Name: #225 - Friendsgiving | The Tim Dillon Show
Uploaded: 2020-11-08T05:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '#225 - Friendsgiving | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '#225 - Friendsgiving | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-08. Transcript available.

#225 - Friendsgiving | The Tim Dillon Show

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show. We are, I believe, in the
death throes here
of the Trump administration. The aides are coming in and telling him it's time
to let it go. I
believe he's got his family now. He's got Ivanka. He's got Jared. He's got his
sons, Don Jr. and
Eric. He's got Rudy Giuliani. And it's a small group in the camp of don't concede.
And then I
think most people now are starting to say, hey, I don't know. I don't know what
you do if you're
him. I don't know. I think you leave probably and go and do something else. I
don't, you know,
I don't know why you're doing this into the first place. Can't get anything
done. The deep state and
everyone else is against you. It's like, what is the point? Like, truly, what
is the point? Like,
if it's hopelessly corrupt, which I might even agree with him on. Like, if he
sat down and had
lunch with me after this and went, the whole thing's fucked, I'd go, I agree
with you. Why
even do it? For the rallies? For the fun? I mean, just to be Springsteen? To
get out
on a stage and, like, rock out? Like, if you, you know, I get it. The guy
believes that he
can do something. You can't. I mean, it's clear that you cannot. I don't know.
I mean, I don't
want to be too negative, but even by his own admission, the swamp, his words is
just, you
know, too great to be drained. Maybe, maybe it's time to go. I don't know
anything about
voting or voting irregularities. I've spoken to a lot of people that go, this
isn't happening.
People at Fox News, Republicans, people that wanted him to win, people that
have a lot of
fucking money and wanted the guy to win. And they're like, there's no real
evidence of these
massive voting irregularities. A lot of them are like troll things where they're
like, this
guy who's 2,000 years old voted in Wisconsin. And then you look it up and you're
like, that's
not true. And I'm sure every election, there's some voting irregularities. It
means like how
many of them are there? How big of a problem is it? Um, recount, do whatever
you need to
do. Recount it, make everybody happy. You know, again, I don't know. I don't,
these vote
counting operations. I don't know what's going on there. Trump has filed a lot
of lawsuits. I don't
know the merit that they have or not. I think he probably lost. I, I, I feel
like that. I don't
know if they, if they stole the election from him. Unless you want to say that
all the mail-in ballots
are invalid and, uh, which I don't think you can do. I think it makes sense to
say that the people
that took COVID very seriously probably voted for Biden and that Trump won in
the day of voting,
but in the mail-in ballots, they are going to heavily break for Biden because
those are people
that probably for the reason of COVID didn't want to vote. So I don't, is there
a tremendous
group of people that's like, I'm not voting because of COVID I'm, but I'm
voting for Trump.
Probably not. There's probably not a huge contingent of people that are like, I'm
afraid of COVID
and so much that I won't walk into a voting place and I love Trump. That's
logically, I just go, that's
probably not a huge group. Oh, I don't put anything past anybody. I don't know.
But I think it's getting
to the point now where even like Trump's close advisors are going, Hey, what
are we going to do here?
What's the plan?
I think he could use this opportunity to give one of the most scathing, uh,
concession speeches in American political history, the most scathing and
entertaining.
Don't even mention Biden by name. Don't even mention Kamala by name, Kamala.
Rogan kept correcting me, Kamala. Don't mention them by name. Just do a scathing
concession speech. Don't even concede, but you gotta leave, but don't even concede.
I won.
How about this? Resign so that Pence can pardon you for whatever they try to go
at you for when you leave.
I'm not trying to be a naysayer. I know a lot of people are angry with me. They're
like, no,
he's got to fight on for what it's over. And guess what? The AOC who I called a
genocidal maniac on
Twitter today. And I, I stand by that. She's done too. She's done. The, the
right of the,
the young right wingers and the young left wing, they're all done. Corporate
power won.
They won. And you are now, you're going to go from zoomer to boomer, the zoomer
to boomer pipeline.
And this is what's going to happen. Within a year, you're going to forget that
you ever believed in
anything. Within a year, within three years, you're going to have a shitty job,
a girlfriend or boyfriend. You're going to start liking the entertainment that
comes out.
And you're going to start pricing out cruises because Corona virus is going to
be over and you're
going to go, I want to go on a cruise. You're going to start eating. You're
going to move to a shitty
suburb and you're going to start going out to eat at a local restaurant. And
that, and it's over now.
And AOC could tweet all she wants about let's put all the names of people that
ever said anything
positive about Trump. Look at this lunatic. Is anyone archiving these Trump sycophants
for when they try
to downplay or deny their complicity in the future? I foresee decent
probability of many deleted tweets,
writings, writings, photos, uh, in the future. Um, this woman has the same
impulses as Donald Trump,
authoritarian impulses. She wants to start making lists of people that
supported Trump. I mean, that's
a problem. No, but really Trump got a higher percentage of the African-American
vote and Latino
vote. Young people did not come out again as they never do. The socialist
coalition just didn't work.
Didn't work. You've got Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. You've got two Republicans
essentially
in the white house. So the extremes on both sides ended up losing it's business
as usual.
Who told you that? Who told you that? Sorry. I hate being right. I'm right week
in, week out all the time.
