Name: 181- Low Cost, High Quality | The Tim Dillon Show
Uploaded: 2020-01-05T05:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '181- Low Cost, High Quality | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-01-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '181- Low Cost, High Quality | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-01-05. Transcript available.

181- Low Cost, High Quality | The Tim Dillon Show

Hi, I'm Timmy the Trash Can, and I love trash.
Popcorn boxes, cups, and candy wrappers.
Mmm, they all taste so good.
Instead of throwing your trash on the floor, won't you please give it to me?
Thank you for considering your fellow patrons.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
It is the final episode without video.
I know that a lot of the YouTube community, and what a disgusting coupling of
words, huh?
YouTube community is very upset that there's no video.
Video is coming.
Speaking of the YouTube community, I was flying back from New York to LA,
and I was boarding the plane, and they announced that we didn't have any Wi-Fi.
So I was just, I was trying to, I was downloading stuff on Netflix to watch,
and I was going through, you know, I was firing off my last tweets,
unless the plane goes down, and I saw this James Charles is over parties
trending,
and James Charles is apparently a beauty, he's a beauty guru
who's worth like $12 million, and he gives makeup tutorials on YouTube.
That's a big market.
I don't know when everyone went so fucking insane with the makeup,
where it's now, you know, making people tens of millions of dollars.
I like when people wear makeup.
It's nice when people look good.
I'm a capitalist pig.
I don't mind walking to a glossy department store
and having a bunch of people spray cologne in my face.
I like that.
I like it, because you get in their face,
get in that little woman's face and go,
can I eat it?
Can I taste it?
Go spray it on my back.
And then they always kind of flinch,
and then it's fun.
I don't mind any of that.
I just don't know when beauty consultations became
like a billion-dollar industry.
These people are making so much fucking money,
and I don't even know.
James Charles, I guess he's a gay dude,
but when you look at him, he pres-
I don't even know.
Between the plastic surgery and the makeup now,
everybody looks like a character from Babes in Toyland,
so I don't even know what people are anymore.
Like, I don't even know what people-
Nobody has their original face.
Everybody is made up.
They look like they're a character from, you know,
March of the Wooden Soldiers.
I have no idea anymore.
Is this person trans?
Are they non-binary?
Are they gay?
I don't even know.
Especially on YouTube.
You barely know anymore.
But this guy,
they tried to cancel him once,
and I don't know why.
They said he was a sexual predator,
which I don't think was backed up by anything.
It might have been.
I mean, Contra Pointers did a video today,
that YouTuber that I like,
and she was like,
that basically this other makeup vlogger,
whatever you call them,
accused this guy, James Charles.
And there's a reason I'm talking about all this,
by the way.
And again,
it would be easy to ignore all of this shit,
but these people are making oodles of fucking money.
I mean,
they're making a lot of money,
so you can't ignore all of it.
Like,
you can't just ignore everything,
because it is culture,
and something's going on.
You look around the world,
you're like,
something is going on
when videos of people opening a present
are getting 100 million views,
and people's lives are so empty
that they want to watch somebody else
take something out of a box.
There's a problem here.
It's a big problem.
You can't ignore it.
You can't just say,
well,
it's just the kids.
The kids are wacky.
I think it's something else.
I think there's something deeply,
there's a psychosis we're entering,
and I have an interest in exploring
why and how we're entering it.
I don't think it's just the same thing
as like people not getting the Beatles.
Okay?
When the biggest YouTube videos
are children like watching people
crumble chalk in their hands.
I think there's maybe an issue.
There's an underlying issue here
that we should explore.
So for those of you who are like,
well, I don't know any about
D.J. Dolph.
Oh, look.
Shut up.
Go make a top 10 list of movies
for the decade, you idiot.
Who asked any of you to do that,
by the way?
Who came to you and said,
hey, Bill,
can you rank your top 10 movies
of the decade
and put it on Facebook
so that I can read them aloud
to my family?
I mean,
what kind of psycho?
