Name: 155 - Death By Chocolate
Uploaded: 2019-07-07T04:00:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '155 - Death By Chocolate' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-07-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '155 - Death By Chocolate' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-07-07. Transcript available.

155 - Death By Chocolate

And now, Tim Dillon is going to hell!
Welcome to Tim Dillon's Going to Hell, everybody.
We are back on the porch.
We are doing video for the people that asked if we were, a few people said, are
you no
longer doing video?
No, we are doing video.
Devin Costa is with us.
Nice to be here again.
Yeah, we are on video now.
I know that a few episodes were not on video, and many of you got angry about
that.
You know, as I often rage at a free product, I often get really angry at the
samples that
I'm handed at Trader Joe's for not being exactly what I want.
This isn't hot, actually.
What is this, free?
This isn't hot.
I don't like it.
I don't get, why do people need to watch the podcast?
Well, I get it because some people actually put it on a big TV.
Wow.
Like, they'll put it on Instagram story, and then I'm just yelling in your home,
which
I guess is great.
Yeah.
And people love it.
People are visual people.
Yeah, yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
Like, when kids were stupid when I grew up, instead of just going, they're slow,
they'd
be like, they're visual learners.
Right, right.
They can't listen to you.
Yeah.
They have to be shown it.
Yeah.
With like a play.
Yeah.
You got to put on a play to get.
And then, of course, you know, we realized, oh, those kids have undiagnosed
problems.
They have disorders that should have been identified early in life, you know?
Yeah.
Well, what a fun world we're living in.
If somebody came to you three years ago and said, Gary Busey will be president,
and people
will be attacking each other in the street with Big Macs, they would have been
so close
to where we are.
Like, they would have been a little one dimension off where we are.
Yeah.
We've got Trump, and we've got milkshakes.
Now, people are debating, do the milkshakes have cement in them?
Yeah.
Do they have dried cement in them?
Like, acid burning off people's faces.
Yes.
Of course, in this fat country, it's a dessert-themed revolution, you know?
The anti-fascists are chucking brownies at the Nazis.
That's how you know a lot of this is bullshit.
Yeah.
They don't even believe.
If they're Nazis, I'm going to get in trouble for this, but if they're Nazis,
kill them.
Right.
You don't think they're Nazis.
Yeah.
You're throwing milkshakes.
There's never in history...
Yeah.
...did throwing a milkshake do anything.
Right.
You don't believe they're Nazis.
Yeah.
That's number one.
I don't believe anybody truly believes this gay Asian journalist who wrote some
articles that people didn't like is a Nazi.
All of these people think they're in a movie, but they think this guy, because
to treat him like that, to beat the shit out of him in the middle of the street,
they have to believe the guy's Adolf Hitler.
Yeah.
They have to really believe, or he's going to help the next Adolf Hitler.
They fancy themselves as characters in a movie, but what they don't realize is
everyone in the movie can't be the villain.
Like, the villain can't be every single...
Everyone in Narnia was not the white witch.
Right.
It wasn't the way that it worked.
Like, there's a villain and people around that villain, but not every human
being you don't like is the symbol of ultimate evil.
Yeah.
You know?
Yeah.
Had you seen anything about this, like, on Twitter?
There's a lot of people, like, defending it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This Andy Ngo guy.
Yeah, Andy Ngo.
He's a Asian Nazi.
Mullen was funny.
Nick Mullen was like, I don't know if I can say his last name.
Because it is.
You're like, what?
I know.
Yeah, I just saw that he was getting attacked and thrown shit at.
All of these people, their first tweet is like, Andy is a racist, anti-Muslim,
blah, blah, blah.
And then their second tweet is like, and I abhor violence.
I will say that, that I abhor violence.
I would never encourage violence.
But for my first tweet in this thread, I would like to point out everything
wrong with this
man who's bleeding on the floor.
Let's just let that out right now.
Here are my problems with the victim.
Can you imagine any other situation?
I know.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
A rape victim?
Well, let me tell you about Tasha.
She was a little stupid.
She would go home with these boys late at night.
She was no Jackie Kennedy.
Now, I abhor rape.
Do not support rape.
Do not like rape.
Yes, exactly.
You know, but I will tell you this, Tasha, man, would she just get in a fucking
car with
anybody?
That whore had it coming.
If anyone had it coming, it was her.
But tweet number two.
Listen, consent is real.
And I abhor and I disavow any rape.
But let me just get four or five things out that I feel about Tasha.
What does this guy do?
Who is he?
He's a gay Asian guy and he's like a like like a Nazi.
He's one of these guys that he writes for cool.
I don't.
I looked into some of the things that he did.
Listen, the guy.
Is allowed to be wrong.
Right.
He's allowed to write things you don't like.
Yeah.
I don't understand at what point a switch was flipped in people's head where
they were like,
I can no longer exist on the same planet with a human being who is wrong.
Yeah.
I mean, I don't.
And listen, I haven't read all of his articles.
Supposedly, he made a list of journalists and gave it to Adam Waffen.
Adam Waffen is like a neo-Nazi group in Europe.
Okay.
So they're all like, well, this is justified because he's endangering us, blah,
blah, blah.
I did not look into that.
I do not have that.
Do not send me information on that.
I don't care.
Please don't send me like a fuck.
No, not actually.
Right.
Actually.
Right.
You know, it doesn't matter to me.
I don't care.
I'm not for people getting attacked and brutalized in the street that you don't
like or that you
disagree with.
It is.
This does not.
Where do you think this leads?
Do these people think that conservatives eventually don't just bring guns to
these rallies?
