Name: #267 - The D'Amelio Variant | The Tim Dillon Show
Uploaded: 2021-09-05T04:00:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '#267 - The D'Amelio Variant | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '#267 - The D'Amelio Variant | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-09-05. Transcript available.

#267 - The D'Amelio Variant | The Tim Dillon Show

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the tim dylan show from our temporary studio
here in la we have
a new studio that is being um built for us right now um from the ground up and
we're very excited
about it um we're spending 80 million dollars on it and some people think say
it's too much
i don't think it is it's a hotel condo podcast studio it's going to have
residential units we've
partnered with some of the biggest developers in the world uh to bring you this
state-of-the-art
podcast studio uh pool fitness center uh i think 400 residential units about
350 hotel rooms
i believe like 50 to 100 suites and then the rest beautiful rooms um five
restaurants
so it's very exciting we're teaming up with a lot of the big chefs mario batali
oh mario batali
from new york city if you remember he was canceled because in his restaurant he
had a rape room
where he would like bring people in but a phenomenal chef we've decided to say
hey are we god
no we're not are you jesus christ do i look like jesus christ i don't think so
so we reached out to
him and said let's let bygones be bygones come in here and let's cook that
squidding pasta up so mario
batali's first new restaurant in a long time is going to be in our high-end
condo uh podcast studio
before we start the show this is a very sad thing that i want to talk about and
i didn't i didn't
think i would ever have to do this and this is a tragedy a unique human tragedy
and many of you
don't know this because this information is being kept from you you're being
lied to and i have a
pretty good idea of who's doing it but i must i must come clean about what i
know this isn't true
i can't sleep at night perpetuating a fraud and that we know both of us know is
not true
joe rogan
passed away from the coronavirus last week um it killed him almost instantly
it was very tragic he had 17 strokes
an hour after testing positive it was incredibly sad not only did it kill him
but it was so shocking that young jamie the producer of the joe rogan
experience
okay lost his mind after joe was after joe died of the
covid young jamie went nuts he went completely insane and no one knows where he
is right now
okay
this is something that is being kept from you by spotify and on it
the real illuminati
the supplement companies are keeping this from you joe died even though he was
taking all of the supplements
vitamin d
chrysanthemum
magnesium
all of them
he died instantly
he lost his mind before he died as well he was not making any sense he was
he was in a chair
and his last words i swear to god
and this is sad yeah it is very sad are we more relevant in the podcast space
now
probably yeah but this is very sad his last words he was just screaming ivermectin
as he was stroking out in a chair ivermectin
it so
it's not right and it's sad um but we have a uh a memoriam what do you call it
an in memoriam yeah
like they play at the oscars that's right of of joe
that young jamie tried to move into his house
and he walked in and he looked at joe's wife and he said i'm the king now and
she shot him
so this is what's going on in texas
so let's play the memoriam here for the man that's more responsible for our
career than any other really other than me
but it's sad sad it's really it is not it is unfortunate that this happened
and it is very sad the way young jamie has handled this trying to steal joe's
wife and move into his house
it's crazy it's completely absurd that this behavior i mean so let's take a
look at this montage here
it's a tough way to go
different than it was
yeah it's rough well he was fat he was fat that's part of what people don't
know he smoked too
his every time he did that show he was in a corset his real size would would i
mean it would stun people
it was stunning um i i was a little late here i was watching behind the mask on
hulu about the uh
mascots have you watched that i have not seen this show it's a it's it's uh
heartwarming and it's about
uh people that have very little confidence maybe um we all have our issues but
when they put on the suit
they become a god gotcha right so i've been watching that it's kind of
interesting
when they put on the mascot costume thousands of people cheer for them but when
they take it off
they're nothing again and it's it makes for good viewing because it's an
interesting i think if there's
not many people in the world i can relate to because there's not many people
who do my
fucked up job for a living a comedian or podcaster these guys must feel like
that that there's not a
ton of people who've ever felt that power of being the mascot everybody loves
you and no one knows who
you are because you are behind the mask the title of the show and so i i'm i
think i'm in i'm on episode
two right now i don't know how far i'll go it just started playing i didn't
have any choice i just
i had hulu up and it they just chose that for me they do that sometimes they go
here's what you'll
like a show about uh people that are mascots that only want to live when they're
in a very hot sweaty
costume of a moose that's the only way they can find happiness on this planet
and you would really
like that so here we go and they were right because i'm watching i'm kind of
hooked i'm kind of hooked
uh very sad in new orleans someone reached out to us on instagram uh it's out
of the news but the
hurricane ida uh the name of our persian friend uh the hurricane in new orleans
has knocked out power
and power has been out for days some places won't have it for a couple weeks
they won't get it back
what i was reading new york city uh the tail end of ida uh dumping torrential
rain on new york city
killing a few people that got stuck in their basements i don't know how that
works but
very sad new york city subways were flooded and a lot of those images are uh
