Name: #272 - Night of The Beating | The Tim Dillon Show
Uploaded: 2021-10-10T04:00:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '#272 - Night of The Beating | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '#272 - Night of The Beating | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-10. Transcript available.

#272 - Night of The Beating | The Tim Dillon Show

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
The Patagonia papers are out and there's going to be hell to pay.
This one we're not taking lying down.
The Panama papers we took lying down, slouching some of us, lying down many of
us,
leaning against a wall maybe, but we're not taking these lying down.
Something must be done and we're going to do it.
The Pandora papers, by the way. Pandora.
The Periwinkle papers are here and they are making everybody,
because most people, when we're home in our houses, we go,
these billionaires are, they're doing things on the up and up.
That's right.
That's what I think.
I think when someone makes a billion dollars, for the most part, they're honest
about everything.
And now these papers have shown us that many of these people,
people, if you can believe it, are fibbing.
They're concealing a wide array of assets through shell companies.
They have multiple properties.
They have streams of capital that are not being taxed.
And it's going to end tonight.
Many of you are sitting at home going, what are the Panorama papers?
What are they?
Why do I care?
Does it matter to me?
It does.
Because now you have the evidence.
King Abdullah.
Just to give you an idea.
King Abdullah.
That's right.
This guy's full of it.
Listen to what King Abdullah is doing.
King Abdullah.
I do not want to get all the celebrity news.
Thank you.
I just want to read about King Abdullah.
Go up again.
Okay.
Okay.
These are King Abdullah's secret Malibu properties.
Okay.
Please go up.
Pandora papers reveal royal taste in oceanfront properties from modern palace
to beach chic.
What's great about this, this is a real estate website, the real deal.
They're reporting, you know, that a lot of people are cheating at the game,
right?
This is part of what the Pandora papers are revealing.
That people are taking money and not using it to better the lives of their
people.
Or they're not paying into the tax system.
And they're using these illicit, not always illicit, but some of them are illicit,
streams of capital.
And they're using them to purchase real estate in cities like London, New York,
California, and God help us, Austin probably soon.
So now the three cliffside drive homes perched side by side are combined 22,000
square feet and offer commanding views of the Pacific Ocean.
Bought for $70 million over a three-year period, their ownership remained a
mystery to neighbors in the exclusive Point Doom section of Malibu.
I bet the neighbors went, who lives here?
The largest one, a 12,000 square foot mansion, was registered to an address in
Switzerland.
Another, a four-bedroom villa was purchased by a company in the British Virgin
Islands.
And the third, a 7,600 square foot grand European style estate, was acquired
from a Delaware-based LLC.
The high-end properties are among more than a dozen that King Abdullah II, bin
al-Hussein of Jordan, who I live with, purchased through shell companies in the
U.S. and abroad.
Revealed in this week's massive leak of financial documents known as the Pandora
Papers.
The Malibu homes were purchased between August 2014 and September 2017.
King Abdullah has also been going ahead with a plan to demolish one of his
existing homes and build a much larger one.
Every time you see, I'm not blaming all Arab billionaires here, but let me just
say,
when they do build things, they're not really concerned with, you know, how
shall we say, the style of the neighborhood.
Can we say that?
Can we say that a lot of the Arab billionaires like to get big and bold with
the home design?
They don't really value continuity.
Again, it's just, that's an aesthetic critique for me.
It's an aesthetic critique.
In some ways, the King's desire to remain anonymous is unremarkable.
The rich, famous, and powerful have long plunged millions into choice homes
while utilizing layers of shell companies to hide their dealings.
It comes as no surprise, says Compass luxury broker Ron Wynn.
The desire to hold the true identity can be so great that an agent working on a
sale may not know the actual buyer.
Many of them don't.
For example, when I bought my house in Texas, I had convinced my realtor that I
was someone else.
Because I did not want to, for her to know that it was actually me.
So I had convinced my realtor that I was Meghan McCain.
I had gone in the Meghan McCain wig, the whole thing, and it was, you know,
pretty seamless.
I was not called out.
So now here's the deal.
Congress, and aren't they powerful, the Congress?
I have a lot of faith in the Congress.
I do.
Oh, yeah.
They just get it done, don't they?
Congress, which has, what, a 15% approval rating in our own country, is now
going to, they're cracking down on these hidden purchases.
It's Congress versus King Abdullah.
Hmm.
Who do you have?
I gotta be honest.
Everything's about gambling now.
Who does Dave Portnoy have?
What's the sportsbook say?
Congress, on one hand, full of a bunch of slobs from Minnesota.
And King Abdullah bin al-Ziz Hussein al-Money.
Who's going to win that war?
Well, let's see.
Let's see if King Abdullah, and by the way, all of our financial establishment,
real estate establishment, and a lot of Congress,
versus, you know, people like Katie Porter, who seem like lovely people, who go
there and she's got, you know, mayonnaise on her thing.
And she's like, I made lunch for my kids today, and, you know, hey, Mr. Diamond,
Jamie Diamond, would it surprise you to know that everybody that works at your
bank eats food they find on the floor?
And he goes, well, Ms. Porter, um, that would surprise me.
And would it surprise you to know that the food they found on the floor is not
even warm?
It would.
It would.
I would think they'd pick it up right after it fell.
Well, that is not what they're doing, sir.
They're waiting many, many hours to eat the food.
It's cold.
