Name: Coffee C*nt Wankery - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2022-07-15T16:30:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Coffee C*nt Wankery - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Coffee C*nt Wankery - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-15. Transcript available.

Coffee cunt culture.
Dear Billy Coffee Cans,
excellent to hear that you are enjoying a coffee these days.
I'm actually substance-free,
better than all of you for a fucking week here.
This will be eight days by the time you hear this.
No cigars, no weed slash gummies, and no coffee.
Substance-free.
Maybe that's why I didn't hear that fucking woman correctly.
Excellent to hear that you're enjoying coffee these days.
Out of interest, did you take your life in your hands
and order a coffee while in France?
I ordered a coffee.
It was not good.
But I don't know that I went to a good place.
I just ordered an espresso,
and it tasted like a Starbucks espresso,
where Starbucks just burns their beans.
It's burnt bean coffee.
It stinks.
Anyway, I have recently returned to my hometown of Melbourne, Australia,
after living in Paris for 11 years.
The Parisians turns me into a tea drinker.
I found their coffee absolutely undrinkable.
Oh, I didn't realize that.
I would think, along the Mediterranean,
you just think they know how to do anything with food.
However, having returned home,
I'm struggling to get past the level of coffee wankery
that has blossomed here in my absence.
I like a cappuccino, but no one orders that anymore.
Too old-fashioned.
The worst is that they have invented a coffee drink
that may be superior to the humble cappuccino,
but I can't bring myself to order it
because of the pretentious name they gave it.
The magic.
Oh, I thought you were going to be upset
that they draw, like, hearts on top of your cappuccino,
but the magic.
Oh, it's making me want a cappuccino right now.
In any case,
I'm surviving ordering a cappuccino
like a vintage Italian,
and my local coffee place will make me
my own tweaked version of the magic when I go in
because I told them I thought it was too pretentious to order.
Now I am officially more pretentious
than my own coffee order.
I love Australians, man.
You guys have great senses of humor, man.
All right.
Love your work, mate.
Saw you in London at Royal Albert Hall
for your 50th birthday show.
Would love to take my dad to see you,
but you'll have to come back to Melbourne soon.
He's 81 and loves your comedy
and suffered the coffee culture here.
Oh, from a lady.
Oh, it was a lady.
My fault.
My fault.
Women are hilarious down there, too.
There, I'm progressive.
Yeah, I haven't been there in so fucking long.
I had kids, and then the fucking,
there's COVID bullshit.
I gotta get back there, man.
I really do.
It really is just an incredible, incredible place.
Man, I have not been there, I think,
since like 2015, 16.
Man, the years are flying by.
All right.
That's too depressing.
All right.
All right.
That is the podcast.
Ladies and gentlemen.
And theys.
And people from Argentina.
And non-hero army guys
that married a tall chick from Colombia.
Enjoy your weekend, you cunts.