't play in any era but i
am saying though
they went up against a lot of white pitchers who wouldn't even be in the
fucking league
because the pedros of that era weren't allowed to play but i guess there was
less teams it was
all fucking white league give me a fucking break look at espn what do you see
it you see a white guy
behind the sports desk other than that it's pretty fucking slim pickets sorry i
had to get that out
so as far as the way i look at it in my lifetime and i hate to fucking say this
the most successful
franchise in all four sports in my lifetime is the los angeles lakers they've
won 11 titles
all right and the uh montreal canadians have won i think 10 titles in my
lifetime and then the
boston celtics have won eight and the yankees have won seven so there's an
argument to be made like
they've been the thing about the yankees that i think makes them the best of
all time is they've
only gone two decades where they didn't win a championship over the course of
100 years that's
fucking unreal that really is unreal so i'm not saying that they're not the
greatest i don't know i'm
just saying like you know it's kind of like the celtics it's like we have 17
titles so do the
lakers but we won like nine of those 11 of those um during the 23 skidoo years
and then it's also and
i i just feel but then i also feel like the nba is like rigged in a way where
now it's like pile on
fucking teams so then it comes down to weather and level of pussy in your city
i feel like you know i mean
who's kidding who is it's like you know is cleveland ever gonna have a pile on
fucking team
you know and there's a bunch of dumb people be like they had lebron lebron was
their guy
that was their fucking guy so i don't give a fuck that he came back from miami
that was their guy
it's like nobody is like the indiana pacers are never gonna have like a fucking
you know
like lebron's never gonna go to indiana and then try to get a bunch of people
to come out
to fucking you know uh it's south bend indiana whatever the fuck they play
right indianapolis
it's just not gonna happen so i i find it to be it's just sort of a uh i don't
know it's a weird
thing whatever or maybe it was just my red socks were getting their fucking asses
kicked and my buddy
who's a yankee fan was talking shit and i just needed to come up with an angle
um i just out of
curiosity okay because then you look at like like what do you guys think about
that because if you look at
like football what i don't understand and i've said this a zillion times so i'll
blow through this is how
they don't count nfl titles um you know they just count everything after the
merger with the afl but
there's been plenty of leagues that have merged like the the fucking nhl has
merged like two or three
times with other leagues well they had the expansion six i guess that's not
that that was an expansion
and then they had what was it the ihl where they brought in like the uh the indianapolis
racers that became the fucking edmonton oilers and they still count all those
stanley cups
you know all the way back in the day uh you know but for some reason like the
green bay packer
won like like 11 nfl titles and they just that all just got thrown out um i
think if you count nfl
titles then the most successful franchises of all time would be i think
definitely the green bay packers
and then i think it's the giants because the giants very quietly won in both eras
they just had a brutal
from like once they lost sam huff and frank gifford and all that oh they were
also kind of the buffalo
bills of the 1950s where they went to the title game like i don't know like
three or four times
in four or five years and lost every time and then they just sucked in the 60s
and 70s and then fucking a
man named laurence taylor showed up who to this day i don't think anybody ever
looked better in a
fucking football uniform than that guy he just looked like like if you drew a
football player
totally changed the position did i ever see him live no i don't i never did
fuck i look back now and i
think why didn't i just get in my fucking car and just drive down you know why
didn't i drive out to
the odd in buffalo to see a sabers game or go down and go to a whalers game or
drive down to fucking
the meadowlands and go see the giants with fucking laurence taylor and harry
carson why didn't i
fucking do that you know why because there was no gps back then all right and
it just it was very
intimidating back then to drive that fucking far like i don't know where the
fuck i'm like you had
to go to the gas station and get the really big map you know comedians just do
bits about that how you
could never fucking fold it up again and you were just completely fucked and
you had to squint
and point to the road it was intimidating that's why there i should have gone
to the spectrum i could
have seen dr j down there at least scalp the ticket you know all those years
when the celtics were great
in the 80s i only went to one game and that was uh i scalped tickets to go see
the uh them play the
detroit pistons the bad boys and of course fucking isaiah thomas wasn't playing
but i saw the rest of
those those fucking assholes um all right anyways that's the uh that's the
podcast here i mean like
well let me know like what you i mean i guess for sports history you gotta you
know you gotta count
that shit i actually thought this is one of the thoughts i had after my smoke
alarm woke me up
um was you know i was just thinking about nfl titles and that type of shit and
you look at the uh the
original buffalo bills as far as going to the super bowl not winning was the