By the way,
you rank a top 10 movies
of the decade,
I immediately know
you're mentally ill.
I immediately know
you should go in a cage
and be locked away forever
because you put out
your top 10 films
of the decade.
Ew.
Here's for my money.
These are the top 10 films
of the...
Shut up.
Stop ranking,
making lists.
The top 10 films
of the decade.
Who cares
what you have to say?
You 386 Facebook friends.
What are you looking
for a fight?
You looking for somebody
to go,
I don't think
I'm cut gems
what should make it.
Well,
what are you looking for?
You that hungry
for interaction
that you're throwing
at your...
Or what do you expect?
Somebody's going to go,
this was a brilliant list,
Tom.
This was very smart.
I forgot about
some of the movies
from the beginning
of the decade
that you remembered.
You're sharp.
I always said that
to my wife.
I said,
Tom Sharp
can't wait
for his year-end list.
James Charles,
they tried to cancel him once.
Contra points
was basically like,
listen,
the dude's not
a sexual predator.
Somebody accused him
of trying to convince
straight guys they're gay.
Every gay guy,
myself included,
wants to hook up
with straight guys.
That's just a reality.
So,
that's not the same thing
as being a sexual predator.
Okay?
I mean,
I guess if you tie them
to a thing or whatever,
that's not good.
But,
it's not the same thing.
but now they try
to cancel the dude.
And I have no,
I don't know who the dude is.
I'm not a fan
of whatever he does.
But now they're canceling it
because he's,
he supposedly,
somebody found a video
of him singing
the N-word
on New Year's Eve
that's in a song.
Like they,
they,
on his Instagram story,
supposedly he sang along
with a rap song
and there was an N-word
in it
and they're canceling
over there.
By the way,
is there anything less
like,
is there anything,
to me,
is there,
like,
is there anything
that flies in the face
of whatever the spirit
of rap and hip-hop
is supposed to be
that a bunch of rats
online,
like a bunch of rats
and tattletales online
trying to,
like when that,
when that rapper,
I forget who did it,
was it ASAP?
Not probably.
Who was the rapper
that brought the chick
up on stage?
We're in a car right now,
so Ben can't look it up.
Was it Kendrick Lamar
who's a great rapper
but he brings a chick
up on stage,
he sings the N-word
along with a song
and he like,
he used it as a
teachable moment.
It's like,
dude,
what kind of rap
is this?
What kind of
tattletale
fucking rat shit
is this?
And I don't think
white people should
use the N-word
but like,
are you really
scouring people's
Instagram stories
to catch them
singing along with it?
And you people are like,
oh yeah,
Tim,
you're a fucking
fat white guy
from the suburbs.
Are you going to
tell us what
the spirit of rap
is?
Yes.
We bought all
the albums.
Yes,
I'm exactly going to
tell you what
the spirit of rap
is.
Spirit of rap
is me and my
friends driving
around and my
friend Mike
Morris'
mother's Saturn
and listening
to G-Unit
and going,
G-G-G-Unit
and going to
private school.
So,
that's what it is
because we
respected the
code of the
streets.
We respected
loyalty.
There was an
idea of people
that came from
shitty environments
that were tough
and we respected
them.
It was toxic
masculinity.
You're damn
right it was.
But we respected
it.
It wasn't some
cunty rat
behavior where
you go online
and you find
this fucking
guy who's
singing along
to the N-word,
which again,
I'm not for,
I'm not saying
say the N-word,
but it seems
like a low
threshold to
cancel someone
now in the
culture that
we're in.
Seems pretty
low of a
threshold to
throw somebody
out.
You can
accidentally
sing along
with the
N-word.
It's just
what happens.
I,
you know,
rap was,
rap,
you know,
is supposed
to be like
cool,
you know,
because it's,
Giannis Pappas
made a great
point on the
last podcast.
He's like,
when you're
sitting in a
fucking Applebee's
and Journey
comes on and
a bunch of
white people
start swaying,
you want to
kill yourself.
