Name: Emergency Broadcast - Corona Call-Ins
Uploaded: 2020-03-12T08:33:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Emergency Broadcast - Corona Call-Ins' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-03-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Emergency Broadcast - Corona Call-Ins' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-03-12. Transcript available.

Emergency Broadcast - Corona Call-Ins

Hello. Yes, Dr. Steve, thank you for calling. How are you?
I'm good. How are you? Do you want me to Skype in or is this okay?
This is fine. Okay. Doctor, how fucked
are we?
Not as fucked as we could be, that's for sure.
You know, the influenza
pandemic of 1918, which this is different than,
but that was the biggest pandemic, the
deadliest on record.
Killed 50 million people worldwide,
1% of the world's population,
which meant 99% of people didn't die.
You know? And so it's the sort of magic
of these giant numbers. It's hard for us to imagine
100,000, much less 5 billion, which was the population
of the Earth at the time. But even though 99%
people didn't die, that still meant 50 million
people across the world died. And that was Spanish flu.
So that was the so-called Spanish flu. That's right.
So this thing is a little different in that kids are being totally spared.
There's not been a single death, at least
the last data that I got, of any child under the age of 10
succumbing to this disease, in other words, dying from it.
And if you're 10 to 19 years old, you've got a 0.2% chance of dying.
0.2%. That means 99.8% chance you won't die.
Maybe those odds, we would, you know, you'd go to Vegas and get everything.
So right now, it's still early, even though it doesn't seem like it, but we're
still
gathering information, looking like the average mortality on this thing is
about 3%.
And I'm right in the average, because I'm 64 years old.
So the average mortality for 63 year olds are 3.6%.
And that seems to be sort of when you factor in 80 year olds have a 15% chance
of dying
and four year olds have a 0% chance of dying.
When you average it all out, it's about 3%.
So the way it looks is most people won't get this.
And the vast majority of people who do get it will not die from it.
That being said, right now, good, continue.
I didn't, I don't even have to ask.
Good, now.
It's going to disrupt the F out of our lives for a while.
There's no question about that.
Are the comedians still considering doing shows mentally ill?
They seem mentally ill that they're all debating about doing shows.
I mean, it seems like guys, it's the fucking, it's the plague.
And we're all talking about shows.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, you got to live too.
That's the thing.
That's the thing that's going to be hard for this.
You're going to have people who are sick and they know they're sick and they're
going to go to work delivering food for, you know, for grub hub or bite squad
because they, they got to make a living.
And that's how some of this stuff will get transferred.
I mean, you know, there are going to be people that will work despite it.
And, you know, that's why we have those hepatitis A outbreaks every once in a
while because some pastry chef decides that he needs to work even though he's
got hepatitis A, you know.
What are, how communicable is this in terms of it is an airborne pathogen.
What does that mean?
It lives in the air.
So all of these masks don't do anything, right?
And people bumping out.
No, no, no.
It's not really true.
It's not really true.
It's droplets.
So it's not really airborne in the sense that it just covers in the air.
So, uh, I've been using the analogy, you know, if, if I'm standing in a room
and let's just say it's football field size, I'm the only person in the room, I'm
standing in the middle of it.
And I cough, I will spew out, um, droplets, right.
And they will all have billions of copies of this virus that they're just
waiting to catch the place, but they will all fall to the ground.
So if I cough on you and it ends up on your lip, then, you know, you would have
wished that you wore a mask at that moment.
You were going to really wish that that idiot that coughed on you and coughed a
droplet onto your lip was the person wearing the mask.
So if you get sick, you got to isolate yourself and you got to wear the mask if
you're out and, you know, if you're going to the doctor or whatever.
So masks, those are the people you need to wear.
So masks can help.
Oh yeah, they, they help the person who's infected from transmitting it to
other people.
So if what you're going to see in these hospitals, when someone goes in the
hospital, they're going to put a, if a medical professional or a nurse, well, I
mean nurses or medical professionals.
I mean, if any caregiver, anybody comes into that room, they're going to have
the patient put their mask on.
And that's relatively unprecedented for droplet transmission, but that's, that's,
that's, that's the new thing that's coming down the pipe is have the patient
put their mask on when you walk in.
Now, um, you, if you wear a mask and you're asymptomatic, you're not a complete
idiot.
If you're one of these people that can't keep your dumb fingers out of your
mouth.
So the mask can be helpful for you to prevent you from sticking your fingers in
your mouth and your nose and your eye.
You know, this is a reminder, you know, some people, you know, I don't know,
cross their fingers to remember something or whatever.
It's the same sort of thing.
So it can be useful for that too.
But you're right, as far as just walking around, it's not going to do anything.
People are very, uh, contagious, even when they're asymptomatic.
This seems to be one of the biggest problems.
You can be high, you have a high viral load or whatever it is, uh, even when
you have no symptoms.
So you're going out and transmitting the disease to higher risk people without
even knowing it.
How do you fight?
Right, going about your daily business.
How do you fight that?
I mean, that seems to be something you can't really fight other than just not
going out.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, um, it's tough when you have asymptomatic transmission.
I was just on another show and we were talking about how we defeated smallpox.
And the way we defeated smallpox was there were no asymptomatic carriers.
