Name: A Really Insane Time
Uploaded: 2020-12-29T17:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Really Insane Time' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Really Insane Time' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-29. Transcript available.

this is it baby three weeks we got the presidential election you know what
could go wrong dude we both
look like cops yeah we do it's just a we're we're a bad two dudes to be walking
around any of these
cities if shit goes down this is making me like him more it's the only other
place i could live
baby the great state of florida oh this is sick i mean dan usually do air bbs
this time we got a room
so you know if one of us fucks somebody we have to wait outside but we just got
a few more weeks
a couple of big podcasts are about to happen i'm doing a podcast with joe rogan
and alex jones next
week and uh an election special so i'm sure no one will get mad about that do
you need anything
no we're perfect right now fluffy bobblehead fluffy uh sold out a club in like
20 minutes
uh by just tweeting it out in san antonio and then the next night i performed
for like 12 people
and then i realized that like man i gotta step my fucking game up
it's a great show tonight dan's friends came out his best friend came out and
uh dan's fam's coming
out to the show tomorrow that'll be good dan had a great set i come on i uh did
very well and uh
you know we're very excited now i gotta do an hour podcast because people on
the patreon already
probably being like hey fuck you we pay for this
we just did a podcast we just filmed uh we just recorded i'm like delirious we
did two shows i did
two hours dan did 20 minutes on each show which is which is impressive we see
about four and a half
minutes of material and then i just did a podcast i did a 50 minute podcast
what we got to do we got
to and and i think it was decent you know and obviously maybe not the greatest
thing i've recorded but
this is what we got to do we got one patreon podcast a week and one filmed
podcast a week for youtube
and then you know stand up stand up most days what is what is your shirt to
answer the wu-tang
i just i want to pay black people to kill you like i want to go on ready for
black teenagers to come
and kill you after this show hey my name is tim dylan thank you guys so much
not tim dylan is it yeah tim dylan come here dude yeah give me a little bit how
are you how are you i love
your shit thank you brother billy powers thank you what's up tim dylan is the
steakhouse rant did he
hear what the steakhouse guy tim dylan tim dylan so hold on please don't film
this when i was in the
it was an ocean and it was raining it was like one of the most beautiful things
i was in the ocean it was
raining it's one of the most beautiful things and i'm there was a couple that
had just gotten engaged
and i'm in my underwear and i'm i'm just in the ocean and i'm going like this
it's like the
shawshank redemption i'm doing that scene from shawshank redemption i'm in the
background of all
of their photos and i'm just screaming at dan it's the shawshank redemption and
this is the happiest
moment in their life they literally turned around and looked at me and i'm just
shirt off like this is
the scene from the shawshank redemption and um it's moments like that that make
this country beautiful
yo what up what's up we're in the car we're in west palm beach i sent rush limbaugh
an email he's dying
of cancer i want to interview him i've been listening to him since i'm 12 years
old i don't think he's
going to respond but i'd love to talk to him even off air you ever listen to
rush a little bit
a little bit mostly through you he's a liar he lied we do this all day the
lying has to end listen man
whether you love or hate rush he's one of the biggest broadcasters that's ever
lived i'd love
to sit down and talk to him blow cigarette smoke in his face you have uh you
have some other pretty big
interviews coming up i have a big podcast coming up with rogan and alex jones
it's going to be happening
on monday it is now friday it's a little wild because i'm sitting next to alex
who i've been
listening to forever but who is the most volatile person on the planet also the
funniest so i'm trying
to be funny next to the funniest dude no one's funnier than him he's not trying
but he's funny
and uh we're a week out from the most contentious election in american history
so in terms of podcasts
it'll be the biggest thing i think i've ever done so it is a little nerve-wracking
being like dude what
the what's this gonna look like are people gonna be like tim dylan's a monster
for doing it who cares
whatever but it's been making me a little anxious you know dan has probably
noticed that to a degree
yes have you noticed have you noticed that i've been like kind of tense there's
the armor is strong
but there's a little bit of tension there's a little bit of a little bit of
anxiety rightfully so just
give it i started this tour a non-smoker and i was doing keto this morning we
had pancakes and cigarettes
for breakfast i'm just a little tense you want to say that's funny and that you
mean right now
because neither one of these candidates is good and i don't want to give
anybody the idea that either
one of them is good and alex is all in for trump and i'm telling people make
your own decision i don't really give a
fuck what you do there's negatives to either one of these guys getting elected
and there's probably
positives to either one of these guys getting elected who the wants to hear
that though so i
better just be fucking funny okay yeah this is this is exactly why i used to do
