Name: Politics And My Special - Bill Burr
Uploaded: 2022-07-26T17:00:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Politics And My Special - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Politics And My Special - Bill Burr' from Billy Twinkle Toes on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-26. Transcript available.

I have no idea.
I actually, I got another book that I'm going to read too.
I'm slowly reading the rest of the history of this country, which is
fascinating to me.
Like, I want to know, this is so weird.
I want to know when the Democratic Party and the Republican Party switched and
how they did that.
Like, how the Democratic Party was conservative.
So all the conservatives were Democrat and all the liberals were Republican.
Which always cracks me up when they go through history and you're like, like
some moron who's a conservative.
Actually, that was the Democratic Party who did that.
It's like, yeah, but if you live back then, you would have been Democratic.
You would have been a Democrat.
It's just, I don't know.
There's so many people that are alive because, simply because of modern
medicine.
You know, that's an interesting thing.
Anybody listening from a country, I don't know how to put this without getting
in trouble.
A country that's being oppressed by our country.
How about that?
Okay, do morons survive?
Do mouth-breathing morons survive?
Because I've always had this fantasy that, you know, if we weren't like fucking,
if we didn't have the lifestyle that we'd have.
There's like so many people, you know.
Let's start with whining ass liberals.
Where everything hurts their fucking feelings.
Like, how the fuck would they get through a winter if they lived in an impoverished
country?
You know, they wouldn't make it.
Like, is there less whining?
I don't want to pick out a country because somebody will snip this out and try
to make me look like a fucking asshole.
Like, the douchebag conservatives who are taking my abortion bit.
I fucking love it.
Like, they take the abortion bit and all they take is the part that agrees.
I trashed both sides.
They just take the part that agrees with them.
And this woman wrote, like, there's a lot of pro-choice people watching this
part crying right now.
And she had, like, the emoji, like, crying, laughing.
Which I just thought was such an odd response to that.
Like, if you really are trying to protect babies from not getting killed, that
you would just, I don't know.
It's just like, so this topic is funny to you?
So it's just like, it's more about, you just wanted to win.
You don't give a fuck about the babies.
You just wanted to be right.
I actually feel bad for a lot of right to life people.
That they think it's, they actually think it's a religious issue.
It isn't.
It's not.
I mean, I know you can say thou shall not kill.
It can be religious for you.
But that's not the reason why they're doing it.
As far as what I, and this is, what I've read is, and is what I believe.
I believe it's a racial issue.
I believe that, you know, because most, more abortions than not are done by
white people.
They want to keep those white babies alive so that they can vote for a white
candidate.
That's what I've read.
And I'm like, you know what?
That makes way more fucking sense to me.
That makes way more sense to me.
Considering the complete lack of respect we have for babies in other countries
that are sitting on the goop that we want.
It doesn't line up.
Or maybe that's the deal, right?
Isn't that the old joke?
Once the baby's alive, then you can fucking put it in the electric chair or
something like that.
Sorry.
I'm doing 80 stand up now.
Jesus Christ, Bill.
What happened?
You know what happened?
It was my air conditioner went off.
Finally figured out that.
You know what happened?
I accidentally unplugged it.
I was like, oh, great.
My air conditioner's out.
Do you like how when I was talking earlier about weak people acting like they
wouldn't survive?
Like, like I would survive, you know, if I lived in an impoverished country,
right?
With my gingered skin, you know, I would, I can laugh.
First of all, I wouldn't live in this climate.
Like, I would be one of the few homeless people that actually would choose
Minneapolis.
Like, that's a good, you know, I'd scroll my beard out.
You know what I mean?
I'd go in a hardware store.
I would steal some, like, rope and have the rope belt.
Like, I think one of the biggest things, if you want to keep making, earning an
income as a homeless person,
is you got to be able to fucking hold your pants up.
Once people think they're going to see homeless junk, like, they're not as
giving, you know?
But if you can just kind of like, you know, two things.
You got to have the rope belt and you need to wash your hands in a puddle of
whatever liquid you can find before you start begging.
Sorry.
I dropped some shit off at a homeless encampment yesterday.
I don't fuck with the ones downtown.
The ones downtown, that's like Mad Max shit, okay?
Unless I got Mel Gibson riding fucking shotgun with me, I'm not going down
there.
All right?
So I stay to the ones where it's just a strip, okay?
It's not like, like, we have homeless encampments in downtown L.A.
that are about a week away from being classified as a sovereign state that's
just,
just existing by their own set of rules.
And when you go in there, it's like, it's, you know, yeah, they're free to feed
on you.
Or maybe that's just all my fear.
I have no fucking idea.
So I just, you know, I always try to, you know, I don't bring my shit to goodwill
anymore.
Fuck those people.
You know, they throw most of the shit in the ocean.
I actually was thinking that today, you know, I was at the, uh, the playground.
And, uh, you know, some fucking assholes just, there's literally a trash barrel
right there.
And they just leave all their food shit on the ground.
Drives me up the fucking wall.
So I pick it up, right?
Because I'm the, uh, I'm the martyr in this story, right?
And, uh, I would love to hear other people's podcasts who were driving in front
of me on the road in L.A.
And hear how they describe me, how many times I lean on the horn as I fucking
make myself out to be the hero in this episode.
Anyways, I fucking throw it out.
And I was just thinking that whole stupid thing.
Yeah, put litter in its place.
Like, it's still going to get thrown out.
It's just going to, into the woods or into the ocean just by a professional,
you know, they have uniforms.
Put litter in its place where the animals live.
There we go.