Name: #186 - Blagojevich | The Tim Dillon Show
Uploaded: 2020-02-09T05:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '#186 - Blagojevich | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '#186 - Blagojevich | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-09. Transcript available.

#186 - Blagojevich | The Tim Dillon Show

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the tim dylan show live from chicago illinois
broadcasting here
from the heart of america five sold out shows at zany's thank you guys we're
having a lot of fun
over there um also if you want to catch me in toronto those tickets are almost
sold out but
i'll be there for valentine's day and if you've seen my act you know that
nothing gets the pussies
wetter than my act i am a i am an act where you just fuck right afterwards
maybe during so just
know that i am an act for romance so if it's your first date or if you're
trying to rekindle a flame
from a marriage that has just gone the wrong way especially the latter if you're
in a failing marriage
my set might either expedite that process where you just walk out and go i don't
even want to see
you again or it might rekindle that old flame that you had when you both met
each other years and years
ago um but those tickets are valentine's day in toronto um i was watching the
democratic debate last
night uh watching what happened in iowa is great this is the year of who gives
a fuck
this is the year that the illuminati just doesn't care they're just they're
going balls to the wall
they're losing power they're it's not working the ruling class they're it just
they don't need to
disguise things the way they used to epstein hung himself in the cell uh the
app's not tabulating
votes what's the app called it's called go fuck yourself that's what it's
called it's called the
shadow app i love it it's just fun you have to enjoy it now yes there's
elements of it that should
depress you as it is the crumbling of our civil order to an extent but you
gotta love it the shadow
app by acronym can't tabulate the votes in the iowa caucus they just they don't
even take any care or
concern with the name when they're coming up with this when langley virginia
sends people out there to
go work in tech firms and they come up with these fucking startups so whitney
webb's written all about
this this is the future by the way this isn't like a uh you know this is a an
anomaly it's not an
anomaly all of these tech firms are getting into voting how are we going to
vote they're all building
election technology and it's going to be used and manipulated so that it says
whatever it wants i'm
telling you right now they're not going to let trump happen again they're going
to try not to
they're going to do the best they can to limit people's ability to vote and and
you're seeing it's
just going to fucking happen i mean it's just kind of hilarious um you know and
then of course who do
all the votes go to they go to mayor pete mayor pete who's the president of a
town that's not even real
south bend indiana is not real doesn't exist if you go to where they say south
bend indiana is on a map
you'll be turned away by military police my friend did it last week you're
turned away by military police
there's a bunch of tents and there's guys standing outside with guns but there's
no south bend indiana
it doesn't exist if it exists it's a city that's built under washington dc that's
it i'm telling you
that right now and mayor pete who couldn't be more of a cia shill in that race
he could not be more
of i and i love like his quote where it goes yeah i had an interview with the cia
i really botched that
did you did you pete i've only known you for uh for a little while i think you
probably did very well
he's their guy in the race you could tell he's coming out there with that
strong neoliberal position
he loves war he's ready to you know we gotta just keep the economy uh servicing
people that have
billions of dollars this is the establishment position cia works for the
establishment all they do
essentially is pave the way for billionaires and corporations that's pretty
much what they do it's
what they've done all over the world it's what they do in america they're just
hired guns cia is
just hired guns okay they're doing the it's not all wet work it's not all
killing people it's not all
knocking people over although some of it is that but a lot of it is cultural it's
you know who's the guy
that we're gonna find that we're gonna blackmail or that you know once it's so
bad we don't even have
to blackmail them and somebody said something about mayor pete once to me which
stuck with me this was
a well-placed person um in a in a pretty you know established family that has
money and he said the real
scary guys are the mayor pete's of the world they're the guys without money and
without connections but
they want it so bad that they will do anything he said those are the truly
terrifying people
you know people that come from nowhere come from nothing you know a lot of
these people by the way
that's how they are thrust onto the national stage they're the mayor of a town
you've never heard of
well why do a bunch of millionaires and billionaires love the mayor why do they
love the gay mayor of
south bend indiana why is that guy their their choice what exactly about him
excites a bunch of
billionaires is it that uh they want the first gay president perhaps but why
why do they want the first
is it because they they care about uh human rights no it's because it's a great
way to sidestep
any meaningful critiques of somebody and this is why you have like identity
politics happening in
the way it does where we just elevate people based on their sexuality their
race their gender and it
doesn't matter what they believe who cares what they believe doesn't matter i
you know my friend we talk
about this uh a comedian that we kind of know she's like a lesbian she's muslim
but you know when you
see iraq you know what it all comes down to that she likes hats that's all it
is she doesn't have a
specific particular perspective it's that she enjoys hats she talks about her
hat i like wearing hats