coke come on
beds in there this is cocaine this is you say i want to buy an eight ball of
cocaine i want to cut it
up i want to sniff it and then i want to peek out of the blinds and look at the
parked cars on the street
and wonder which ones of them are undercover cops and i did that for 10 years
of my life
and it's not that bad
you know the one thing about this state the humidity yeah we they started
asking us one
one green rooms and we eat these protein bars it tastes like cookies and cream
they taste like
chocolate candy bars so now we're just gonna have that and then hopefully we
got some yogurts i
requested five yogurts fed their faggot yogurts it's actually it's greek yogurt
but it's it's come
alex joan just texted me he's like if you're in austin early come have dinner
with me let's do dinner and
drinks so we may be doing that so hey what's up everybody my voice is going and
uh i am really
trying to do the best i can here we got that we got halls uh for the voice we've
got room temperature
water for the voice we have marlboro lights but we are in palm beach right now
we're trying to do a
quick video outside of jeffrey epstein's mansion jeff just slain it's gonna be
a little tough people
have told us that the cops will come right away um there might be like palm
beach private security
there is construction going on in the house next to his or you know it's the a
joint cia massad front
you know venture where it's just a bunch of agents sitting in the truck eating
sandwiches i don't know
you didn't get into the epstein doc you watched an episode i watched an episode
i was like this is a
little much you know you're never like a big you're never like a big fan of my
podcast i i listened to
your podcast i was never a big fan of anybody's podcast though okay yeah but
you don't really you
don't what i like about you is you don't really look at the darkness underneath
no not not too much
maybe a little bit but i don't really poke that much i think prefer to just do
you think that's
why we we we we're a good like match i think so yeah i think so i like kind of
like i don't say
basic bit shit but maybe more basic bit shit than you do like i enjoy brunch i
think brunch is fun
yeah i like it is that is that is that is that funny what do you mean liking
brunch no it could be
actually yes if you the fact that you hate it so much and i like it is funny
okay yeah do you know
why i hate it um well here's why i hate brunch it's confused breakfasts 90 of
all breakfast you eat
are horrors yeah they're a father and his uh divorced kid a divorced father and
his daughter
at a diner it's a bunch of old guys in a mcdonald's drinking coffee that are
veterans
you know that serve the country that doesn't care about them um it's a
substitute teacher eating an
energy bar on her way to work it's a guy that just got out of rehab trying to
get a call center job
uh stuffing an energy drink down his throat 90 of breakfast you
and it was all in your garage and we used to watch alex jones every night and
we'd watch joe rogan
every night yeah and we'd watch other people that we won't name or to be unnamed
and we would sit in
this dark vortex and the only things that would glow were the lights of these
little shitty mac minis
and you would just see plumes of cigarette smoke and then the lights of this dystopian
reality
that was becoming like actual reality and we were always saying to ourselves
like at what time
when will this spill over when does this go out in the streets because all we
would watch is anger and
rage which would be very funny when we went when does this spill out into the
streets and now we know
today right it was march 2000 now we know it's march 2020 yeah i mean i used to
fall asleep
to alice jones every night yeah and you we would watch it late into the night
yeah and i wrote a script
about you yeah just talk about that i went crazy for like a month i worked like
maybe like 300 hours
on a script where tim is essentially like playing the story of alice jones and
i had this idea for like
months i was like i'm gonna write this whole script and then like lay it before
10 like voila yeah like
and i i spent like so much time on it and i handed it to you and you read one
page of it and you're like
this is so fucking retard you're like we could get sued of course we can't do
this what were you thinking
it was like you're loosely playing out it was like 80 pages i was like 100
pages a full script like a
feature and i took it and i like threw it i just put it on a coffee table i was
like well i think you
should read it i think it's pretty damn good and you're like no i'm sure it's
your the first script
you ever wrote i'm sure to win oscars and i was like yeah you don't need much
you don't need anything
i need a schizophrenic ding and somebody who will deal with schizophrenic that's
kind of all you need
and an internet connection
i'm excited
the joe rogan experience tim motherfucking yeah i'm just a kid in a candy store
thank you thank you for
making this dream come true have you smoked crack or just no i'm free based
cocaine which is basically
yeah it's close how close is it not not as close as where i ever went and made
shady deals in the
ukraine get him some apple juice for the transhumanism discussion please listen
i brought you the
documents joe we have the documents this is why people get banned from the
internet this this these
kind of conversations we better ban it right now let's not ban it i'm just not
i'll throw that out if
we don't break the last record we're going down what's the last record no we