were on twitter and you
were just scrolling and going man i am so happy to not be there you know but
yeah the new york subway
is going to flood a lot and there's nothing we will do about it that's true
yeah welcome to the
climate change era that's what they're saying well it's rain listen is it
climate change sure
but six inches in an hour is a is a ton that's a lot i don't know it's not that
much at all really
you need six inches if you want to go an hour come on come on
are any of the people in new orleans that are sitting in their houses without
power and
scared to go out into the alligator infested waters and experiencing a failure
of both state
and federal leadership do you think any of them are disappointed that they can't
watch the d'amelio show
on hulu because if you get your power back if you get your power back go run
don't walk
to the tv store and buy a tv and subscribe to hulu and watch the d'amelio show
it's a show
about charlie d'amelio a very sweet young girl
perhaps medicated i don't know but very calm uh and her family uh she's got
like what a trillion
followers on tick tock yeah she's got more followers on tick tock than people
exist on earth
and she's very successful and she's a dancer and she's a sweet girl she's truly
sweet when you
watch the show um and her sister's a singer and the parents are from connecticut
and the dad was a
black lives matter but the dad i think was a republican he was a little bit of
a
connecticut republican which he was that he's not a texas republican but he was
a connecticut republican
oh yeah that's right nothing wrong with that not where we stand but you know it's
probably not the
best branding angle so you have him and the mother and then the children uh and
it you know i mean
boring right let me this thing is so boring that you're you know reality tv
should be fun and you
realize how good the kardashians were uh they set a bar man did those motherfuckers
set a bar i watched an
earlier scene today where kim and her mother were fighting and kim was thinking
of firing her mother
as a manager and chloe went to the mother and goes you know kim's meeting with
other people and chris
goes who is she met with and you go that's what i want i want a family that
regards each other with
deep suspicion i want a family that sees each other mainly as brands like when
they sit around a table
that's fun to watch it's fun to watch a family that lawyers up against each
other when need be
that's cool but the d'amelio family it's it's this you know you have these two
girls and then they have
uh again 700 000 million bazillion trillion they have they have the population
of china following
them on social media every time they like wave uh they get like 400 million you
know and then you
know the whole show is these two girls going to their family going the internet
is mean and you feel
bad because i know it's mean and what happens is like the the family will be in
the kitchen they'll
be like making dinner and then one of the girls goes the internet said i should
kill myself again
and then the parents are like well that's hey that's not nice and they go she
goes well it's very sad
because people are saying that i should be dead today but instead of dying i
uploaded a dance video
and the parents like well if this isn't good for the kids we'll get out of here
and the kids are
literally like today someone else said i should be burned alive and then they
cut to the parents going
if at any time this is bad for the kids we'll get out of here we're not we don't
want to ruin our
family for money they said that i should be burned like a witch they said i'm
nothing well listen
just ignore it dad sometimes i can't ignore it the thoughts just stay in my
head and i just cry
just ignore it if any if at any moment me and my wife think it's a bad idea for
millions of people to
tell my daughter to kill herself on the internet we'll move out of here we'll
go back to connecticut
i used to sell uh shorts he's like a he sold athleisure wear you know he's a
fun guy too sometimes i
make fun of people on the show and i go i would love to be friends with a
republican from connecticut
who sold like uh sports apparel it's just a fun type of person yeah he looks
fun
he's a fun guy and uh but i i love that angle of like if ever it gets too much
for the kids and
literally there's a scene where the girl's crying every moment of every day
every minute i'm alive
every minute i'm alive they tell me to kill myself and he's like listen just
come in here and vent whenever
you know what you need so i just think it's just they should play that up more
in the editing but
they don't and it's just a very boring show and you know you realize that
children are boring and stupid
now i don't mean they're not crafty and savvy because they are these kids are
going to have empires
they've got uh ring lights and target they've got uh uh clothing lines they've
got number one hit singles
number one hit singles uh they are dominating so i don't mean they're not savvy
i don't mean that
they don't work hard but they're they're kids right so what you can't what the
kardashians were never
children they were never children which made them entertaining they were never
children and they were
never a family and that's what's great about it chris jenner was never a mother
they called her the
momager i mean she was a powerhouse i want to watch powerhouses i want to watch
that d'amelio mother
grab one of the girls by the hair and go shut the up you want to go work at the
gap because that's the
real answer the real answer when these girls start crying and i know the
internet is mean
and i know they say horrible things they've said them to people said nasty
things about me even even me
um uh but the answer to them is do you want to work at the gap do you want to
work at the gap
if not we got to power through this as a family but i i hope that this show
gives some comfort to the
people in new orleans who are suffering right now with the no power and the
flood i hope that eventually
they can get the power back on to watch this very very boring and incredibly
unnecessary show it's
incredibly unnecessary uh to see behind the scenes of