Name: #239 - Anna Khachiyan | The Tim Dillon Show
Uploaded: 2021-02-14T05:00:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '#239 - Anna Khachiyan | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '#239 - Anna Khachiyan | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-14. Transcript available.

#239 - Anna Khachiyan | The Tim Dillon Show

you hear me yes i can hear you can you hear me yes i have to wear these
headphones you look
like you're in a prison cell i know we can talk about that this is my um this
is my like anti-theft
anti-break-in uh guard i mean are we rolling already so make sure you look
there yeah i'll
look there okay are we rolling ben great i mean anna hushin is here that is the
pronunciation
um i'm telling i don't know if i'm telling you that but that's how you
pronounce it
yeah let's just say for all intents and purposes for all intents and purposes i
don't care how
people pronounce my name it's katchian is it katchian yeah it's it's
technically katchian
because it's an armenian name you don't say the k but that sounds like you're
like choking on a pubic
hair you know that's exactly what it sounds like it's like too plosive i don't
like it
i've had to pick pubic hairs out of my throat and it does feel like i'm saying
your last name you look
like you are in a prison cell you look like you are a thought criminal in a
prison cell right now
yeah i've been i've i'm in a um re-education camp for anti-biden wrong thing
this is like a mandated
thing that i have to have on i mean it's really ugly and looks like but i have
to have it in this building
why is it mandate so it's mandated that you have to have like an anti-theft
bars on your windows yes yeah but like only this window because this is the one
that opens up to
the fire escape so i have to deal with this eyesore you know i you know it used
to be to get a mortgage
for your house you would have sometimes you in certain areas you would have to
have bars
on your or or the bar the bars were a problem like sometimes the bank would be
like we don't want bars
in the windows because if this is true if there's a fire you can't escape
through a window and continue
to pay your mortgage you would just die and then you die in there yeah the
neighborhood the people
in the neighborhood were like no we need the bars to keep people out it was
like a weird tension
that they had well i was very honored that the the idea that your mom and your
sister are aware
of me or like my show made me very happy oh yeah no my sister is the one that
um put me
on to your show and she's like a huge fan and i think my mom my mom is like way
more advanced than
i am she knew like who fed you up and like walk a flock of flame war before i
did and so this is
like what i have to deal with um but basically my sister's like a super fan she
was like telling me
about how you called um gavin newsome a wine merchant recently which i which i
i have to push back a
little on that i think he's more like a wine rep like he's like one of those
guys that walks around
with like the carry-on luggage and by the way my father was that my father was
a failed wine salesman
which is an amazing thing to fail at by the way a truly amazing thing to not do
well uh selling wine
but yeah gavin gavin newsome we called him an effete wine merchant um yeah but
i i just i love the idea
that i hope that she listens to it like while smoking cigarettes in like uh
brighton beach apartment
that's not how she does but i just in my head i just want her to listen to it
like in brighton beach
in an apartment smoking cigarettes just angry and kind of like pacing back and
forth yeah cursing the
gods no but so my sister could conceivably be smoking cigarettes now i think we
all quit as a family but
it's basically like you know this is like a lot of you know a lot is on the
line here there's a lot of
pressure because um people people have been anticipating this moment this like
merger of like irish and
russian excellence yeah like my you know um my i i also wanted to say hi to my
uh gay best friend
dan allegretto who also put me on the show and put me onto your show and he's
also the reason that i know dasha
oh wow so yeah um that's a dan allegretto for any deranged fans who might want
to track him down
and sex murder him a l l l e just i love the people that are overly paranoid
about
you know i was on club are you on clubhouse you want to talk about neo-liberal
hell but i'm addicted
to it you got to get on clubhouse listen to what clubhouse is it's all the tech
people okay all the
venture capitalists all all the sales trainers all the hucksters and gurus that
sell motivational speed
um this is i i kid you not they are all on clubhouse which is an app where we
all talk to each other
and you listen to all of these people and they're all in their element and uh i
troll on clubhouse of
course like i make rooms like you could start a room and like my rooms are
always like should i
pay for my son's surgery or buy a bitcoin or how do i become a cancer
influencer can i build a brand
while i'm in prison should women own bitcoin very popular room uh i did the
other night should women
be allowed legally to own bitcoin and many people were that was a real debate
but you would enjoy clubhouse
because it's whatever this stage of decline that we are in as an empire it is
clubhouse is it it's the app
for the just complete and utter i mean it's just zuckerberg's on it every now
and then he'll pop
in uh like big big tech guys will pop in um it's weird but you've not got on it
at all
no i can't i can't do another i'm already like such a twitter addict i can't be
on another social media
platform i'm like 35 years old it's becoming undignified like it's in a full
length mirror
it's disgusting i'm a bad person for doing that um but yeah i don't know it's
my is my um
enemy chamath chamath on clubhouse i bet he is so chamath is he on clubhouse he's
got to be on clubhouse
there with elon yeah i thought i was gonna make a lot of money in game stop and
amc and i lost eighteen
hundred dollars i really believed this is this is why irish people should not
be allowed to use their
