Name: Episode 149 - Ron Bennington (Live from Moontower)
Uploaded: 2019-05-26T04:52:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 149 - Ron Bennington (Live from Moontower)' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-05-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Episode 149 - Ron Bennington (Live from Moontower)' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-05-26. Transcript available.

Episode 149 - Ron Bennington (Live from Moontower)

And now, Tim Dillon is going to hell!
Thank you guys, thanks for coming out.
Tim forgot to order chairs for his podcast.
I panicked.
I looked at her, I'm like, "Are there no chairs?"
Tim, I'm a professional broadcaster, I must have a chair.
Yeah, I mean, and look at what a nice chair they got, rough for us.
Yeah, this is good.
Yeah, they spared no expense.
Thanks guys for coming out.
We were worried that the venue wouldn't have huge windows with a lot of light
peering
in.
But, thank God.
So if this is your first AA meeting, welcome.
Tim and I both have been sober for over six hours now.
Yes.
And we're excited to bring you here.
To spread the word of positivity.
Yes.
This is a cool, what do you think about Austin, Ron?
What do I think about Austin?
What do you think?
Let's get controversial right up front.
I'm going to go this far.
It's a city in Texas, is that what we're looking for?
Yeah.
I got to be honest.
I concur.
Yeah.
It's weird to me.
It's a place you don't get.
Well, I don't normally, most places I go there's not scooters on the sidewalk.
That I'm fucking dodging.
What?
Yeah.
What was the idea there?
It's too safe to walk around here.
You know, there's not enough minorities, so let's do something ourselves.
Yeah.
Scooters on the sidewalks.
I will be honest.
Not enough minorities, but some terrifying white people.
Yeah.
You guys, you guys have done that.
You have taken your white people and really...
You run with it.
Yeah.
Mixed them up.
Yeah.
Can I just say this?
I don't think we need camouflage inside city limits.
It gives me...
It's a nerve-wracking feeling like there's some Mad Max thing that I don't
understand that's
going down at any second.
Do I need camouflage?
Yeah.
It's like, dude, everybody's a doomsday prepper.
And it's...
Right.
It's weird because you'll walk around this place and you'll say to somebody,
you'll be like, "Is that a homeless shelter?"
And they'll be like, "No, it's the highest rated restaurant in the state."
Right.
This is the number one difference, right, from New York and Austin.
Yeah.
Is our homeless people are sick and ill.
Yes.
Not in incredibly great shape.
Right.
And able to chase you down the street looking for money.
Yeah, right.
I don't ever want to be outrun by a homeless person.
Yeah.
I want my homeless person to have a scary rash that I don't understand at all.
Here they leap off the ground.
Yeah.
Like I've seen two of them literally leap up off the ground.
Yeah.
In a maneuver that I could never attempt.
Well, that's because you didn't live the matrix and that's what that's all
about, Tim.
You got matrix homeless people here.
They're just in fabulous shape.
By the way, the "will work for food" sign, I just want to say, yes, that's the
basic theory of all capitalism.
Yeah.
This is what we're all doing, working for food.
So like when we go on a job interview, we can't say, okay, you're not hiring me,
can you give me a few bucks?
No, it doesn't work that way.
Yeah.
No, it's amazing to watch.
Yeah.
I also like, they don't have a lot of, like another thing, I was here for South
by Southwest a few years ago and I was sick.
Like New York, we have a drugstore, every other storefront is a drugstore.
Right.
But here they don't have that, they have like apothecaries, they have like old
1950s style drug marts that close at 4:00 p.m.
And you can't get fucking Tylenol.
Right.
You have a guy actually grinding up the drugs.
Yeah.
You know, we have machines to do that.
Yeah, with a mortar and pestle.
Yeah.
They have their own Uber service because I think, is Uber still banned at the
airport here?
Uber's in now, right?
Is it still no good, you can't get an Uber at the airport?
Look.
Oh, they're back.
Okay, good.
That service you had didn't hold up?
Yeah.
That service, it was just like a witch would pull up with a van.
Yeah.
It was a wagon train more than a van.
Am I too much into the Western thing?
Yeah.
And by the way, is this the West or the South?
