Name: 156 - Some Of Our Faves
Uploaded: 2019-07-14T04:00:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '156 - Some Of Our Faves' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-07-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '156 - Some Of Our Faves' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-07-14. Transcript available.

156 - Some Of Our Faves

And now, Tim Dillon is going to hell!
Our faves! Nancy Pelosi's like, "Some of your faves will be implicated."
Your faves, just always know you should support those biatches!
Look the other way!
Stopper. Batch.
God. Is it okay? Do I sound okay? Okay.
Are we on? We're in? We're live, everybody.
Funniest quote so far about the Jeffrey Epstein thing was, "Who was it? It was
Pelosi's daughter?"
No, Pelosi said, "Some of our faves will be implicated."
That was Pelosi or her daughter?
Oh, well, okay.
I think it was her daughter.
Was it her daughter? That's still, like, you know, you're related.
It's a little bit more understandable.
Uh, 'cause she's young.
Yeah, you're right, Christine.
Christine Pelosi.
Christine, she's like a documentary filmmaker.
Yeah.
It's quite likely that some of our faves are implicated in the horrific sex
trafficking.
Yeah.
Some of our faves are gonna be implicated in the horrific child rape and
torture!
These are some of our faves!
Listen!
Listen!
Yeah, there's, like, should be, like, an emoji in that statement.
Yeah.
Don't listen!
Yes!
Yes, queen!
Okay, so here's the deal.
They were tied up.
Some of our faves are participating in human trafficking.
That we know.
But they're still our faves!
They're still, like, our faves.
Don't forget the good times.
Yeah.
Like, the fun times that we had with them.
The SNL skits about them.
Yeah.
That were just fun.
These are our faves!
These are, like, the people that we grew up with.
Okay?
Okay?
So, like, don't...
Yeah, it's like a Gilmore Girls reunion.
Yeah!
Some of our faves are back.
Lorelai sits down.
She's like, "Rory, some of our faves are raping and torturing children.
But don't forget, that time that we all went to the Christmas tree lighting
together,
that still means something, Rory.
Rory, that still means something.
Nobody's just any one thing.
Someone could be just a fun, great person, and also the torturer of children.
Yeah.
Innocent children.
But they're like, "Trump was there.
Kill him."
Right.
Kill Trump.
Trump was at a cocktail party.
Kill him.
I read a long time ago that Trump was, like, around the Epstein shit, but he,
like, told
people to get the fuck away from that young girl.
I think Trump kicked him out of Mar-a-Lago because people were complaining that
Epstein was
hitting on, like, young girls at the pool.
I think one of the members of Mar-a-Lago was like, "We can't have this."
Yeah.
And I think Trump, you know, to his credit, was like, "Okay."
Right.
This is fucking up my business now.
This man sleeping with children has now started to fuck up my bottom line.
Yeah.
So let's get him out of here.
You know?
I think.
I'm pretty sure.
I read that.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I mean...
Sounds like him.
Here's my concern, folks.
My concern is for the Clintons.
I want Bill and Hillary Clinton to be ensnared in an episode, in a drama.
Yeah.
They had nothing to do with this.
No.
It doesn't matter.
I just want them to ride off into the sunset unscathed.
I just want them to win again.
I want Hillary to get into the Democratic primary, win again, build a part in
Epstein, and then no one cares.
Yeah.
Everyone's like, "Yes, Quinn."
And they all get on Epstein's jet and just fly off.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what I want.
Because I'm an American.
Yeah.
And I want...
Bill Clinton put out a statement today from his publicist.
Because this is what innocent people do.
This is what in...
I am having my manager draft a statement right now.
Yeah.
That says, "I have no clue."
I can imagine my manager...
Listen, he only flies very shitty airlines.
He books last minute.
It's skip lag.
It's a scam.
He gets off at the connecting city.
He's usually in a middle seat.
People complain about it.
They don't like him.
It's not good.