minnesota vikings
and it's just funny to me that no one ever examines that and thinks like why
are they so
snake bitten like that year they were 15 and one and they couldn't fucking lose
and they just had
like randy moss and fucking was it was it randall cunningham and they just were
fucking electrifying to
watch and they lost to the goddamn dirty birds the atlanta falcons and they
just like fucking
snake bit why is it i have a theory as to why they're cursed you know like the
montreal canadians
are cursed because they booed patrick wa you know they booed him out of the out
of their city and he
went on to win two cups with the colorado avalanche formerly the quebec nordiques
as we all know
right and they invited him back years later because they kind of know those
frenchies up there they
kind of know that they fucked up you know it's like uh rhyming the ancient mariner
but with with
patrick wa um i literally can't even remember the fucking point i was trying to
make oh the minnesota
vikings so a lot of people don't know this but the minnesota vikings were part
of the original afl
they were an original afl team they were down with the afl and when the afl
came out the nfl laughed
at the afl saying it's an inferior league and all that shit and they did two
things to fuck with the afl
um the richest owner was lamar lundy and he owned a team called the dallas texans
they had red and
white uniforms all red with the white you know outline of the texas on the side
of their helmet
so what they did to fuck with them was they were like all right this is the
rich as they said publicly
we're not worried about this league they did two things to fuck with them
before they even started
was they put that's what dallas cowboys came about because they're like all
right we'll put an nfl
franchise in the same city that the richest owner has one so we'll fuck with
half of his gate
to hopefully make him go under and he has the most money and then everybody
else will get disgruntled
and leave and then the other thing they did was they took one franchise they
went to the minnesota
vikings for whatever reason minnesota they went to them and they said hey do
you want to just join the nfl
those turncoat motherfuckers and they have been paying for it ever since i and
i actually believe
that al davis probably put a fucking hex on him and they never made things
right with al and
unfortunately al is no longer with us because al davis when the nfl was voting
on whether or not to
merge with the nfl because they were seriously hardcore fucking with the nfl
they took a vote and i don't
was in the league at that point um they agreed to join the nfl on a nine to one
vote there was only
one guy that said went fucking tony montana he said fuck the nfl i'll bury
those cockroaches there was
only one owner that said fuck them we're not joining we're putting you out of
business and that was al
davis so if he had that type of fucking blood in him which you know we did any
fucking you know
older guy that still has a fucking diamond bracelet you never fucking wear
sunglasses you don't ever fuck
with an old guy that has a diamond bracelet and fucking sunglasses that guy
that guy will carry a grudge
until he gets you back and i'm telling you i i think al davis put a hex on the
fucking minnesota vikings
i think it's the curse of al davis because i can only imagine what he said
those motherfuckers
he probably i like if somewhere out there the original owners of the of of the
minnesota vikings
has the voicemail that al davis left them you know you fucking ball is pieces
of shit you said you
were all about starting this league and taking the fucking nfl down and they
batted their fucking eyes
what did you do you folded you folded like a fucking lawn chair i don't know
why i don't know
what he said but you know if i i bet he i bet he was like fuck those motherfuckers
i bet he enjoyed
every time every time they lost the super bowl wait a minute the fucking raiders
beat him in super
bowl 11 holy shit and sammy white went over the middle and he almost took his
fucking head off
oh god he must have enjoyed that there's got to be somebody must have written
something about that
all right i'm out of time here um that's it i will read your questions on thursday
um because
there's a bunch of prog rock shit bands that people were going to be suggesting
to me um that is it
i'm just fucking with you guys like yankee fans and everything you know um i
obviously know you guys
you know are the greatest franchise of all time but like i'm just saying you
know because i threw the
celtics in there too you got to admit you know if you won you know a bunch of
dozen championships when
it was just a bunch of white guys don't you think it really would have been
more like eight
seven six all right that's it all right go fuck yourselves i'll check in on you
on thursday

Sports Championships Are Different Now - Bill Burr

um and we are free and clear of the advertising and now let's shit on insurance
companies you
know what i hate about those fucking cunts is all they are about is collecting
money they are not
about paying shit it's fucking unreal there's that's another group of people
that just what
they get away with what they fucking get away with is just off the charts
nobody gives them
any shit none whatsoever where the fuck is all my my reads here all right i
said i was going to
talk about um i was going to talk about sports so i have a buddy of mine uh i
love the guy he's a big
time yankee fan and um i did a gig with him recently and he was talking about
he goes yankees he goes