don't have to break
records no tim dylan you rant while i get ready give us your latest comedy
it's maybe one of the best podcast episodes ever amazing amazing i think people
see alex as a human
being which they should uh i tried to be funny when i could and we talked about
some really interesting
shit and that's what a podcast should be like that's literally what a podcast
should be it should be just a
no holds barred conversation that nobody really like there's no there's no
limits there's no rules to
what you can talk about and everybody has you know their own experience or
whatever and i think it was
it was really good thank you country's coming in for a landing we've got some
sauteed spinach we've got some
onbrot and potatoes you're gonna go ahead and cut up this pork chop right here
that's great for six
hours and it's pecan wood it's really fantastic everything look okay it's
beautiful perfect i think
purchasing high octane weaponry anonymously is my right so if i think that's
probably the biggest threat like if i
went to go buy an ak-47 and somebody said hey what's your name
it's going up i just put it on instagram and now i'm putting it on twitter and
alex jones
so you to all the teachers who said i wouldn't amount to anything and all of
them worked at
uh all of them worked in newton connecticut
what a horrible joke
spotify is having a meltdown right now
yeah the freesia's lane shirt's amazing spotify employees in shambles
massive walk outside
going around the desert trying to get supplies for sketch and the supplies we
need are like syringes
they think we're drug addicts put it that way we're like for a sketch we need
uh syringes and uh
you know spoon a lighter for a sketch you know let's say my wife was dead and i
wanted to get rid of her
body what chemicals would i need for a sketch for youtube we're about to walk
into walmart this is
more dangerous than licking the floor of the covered wing in a hospital
no it's the if your health food thin mint it's the fat bomb bar no it's it's
the health food aisle dummy
mint fat cups
and active the kids are going to love vaccines every holiday they're going to
want a new one
where's my easter vaccine mommy and then the easter bunny shows up and gives it
to them
that's great um is there a funny line if you're pulling backs you're pulling
different needles out
of there like that one's from malaria what's that doing in there so look at
this it's a bowl of candy
is it or is it the end of covid that's right kids they're cutting capacity in a
lot of these clubs so
i have decided that we should basically go back when we can do full rooms or
half full at least
which is what we've been doing we're doing a lot of full rooms three quarters
full i don't want to
do 100 people in a room that seats 500 that's not how comedy works but we're
going down to do the election
night podcast with rogan um and then we're gonna we're gonna be down in austin
for that one night for the
most volatile election american history they're boarding up all these cities
they are you know
walmart is stopping um you know selling guns and ammunition i mean it is people
think it's
truly going to be really bad which means it might not be bad it's very
interesting when people really
prepare and over prepare it might mean that actually it's not going to be that
bad or it's going to be
horrible yeah downtown
seems fun
the national guards of the capital yeah it's great
what a day what a day what a year what a year is right how do you think what do
you think coven did
to comedy and who would plan this out it's terrible it's the worst thing to
happen for comedy ever
it hit the brakes on stand-up comedy for eight months yeah it's awful i i think
the good news is
there's a lot of people that really shouldn't have been in comedy that are
going to quit you know and
the bad news is it's really hard to see comedy if you're a fan and for comics
to perform it's really
difficult for comics that didn't have a podcast it was a real wake-up call they're
fucked they're
fucked that was that's one of the more interesting things that comics realized
like oh i can't count
on hollywood to pay my bills because all hollywood productions shut down too
and it sort of uh it
it highlighted the value of being an independent podcaster or a youtuber or
just having your own
content that you put out where people can just see you without any you know you
don't you don't have
to have an executive telling you what to do or someone hiring you you just do
it you just put it out
what i have it at now is like uh at 256. there it is this podcast studio
this is it folks this is my room this is we've said we had a podcast studio in
the in my room here
and uh that's why i scream and yell i scream and yell at this bed all right i'll
leave you guys
alone thank you thank you dan thank you everybody bye guys thank you

A Really Insane Time

this is it baby three weeks we got the presidential election you know what
could go wrong dude we both
look like cops yeah we do it's just a we're we're a bad two dudes to be walking
around any of these
cities if shit goes down this is making me like him more it's the only other
place i could live
baby the great state of florida oh this is sick i mean dan usually do air bbs
this time we got a room
so you know if one of us fucks somebody we have to wait outside but we just got
a few more weeks
a couple of big podcasts are about to happen i'm doing a podcast with joe rogan
and alex jones next
week and uh an election special so i'm sure no one will get mad about that do
you need anything
no we're perfect right now fluffy bobblehead fluffy uh sold out a club in like
