Name: #175 - Corporate Steakhouse | The Tim Dillon Show
Uploaded: 2019-11-24T05:00:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '#175 - Corporate Steakhouse | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '#175 - Corporate Steakhouse | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-24. Transcript available.

#175 - Corporate Steakhouse | The Tim Dillon Show

Hi, I'm Timmy the Trash Can, and I love trash.
Popcorn boxes, cups, and candy wrappers.
Mmm, they all taste so good.
Instead of throwing your trash on the floor, won't you please give it to me?
Thank you for considering your fellow patrons.
All right, everybody.
Welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
Heading back from LAX, just picked up by Ben, the producer,
because they are no longer allowing Ubers and Lyfts at LAX,
because they are blaming Uber and Lyft for the fact that their airport is
poorly designed,
and it was not designed with the flow of traffic in mind.
They didn't think that might potentially be an issue down the road.
So there's just endless bottlenecking.
If you've ever been to that airport, it is insane.
But, you know, the big news today, the big news, which everybody is focused on,
because it affects them personally, is the Chick-fil-A sandwich shop
has decided to end its donations to groups that have been called anti-LGBT.
I don't know what groups they are.
Apparently, they're Christian groups.
And everybody has reacted, you know, to this.
You see people on Twitter, like Ben Shapiro, being like, I can't believe you
did this.
You thrived as a company by serving everybody.
And now you've let cancel culture win.
And, of course, you have, like, Dave Rubin, who's gay, by the way.
Dave Rubin's like, I will not be eating Chick-fil-A anymore.
Dave Rubin's gay.
And Dave Rubin's going, he's not eating Chick-fil-A anymore.
And he's going to start making chicken sandwiches at his house.
He felt the need to tweet that.
He's an adult.
He's an adult and felt the need to tweet that he would be making chicken at
home now.
Okay?
Dave Rubin would go to Egypt, or Saudi Arabia, where they were, like, crucifying
young gay kids.
And if they stopped that policy, Dave Rubin would be like, this is another
instance of cancel culture winning.
It's just another instance of cancel culture winning.
Yes, I'm gay, but I see no problem with the cultural execution of gay people.
And anyone that does, I don't care what Chick-fil-A does.
It doesn't matter to me.
I don't know what these charities were.
If some of the charities were, you know, if you want to donate to Christian
organizations, great.
They don't, you know, they oppose same-sex marriage, fine.
It gets a little stickier to me if they're, like, advocating, you know, the
abuse of children.
Like, I'm trying to, like, the camps that people send their gay kids to to try
to turn them straight.
I'm trying to think of the name of that.
Conversion therapy.
So, conversion therapy.
So, if you're funding conversion therapy, I'm not really cool with it.
But, again, it's still, you know, if I was on the line at Chick-fil-A and you
came to me and they were, like, you know, they fund conversion therapy.
It would really depend on how hungry I was at the moment.
If you came to me on the line at Wendy's and you went, Wendy's has declared
that they are supporting the caliphate, the Islamic caliphate, and that all infidels
should be slaughtered.
If I was on the Wendy's line, I was hungry, I'd be like, all right, but let's
talk about it later.
Let's get to it later.
Because boycotts don't work in this country because the real religion in this
country is morbid obesity.
And I travel all over the country.
I see what it is.
So, stop lying that you're not going to eat Chick-fil-A anymore.
You're going to start grilling salmon with your fat kids.
You're not.
You're going to do this for a few days and then you're going to go back to
Chick-fil-A because it's hot and it's handed to you through a window and it's
wrapped in paper, which is what American cuisine is.
It's something that was deep fried, mass produced, made of poison, wrapped in
paper, and handed you through a window and you could throw it at your children
while they scream in the back of the car.
So, let's not act like that's going to stop anytime soon.
Stop with the boycotts and the get on your moral high horse.
Chick-fil-A can do what they want.
I didn't yell when they donated to anti-gay groups.
So, now everyone's going to yell when they said, well, we're not going to do
that anymore.
Who knows why they're not doing it?
Maybe they want to expand into cities, more liberal markets.
They're a corporation.
Well, it's not a Christian company anymore.
There's no such thing as a Christian corporation.
You dummies.
It doesn't exist.
What part of the Bible are you reading where you have like Jesus walking around
talking about maximizing shareholder profit?
This was a guy who walked around.
He hung out with like prostitutes.
He tried to feed the hungry.
It's not a Christian company anymore.
Well, then don't eat there.
Then grill salmon and eat broccoli and go on walks and try to survive.
It won't happen.
We know it won't happen.
We just know for a fact it won't happen.
I love they go.
So, the only organizations that Chick-fil-A Foundation will donate to in 2020
are Covenant House International, Junior Achievement of America, and local
community food banks.
I mean, who gives a fuck?
Really?
Truly?
But can you stop pretending that boycotts are going to work?
People say that the Gillette ad lost Gillette $8 billion.
Gillette's razors are $38.
No one can afford that.
People don't shave anymore.
It's not the dumb Gillette ad.
Yeah, the ad might not have helped.
The ad was stupid, the toxic masculinity ad.
But most people saw it online.
They saw it on YouTube.
People don't make snap decisions.
They go and buy the razor that is cheap and available.
People are, a lot of people, I don't have the luxury of participating in your
moral crusades one way or the other.
I know that's unfathomable for you to believe that there's people in a
situation that they just have to buy what's around.
They can't just sit back and make choices based on how they feel.
Go ask, and we were pulling out of LAX.