If someone got smallpox, they were shedding virus when they showed the lesion.
So you would go identify them and vaccinate everyone around them.
And the other thing that we had on our side was the vaccine was very rapid act.
You know, it inferred immunity very quickly.
So we went and vaccinated everybody around.
And we didn't have to vaccinate everybody in the world.
We just had to vaccinate around people that had the virus so that we created a
moat beyond which the virus didn't cross.
And, uh, the virus died out and we haven't had a case of smallpox in decades in
this world.
So that would be much harder with a virus that has asymptomatic transmission.
In other words, where you can transmit it before you know you're sick.
Let me ask.
And, uh, so just, so the way that you prevent it, well, you asked, let me, let
me answer that question.
So the way that you fight it is universal precaution.
Whether you're around someone who's sick or not, if you, first off, stop
shaking hands.
That, it's a stupid, um, tradition that you're, the only reason you do it is to
show that you don't have a weapon in your hand.
That's the only reason we started shaking hands.
It came from, you know, medieval times.
So that, it just, let's just stop that and start bowing to each other or just
wave.
Even the knuckle bump is too much touching for me.
Right.
Um, well, the country where they bow to each other started this whole problem,
but go on.
I know.
You're right.
You're right.
You're right.
There's no question that, that, that what you just said is completely true, but
still, um, uh, any unnecessary touching.
Uh, if you do touch something, anything, because there's droplets everywhere,
wash your hands before you stick your dumb fingers in your mouth and wash your
hands before you eat.
Um, uh, if you can't get Purell because people have brought up cases of it, I
don't know how much Purell they think they need.
Uh, soap and water will kill this virus every time.
And cleaning surfaces and those kinds of, any, any public surfaces, uh, you
know, if you sit down at a, um,
at a table, it's totally cool to, you know, to, uh, have them off, wash it off
before you sit down, that kind of stuff.
And that's how you fight something that's not a systematic transmission is you
prevent yourself from getting it.
And if everybody does that, then we can really slow this down.
Now, how far away do you think something like a vaccine is possible for this?
And how far away would we be from it?
We're not that far away, actually, but the problem is scaling it up, right?
So they synthesize, well, let me back up.
They sequence the, the, uh, genetic material for the spike protein.
With the spike protein, if you've ever seen electron micro, uh, microscopy of a
coronavirus,
they've got these little spikes.
And those spikes are the things that attach to your cell.
And then through that, they inject their, uh, genetic material into your cell
that makes
billions of copies of the cell.
And, um, if, uh, so they, they sequence that very quickly.
And then from that sequence, they were able to actually make the protein.
So now we can, uh, make bacteria, just make the, the spike protein.
It's harmless by itself.
And that's your vaccine.
That could be your vaccine.
If when you inject that into people, they form antibodies to it.
And those antibodies then turn around and prevent the virus from, from
attacking our cells.
And that would be the hallmark of a, of a successful vaccine.
And we have the building blocks right now.
Now, so do we just make 350 million, uh, doses and start handing it out to
people?
No, you can't do that.
You got to test it, make sure it works.
You got to make sure it's safe.
And then let's say that they do that.
So two months from now, they show that they were able to prevent transmission
in a certain
population of people that got the vaccine.
Um, now you've got to scale this thing up.
So if you're going to vaccinate, let's say the whole country.
Then you have to have 350 million little vials, 350 million labels.
I mean, it's, this is not a trivial thing.
Right.
And, uh, if you're going to vaccinate the world, we're talking about 7 billion
little vials,
you know?
So, uh, what they'll do initially is they'll vaccinate vulnerable populations
and they'll
vaccinate around people like new Rochelle.
They got a hundred cases there, I heard, and they're sort of, uh, coordinating,
getting
ready to coordinate off.
They would go through and, uh, and vaccinate people that have, would have come
in contact
with those people.
And that's how they'll do this.
So that way you don't have to vaccinate everyone in the world right off the bat
to slow this
thing or stop it.
They said that some people are estimating between 70 and 150 million people
become infected.
Do you think those are accurate numbers?
Well, okay, so if we go with the 10% in the pandemic of influenza, that would
be, um, so 10% would
be, what, 700 million people, right?
So that, is that right?
Let me see.
Let me ask, um, let me ask my Echo.
Echo, what's 10% of 7 billion?
It's 700 million, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let me see.
She's telling me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, so that'd be 700 million.
Your Echo has coronavirus.
Your Echo is like, doctor, I have fallen ill.
Well, if we were on Skype, you could hear her too.
Yeah.
She'd answer for it.
But, um, yeah, so that would be a pretty astounding number of cases.
You know, the worst cases, we all get it.
And the worst, then, so 7 billion people get it, an average mortality rate's
about 3%.
That would completely overwhelm all of the, um, uh, healthcare systems in the
world.
And so there would be more deaths than that just because of that.
So, and that's the real issue, isn't it?
The real issue is we just don't have enough beds.
A lot of people require hospitalization.
I mean, what are we doing right now is, I mean, I guess we're just pumping
money into this,
but, like, do you think the U.S. healthcare system's ready to handle this?
No.
Um, it depends.
It depends on what happens in the next month or two.
So, if we have a vaccine where they're testing an antiviral c