So we have Katie Porter on one hand, and I like her because she seems like
someone who throws breast milk, like water balloons of breast milk, at a CEO.
And I think we need more of that.
She's just fun.
She's a mom.
She drives a minivan, and she just shits on these billionaires.
I would like to see Katie Porter versus Abdullah bin Aziz Hussain Muhammad,
whatever his name is.
I don't know.
I'm not being racist.
I can't remember his name.
Katie Porter on one side, and then the King of Jordan on the other.
It would be fun.
Excuse me, Mr. Muhammad.
You like Malibu, don't you?
Yeah, I don't have too much time to go to the beach because I have three kids
that are always nagging me to make their lunches.
Okay?
Okay?
So I heard you have three properties in Malibu?
Yes.
See, the thing is, King Abdullah is probably very charming.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It is very nice.
Well, I heard they were purchased by shell companies.
Now, would it surprise you to know, King Abdullah, that many people are using
shell companies, this is not a bad Katie Porter, by the way, many people are
using shell companies as a way to conceal the amount of money flowing into real
estate that are illicit streams of capital.
Would that surprise you?
Yes, very surprising.
But for years, the Malibu properties had beguiled the king's neighbors and
local government officials.
The local Malibu government?
Who is that?
Some stoner?
Who's that?
The local government in Malibu is like all poor people that have lived there
forever, and they just couldn't afford to buy anything there now, and they're
just like, whoa, it's fucking the beach, man.
Some king is fucking here, dude.
Whoa.
You've got to realize that the people that have money in California are very
stupid.
And because in New York, you make money, you know, you go to good schools, you're
raised in a family that cares.
In California, you make money on OnlyFans or being like a music manager or
whatever.
Those are the industries in California, whereas New York, it's like finance,
you know, insurance, real estate, tech, conventional banking.
And in Los Angeles, you have like OnlyFans, music manager, face tattooed ragamuffin.
You just see like a kid with face tattoos, and he's a trillionaire, and you don't
know how.
And his name is like Gucci Provolone or something.
So what is the point of – I'm struggling.
I read about the Pandora Papers, and I've struggled to find a point in all this
because what are we supposed to do?
Are we supposed to head down to Malibu and give the king the what for?
Is that the point here?
I'm struggling to find the point of what's going on.
Biden administration is cracking down on for-profit schools that made false
promises about students' futures and drove them into debt.
Sorry, I clicked on the wrong article.
This has nothing to do with anything.
I clicked on the wrong article.
And by the way –
There we go.
Biden's also cracking down on this this week, though.
Biden is cracking down.
This is the theme of the week.
Cracking down.
We're cracking down.
The president says the IRS needs two bits of information, all the money that
goes into your bank account and all the money that comes out.
I don't love that.
What's this guy doing?
He's cracking down.
He's cracking down on the good American people about their tax cheating.
There's no snooping around.
Most people in this country, like, not have a ton of money.
Do we really need to analyze the tens of dollars going in and out of people's
bank accounts?
And on top of this, they're asking for everybody's stimulus is back if they
prove they couldn't find employment and stuff.
So they're asking people to give back thousands and thousands and thousands of
dollars.
That's a good idea.
That'll work.
That's like if you ever lent someone money, then you're like, hey, so if you,
you know, if you ever want to put some of that together, that's going to work.
Yeah.
So Biden, this corpse, is out there.
They're trying to just, because they need money now.
We're about to default.
The country's about to default for the first time.
And they need money, so they're cracking down on your Venmo transactions.
Who did you have that pizza with and who did you pay?
So the government's on track to default for the first time ever, which is bad.
Because we're a good, you know, we have a good credit rating and it'll fuck us
up.
And Janet Yellen, who's a terrifying looking human being, who, what if she's
the chairman of the Federal Reserve?
That's correct.
Man, they just trot her out when there's bad news to be had, don't they?
Well, she's the Treasury Secretary.
She's like, she's like grandma, but grandma's always got bad news.
She's always coming out with a cancer diagnosis, you know?
Yeah.
That's grandma.
Grandma comes out.
She's like, she just looks like the type of person who walks in the middle of
dinner and goes, stage four.
At best case, an aggressive stage three.
Oh, sorry, grandma.
I'll be fine.
You know?
I'll be fine.
They may have to chop my old tits off.
I may have to shave my head.
I look like that girl from that show you watch.
What's that show?
Stranger Things?
Yeah, I look like her.
But that's okay.
Don't worry about me.
I'll just be here defaulting on the national debt with my cancer-ridden body.
I don't know if she's had cancer.
I'm just saying she looks like an old grandma that comes in and drops a bomb.
Yeah, yeah.
And she has.
Janet Yellen on Tuesday said she believes the economy would fall into a
recession if Congress fails to address the federal government's borrowing limit
before an unprecedented default on the U.S. debt.
So, October 18th is the deadline.
It would be catastrophic to not pay government's bills.
For us to be in a position where we lack the resources to pay the government's
bills, Yellen said during an interview on CNBC's Squawk Box.
I like that guy.
You know the fat guy from Squawk Box?
I don't know.
Get the fat guy up from Squawk Box.
Okay, okay.
I like him.
What happened to him?
Squawk Box.
Squawk Box fat guy.
Image.
Okay, I'll just type in Squawk Box fat guy.
Yeah, what happened to him?
I don't like the new guy.
Squawk Box fat guy.
Yeah, where's he?
Is that him on t