Name: #178 - Secret Society | The Tim Dillon Show
Uploaded: 2019-12-15T05:00:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '#178 - Secret Society | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-12-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '#178 - Secret Society | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-12-15. Transcript available.

#178 - Secret Society | The Tim Dillon Show

Hi, I'm Timmy the Trash Can, and I love trash.
Popcorn boxes, cups, and candy wrappers, mmm, they all taste so good.
Instead of throwing your trash on the floor, won't you please give it to me?
Thank you for considering your fellow patrons.
Welcome to the Tim Dillon Show, everybody.
We are resuming regular video in 2020.
I don't know how many times we have to say that.
We know that everybody gets very angry.
Video is coming back regular every week in 2020.
People got to beat their meat.
People got to fucking beat their meat.
We get it.
It's too windy to shoot outside and too cold in California.
So what we're doing is we're going to get a studio.
We're looking at a few.
We're going to have one 2020.
It's great.
Do you think you have a, not everyone, more even most people, but do you think
you have
a few people who, look, some people might be attracted to you and jerk off to
you for that
reason.
But I'm saying more like they like what you're saying and they're just getting
into a frenzy,
jerking off too, not sexually you, but just a feeling you're evoking.
I would say that a fair amount of people listening to the show are such degenerates
and so lazy
that they just do two things at once and they just jerk off and listen to the
show.
And it's like one has nothing to do with the other.
Yeah.
I imagine a lot of people that listen to the show just spend a lot of their
life in one
position.
I think I probably jerked off listening to ONA, but watching porn, but having
no way
in the background.
It's just, I've done things like that where you're like, I'm not jerking off to
what's
going on, but it's just time to get it out.
Yeah.
They're going to ban.
People are talking about banning porn.
What?
There's a discussion.
Who's talking about that?
Somebody on Twitter.
Nobody really.
That's the thing.
You would think like, there's no money in porn, right?
Like someone's making money, but not much.
There's got to be something.
There's a billion.
Is it still a billion?
They always say it's a billion dollar industry.
Is that true anymore?
I don't know.
I don't know.
A lot of it's free.
You know, the big stars, they have their version of Patreon, their webcam shit.
Yeah.
And like, you know, and you get a pair of their panties or whatever.
It's all soil.
It's nice.
But like-
How do you know that from an article you've read?
We had Wendy on years ago.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Is that it?
That's all from just that episode?
I've never paid.
I paid for porn a couple of times.
Right.
I've never paid for like-
A garment.
Or interaction even with people.
I would love to pay for you to have an interaction, only to watch it start.
Only for you to be like, hello?
I think I could pull.
Hello?
I think it would be amazing.
I mean, I'm very happy with Lucy.
Are you Jasmine?
But I think it would be interesting.
I think she'd be behind it all 100%.
Yeah.
For me to try to pull a webcam girl.
What do you mean pull a webcam?
Like actually like a date her.
Date a webcam girl.
Start out paying.
But then-
First of all, it goes without saying.
Yeah.
Start out paying.
But then like woo her.
But you know, so a lot of people, a lot of people start out-
That is the fantasy.
Right.
Like the-
Oh, that's the whole hook.
Yeah.
That's the whole-
That's what whores are about.
Like, yeah.
Not the whores I was seeing back in the day with prostitutes.
But the good ones.
Yeah.
Is that like, because they make you think that like, you kind of like it.
Right.
They kind of like it.
You think that one day-
Yeah.
She's just going to look at you and go, hey, put the money away.
Hey, put that money away.
I just want you.
And there was some documentary I was watching about a guy who had just been
paying this webcam
girl and if you know what it is, you can tweet me or whatever, DM me.
I forget what it was, but he was paying her for like years, a lot of money.
And then she went and spent a weekend with him and it was fucking weird for
both of them.
She was like, this is weird.
And I don't, because they were so used to that digital relationship.
She even, I think maybe wanted to try to give it a go.
Well, he's like, how's school going?
Oh, you know, my professor is like, well, I went to college and this and that.
And they had something in common maybe.
Yeah.
Or whatever.
Like, and it's just like, yeah, but that's different than like, I mean, look,
look, you
go on Tinder, you go on, I don't know, is there a gay Tinder or is it just
Grindr?
There's all kinds of different things.
Point is, you go on these dating apps and like you strike up a rapport, but
like a fraction
of those actually work well in the date.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Right.
It's much easier.
The barrier to entry is so much lower when you're just online.
Right.
And the idea that something could work.
And then when you're with somebody and you're in their physical presence, it's
much harder,
especially for a prolonged period of time.
Yeah.
It's one thing.
A weekend is a long period of time.
Oh, that's insane.
That's absurd.
Right.
So it's like, you could go out to dinner, get hammered, but a fucking weekend.
He should have played it like, hey, I'm going to be in town for the weekend.
Maybe we'll get dinner.
Not we'll go have a weekend together.
And I'm saying like, bye, but like, see if you can get something going.
But the pressure for a weekend, that's crazy.
Yeah.
So that's interesting.
I had a girl effectively do that after like a first date, but then she got made
because
I wouldn't buy her groceries.
When was this?
Years ago.
It was like, but basically she, I think she was trying to like, I don't think
she had a
good living situation.
Oh, I'm certain she didn't.
I think she was.
I would imagine she had a very sad living situation.
She was sleeping in my bed with me.
Yeah.
But she didn't want to have sex yet.
Okay.
She said she was on her period, which is all right.
But then, but you know, eventually she let me jerk off like next to her.
