Name: #262 - We're Back | The Tim Dillon Show
Uploaded: 2021-08-01T04:58:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '#262 - We're Back | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '#262 - We're Back | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-01. Transcript available.

#262 - We're Back | The Tim Dillon Show

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show from Los Angeles,
California.
We are on the road in Irvine doing shows in Orange County, the birthplace of
reality TV
and subprime mortgages. Not the birthplace of reality TV, but the birthplace of
the genre of
reality TV that we know now. The Real Housewives of Orange County started there
and subprime
mortgages started there in Irvine, California. Irvine, correct me if I'm wrong,
is one of the only
cities that is named after a company. That's correct. Yeah. And that's still
very much the
feel of Irvine, California. Yeah. What is generally known as the city of Irvine
is named after
pioneering rancher James Irvine. Oh. But it's through his corporation, through
Irvine's 40 years
of incorporation. Well, no, that doesn't mean anything. The Irvine company. Oh,
the Irvine
company? Is that why Irvine was named Irvine? I believe so, yes. By James Irvine,
and then
they named the city Irvine after the company. Okay. Well, Countrywide Home Loans
started in
Irvine, California. And the two biggest areas for subprime mortgage banks were
Irvine, California. And the two
biggest areas for subprime mortgage banks were Irvine, California and Long
Island, New York. And they are the
same place essentially. You have a lot of rich people. You have a lot of rich
people that are always willing to jump
into whatever the latest scam is. A lot of different types of salespeople. And
Long Island and Irvine, you know, they're both beach, you know, communities.
Orange County and Long Island rather, not Irvine, but Orange County and Long
Island are very similar. The types of people there are very similar.
Conservative, politically. There's not a lot of culture in Orange County. There's
not a lot of culture in Orange County. There's no culture in Long Island. There's
none in Orange County either. And, you know, the people differ slightly, but it's
very similar.
But it's a very similar makeup of human beings. A lot of tribal tattoos, not a
lot of reading. A lot of people with boats. Irvine has more like rock churches,
you know, Orange County. Sorry, I keep saying Irvine, but Irvine's nothing. It's
a few buildings. Right. But Orange County's got a lot of like churches where
people go and they rock out, you know, and they're just there and they're, you
know, they married an ex-baseball player and they're just feeling it.
And Jesus loves them and Jesus wants them to have another boat. Jesus wants
them to be rich. Like Mosaic is one of those churches where people just, just
get in there and the tits are out and the guys are there and their shirts are
unbuttoned down. You could, you know, you could see the gym, you could see the
gains and they're in there and they're just worshiping the Lord and Jesus wants
money.
Christ wants you to do well. That's the Orange County ethos. They moved out of
LA and they're like, I'm going to find Jesus. And, um, that's where all the Tik
Tok kids will eventually end up. They go to find Jesus down in Orange County 10
years later. That's what happens. And, uh, and the shows have been really not
great. They've not been fun at all.
I don't think I'll ever go back. I'm shocked at how, how like bad they've been.
Even though people are having a good time, I'm not having a good time and my
life is about me.
So a lot of people like, well, I enjoyed it, but I don't care what you enjoyed.
I want to have fun. And coming from Boston where comedy is just, it's amazing
to, uh, Orange County.
And the room is the room that we're in is big. It's a big room. And, you know,
it's hard to, to, to feel like you're doing well, even though you are, uh, it's
a big Dave and Buster's really that we're performing.
Yeah. You know, it's got, what is it got 2000 seats or, I mean, it's stupid. It's
really big. It's big next to like a Hollister.
People are watching me on screens that are in the room. They're watching me on
screens. And then, uh, and you know, I got to hang out with people in LA.
I don't know if I'm, we're going to come back here. I don't know either. I don't
know either. It's not been a good few days. It's really not been good.
Uh, you get away from this mental illness for a while and then you come back to
it and you realize it's, it's actually not preferable to anywhere else.
It's really not. There's like a few restaurants I like, but that's it. You know,
the, the guy opening for me goes like this.
He goes, uh, he's like, dude, do you think, you know, like LA guy goes, do you
think like you'll have like a later career as an actor like Daniel Day-Lewis?
And I said, excuse me, are you asking me if I think that later on in my life, I
will have a career similar to one of the greatest actors that's ever lived,
Daniel Day-Lewis?
No, are you going to be Daniel Day-Lewis? Is that part of your plan? We're
telling jokes in a mall in Irvine, California.
But this is the disease here. You know, the manager of the club comes in, he's
got like a mask on. He's like, you know, your agent came back. He goes, they
think I'm like some guy working here, but I'm the regional manager. They don't
know that.
Hey, who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck? It's Chuck E. Cheese. It's a comedy
club. It's Chuck E. Cheese.
Well, I mean, you have a fucking bandana over your face. Nobody knows who you
are.
You know, I mean, I never say anything good about my agents, but in this case,
they're in the right. You can't demand that people respect you if you're
covered in a Darth Vader mask and nobody can tell who you are. It's not a
rational belief.
You hear that? The sirens? I mean, this may not be it. I got to be honest. I
don't know if we're coming back.
I don't know.
We're coming back till next year and it may not even be that. Something's
different here. It's not good.