Is that's the next step is more violence right now.
It's it's not that funny because people are getting hurt, but it's kind of
funny because it's
milkshake.
No, it's still funny.
But the next step, which would be Syria, isn't funny.
Like there's no one tweeting in Syria about the gas attacks and how funny they
are.
Right.
You know, like there's no blue checks in Syria being like, LOL, like being
deeply ironic about
watching their kids, you know, take some gas to the face from fucking whoever's
doing
that.
Yeah.
Using it as an opportunity to get a job on SNL.
They're less humorous, less of a way to combat things in Venezuela right now.
But in America, it's still doesn't really affect any of it.
Like, right.
If it goes beyond this to where it's full scale, real issues, I think the
government
just comes in and shuts down the party.
Yeah.
Which I think is what will happen anyway.
Yeah.
And my little conspiracy mind goes off and goes, there's probably FBI agents in
the alt-right
and in Antifa and in any serious anti-government movement in the last 50 years
has had FBI
people from Quintelpro, every single one has had FBI agents that were stirring
the pot that
were, you know, basically trying to foment this type of chaotic, these type of
events.
I'm not saying this is what happened here, but what it does is it discredits
any of these
movements.
I mean, the Black Panthers, whatever they are, you bring in a few guys from the
feds who are
like, it's not enough.
We got to do more.
Right.
We got to go a hundred, you know, and then you start losing the country.
People are like, well, wait a minute.
This seems a bit odd.
Yeah.
But I mean, it's bananas discussing this with people because you're like, okay,
riddle me
this, go attack, and again, not saying to do this, but wouldn't it make more
sense to
attack ICE?
Right.
Yeah.
Right?
Exactly.
They think every one of these journalists, they throw a milkshake at like a kid
gets released
from a cave.
These are also the people that supposedly care about the poor.
And these kids in the camps bring the milkshakes to the kids.
I bet the kids would like a milkshake.
If I was in a, I'm not even in a cage and I would like a milkshake.
I can't imagine if I was in a cage, which I'm against, don't start with me, and
somebody
handed me a milkshake through the bars, I would be pretty happy that you didn't
waste a milkshake
on some fucking guy that wrote an article you didn't fucking like.
You're throwing away perfectly good food you could give to the poor of Portland.
Yeah.
You know, or some white people in a failed band or whoever, who's ever really
struggling
over there in Portland.
Yeah.
But so these again are like all these, you start to realize that some people
just want
some type of civil war.
They have meaningless lives.
Yeah.
And they fetishize violence because it's not real violence.
It's kind of this violence that is controlled to a degree because it's, again,
it's not
like all out open total war.
It's like, here's a journalist that we can pummel.
Right.
And, or here's some proud boys that we get in a scuffle or whatever.
Yeah.
And these people, I think they just, they think they're part of this
revolutionary struggle.
Yeah.
But they're really not because nobody cares.
Yeah.
They're taking an Uber to the revolution.
Yeah.
Well, of course.
They're taking an Uber.
Ridiculous.
They're taking an Uber to the revolution.
But it just, it's peak insanity.
Yeah.
Today on Twitter, people are like, you see a guy making milkshakes.
And people go, what's on the bucket?
That's a warning on the bucket.
What milkshake ingredient has a warning on it?
That some other guy on Twitter goes, hey, that's just a warning for the bucket.
It says a kid could fall in that bucket.
They close up.
And he's like, there's no cement in that.
They're just making a milkshake.
And I'm like, if these people were actually motivated to do good, they could do
good.
Right.
Yeah.
Like if they actually wanted to do something good, they all show up.
They can make a lot of milkshakes.
How about making sandwiches and distributing them to people that don't have
them?
Yeah.
Like nobody does that.
If you suggest to any of these people that they show up to a homeless shelter
or a soup kitchen,
they'll look at you like you're out of your mind.
Yeah.
They're like, what are you talking about?
I just want to go slap up a journalist to protect everybody from Hitler.
You're like, what are you even talking about?
Yeah.
What are you even saying?
I want to go burn down some new condo development to fight gentrification.
Have you ever helped anyone in your own family or a friend who was hurting?
They're like, what?
Yeah.
It's hard to take these people seriously.
It's very difficult.
And here's, and by the way, I am concerned that like Trump, Trump is, is a, is
a boy that
like, like when he's in there with Kim Jong-un and they're getting along real
well, that worries
me.
It doesn't worry his supporters.
They think it's great.
Right.
They think it's phenomenal.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That Kim Jong-un, a guy who tortured that poor kid Otto Warmbier, remember that
guy?
Otto Warmbier was this guy who supposedly he was on some school trip or
whatever.
And he like stole a flag as a joke in North Korea.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
I heard about those.
And then all these people on Twitter are like, well, that's white male
privilege, you stupid
white bet.
Like he's being tortured in a labor camp.
And they're like, well, that's what you got.
You're just going around whitesplaining and white male privilege and mansplaining.
And it's like, where's your humanity?
Now all of those people have rediscovered Otto because now they're all like,
why is Trump
sitting down with this, the guy who murdered Otto Warmbier?
Of course.
It's like, oh, but you didn't care whatever works for their, right.
Whatever works.
But when I see Trump with that, I'm like, guys, this guy is a guy with
authoritarian impulses.
He is a kleptocrat.
He's got his family in positions of power.
I mean, fucking Ivanka and Jared.
It's Uday and Kuse Hussein in there running around Mar-a-Lago.
Yeah.
She's running around Europe trying to get in like a coffee clutch with like
Merkel