20 minutes
uh by just tweeting it out in san antonio and then the next night i performed
for like 12 people
and then i realized that like man i gotta step my fucking game up
it's a great show tonight dan's friends came out his best friend came out and
uh dan's fam's coming
out to the show tomorrow that'll be good dan had a great set i come on i uh did
very well and uh
you know we're very excited now i gotta do an hour podcast because people on
the patreon already
probably being like hey fuck you we pay for this
we just did a podcast we just filmed uh we just recorded i'm like delirious we
did two shows i did
two hours dan did 20 minutes on each show which is which is impressive we see
about four and a half
minutes of material and then i just did a podcast i did a 50 minute podcast
what we got to do we got
to and and i think it was decent you know and obviously maybe not the greatest
thing i've recorded but
this is what we got to do we got one patreon podcast a week and one filmed
podcast a week for youtube
and then you know stand up stand up most days what is what is your shirt to
answer the wu-tang
i just i want to pay black people to kill you like i want to go on ready for
black teenagers to come
and kill you after this show hey my name is tim dylan thank you guys so much
not tim dylan is it yeah tim dylan come here dude yeah give me a little bit how
are you how are you i love
your shit thank you brother billy powers thank you what's up tim dylan is the
steakhouse rant did he
hear what the steakhouse guy tim dylan tim dylan so hold on please don't film
this when i was in the
it was an ocean and it was raining it was like one of the most beautiful things
i was in the ocean it was
raining it's one of the most beautiful things and i'm there was a couple that
had just gotten engaged
and i'm in my underwear and i'm i'm just in the ocean and i'm going like this
it's like the
shawshank redemption i'm doing that scene from shawshank redemption i'm in the
background of all
of their photos and i'm just screaming at dan it's the shawshank redemption and
this is the happiest
moment in their life they literally turned around and looked at me and i'm just
shirt off like this is
the scene from the shawshank redemption and um it's moments like that that make
this country beautiful
yo what up what's up we're in the car we're in west palm beach i sent rush limbaugh
an email he's dying
of cancer i want to interview him i've been listening to him since i'm 12 years
old i don't think he's
going to respond but i'd love to talk to him even off air you ever listen to
rush a little bit
a little bit mostly through you he's a liar he lied we do this all day the
lying has to end listen man
whether you love or hate rush he's one of the biggest broadcasters that's ever
lived i'd love
to sit down and talk to him blow cigarette smoke in his face you have uh you
have some other pretty big
interviews coming up i have a big podcast coming up with rogan and alex jones
it's going to be happening
on monday it is now friday it's a little wild because i'm sitting next to alex
who i've been
listening to forever but who is the most volatile person on the planet also the
funniest so i'm trying
to be funny next to the funniest dude no one's funnier than him he's not trying
but he's funny
and uh we're a week out from the most contentious election in american history
so in terms of podcasts
it'll be the biggest thing i think i've ever done so it is a little nerve-wracking
being like dude what
the what's this gonna look like are people gonna be like tim dylan's a monster
for doing it who cares
whatever but it's been making me a little anxious you know dan has probably
noticed that to a degree
yes have you noticed have you noticed that i've been like kind of tense there's
the armor is strong
but there's a little bit of tension there's a little bit of a little bit of
anxiety rightfully so just
give it i started this tour a non-smoker and i was doing keto this morning we
had pancakes and cigarettes
for breakfast i'm just a little tense you want to say that's funny and that you
mean right now
because neither one of these candidates is good and i don't want to give
anybody the idea that either
one of them is good and alex is all in for trump and i'm telling people make
your own decision i don't really give a
fuck what you do there's negatives to either one of these guys getting elected
and there's probably
positives to either one of these guys getting elected who the wants to hear
that though so i
better just be fucking funny okay yeah this is this is exactly why i used to do
coke come on
beds in there this is cocaine this is you say i want to buy an eight ball of
cocaine i want to cut it
up i want to sniff it and then i want to peek out of the blinds and look at the
parked cars on the street
and wonder which ones of them are undercover cops and i did that for 10 years
of my life
and it's not that bad
you know the one thing about this state the humidity yeah we they started
asking us one
one green rooms and we eat these protein bars it tastes like cookies and cream
they taste like
chocolate candy bars so now we're just gonna have that and then hopefully we
got some yogurts i
requested five yogurts fed their faggot yogurts it's actually it's greek yogurt
but it's it's come
alex joan just texted me he's like if you're in austin early come have dinner
with me let's do dinner and
drinks so we may be doing that so hey what's up everybody my voice is going and
uh i am really
trying to do the best i can here we got that we got halls uh for the voice we've