But let's get Clinton's statement up.
It's great.
I'm on Fox News because I thought that they would be the best at talking about
it.
They have somebody texted it to me.
My friend texted me the statement.
About 15 people have texted me Clinton's statement, by the way.
Bill Clinton knows nothing.
This is reunited.
You don't understand how many friendships that this is reinvigorated.
Epstein getting caught for child trafficking.
So many people that haven't spoken in so long are like, "Man, what are you up
to?
How have you been?"
I'm like, "Good, man."
I'm like, "Are you engaged?"
It looks like you're engaged.
Like, "Yeah, man."
It's bringing us all together.
It's bringing us all together.
It's fucking...
That's what it should do.
It's a silver lining.
Yeah, some good should come of this.
Something good should come of this.
Okay?
So here's Clinton's statement.
This is his statement that was made through his spokesman.
President Clinton knows nothing about the terrible crimes Jeffrey Epstein pleaded
guilty to in Florida some years ago.
Or those...
Immediately.
Or those with which he has been recently charged in New York.
In 2002 and 2003, President Clinton took a total of four trips on Jeffrey Epstein's
airplane, which I don't think is true.
One to Europe, one to Asia, two to Africa.
Which included stops in connection with the work of the Clinton Foundation.
Which I mean...
Come on.
The fuck?
What are they doing?
You know?
We're all supposed to ignore that the guy was on the pedophiles plane four
times?
Yeah.
Oh no, he was doing work with the Clinton Foundation.
Is there no other plane that goes to Africa or Asia?
Was that the only plane?
Yeah.
I mean...
It's called the Lolita Express.
Staff, supporters of the Foundation and his Secret Service detail traveled on
every leg of the trip.
They're also fucking kids.
Probably.
That's probably why they got the job guarding Clinton.
Yeah.
They're like, you want to do some parties?
Guard Clinton.
Yeah.
The flight attendants are children.
Yeah.
Right.
12-year-olds, 13-year-olds are pushing the car.
Serving cocktails.
Serving cocktails.
And then pulling their pants up.
He had one meeting with Epstein in his Harlem office in 2002.
Okay.
Why?
Again, this is more questions than, okay, what are you talking about?
And around the same time, made one brief visit to Epstein's New York apartment
with
a staff member and his security detail.
He's not spoken to Epstein in well over a decade and has never been to Little
St. James Island,
Epstein's Ranch in New Mexico, or his residence in Florida.
I want everyone to realize what's happening.
You have an ex-president of the United States through his spokesman saying that
he has never
been to the pedophile island.
I know.
This is wild, dude.
Yeah.
This is fucking wild.
Yeah.
You have an ex-president going, I was never to...
Who's advising him to put out a statement?
Yeah.
I don't know, but it's not what you do when you're completely innocent.
Yeah.
I'll tell you that much.
It doesn't feel like an innocent...
My father doesn't have a statement ready to go on this.
Yeah.
You know?
I love that.
He's never been to the island where they were fucking the kids.
I mean, he's got to clarify that.
Yeah.
He's like, no, I stayed downstairs.
Bill's only been on the thing four times because they were doing work with the
Clinton Foundation.
Good, wholesome Clinton Foundation work.
Okay?
Yes, he was on the plane.
Yes, Epstein was on the plane.
Yes, they were fucking kids, but not Bill.
Bill needed a ride to Asia for the Clinton Foundation.
So he just went on the plane and he, you know, took his Xanax and fell right
out.
He didn't wake up with some 13-year-old's pussy in his mouth.
Not at all.
Not at all.
And don't think it.
You know, can we address the Billie Eilish thing?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I had no idea that that was offensive.
It wasn't.
Yeah.
I don't think it was.
It wasn't.
Can you summarize what we said about Billie Eilish?
And then there was some reactions.
She's an MK ultra victim.
Right.
And that she looks like she's being forced to go up there and dance and looks
like-
I made a joke.