You gotta make up your mind.
You can't have both.
Yeah, that's a good point.
That's a good point.
By applause, how many people think this is the West?
By applause.
And how many people think they're in the South?
South is a clear winner.
Okay, we're in the South.
Clear winner.
We're in the South, yeah.
Congratulations.
Clear winner.
To the Confederacy.
Yeah.
Which got the silver medal.
Not a lot of people bring that up.
But they silvered in the Civil War.
They did fine.
Congratulations, guys.
They did fine.
They would have gotten endorsement deals, you know?
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Take away nothing else from this podcast that the Confederacy got the silver.
Yeah.
That's what we want you guys to take away.
I think barbecue, and a lot of people are gonna get mad here because they based
their identity on this.
Sadly.
Yeah.
Tragically.
I think barbecue is kind of overrated as a food.
I do.
Thanks.
Thanks, one brave person.
Right.
But I do.
I mean, it's like, it's eating a log.
You feel like shit.
You sweat for the whole day.
You're burping up mesquite.
They give it to you on, you eat it on like the top of a garbage can lid.
You eat it like a raccoon in an alley.
You wait seven hours for a pit master.
That sounds terrifying.
The pit master?
Yeah.
It's very hostile.
And then they give it to you and then you just eat it crouched like by a
garbage can in a field.
And everybody's like, this is the best thing you'll ever have.
You know what?
It's like, okay, maybe.
You just turned me vegan.
It just happened.
I never thought I'd go that way.
But I'm just gonna eat small salads now for the rest of my life.
But I'm gonna go back to doing coke.
So, you know what you have?
Yes.
Yes.
You're gonna get a little bit of both.
You were a Florida guy.
When you were in Florida.
You know what?
Here's what.
I moved to Florida.
Yeah.
But I grew up outside of Philadelphia.
Okay.
And I went to Florida.
And you know, there's no laws there whatsoever.
Yeah.
It's a wild place.
No, no.
I smoked meth with alligators.
That's how fucking weird Florida is.
Take note, Austin.
That's real cool.
You know?
Yeah.
That's a real cool place.
You were in like Tampa.
Yeah, I was.
My drug dealer was Dusty Rhodes.
I mean, this is years ago.
Dusty was laying it all out on the line here.
You better pay me back, brother.
I mean, you didn't fuck around with him.
I'm gonna be honest.
Yeah.
Red turns to green.
It's an old wrestling thing.
I think there's some wrestling folks that know this.
But there they go.
There they are.
Yeah, they are.
It's the Von Erich family came back to life after all these years.
The Von Erich family was the royalty of Texas wrestling.
Yeah.
And then Vince took them in and named them the Texas Tornado and then killed
him.
I saw him when I was a little kid.
I saw him in Madison Square Garden in one of his last matches before he died.
Yeah.
Well, that's exciting stuff, Tim, is that.
Yeah.
This is.
That was.
That was my contribution.
Yeah.
He died of it.
What did he die?
Heroin overdose.
No, no, no, no, no.
How did he die?
Old age.
In the wrestling business, people just die, Tim.
They don't live past 38.
38.
That was it.
Is the retirement age for wrestling.
Thank God.
Yeah.
Thank God.
Are you still into it?
Because a lot of people are still into it.
No, I'm an adult male.
Yeah.
So.
I can't.
You're going to get mad.
You're going to lose them.
Are you.
Do you care like.
You just ran down fucking barbecue.
Yeah.
In Texas.
And then you're like me.
Easy.
Easy on the wrestling.
We don't want to fucking lose these.
They love.
They love their smoked meat.
Yeah.
And they love their.
Do you care about any.
Because I don't care about any of it.
Like that new movie Endgame coming out.
Do you care about that?
The movie Endgame.
What is this about?
The Avengers.
The new Avengers.
Oh.
Is that.
Yeah.
I do care.
Yeah.
Quite a bit.
I really.
I.
Here's.
Here's what happens.
Can people like.
Hey, why do people go to these movies?
Well, because men wear backpacks now.
Right.
They just.
And scooters.
They just gave up growing up.
They're just like.
Fuck growing up.
I'm staying a child.
I have a feeling that a lot of these people keep like a little tent in their
bedroom.