Masks are back on. The variants are back. You know, I just want to, I just want
to get to a point where we can get through this.
And Simone Biles dropped out of the Olympics. She is a gymnast, considered the
greatest of all time. Yes.
And her sister tweeted, "Y'all are all about mental health until it no longer
benefits you." I can't imagine being that inconsiderate. Woo.
She's basically saying lay off her sister. Right. Lay off Simone. And I believe
that too. Listen, the Olympics is a scam and a waste of everyone's time.
I don't care who shows up to work. Why are we even having it this year? It's
dumb. Why would we care about excellence and athletics?
We care about it literally nowhere else. And I get it. She's having mental
problems.
The problem with, that I have now with what I consider to be the fetishization
of mental health is this. Number one, I've been very clear about my own, sorry,
my own family, my mother being a schizophrenic and that impacting the way that
I feel about mental health.
Because I see a lot of people on social media that have diagnosed themselves
with many different disorders.
I don't know how accurate they are. I don't think it's a good idea to diagnose
yourself from an Instagram post and read that and go, "That sounds like me. I'm
that now."
It's becoming a weird identity for people. And I'm not saying there aren't
legitimate instances of mental health.
But athletes, this is my thing with athletes, and I got to be careful about how
I say this because it's going to come off, I don't know how it'll come off.
When it comes to athletes and mental health, I think the biggest thing to
consider here is that athletes don't have minds.
Do you see what I mean?
That is not why we know who they are.
Why are we telling them to be self-actualized human beings?
Their body is their temple and their mind only works as the operating system of
their body.
Their mind should not be this flourishing and important part of what they do.
Their mind should be simply giving orders to their body.
So when we have somebody like Simone Biles having these problems, we have to
really look at are we telling athletes to think too much?
Are we telling them to be too involved in their own – you're not supposed to
think too much about what you're doing because it's stupid.
It's dumb.
You balance on a bar.
It's dumb.
If you think too much about it, you will lose your mind and go insane.
You're getting millions and millions of dollars to do something that's
essentially silly.
It's silly.
It's silly.
You're doing a tumb of salt.
It's not something that you should spend an inordinate amount of time thinking
about.
Truly, whether you're throwing a basketball into a hoop or throwing a ball into
a – all of it is silly.
It's important.
We need it.
It distracts people from the pandemic and the wars and the economy and the no
healthcare and the no jobs and their kids on heroin and the towns falling apart
and violence is in the street.
It distracts them.
You need that.
But I think the people that are great athletes, I'm sure some of them have been
reasonably intelligent.
But the vast majority of people that get really good at sports do so because
their minds are not the thing that drives them in life.
And nor should they be.
Now, there are certain sports where obviously it is important.
But again, like golf, people can say, oh, golf, you got to have a strong mind
to compete in golf.
I – yes.
But they're idiots.
If you get any of the guys on the PGA Tour and talk to them, they're not smart.
None of them are intelligent.
They're not.
How can you be intelligent?
You have to devote so much of your life to swinging a club and hitting a ball
in a hole.
You can't be smart.
You literally cannot.
They're not smart people.
None of them.
When you see an athlete that's like can string a sentence together, you're floored
because you don't expect that, nor should you.
They get their enjoyment out of life from competition, competing, and they need
to have mental toughness.
I'm not saying this woman should be castigated, but I'm also not saying she
should be celebrated for her issues and her problems.
Mental toughness is part of athletics.
It has been for a long time.
And the reason that the greatest players have been able to be mentally tough is
because a lot of them are stupid.
That's what – that's the point.
They don't think that much.
Mental illness is very common with people that have a lot of thoughts.
If you can quiet your mind, quiet it down so that you can like, you know,
really become a machine, that's how you get to be a great athlete.
You know, I mean, that's what – people are going to be offended at this.
Oh, you're fat.
You don't know what athletics is.
Oh, you're an idiot.
Hey.
Hey.
They're retarded.
But they're great.
That's the point.
The point is that they're stupid people who are able to do an amazing thing
physically and we pay them lots of money.
If they weren't able to do that, what would they be doing?
Can I ask you that?
If athletes were not able to do athletic things, what would they be doing?
CEO?
Would they be running a hospital?
No.
They wouldn't be.
They're doing this because they're – they're driven by the need to compete
and they're in great shape and they have mental toughness.
They have to be tough.
Mental toughness is – stupidity becomes a virtue in athletics.
And I don't mean you can't be savvy and you can't be, you know, whatever, funny.
But I'm talking about real intelligence here.
These people don't have it.
Nor should they.
The vast majority of them.
Agreed.
Not all of them.
There's some of them that are very smart.
But the vast majority of them.
So, I don't care what this woman does or not.
The gymnastics to me shouldn't even be legal.
It's a sport of pedophiles where they stunt a girl's growth and they keep them
like little dolls.
It's insane.
I mean, this poor woman went through all kinds of horror.
The guy just molested thousands of them.
Larry Nassar.
And it's so rampant that no one cared because it's – in gymnastics, it's
assumed that
it's a sport for pedophiles.
Like, when those girls came home and said I was molested, their parents were
like, "Yeah.
Don't you want to be a gymnast?
I thought you wanted to