Name: #185 - Stunning Estate | The Tim Dillon Show
Uploaded: 2020-02-02T05:00:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '#185 - Stunning Estate | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '#185 - Stunning Estate | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-02. Transcript available.

#185 - Stunning Estate | The Tim Dillon Show

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the tim dylan show here from the new studio i'm
wearing a blue
shirt to contrast from the black background uh i do not work at best buy but
fuck you to the
person who said that um let's kind of address the ari shafir tweet because a
lot of people are
talking about it and it's been a you know a lot of people are kind of reacting
to it let me read
this very controversial tweet ari shafir wrote aretha franklin showed
generations of black people
that big can be beautiful dooming them to a diabetes epidemic roast in hell
monster um again
it's a lot and i can understand why that angered certain people aretha franklin's
an icon maybe one
of the greatest singers songwriters of all time and not songwriters but she's
you know she's a performer
uh she's amazing she's an icon and i totally understand why some people were
not appreciative
of ari's uh insinuation that somehow her being a big woman uh somehow made
diabetes prevalent in the
black community and that uh somehow that she was somehow responsible for that i
i i i do understand
why people are angry about that and i think that ari does as well and you know
he's faced some
consequences for that tweet um why are you laughing that's what what what is
funny about that nothing
because i don't think it was that funny no it wasn't it's very offensive about
aretha franklin
that's why people are angry with him right yeah is that is that not it i mean
you're saying is it is
there's i mean you're looking at me like i'm wrong what well you know about the
the cope people are mad
at him about the kobe thing what what did he say about kobe he said kobe died
28 years too late
fuck the lakers fuck kobe he's kind of celebrating that kobe died i don't know
if you saw that that's
why people are upset yeah yeah that's what it is yeah the day i thought they
dug up the aretha franklin
tweet they're mad at him about yeah get it up what he said about cope this is
crazy to me
i had no idea i thought they found an aretha franklin tweet
let's see let me find this here um kobe bryant died 23 years too late today he
got away with rape
because all the hollywood liberals who attack comedy enjoy rooting for the lakers
more than they
dislike rape big ups to the hero who forgot to gas up his chopper i hate the lakers
what a great day
hashtag the lakers that's why people are angry yeah i get it now because i had
thought that they were
angry because they dug up the aretha franklin death tweet well folks i'm
kidding of course that's our
opening bits i i know what happened i'm not out of it i'm well aware of what's
going on i you know i'm
like anyone else i you know i'm like any other american i just you know survive
in a haze of junk
food and self-hatred and then every now and then i perk right up when i hear
that uh there's a controversy
and i get my ears and eyes peeled and i you know feel things because that's
what we all need to feel
things now we need we need rage to just feel it's not enough to be like oh it's
a sunny day we need to
feel like something is being you know happening and unfolding in front of us we
love that we like a
controversy we like a fight we like uh you know so i think that that his tweet
if when i look at it i go
you know you know i would not have said that i mean that's but ari is
consistent with that bit that he does
where when somebody dies he says some the most up thing he can say about the
person um and he does
it rather immediately like this is what he does after every single notable
person dies or celebrity
dies he goes and he tweets something really heinous as their body is still warm
and i think
this is clearly by far the most flack he's ever gotten for it because this is
the biggest person
he's ever said it about you know kobe's you know an icon the whole entire city
of los angeles is
mourning we have friends that i've been really upset because they've been like
kobe was like a father
to me which that also doesn't make sense that's also ari saying the wrong thing
but that's also insane
on the other side to say this guy's your dad if you when you have a dad you can't
it's not he's not
your dad just what it is he said he's an iconic figure and i and i get that
everyone's processing it
in different ways but there's people i've seen on twitter that have been like
he's like a member of my
family what huh i'm lost but i do get the importance of the the guy and you
know now i think you know
people are his parents have been doxxed people are calling in bomb threats to
the venues he's
performing at i mean it is you know i mean the internet they they get it
popping they really do
i mean they don't waste any time trying to dismantle your life when something
like that happens uh
you know i remember when dina hashem made a joke about xxx tension the rapper
and she had to make
all of her accounts private because you know like black emo teenagers were
threatening to kill her
or something i don't know who that guy's fan base was but i mean hey i get it i've
made a few jokes
about billy eilish and you know people of her you know young goth women have
you know surrounded me
you know to roscoe's chicken and waffles and i've taken many many beating for
that you know i've taken a
i've taken some body blows for i've just not a huge fan of the music that's all
um
ari is a funny guy he's been a good person to me um as a as another comic he's
always been somebody
who's looked out i think for comics he's introduced me to people he showed my
stuff to people he is not
but i i i do understand why people i'll never understand why somebody docks
someone's parents
i mean i'll never understand why somebody goes online and tries to um like
people that had nothing to do
with this like ari's parents survived the holocaust like they had nothing i
think his dad survived the