my friend ryan likes hats they're the same person they're essentially the same
person she just happens
to be pakistanian lesbian it doesn't give you a perspective but pete is their
man in the race you
can tell you can feel it it's if that's it's your instinct and you're correct
they didn't think he was
going to be the president they thought biden would get the nod or maybe warren
would get the nod pete was
supposed to be a vp this is what i think happened i think pete was going to be
a vp they want one of their
guys in the white house they want one of them in the white house if it's not in
the oval they want
somebody the billionaire cartels the people that own the corporations own the
land own the resources
employ the cia those people want a uh a sympathetic ear in that building
whether it's the the vice president
or the president and buddha judge was the guy clean uh a gay guy
married south bend indiana midwest served in the armed forces he has the resume
you know probably turned into a cia asset when he was overseas maybe not who
knows
and people don't understand when you're an asset of the cia it doesn't
necessarily mean
that you're sitting down in langley virginia taking orders although you could
be uh it means that you're
on their team and they're going to do everything they can to help you whether
you know it or not
and and he's the dude 100 percent he's the guy mayor pete is the guy that they
want and i don't think
they i don't think they figured that joe biden was going to implode the way he
did because biden is
he's completely senile he has no idea what he's talking about he's smelling the
hair of children
he's making out with his niece uh this is what he's doing i mean he's full
throat making out with
his granddaughter on stage no one no one knew that was going to happen nobody
figured that they were
like well you know he kind of kept this under wraps during the obama
administration uh but he's just deep
throat fucking open mouth kissing his relatives on stage he's you know massaging
people he's a creepy
old guy i don't i don't think he's a pedophile i just don't think he knows what's
going on anymore
i think he's maybe in the early stages of dementia um i don't know what's
happening to him i just think
he's completely falling apart his senses are crossing i don't know i don't know
why you're smelling
someone's hair on a debate stage i don't know why you're picking up children
and you know squeezing
them till they pop whatever the problem is nobody anticipated that that was
gonna fucking go as left
as it did um warren's unforced errors are amazing because he you gotta realize
there's billionaires
watching this the way that you watch the super bowl they watch this the way
that you watch the super
bowl and they go i can't believe who is allowing this to happen this took a dna
test to prove that
she was uh a native american it comes back she's not like no one forced her to
do it no one put a gun
in her mouth and forced her to do it these people like the guys who own raytheon
and general dynamics
and boeing they're all like what the is this doing she's throwing the game
and they can't have that so you gotta back a guy like mayor pete now mayor pete
is a cool cautious
you know cerebral guy hard to put him on the fence but you know spent all his
money in iowa they wanted
a big showing in iowa but make no mistake none of this is an accident i don't
believe that i don't
believe any of this is just happenstance i think that part of the problem is
that people don't yet
realize where we're at because everything the economy is good and people are
largely employed even though
not a jobs that they want the ruling class in this country is losing power the
people are turning
against the government really maybe for the first time since the 1960s are you
seeing movements being
built where the aim is to upend the social order people are tight donald trump
was a wrecking ball
that people threw at the system they didn't want hillary they didn't want jeb
they don't want joe biden
so if you're a billionaire what are you what are you to do you know you you
have to find somebody that
these people are going to coalesce behind you have to find an obama you have to
find somebody who is
going to have you know the gravitas to keep the train running because otherwise
it gets messy
trump it's messy sanders it'll be messy when you have an anti-establishment guy
in there
that's willing to call out the cia call out the fbi when you're willing to go
to those links to
totally remake society starting with your own political party trump remade the
republican party
sanders will have to remake the democratic party democrat big democrat donors
are losing their
minds i know somebody who works you know in a company where like john kerry's a
partner
and you know john kerry was was uh on the phone the other day somebody overheard
his conversation
he's like i mean what should i run what are we going to do like these guys are
losing their grasp
on their party they're losing their grasp on the country and you're starting to
see so then they have
to fight back they can't just they're not going to go quietly into the night
that's not what having
billions you don't amass billions of dollars by being agreeable they're not
just going to step aside
they're going to have to kick up some dirt and they're going to do everything
they can they've
thrown a lot of at trump none of it is stuck trump is a corrupt guy he spent
years and years
hold on chicago there's a ambulance in chicago every somebody shot in chicago
every 15 minutes
so this is why there's ambulances going on but they threw everything at trump
nothing stuck
now maybe when he's out of office something will stock a stick i don't know i
have no doubt that
there is corrupt dealings that they could unearth by the way and i have no
doubt if they looked at
obama or clinton it's the same thing okay but what are they going to throw at bernie
so the first
thing they threw at bernie was this kerfuffle in iowa where an app couldn't tabulate
all the votes
and the late reporting precincts all broke for bernie sanders you you know what
this is
you know what it is bernie could ha