Yeah.
So when their friends sleep over.
They have a place to go together.
It's crazy how many friends I have that are in their mid thirties.
Uh huh.
And they have.
They get in fights about these movies.
Like arguments.
Uh.
Vicious.
Who are we talking about?
Mike Vecchione.
Dan Soder.
Yeah.
Which one of these.
Fucking men child.
They're the ones that are doing good.
Those are the successful ones.
Yeah.
Those are the good ones.
That's the tragedy of it.
Dan's on three TV shows.
Yeah.
And he still cares.
Right.
And him and Vecchione put fucking mattresses down on the floor.
Yeah.
And dropped elbows.
Take out wrestling buddies.
And they're going.
Oh.
Oh.
Seriously.
It's lost something now though.
I mean it was cool.
But when you were into it.
It was cool.
Thank you very much.
Because you were on meth.
Yes.
Yeah.
And it was me and Bruno San Martino.
Yeah.
The two of us together.
And you had a.
You opened a comedy club.
In Tampa.
What is this?
Ron Binnick.
This is your life.
This is.
You're unmasked.
I'm unmasking you.
Now.
This is it.
I've done my research.
I went on a Wikipedia page five minutes ago.
And I read three things.
And I'm prepared to discuss.
Yeah.
Um.
But it was.
It's crazy that you.
You had a comedy club.
And comedy was cool.
Right.
It's not cool anymore.
Well.
I mean.
It's cool.
But it's.
Nobody's on drugs.
Nobody's dying.
You know what I mean.
Like.
Yeah.
That's right.
Like you.
You were in it.
When it was.
People were doing blow.
You were laundering money.
Probably not you personally.
But a lot of the other places.
I'm still laundering money.
Now me and Aunt Becky.
Are just fucking.
Yeah.
By the way.
How many people were to see Aunt Becky go to jail?
By applause.
By applause.
One guy.
One guy.
One guy.
Yes.
Why sir.
Why would you want that?
Justice.
Yes.
Real Texas justice.
Yeah.
That's what we're after here.
Just.
Would you like to see her fry?
Would death penalty be too much?
Prison tats.
Prison tats.
Prison tats.
Yeah.
Okay.
I wouldn't mind seeing her get.
You know.
Thugged up.
Okay.
You know.
Today in Texas.
They actually executed.
A person.
For a crime that took place 21 years ago.
Is that true?
21 years ago.
It was a racial murder.
And now like 21 years later.
He's like.
I think that was me.
I'm not sure.
I can't.
It was a long time ago.
I'm fucking different now.
That's a crazy.
How do they do it?
Are you doing injection now?
Or just.
Do you still have the chair?
It's a headlock.
They put the person in a headlock.
Yeah.
And they just squeeze and squeeze and squeeze.
They smothered them.
Until they're dead.
Now.
You were asking me about my comedy club.
Yeah.
In Florida.
Doing this unbelievable on mask.
Excuse me.
I'm going to cry.
I want you guys to leave with a real.
I'm starting to sob a little bit.
Yeah.
I want you guys to leave with a real.
You know.
Taste.
Real taste of what it's about.
Right.
No one's going to ever fucking know who I am.
I don't know who I am anymore.
You know.
These aren't my fingerprints.
I had to keep moving.
Yeah.
You know.
That's like Florida.
You just keep.
I have a cousin who lives in Florida.
She moves to a different town in Florida every six months.
Yes.
And it's always a town that sounds a lot nicer than what it is.
Right.
It's always like Crystal River.
Yeah.
Or Sandy Springs.
And if you go there you're like.
Oh.
Right.
This is not that.
It's a real.
The real name would be.
The real name would be Trailer Park Junction.
Yeah.
Watch out.
Everyone here has a knife.
Yeah.
She said to me once.
She was living in Delray Beach.
And she said to me.
We had lunch at a Chili's.
And she said.
You know.
I love you.
And I love the family.
But I just.
I love heroin.
Yeah.
Where do you go from there.
I'm like.
All right.
I get it.
Here's the thing.
Just before you mock it.
Do it.
Because I'll tell you right now.
It's a great feeling.
Yeah.
Especially