And this was one night?
No, it was like a night.
It turned into a few nights.
Oh, so she just really wanted a place to stay.
I think so.
And the furthest you got was jerking off next to her.
Yeah.
Well, that's romantic.
And did she, how was she, when you were jerking off next to her, was she laying
down?
Was she face?
She was laying down next to me.
Was she looking at you?
She was like, yeah, she was, she was, she was engaged.
Okay.
Was she fully clothed?
No, she had her top off.
Okay.
And no touching.
I could touch.
I could touch.
I could lick her tits.
Okay.
I mean, that was fair game.
This was what, night three?
She lived there for six months?
No, I ended up quick because she was a liar.
And I mean, hold the phone.
Yeah.
This woman was being dishonest, Raymond.
She had a very dishonest vibe.
She looked at you and she said, I'm going to get over on him.
Right.
And I felt that right away.
Yeah.
It felt sketchy right away.
And it was kind of thing.
It was like, how does it feel sketchy right away?
How do you meet her on Tinder?
As we met on Tinder and she's like, um, we were having a rapport back and forth.
We actually got dirty right away.
I think she, she must have initiated.
I wasn't the guy to go, Hey, you want to see my dick?
Right.
But you know, we were sending dick pics and stuff back and forth.
And then she's like, uh, I think it was a school at the time or whatever.
Uh, and, um, I, we basically met up, uh, uh, Applebee's and, uh, yeah, I guess
we were
trying, it wasn't the best date, but she's like, you want to go watch a movie
at your
place?
And I'm like, sure.
Which is odd.
I mean, for her, for her on a first date, which is like, we met for like half
price apps
kind of thing.
It wasn't like, we didn't have like a two and a half hour dinner.
She was wowed by the half price apps.
Right.
I'm saying she initiated the movie at your place.
I knew it was like, this seems quick.
Right.
So I was like, but you know, I, this is the time when I was running and I was,
you know,
five miles a day and I was like in better shape.
So, you know, maybe she just wants some pipe.
Right.
Um, maybe not.
I mean, I could fuck.
I still can fuck, but I was like, I was, you know, it's possible.
I'm not a bad looking guy in that moment.
Yeah.
And, uh, but it raised a flag and then we get back to my place.
We watch, I think that Joan Rivers doc, uh, Oh, that piece of work.
Yeah.
Comedy doc.
Yeah.
And then we ended up, she's like, we ended up like she slept over her wanting
to go to
your home is a red flag.
Well, like that raised a flag.
Well, it's just very quick.
It wasn't like we usually, here's the thing.
Usually in my experience, maybe if you have a, a great jawline and a great body,
it's
a little more quick, but it's like, you know, you're hanging out, you're
building
rapport, you know, usually we drink it, but not like no one's getting too
we're drunk, we're drinking and you kind of that kind of, right.
And usually a few hours goes back.
You're hanging out.
A van pulls up.
You got a few people in there.
You put her in there.
It's a practical joke.
You explain to her that it's a joke.
Everything that's happening is a joke and that she's going to be okay.
And it's okay.
And you just say, these are your friends and they help you move.
And you've got a moving business on the side.
And then you put her in the van and then you explain to her that it's for her
own
good that you've restrained her because people could get hysterical and she can
hurt herself.
You just, you just don't want her to hurt herself.
So I understand that your usual process, notwithstanding.
It's usually is a little more of a, you know, you, you, you, it's a tug of war.
Literally.
It's a tug of war.
No, it's just, you're having a good time.
You're, you're, you're, you're, you're vibing.
I get it.
I understand.
And there really wasn't that much vibing.
When I talk to somebody online and they're too, you know, too eager, I'm like,
oh, you're
just trying to fucking, you want me to send you my bank account info.
Right.
And so, yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
So, you know, but she ended up like crashing on my bed and we like, you know, I
spooned
her or she probably took her top off or whatever.
We didn't fuck.
That's fine.
Like, whatever.
It was quick anyway.
It was soon anyway.
Right.
And then I think she left in the morning and then she like the next day,
like, like, you know, supposedly went to school to work or whatever.
She's like, oh, you want to hang out?
I was like, all right.
And she came over to my place and she was like, oh, you want to just like, I
don't have
anything to eat.
Like, you want, oh, you want to go to, oh, she's like, we can go to the
supermarket.
I'm like, all right.
So like, we start picking a few things up to make like, you know, salad.
And then she like, at one point grabs this really expensive, it was a weird
salad.
I think she wanted a salad.
Okay.
But like, she bought this really, she was buying this really expensive, like
dressing.
Okay.
It's like yogurt based dressing.
Ooh.
And she's like picking certain things out.
And that's when you said, that's when you knew.
Well, at that point, we got to the checkout and I basically, I forget exactly
how I signaled
it, but I was like, should I go separately?
Yeah, separate.
Yeah.
And she, yeah, because I could see she was like, she thought I was going to buy
everything
and she's just picking out her groceries.
This is a real moment in this relationship.
You are walking around a grocery store with her.
And this is what, where is this?
We've been like Holbrook area.
So you're, is it stop and shop or?
I think it's a stop and shop.
Yeah.
So you're at stop and shop with her.
Yeah.
She starts padding the wagon.
Yeah.
With high end items.
Right.
And then you get, now there's no discussion as to who will pay.
Right.
And yeah, but it seems, it seems like she's it's for more than just one night.
Uh, it seems like she's going to take this in my head.
Is she going to take this home with her now?
Maybe that, but was it more like, would it have just 