heart like they had nothing to do it's not like his dad's texting him what to
say about kobe bryant
um it so it's so absurd that anybody would do that that being said i i know why
people are angry and upset
about it and um you know hey i mean
i think that we should all choose our words carefully when someone has died
that is a beloved figure you
gotta choose your words carefully now you know i i have a video where i say
that megan mccain
will only have sex with her father and i say that she'll fuck his corpse she'll
fuck his corpse daddy and that's a video i have right i say that megan mccain
will only have
sexual relations with her father's corpse so and it's like you know fun it's
like a funny video to me
i understand maybe why somebody but i didn't do it the day he died but i i'm
clearly not gonna get on
like a moral high horse about like what type of things people can say i'm sure
there's things that
i've said or will say that might get people you know what are you gonna do you
know i you know i mean
so i wish him the best i've kind of been not paying attention to this as much
as
you know i should or i really shouldn't no one should pay attention to anything
in my book
just fucking turn it off turn it off i've been watching real estate shows for
the past 72 hours
i've been watching real estate shows based in la million dollar listing uh
selling sunset and what
i like about these shows they're not about anything uh none of the characters
are particularly memorable
they all try to be that's the thing with like these reality shows they try to
be quirky or different but
they're not um the only reason people watch these is it's real estate porn and
they shoot the houses so
beautifully and everything about la is sun drenched and gorgeous and then it's
and then when you walk
around i like even some of these nice houses they're just boxes and dirt that's
what a lot of them are
especially when we go up to the hollywood hills they're just concrete boxes
that someone's stuck in a mound of
cat litter and they put little infinity pools outside and everybody pays 10
million dollars to live there
but it's really when you see it it does it's not nearly as impressive as this
beautiful seductive
style of shooting where because ben always tells me oh we can't shoot in the
middle of the day because
it's too sunny but somehow the bravo team has found a way to like like it's
sexual
and they so why is that why can we never do it but they can do it is because
their equipment is better
well they have a forty thousand dollar camera okay so that's that's what why do
you talk like that well
you don't talk like that in real life you go they have a 40 000 i didn't talk
like deep and i listen
back i don't think i sound like that you never speak the way you're speaking
right now i listen back
these shows they're so vapid and they're not real like none of the negotiations
are real
because the negotiations are all very like you're at 10 5 we got to find a way
to get to 13. we got
to find a way to get to 13.5 we're a million apart it's too far we're just too
far apart we got to
make a deal work but the real negotiations i feel like are like listen this is
all chinese blood money
they can't get this amount of money out of the country immediately you're gonna
need to take a few
contingencies on this deal okay this guy's on the run he just poisoned a river
they want him for genocide
but he loves infinity pools so he wants this property but he could be in the un
criminal court
soon at the hague i mean they want him for torture i mean literally but he adores
this property he likes
the finishes he loves the onyx table he loves it it's got multiple exposures he
loves it it's one of the
the best streets in beverly hills but you got to give him some time to get the
money out of the country
because he's being accused of genocide he's just being accused of genocide but
he adores that he can
get 3 000 feet of outdoor living space because that's a lot to get i explained
this to him i explained this
to him while he was sawing off the arm of one of his political opponents i said
will you just cut the
buzzsaw down for a minute and listen to me you're getting 3 000 feet of outdoor
living space in the
hills this is big no one gets this not for this price point because that's who's
buying a lot of these
properties it's dictators it's blood money a lot of this is but that's why the
real estate show should
just be called blood money it should be called blood money and it should be
about people talking about
that they now have to sell these high-end properties to uh third world the
dictators of third world
countries that's what the show should be it should be blood money you should be
like there's a lot of
powerful people in the world and sometimes they have to leave their countries
after a coup but they love
the sexy los angeles sun so we're selling them hot properties sure many of them
have been accused
credibly of genocide and poisoning entire races of people but one thing they
love is a nice view
so come on and watch blood money they'll be like the only people that can
really afford these high
and it'll just be a realtor be like a good looking realtor with like hot manolo
blonic shoes she'll be
sitting on sunset boulevard and she'll be like you know some of the only people
that can afford these
properties right now are murderers i mean real murderers i'm not even talking
about oj i mean they've done
shit i'm talking about biblical proportions i mean they've laid down hundreds
of thousands if not
millions of people but they're coming like michael bloomberg i remember who
like delusional people
think is going to be the president like how nuts do you have to be to think
bloomberg has a shot
or how rich because that's also i've my friend's parents are very wealthy and
they're like we like
bloomberg and it's like yeah of course you do um so how rich or how insane do
you have to be to think
bloomberg is a shot bloomberg said about new york city he's like bring all the
billionaires we want
them all we want them all and like you have to realize it's like yeah but some
of them have done some
dirty deeds you know we want