And I tell you people things and you get mad at me for being correct. What an
odd thing to be
man at a person for being on the money all the time. Here's what's going to
happen. No. What?
And then it happens and they're still angry with me. It's back to business as
usual.
Don't worry about it. We've only got a few more years left on earth. Enjoy it.
It'll be fine.
Go back to, I predict what's going to happen. This is what I predict. I could
be wrong, but I'm never wrong.
I predict when COVID ends, when Trump is out, we are going to enter another era
of goofy, silly
comedy and entertainment. I believe that we are heading towards a great era
potentially of people
like Jim Carrey, people like Eddie Murphy, people that are not focused on the
political,
the social commentary. To a degree, you'll have those people that are funny,
that are in that space.
But I think you're going to see a return to goofy and thank God for that. I
hope. It's my hope.
It's my hope. Imagine if people got more serious after this. I don't think so.
Imagine that. Could it
happen? Colbert is crying. All the late night hosts cry every week. I mean,
what else could they do?
Throw tantrums? I guess they could lay on the floor and pound their fists like
a child.
But I mean, they cry every week. It's a regular occurrence now to see late
night comedians crying.
How could that get more serious? I imagine they're going to get goofy again.
Here he comes. I mean,
look at this person. What is he wearing? He looks like a Vegas lounge singer.
He's in all black.
What is he doing? I don't know.
He makes tens of millions of dollars a year. He's dressed like a divorced
history teacher who's going
out on the first date he's had in six months. Christ.
So we all knew he would do this.
What I didn't know is that it would hurt so much.
Yeah. These are comedians. I didn't expect this to break my heart.
These are comedians in 2020. That's a comedian.
For him to cast a dark shadow on our most sacred right from the briefing room
in the White House.
Our house, not his. That is devastating.
This is heartbreaking for the same reason that I didn't want him to get COVID.
Certainly why I wanted him to survive because he is the president of the United
States.
That office means something and that office should have some shred of decency.
Okay. Well, those are comedians. So that's the comedy that you've been provided
with for the last
four years. Maybe that will change. Like perhaps this will be the catalyst in
the business that I'm
in because occasionally I do mention that, uh, not all the time because I don't
think everything's
about comedy and I don't think that like the kind of comedy you get justifies
whatever happening.
If you love Trump, I get it. This is not a good consolation prize that these
people stop crying.
I'm just saying an unintended consequence might be that there might be, uh, you
know,
some silly comedy coming back, you know, nothing too serious.
I don't know if that's the case or not. Everyone is so serious now.
I would have to dinner tonight in a parking lot surrounded by traffic cones.
Thanks,
Gavin Newsom. Cause we can't walk in a building unless we promise to burn it
down BLM.
So we have to sit in a parking lot surrounded by traffic cones to have dinner.
And, and this we're,
we're, we're in Echo Park, Los Angeles, which is a nightmare. It's, um, a
rapidly decaying hellscape
and it's full of these artists and pseudo intellectuals, but primarily dilettantes,
people that think they're in the arts and are not people who are under the
impression they are
comedians and are not. Uh, and then of course you get a few comedians here and
there. Uh, we're
sitting in and, and this restaurant called Tex, which is a horrible name, but
it's a good restaurant.
It's, it's country French as the waitress, uh, told us she has not showered in
weeks and she has her
ratty hair, uh, clinging to her face, uh, in infiniment sweat. And she said, it's
country French
cuisine. She is correct about that. And the food is very good. The food is very
good, but Tex tax,
what's it called? Tex? Who cares? It doesn't matter. Folks, it's gone anyway.
It, yeah, T-A-I-X French
restaurant. And it's really good. It's been there since 1927. Well, what's
coming in? A high rise in
Echo Park because more, uh, people need to live in condos in Echo Park. So they
have a high rise coming
in and this restaurant is closing. We all know that we all know that. And
instead of just enjoying one of
our last meals, of course, we have the waitress who we have to relive her, uh,
horror for the entirety of
the meal. She's telling us about the owner and if the owner's not really doing
anything and the owner
doesn't let them know what's going on and they don't know when they're closing
and they, he didn't spend,
you know, she goes, well, we had to set this whole thing up. We had to get the
tables and
chairs from the downstairs. And then she's talking about the council woman. I
hope, uh, Nithia wins
because some, some socialist candidate, she goes, I hope Nithia wins. You know,
she's taking deep
breaths and, and I want to grab her and say, with all due respect, can you shut
your mouth, please?
We are trying to enjoy a meal. Can you shut your mouth? Every time she came
near the table. I mean,
she looked wounded. I'm like, do we have to take you to a hospital? I know it's
been a tough five
months. I know you haven't worked. Can you pull it together for Christ? I can't
deal with it. Shut up
about the city council woman who you think is going to save your life. I hope
she wins. I hope she wins
this gaunt heroin addict at the French restaurant. And this is all the servers
now, all of the servers,
because now it's the fall and I'm doing a lot of, you know, one of my sports,
which I go out to dinner
now. And this is kind of my sport. We kind of settle into the, from now until
January, this is going out
to dinner season. You see people you haven't seen in a while. And now, because
I live in Los Angeles,
you get to go out to dinner and parking lots and alleys and things like that.
And it's gr