we're the best we're the best you know because they got 27 championship nobody
in any other sport
has like that many championships and you know i break his balls and i'm just
like i mean you guys
were the best for the first half of the last century you know you kind of
slowed down wouldn't you say i
mean like it's just like i i have this thing with like sports that this in
every sport including
basketball with the celtics where so i'll shit on the celtics here all right
where it's like
we win like 11 championships in 13 years we win nine in a row all right but you
look at the league
back then that's when like 511 white guys were all over the place you know will
chamberlain wasn't
allowed to dunk you know what i mean will scores 100 points in a game no one's
ever gonna fucking do
like there's always like these ridiculous fucking records and i just always
feel like it's like i get
it you won the championship back then but it's just like there's so many
different fucking variables
um you know to sit there and look at those championships back then and i'm not
saying that
winning a championship wasn't winning a championship i would never say that but
like the sheer amount
like take like the montreal canadians that like you know they're counting stanley
cups back when the
stanley cup was like the size of a mug of beer and you won it when you were
playing fucking pond hockey
um i'm just saying you know what i mean like if you look at baseball like how
much the game has changed
first of all to win a world series first of all to win the pennant back then
all right it's like all
you had to do was have the best record in in the american league or the
national league and that was
winning the pennant whoever had the best record that was it and you went
directly to the world series
so if you had the best record in the regular season all you then had to do was
win four games
nowadays there's 30 fucking teams there's all this nutrition and all of these
fucking stats
that all of these fucking nerds sticking to computers to try to fuck you out of
getting a hit
and then you make the playoffs as a wild card team you now have to win what's
it 16 games
and play a possible 28 fucking playoff games to do it it's just not the same
thing of course
nobody's ever going to go on a run like that same thing with basketball nobody's
ever going to win
nine in a row although the fucking 90s bulls probably could have won five or
six which and to me that
would have been better than winning nine in the 60s to win like you know seven
if you won like six or
seven in the 90s to me that's more impressive than winning nine in a row in the
inception of a league
you know so my thing is like i kind of like categorize shit where it's like you
know you look
at like like i always love using this example like the last person to hit 400
for this season was ted
williams okay and he did that in the 1940s i want to say 1946 i can't remember
when nobody has ever done
it again okay it's coming up on 80 years okay more than three quarters of a
century nobody has ever done
it again however if you go the other way and look at it somebody was hitting
400 like every other year
and if you go far enough back you'd have a couple of guys would do it in a year
and if you go all the way
back to the 1800s they had like years where three guys would hit 400 all right
so all of those fucking
records from way back then all of these home runs like rbis hank greenberg had
190 fucking home runs
nobody's ever going to break that record like guys in the 90s in the 2000s
literally had to do fucking
steroids and go up there like a goddamn x-man to break records done by by that
that were were set by
people who had offseason jobs he plays right field for the st louis browns and
during the offseason he
works construction
he hit 400 through a no hitter and had 190 rb like back then like you would
fucking literally like
if there was a double header it was like yeah bill you're pitching it's like
the first game right now
the whole fucking all 18 innings i can't do that what's the idea it's you're
pitching see
so i mean i can only take that shit like you gotta you gotta knock it down a
little bit like the way
i look at it there's like there's there's there's the inception of the league
slash only white people
were allowed to play championships i mean don't you think it's kind of weird
that the last time
somebody hit 400 it was still an all-white league all right and then all of a
sudden when the josh
gibsons and pedro martinez cc sabathias and all this great talent from other
races is allowed to play
nobody ever does it again despite the fact that you had guys like mickey mantle
willie mays pete rose
tony gwynn wade boggs all of these master fucking hitters george brett nobody
ever did it again
i don't know i i just feel i don't know there's just something about that so
for me i kind of look
at it in my lifetime so this is the argument i present to this my buddy who's a
yankee fan i just
look at it like this like in my lifetime if if i look at if you're gonna say we're
the best we have
the most championships there's sort of like you know it's like in tennis the
pre-open era the post
open era i have like the pre it was white guys only and then the post now
everybody can play and now we
really can see what you're gonna do okay and i'm not saying i'm not saying that
like obviously the
yankees would still have the most like world series and all of that and all of
that type of shit and
i'm not saying that all of those great yankees couldn't play in any era but i
am saying though
they went up against a lot of white pitchers who wouldn't even be in the
fucking league
