Name: #263 - Family Business | The Tim Dillon Show
Uploaded: 2021-08-10T06:31:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '#263 - Family Business | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '#263 - Family Business | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-10. Transcript available.

#263 - Family Business | The Tim Dillon Show

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show. Big announcement.
It's part of why we are a little late with the show. The show is moving to
Spotify exclusively.
Nothing will change about the show. We're going to be exclusive to Spotify for
audio and video.
They've negotiated a deal with us. It will be coming out in the news very soon,
which is really
cool. We're negotiating right now with the CEO of Spotify. Bring him up, this
guy. And the
negotiations have been, his name's Daniel Elk. He's the guy here and he's like
a bald
Norwegian pedophile. And he's, we're negotiating with him. And what's hard
about doing that
is every time we try to do that, he's fucking children and blowing their brains
out in Sweden
or wherever the hell he lives and then throwing their lifeless corpses over his
Viking ship
into the ocean. That being said, this bald person has given us a really good
indication
that we're going to be on Spotify. Of course, you know, the platform where they
rob musicians
who are mostly brain dead drug addicts. So we've, we said we don't have a
problem with
that. We especially like that they're going to keep robbing musicians and
taking the little
drug money that these people have left. But Daniel Ek, is it Ek or Elk?
It's Ek. It's Ek. That's part of the negotiation is we pretend not to know his
name. But Daniel
Ek, who is a Nazi Viking pedophile, the CEO of Spotify, we try to negotiate
with him and
we get on all these Zoom meetings and on every Zoom meeting, and this is true,
he's got behind
him, he has the Nazi flag and he has so much cool Nazi memorabilia that's so
hard to get.
Yeah.
It's so hard to get the things he has and they're always displayed behind him.
Spotify.
But we were surprised at the offer, which is right now the offer is $18 billion
and we're shocked
at that. He says he wants to build a new Epstein Island to train Nazi youth
with us. And I'm excited
about that. Unvaccinated Nazi youth on a new Island. Daniel Ek, is it Ek or Elk?
Ek. Ek,
CEO of Spotify. We have a new deal with Spotify for a trillion dollars to launder
human trafficking
and drug money through our podcast at Spotify. And that's why we were late. We
were late because
Daniel Ek, the CEO of Spotify has offered us a deal. So if we can, if we can
use it in his
words to awaken people about the problems that the white race are facing. His
words, not mine.
I said we could try. It's not usually what we do. Spotify CEO, Daniel Ek asked
us to be on
exclusively his platform. Does that excite you at all?
I'm stoked.
I'm very happy to be on it. Did you ever think this day would happen?
Never.
I never thought it would, but I'm kind of happy it did.
Me too.
At Spotify. I like Spotify. I like it. I like that you can't use the app. And I
like that
the, um, the CEO is clearly in some, uh, Nazi Viking, uh, cult. I mean, can you
not see him
on a Viking ship? I could see that. Yeah. Just whipping people. I like him. He's
a good
guy. Yeah. Well, can I be the first to say thank you to Spotify for all of that
money?
I hope nothing we've said today will hurt because we're in open negotiations
with him.
And he like told us, he's like, don't mention like the pedophile Nazi stuff on
air, but it's
not, I don't think it's a big deal, but that's why we're late. So I want to
Spotify, uh, CEO
doing big, uh, business with us, not fake business, real business. Uh, I'm also
in the middle of a
home renovation in Austin, Texas. I'm not going to give that woman the business
today. I've decided.
Oh, really?
Yeah. I didn't like the face.
The comment at the end?
The comment at the end ruined it. We went into a father, a family, a family, uh,
tile place,
father and daughter, right? I thought it might've been husband and wife, but it
was father,
daughter. And we proceeded to look at all the different tiles and the things
because I have
to, I have to get new tile for my kitchen floor, whether I keep it or rent it
or sell it. The tile
is bad. We have to get new tile. And I went in and, um, I asked for marble
immediately. Why?
Because it lets them know that I don't care about them and they don't matter to
me. And if they die
or people like them die, people like me don't get upset. Do you see what I mean?
When natural
disasters affect those people, I don't care. That's why I asked for marble up
front. Like
when I walk in, I go, Hey, do you guys have marble here? And she's like real
marble. And I'm like,
yeah, real marble. When a tornado blows through your mama house, I don't care
about that diabetes
infested bitch. I don't give a fuck. Okay. So I said this. So she, and I
thought, I thought it was
a, uh, a husband and wife, but it was a father daughter. I think so. Yeah. Tile
business. And we,
we were very nice and they dissuaded me. They said, marble's too expensive and
they're probably right.
Probably right. They're probably right. It's too much. It's too much. And
marble tiles for
fucking fruit loops. Anyway, you want chunk marble chunks of it flown in from
Italy, but we can't do
that. So they said porcelain, right? And that's good. Good. It's durable. I don't
want to put
linoleum up. Well, that's probably how they grew up and there's nothing wrong
with that. Right. Cause
linoleum you can piss and shit on and just throw orange juice on and it doesn't
bother anyone. You
can just get on your knees and wipe it up with a rag. But anyway, so I walk in,
I got out of, uh,
the car with you and we were just trying to, you know, and so, and then I was
really hyped about
doing business with these people truly. But then we gave our phone numbers at
the end and why don't
you tell them what happened? So she asked for both of our phone numbers. That's
correct. Can I give
away your area code for the story? I guess I have to, right? You, yes. The area
code was in LA,
right? She, she said, they said to Ben, what's the area code? I said three, I
said three, two,
five, blank, blank, blank, blank, blank. Right. And they go, Oh, three, two,
five. I go Abilene,
Texas. They go nice. Right. And then they go, what's your number? They like
that. They like the
area code of Abilene, Texas, by the way, the people who cannot afford to buy
the tile.