So then you
go find cool
things like
rap music
that talks
about an
experience that
you didn't
grow up with
because you
grew up in
a pussy
white,
who cares
ville,
and rap
is,
you know,
and now
everybody,
I get it,
everyone that's
a rapper
now went to
a nicer
school than
I did.
We went to
Catholic
school where
the teachers
used to make
out with the
kids.
But these
rappers,
you know,
half of
them went
to like
good schools
and it's
all digital
marketing and
whatever,
and you
know,
Doja Cat's
a partner
at Goldman
Sachs.
But I get
that it's not
what it was,
but still,
even for what
it is to
just be a
straight up
rat,
isn't that
supposed to,
I mean,
Tekashi,
whatever his
name is,
he goes in,
he rats out
everybody.
It's like,
that's supposed
to be not
cool.
that's not
supposed to
be the
move,
is to rat
out everybody.
And I have
nothing to say
about James
Charles,
either way,
whatever,
whatever,
the guy's
made $12
million painting
his face.
Good for
him.
He's made
12 sticks
painting his
face.
Jeffree Star,
all these people
have made,
they have 18,
19 million
YouTube subscribers.
I had no
idea how
big of a
deal beauty
and glamour
was.
Because I go
out in the
real world
and everybody
looks like
shit.
So who is
watching these
things and
internalizing them
and taking them
seriously?
I mean,
I guess,
you know,
the argument
doesn't hold up
because,
you know,
fitness people,
a lot of people
are watching that,
but, you know,
the country is,
two-thirds of the
people in the
country can't lift
their leg.
So I understand
that it doesn't
always trickle
down to the
streets.
I sat next to a
British guy on
the plane the
other day and
there's a,
and there's a,
and speaking of
canceling people,
I want to cancel
this type of,
let's be,
a lot of British
people are
disgusting.
I'm going to
come out and
say that right
now and I
know a lot of
people are going
to be angry
at me.
A lot of
people from
the UK,
and I
specifically
mean Britain,
are disgusting.
There's not a
lot of attractive
British women.
There's just
not.
There's just,
it's what it
is.
I'm not
trying to get
anyone upset.
The teeth are
all fucked up.
They,
they're not
hot people.
Okay.
And there's
this brand of
British hipster
that people do
think is hot
with like the
man bun and
they got like
mangy,
gnarled hair
and they're
dressed like a
hipster in like
a black and
white striped
shirt with
leather boots.
And you
know,
their father
is,
you know,
some lord
that sacrifices
children and
they're,
they're hanging
out in like
Battersea or
some fun
hipstery place
in Britain.
And I just,
they're just
disgusting people.
They're eating
fish pudding.
They're,
they're disgusting.
I'm here to tell
you the truth.
It's that type of
British hipster.
They always have
a man bun.
They have a
man bun.
Their idol is
like Russell
Brand.
They want to be
like the worldly
guy that even
though he's white,
he's into
transcendental
meditation and
he understands
what a bad
boy white
he's been.
So to me,
it's a real,
it's a real
problem.
And I want to
cancel these
people.
I want them
gone.
And I'm not
saying a
genocide.
I just don't
want to sit
next to them
anymore.
I don't want
to sit next
to them
anymore on
planes.
I'm a little
sick of it.
I'm a little
sick of their
emaciated
girlfriend who
looks like she
needs to eat
and she can't
eat because
all the food
in the country
is absolutely
repulsive
unless it's
curry,
unless it's
Indian food.
And she's
dating this
fucking
pretentious,
disgusting
waif
with his
man bun
and his
hair that
he hasn't
washed in
a week,
whose profile
picture is
probably Greta
Thunberg
because he's
a pedophile,
but he's
just using
climate change.
I just have
had enough
with them.
I've had
enough with
them looking
like shit
and acting
like they
invented the
world when
you look
like shit,
total shit.
take a
shower.
You
dirtbag.
It's the
type of guy
that brings
out an
acou