own money i literally should have to call someone to get approval to make any
purchases but and so is my
failed one once what'd you say like a woman that's exactly it's not it's not
that you're irish it's that
you're gay we shouldn't gays and women should not be allowed to make economic
decisions on their own
behalf we're like so incompetent that's a very good point because i truly
believed and i'm not kidding
you like when the amc stock was going up i was wearing aviator glasses and i
really truly believed that
i had figured something out and that i was going to retire quit comedy and
become something else and i
lost eighteen hundred dollars and and then that's it but you had said something
on the portal with eric
weinstein who's you know i think he likes me now he was mad at me yesterday i
think he's i think he's
fine with me now um you said something really interesting about like identity
being capital like
we have this weird society where identity has become capital i wanted you to
kind of go into that because it is
very interesting now um that we've ordered society in in that way yeah uh first
i mean first of all i
want to say that you look like an angel who went to heaven i don't mean that in
a nice way but the
background is really blurry is that intentional in this oh it's just on the skype
it we edit everything
in post i'm edited out in post and they put in an attractive uh black woman to
do the show so
can you give me like bigger boobs yes we're gonna give you a really huge i want
them i want them like
on the resting on the table we're gonna give you a huge tits we're gonna take
you out of a cell and
we're gonna put a cigarette back in your mouth how dare you quit how dare you i
have to i have to i
have to stop smoking and drinking okay and what do you mean yeah define have to
um i have a i have
i should probably just come i have um a sexually transmitted infection called i'm
like eight months
pregnant so is that true yeah well congratulations i mean do people know that
with with the next big
neoliberal novel no they don't but i'm gonna just come clean because everybody's
always speculating oh my
god so you're coming clean on the tim dylan show and saying that you are
pregnant yeah like a typical
woman i have to drum up some um suspense and like emotionally extort people
into you know i'm going
to play the victim for the next six weeks right my back hurts this is
unacceptable i really want to i
want to call you know i want to say i want to walk around saying this is
unacceptable how do you plan
to hold them accountable you know rectify all that i have like six weeks left
is your do you have a name
picked out for the baby um no not yet i'm going to call it neoliberalism or
something stupid i don't
know i haven't thought about it i think i i think it's like really a bad idea
to think you know the
people are like very precious about this kind of shit and they like think about
it and they give it
some like weird like gay edwardian name just like i don't know kids should be
like seen and not heard
they should recede into the background be saddled with like you know adult
chores i'm only doing this so i can
have like an unpaid domestic service you know because i don't want to pay i
need somebody to produce
my podcast i think that the name my parents gave me they gave me the name timmy
because they go
let's give him a name where if he is uh a fat faggot it will fit so perfectly
that it'll because timmy is
the name that was the the name of the pussy growing up it was the name of the
guy that was always joked
around about like timmy so they gave me that uh which i i truly appreciate had
my name been like
justin i would have had a different life well you would have been like the
class rapist that's true
and not a homosexual comedian that's a very good name it's like very um generic
but um cute i love
tim tim's my best friend's name that's nice okay yeah or my new best friend um
so anyway the what was
the capital thing you said i said identity as capital it was very interesting
uh that you guys were talking
about i forget how it came up but it was basically like it's a zero-sum game
now where if rachel dolezal
is pretending to be black she's taking an opportunity away from a black woman
if somebody right yeah so
it's it's it's strange uh how do we get out of this i mean is there a way out
of this because all the
things that you talk about whether it's class critique or you know class
consciousness solidarity
it all seems to be completely evaporating into this kind of hellscape of you
know very strange
niceties and pleasantries and fearful uh exchanges that people have and nothing's
really getting done
and nobody's getting to the meat of any of the issues is there a way do you see
a role for people
like yourself on the left to kind of you know bring about some new paradigm
where people can have real
discussions again and make better things happen um i mean in like the immortal
words of my podcasting
partner dosh nakrusova i think like socialism is over um i think we should
leave it behind in 2020
it probably should have been over in 2016 honestly um the advice that i give
anybody who feels demoralized
or is like despairing is that you have to self-eject act and just not engage
with these people just ignore
them because you know they are a very voluble population of bullies but the you
know you have to
just starve them deprive them of attention you know which i think people should
also do with me if they
hate me so much that advice is across the board but like i don't know i mean
that's the thing on an
individual level all this identity stuff is like a zero-sum game like if rachel
dolezal decides to
identify as black which is a pretty crazy but generally harmless thing right um
that means she's
taking away opportunities from from like other people and this can only exist
in in in like a scarcity
like precarity driven society whether or not that's actually real but we're
talking about like this concept
of like elite overproduction that there's like a very small number of seats at
the table and everybody
is locked in a vicious game of musical chairs right but like you know now you