got room temperature
water for the voice we have marlboro lights but we are in palm beach right now
we're trying to do a
quick video outside of jeffrey epstein's mansion jeff just slain it's gonna be
a little tough people
have told us that the cops will come right away um there might be like palm
beach private security
there is construction going on in the house next to his or you know it's the a
joint cia massad front
you know venture where it's just a bunch of agents sitting in the truck eating
sandwiches i don't know
you didn't get into the epstein doc you watched an episode i watched an episode
i was like this is a
little much you know you're never like a big you're never like a big fan of my
podcast i i listened to
your podcast i was never a big fan of anybody's podcast though okay yeah but
you don't really you
don't what i like about you is you don't really look at the darkness underneath
no not not too much
maybe a little bit but i don't really poke that much i think prefer to just do
you think that's
why we we we we're a good like match i think so yeah i think so i like kind of
like i don't say
basic bit shit but maybe more basic bit shit than you do like i enjoy brunch i
think brunch is fun
yeah i like it is that is that is that is that funny what do you mean liking
brunch no it could be
actually yes if you the fact that you hate it so much and i like it is funny
okay yeah do you know
why i hate it um well here's why i hate brunch it's confused breakfasts 90 of
all breakfast you eat
are horrors yeah they're a father and his uh divorced kid a divorced father and
his daughter
at a diner it's a bunch of old guys in a mcdonald's drinking coffee that are
veterans
you know that serve the country that doesn't care about them um it's a
substitute teacher eating an
energy bar on her way to work it's a guy that just got out of rehab trying to
get a call center job
uh stuffing an energy drink down his throat 90 of breakfast you
and it was all in your garage and we used to watch alex jones every night and
we'd watch joe rogan
every night yeah and we'd watch other people that we won't name or to be unnamed
and we would sit in
this dark vortex and the only things that would glow were the lights of these
little shitty mac minis
and you would just see plumes of cigarette smoke and then the lights of this dystopian
reality
that was becoming like actual reality and we were always saying to ourselves
like at what time
when will this spill over when does this go out in the streets because all we
would watch is anger and
rage which would be very funny when we went when does this spill out into the
streets and now we know
today right it was march 2000 now we know it's march 2020 yeah i mean i used to
fall asleep
to alice jones every night yeah and you we would watch it late into the night
yeah and i wrote a script
about you yeah just talk about that i went crazy for like a month i worked like
maybe like 300 hours
on a script where tim is essentially like playing the story of alice jones and
i had this idea for like
months i was like i'm gonna write this whole script and then like lay it before
10 like voila yeah like
and i i spent like so much time on it and i handed it to you and you read one
page of it and you're like
this is so fucking retard you're like we could get sued of course we can't do
this what were you thinking
it was like you're loosely playing out it was like 80 pages i was like 100
pages a full script like a
feature and i took it and i like threw it i just put it on a coffee table i was
like well i think you
should read it i think it's pretty damn good and you're like no i'm sure it's
your the first script
you ever wrote i'm sure to win oscars and i was like yeah you don't need much
you don't need anything
i need a schizophrenic ding and somebody who will deal with schizophrenic that's
kind of all you need
and an internet connection
i'm excited
the joe rogan experience tim motherfucking yeah i'm just a kid in a candy store
thank you thank you for
making this dream come true have you smoked crack or just no i'm free based
cocaine which is basically
yeah it's close how close is it not not as close as where i ever went and made
shady deals in the
ukraine get him some apple juice for the transhumanism discussion please listen
i brought you the
documents joe we have the documents this is why people get banned from the
internet this this these
kind of conversations we better ban it right now let's not ban it i'm just not
i'll throw that out if
we don't break the last record we're going down what's the last record no we
don't have to break
records no tim dylan you rant while i get ready give us your latest comedy
it's maybe one of the best podcast episodes ever amazing amazing i think people
see alex as a human
being which they should uh i tried to be funny when i could and we talked about
some really interesting
shit and that's what a podcast should be like that's literally what a podcast
should be it should be just a
no holds barred conversation that nobody really like there's no there's no
limits there's no rules to
what you can talk about and everybody has you know their own experience or
whatever and i think it was
it was really good thank you country's coming in for a landing we've got some
sauteed spinach we've got some
onbrot and potatoes you're gonna go ahead and cut up this pork chop right here
that's great for six
hours and it's pecan wood it's really fantastic everything look okay it's
beautiful perfect i think
purchasing high octane weaponry anonymously is my right so if i think that's
probably the biggest t