They said, Ben, go ask any of these workers if they give a shit who Chick-fil-A
donates to.
It's hot and it's available and they got to go back to work.
They could have Satanists handing out those sandwiches.
It doesn't matter.
This country is a country of fat slobs that are not going to start taking
responsibility for their own lives.
They're not.
They're not.
That's why we eat this shit.
We want to die.
We know we're the problem.
We know humanity is a disease.
We see each other.
We look at everything beautiful.
The oceans, you know, the sunsets.
And we go, the only thing that's really polluting this fucking planet is us.
So subconsciously we want to die.
So we're just, that's what it is.
I just love the, you know, I was texting somebody who was like, you know, Chick-fil-A,
they're turning on their core constituency.
Their core constituency is fat people.
Yes, there are some Southern, of course the South goes, Christians go, blah,
blah, blah.
Maybe they lose a few dollars.
They'll make up for it by just putting them in, in, in liberal city.
It doesn't matter.
They don't care.
They're a corporation.
They don't give a fuck.
They just want to sell chicken sandwiches.
They're only trying to sling chicken sandwiches.
I'm not, I'm going to, Dave Rubin, I'm going to make them in my home.
Good, good.
You and your fucking husband, who's probably so embarrassed, that poor guy, God
only knows who Dave, Dave Rubin married somebody who's probably stealing money
from his bank account.
Good for him.
If I married a dude, if I was as embarrassing as Dave Rubin, and I got married
to a guy, I would hope and pray that he was stealing from me every day.
I hope to God, Dave Rubin's husband's embezzling money from him every fucking
day.
Some twink who's just like, ah, no, it's, you make a lot of sense, Dave.
You're going to make the chicken in the house now.
No, you did great opening for Jordan Peterson.
You were so funny.
I saw Dave Rubin, me and Ori Shafir went to Jordan Peterson's lecture.
Jordan Peterson now, who I liked, but I don't know where he is now.
I think he's in a youth hostel.
I haven't heard from him in a little while.
I think they've strapped him to something.
He'll be back.
He'll have a comeback tour.
No harm, no foul.
Smart guy.
Not going at him.
Point is this.
Rubin opens up for him.
Rubin is a stand-up comic in the same way that I'm a triathlete, you know?
In the way that I used to swim when I was eight.
And I've ran occasionally, and I know what a bike is.
So Rubin, in that respect, is also a stand-up comic.
So Rubin comes out and opens for Jordan Peterson.
And you know Rubin has this slimy serpent-like way of talking where he's like,
Hello.
Are there any liberals?
Are there any liberals?
And every time he would hit what was not a punchline, but he thought it was
just a pause,
the crowd would kind of nervously, like, sort of laugh.
And then Rubin would go, like, he's had a lobotomy.
Like, he's had a, but the man's been lobotomized.
You know, I'm not saying, you know, I don't care what anybody believes.
But when you see somebody who's quite obviously mentally deficient, I mean, it's
like, these
people all become just a mouthpiece for an ideology, whatever it happens to be.
Who cares?
Okay, so Chick-fil-A has decided, you know what?
We used to back a lot of anti-gay charities.
We're going to decide not to because we're a corporation and we're trying to sling
chicken
sandwiches.
And then, so a guy like Dave Rubin, I'll read you Dave Rubin's tweet right now
because
it's truly amazing that this came from an adult.
By the way, not only an adult, a guy that thinks he's funny, like, this is a
guy that
thinks he's funny, which is more offensive to me.
Thinking you're funny and not being funny is more offensive to me than being a
Nazi or
a communist or, because everyone has points.
That's the problem.
You know, all these little Nazi kids that are running around bothering Charlie
Kirk.
Yes, they're Nazis, but they have points.
Al-Qaeda has points.
Antifa has points.
Stalin had points.
So the thing is, everybody has points.
Now, the larger point they're all making is wrong.
But if Mohammed Atta had points, if you were on the plane going into the North
Tower and
Mohammed Atta, you said to Mohammed, you go, why are you doing this?
And he goes, come to the back of the plane and we talk to you.
And he goes, to be honest, the U.S. has gone around the country overthrowing
democratically
elected leaders.
What they've done is they've waged campaigns of terrorism in our countries that
have murdered
endless civilians.
And they've used that to allow multinational corporations to come in and just
steal our
wealth.
You'd go, fuck.
All right.
I don't want to be incinerated in two minutes.
But Mohammed, you got a little bit of a point.
And you'd eat your peanuts and you'd go see whatever.
My point.
My point.
My point is that everybody's got points.
Okay.
Even the people that you don't agree with or that believe horrific things.
There are people that believe horrific things.
There are people that think gay people shouldn't exist and black people should.
And they, listen, but then they'll have a point where they'll be like, well,
you know, you know,
maybe we shouldn't abort children after they've been born.
And you'd have, you have to go, okay, that one.
Yes, that, that one, I'm with you.
Just like Antifa all day.
I'd be like, yes, you can't take over intersections in Portland.
You can't throw, you can't take shits on the stage before Jordan Peterson
speaks, even though
that is kind of funny.
You can't do this.
You can, the free speech shouldn't come with the threat of violence.
But if Antifa turned around and, you know, said, listen, here's the fucking
reality.
There's a lot of people in this country that are very comfortable with fascism
and would
would vote it in tomorrow and usher it in.
I would go, yeah, you're probably right.
You're probably right.
And if you doubt that, just go to a Buffalo Wild Wings.
And yeah, so yeah, the idea that there's some organized anti-fascist campaign
isn't completely
insane when you have a country of people that love a strong man