And they go, what about you? And you, and you give your number and they go,
what's that? And I went
Beverly Hills and they went, she went, she made a face. And I joked around. I
said, don't worry.
We're voting Republican, but we're throwing away this. We're throwing around
disgusting amounts of
money. I said, we're going to throw away this around. And she kind of made a
face, but here's
the, and this is why I have to deny the business because of that. I really have
to deny the business.
Here's the other thing. If you work at a family business in the tile thing for
your father,
reality is you, you like sucking his cock. There's no other way to really, if
you work
in a family business with your dad, you like to suck his cock or you want to
suck his cock.
You want to fuck him. You are unable to find a man to then go and build a life
with. You want
to be near your father. And there's a moment out of every single day when you
want to get
on your knees and suck the old man off and just say, fuck you God and jerk his
old sweaty
dick into your mouth and swallow his semen. And I find that unnatural. It's not
with the
laws of nature. So I have to take the business away from these people.
Unfortunately, I have
to call them early in the morning and tell them that we have some, uh, there's
some family
emergency. I didn't like her face though. Very over the top. It was over the
top. And you
know what? Here's what you're going to have to understand. Okay. You dumb heck
people like
me and other people from California are going to move in here. Are they going
to make your
children trans? Of course they are dummy. But if you had enough money, none of
this would
happen. You know, that capitalism that you people just jerk off all day and you
take its
cock and you jam it down your throat. Here's what capitalism means, dummy. It
means that rich
people from California can move into your turd state and do whatever they want.
Turn your kids
trans, buy your kitchen tile, vote for higher taxes, fund Antifa. They can do
anything and
you can't stop them. You know why? Because they got the fucking money and all
you motherfuckers
give a shit about is money. Right? So shut the fuck up. Okay. You live in a suburb
of Austin,
Texas, the worst city in America. There's three ICU beds here. Okay. How I mean,
literally there's
like no ICU beds. The numbers are bad. It's so embarrassing. It's, it's, I I've
been very clear
about my feelings for Austin, Texas, but again, your rah, rah Americanism and
obsession with like
capital, I do my thing. Well, guess what capitalism means retard. It means that
I can go anywhere I
want if I have the money and ruin your life. If I want to ruin your life, I can,
now I have no
interest in ruining your life. I don't vote. I really have never voted. I don't
like lines,
but the point is that the people coming here are going to ruin your life. The
tech people are going to
come here and they're going to do everything you think they're going to fucking
do. I'm telling you,
you think this vaccine is bad. They're going to have more vaccines and I'm, I'm
vaccinated. I don't
even think this one's, there's going to be new ones that are coming. There'll
be vaccines every three
months and they'll just give them to you when you're sleeping. You're not going
to be able to do
anything about it because you don't have any money. You see the problem? You
people are all obsessed
with guns and guns are great. And I understand that, but you don't really do
anything with the guns.
What do you have a massacre every year? No one's impressed, right?
See the thing is, it's not like you're organizing assaults on centers of power.
You're shooting
trees in your backyard and the tech people are slowly choking you. They're
slowly taking all the
oxygen out of you. And all you're doing is cap list my money. I like my money.
So if you like capital,
it's capital, baby. That's it. People can come here and do whatever the fuck
they want. And you're
going to have to deal with it. And if you don't fucking like it, well, too
fucking bad. You have
to make enough money to stop them. How about that? You've got to make more
money than the tech people
and good luck. Good luck slinging linoleum tile. If you're going to have more
money than them.
So I don't think I can give her the business. It saddens me because I actually
think they do a good
job. They did. Yeah. They were good. But I just, I don't, I just, you know what
it is? It's that
over the top cuntiness that to me, I feel like, you know what?
When I saw her do that, I had a feeling you were going to back out of the whole
thing.
It was a really disgusting thing. Yeah. It was over the top. Well, you know
what it is?
She doesn't understand that she doesn't have any power. We didn't fight through
lines of people to
get in there. Okay. We were the only people in there, but she doesn't. And the
father,
the father even looked, you're like, kind of like, why are you doing that? Why
don't you just come suck
my cock? Cause they want to fuck each other. It's incest. It's truly incest.
And that's okay
because they have all these weird codes. They're like, I don't like Democrats,
but I like sucking
my daddy off. Like even when she was like playful, like he came over, she's
like, daddy, don't step
on my clothes. Cause he stepped on her. You know, people in Austin, like women
in Austin are
disgusting. And they were like, she was wearing like balloon, green balloon
pants and everything
because they don't know how to dress here. The women, the women here are like,
uh, you know,
they're cows, you know, they're like disgusting drug addicts. So, uh, she's
wearing like a green
balloon pants and he stepped on it. She's like, daddy, don't step on my pants.
But I thought
she want, at that point, I think like he wanted to just ki