Involved in Satanism.
Funny things.
I made a joke.
Jokes.
That Harvey, that involved the premise that Harvey Weinstein was a rapist.
Right.
Sorry.
I apologize.
You're right.
He's not been convicted in a court of law.
So you're absolutely right about that.
It was irresponsible of me to insinuate based on my best knowledge that old Harv
took advantage
of people in the entertainment industry, specifically women.
And I made a joke.
Maybe it was a tasteless joke, but that's what I do.
That's what we do.
Have they seen any of the other clips?
And the joke was that this girl who I did not know was a minor.
I didn't know she was minor.
Yeah, I didn't know either.
I didn't know what she was.
She could have been 24.
She could have been 34.
She was bleeding out of her eyes in the video.
I didn't think she was a minor.
She's doing songs about fucking people's dads.
I didn't think she was a Shirley Temple.
I apologize for not thinking that she was fucking Shirley Temple.
She's bleeding out of her eyes in a video and saying, I'm the bad guy.
I'm the bad guy.
Come get me.
So I said, she looked like somebody who kept Harvey Weinstein kept in a cage
and raped for 10 years.
We put the clip up on it.
And then at the end, I said, I'm Billy, rape me or whatever.
I should have worded it maybe differently.
Yeah.
Because it wasn't as funny because the wine scene was funnier.
And then the rule is the tags always have to be funnier than.
Right.
And then people get angry.
People or Instagram?
Well, Instagram took it off.
And then people in the comments were defending Instagram.
Because people are like, she's a minor and you don't know.
See, again, if you just abduct and rape minors, you get away with that for
decades.
But that was up.
If you make a joke about a horrible world that we live in, it's down within 24
hours.
Right.
So people were defending Instagram.
They're like, well, I knew this was going to be taken down as soon as it went
up because she's a minor.
And that was, I'm defending the big faceless corporation.
Isn't Instagram on by Facebook?
Aren't there people on Facebook live streaming their suicides?
Aren't people checking out?
Didn't the Christchurch shooter, what did he do on Facebook?
Didn't he live stream a shooting on Facebook?
Yeah.
The Christchurch shooter?
Okay.
Yeah.
He live streamed a terrorist attack on your platform.
But he was 18 and older.
Right.
He was an adult.
I'm sorry.
Sorry for my quip.
Sorry for my quip about a multimillionaire.
Go back to live streaming mass death.
It also kind of makes Instagram seem pro Weinstein.
Like you're trying to, you know, make a joke about her.
They are.
They are.
I don't know who these people are at the gram.
The fuck works at the gram.
These people think the only people to get respect are fucking, you know, these
people.
We were in the era of thought comedy now.
Poster selfie, bitch.
Yeah.
We're in an era of thought comedy.
Duck face, empty headed retards making faces.
And it's come fuck me comedy.
Yeah.
That's what people are doing.
Don't you want to maybe fuck me?
Come see my show.
And listen, it is what it is.
People make money the way they make money.
But that's where we are now.
It's thought comedy.
Hmm.
People want to talk about people posting real thirst trap photos of themselves.
Cause I'm a comedian.
I'm funny.
Come get it.
You know, that's what they're doing.
And it is what it is.
But that's what Instagram would love everything to be.
Yeah.
Just duck face.
Thoughts.
Just full of bimbos.
Just full of people.
Fitness trainers.
Here's how to make a turkey burger.
You want to make a turkey burger?
I was, I'll tell you right now.
I was in an Uber today with a guy who had to be 700 pounds.
At a certain point, Uber has to say no.
Yeah.
He looked like Israel comical.
We will.
His fat had spilled from the driver's seat into the backseat.
And I was sitting with another person.
I thought I took a pool, but it was the rest of him.
In the back.
And I'm not in shape.
I get it.
But this was too much.
I'm going to lose weight.
Because fat now is like this proud identity that I don't want to be a part of.
That's why I have to lose weight.
I do