because the pedros of that era weren't allowed to play but i guess there was
less teams it was
all fucking white league give me a fucking break look at espn what do you see
it you see a white guy
behind the sports desk other than that it's pretty fucking slim pickets sorry i
had to get that out
so as far as the way i look at it in my lifetime and i hate to fucking say this
the most successful
franchise in all four sports in my lifetime is the los angeles lakers they've
won 11 titles
all right and the uh montreal canadians have won i think 10 titles in my
lifetime and then the
boston celtics have won eight and the yankees have won seven so there's an
argument to be made like
they've been the thing about the yankees that i think makes them the best of
all time is they've
only gone two decades where they didn't win a championship over the course of
100 years that's
fucking unreal that really is unreal so i'm not saying that they're not the
greatest i don't know i'm
just saying like you know it's kind of like the celtics it's like we have 17
titles so do the
lakers but we won like nine of those 11 of those um during the 23 skidoo years
and then it's also and
i i just feel but then i also feel like the nba is like rigged in a way where
now it's like pile on
fucking teams so then it comes down to weather and level of pussy in your city
i feel like you know i mean
who's kidding who is it's like you know is cleveland ever gonna have a pile on
fucking team
you know and there's a bunch of dumb people be like they had lebron lebron was
their guy
that was their fucking guy so i don't give a fuck that he came back from miami
that was their guy
it's like nobody is like the indiana pacers are never gonna have like a fucking
you know
like lebron's never gonna go to indiana and then try to get a bunch of people
to come out
to fucking you know uh it's south bend indiana whatever the fuck they play
right indianapolis
it's just not gonna happen so i i find it to be it's just sort of a uh i don't
know it's a weird
thing whatever or maybe it was just my red socks were getting their fucking asses
kicked and my buddy
who's a yankee fan was talking shit and i just needed to come up with an angle
um i just out of
curiosity okay because then you look at like like what do you guys think about
that because if you look at
like football what i don't understand and i've said this a zillion times so i'll
blow through this is how
they don't count nfl titles um you know they just count everything after the
merger with the afl but
there's been plenty of leagues that have merged like the the fucking nhl has
merged like two or three
times with other leagues well they had the expansion six i guess that's not
that that was an expansion
and then they had what was it the ihl where they brought in like the uh the indianapolis
racers that became the fucking edmonton oilers and they still count all those
stanley cups
you know all the way back in the day uh you know but for some reason like the
green bay packer
won like like 11 nfl titles and they just that all just got thrown out um i
think if you count nfl
titles then the most successful franchises of all time would be i think
definitely the green bay packers
and then i think it's the giants because the giants very quietly won in both eras
they just had a brutal
from like once they lost sam huff and frank gifford and all that oh they were
also kind of the buffalo
bills of the 1950s where they went to the title game like i don't know like
three or four times
in four or five years and lost every time and then they just sucked in the 60s
and 70s and then fucking a
man named laurence taylor showed up who to this day i don't think anybody ever
looked better in a
fucking football uniform than that guy he just looked like like if you drew a
football player
totally changed the position did i ever see him live no i don't i never did
fuck i look back now and i
think why didn't i just get in my fucking car and just drive down you know why
didn't i drive out to
the odd in buffalo to see a sabers game or go down and go to a whalers game or
drive down to fucking
the meadowlands and go see the giants with fucking laurence taylor and harry
carson why didn't i
fucking do that you know why because there was no gps back then all right and
it just it was very
intimidating back then to drive that fucking far like i don't know where the
fuck i'm like you had
to go to the gas station and get the really big map you know comedians just do
bits about that how you
could never fucking fold it up again and you were just completely fucked and
you had to squint
and point to the road it was intimidating that's why there i should have gone
to the spectrum i could
have seen dr j down there at least scalp the ticket you know all those years
when the celtics were great
in the 80s i only went to one game and that was uh i scalped tickets to go see
the uh them play the
detroit pistons the bad boys and of course fucking isaiah thomas wasn't playing
but i saw the rest of
those those fucking assholes um all right anyways that's the uh that's the
podcast here i mean like
well let me know like what you i mean i guess for sports history you gotta you
know you gotta count
that shit i actually thought this is one of the thoughts i had after my smoke
alarm woke me up
um was you know i was just thinking about nfl titles and that type of shit and
you look at the uh the
original buffalo bills as far as going to the super bowl not winning was the
minnesota vikings
and it's just funny to me that no one ever examines that and thinks like why
are they so
snake bitten like that yea