Name: #291 - Dear Vladimir | The Tim Dillon Show
Uploaded: 2022-03-13T03:30:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '#291 - Dear Vladimir | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '#291 - Dear Vladimir | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-13. Transcript available.

#291 - Dear Vladimir | The Tim Dillon Show

I'm in the capital of Beijing. I want to give you a nice gift to you.
In 2019, we will use the water to pour the water.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
Live from our studio here in Kyiv, Ukraine, where we have moved the show.
We followed Joe Rogan to the Ukraine, which was stupid in hindsight.
But in the beginning, it sounded very good because he said he was going to do a
comedy scene in Eastern Europe in Kyiv,
which he said was what he did in L.A., and he said you could easily replicate
that in Kyiv.
That was the pitch, right? That was the idea.
He goes, we do kill Tony from Kyiv, and then you come, and then everybody will
move to Kyiv,
and it'll be fun. That's what we thought, but egg on our faces because now we're
here,
and there's Russians with tanks encircling us, unfortunately.
We'll start with a war report up front.
It's not good there, but the Russians, they underestimated the Ukrainians
because the Ukrainians,
they're tough people, and they're not easily occupiable.
And they're not an easily occupied people.
You know, Jesse Signal, Herzog's partner, they do an unimportant show at an unimportant
place,
but he had tweeted something to that effect that it's going to be a little
tougher to occupy
these people than you think. They're not friendly over there, really, right?
They're just blowing up these tanks, and Putin's just trying to help these
people
and get the Nazis out of the country, and they're angry at this, and it's weird.
They don't even like see the bigger picture. They're running around.
They're attacking Russian soldiers. They're blowing up troops.
It's crazy because Putin's saying there's Nazis over there, and we're just
trying to get rid of
them because we don't like the Nazis. And the Ukrainian people are, you know,
everybody thought, you know, Putin and myself and others were like, when he
goes in there,
they're going to go, thank God someone noticed these Nazis here. Let's get rid
of them, you know?
And speaking from America, a country with no Nazis ever, never. No, we had
nothing to do with
building the Third Reich. We had nothing to do with commingling our financial
systems with Hitler
at all, at all. Don't even think it. And we are just, we hate Nazism in America.
We hate fascism.
We hate it. That's why we do the military flyovers at the football games,
because fascism to us is
like no good. But they do have some Nazis. Now, obviously, I'm being a little
facetious. Google it.
But they do have some Nazis over there in that Azov Battalion, which is not
good because they're
doing the Sikh heiling, and they're into the, they like the Azov Battalion. And
so Facebook is now
allowing praise of neo-Nazi Ukrainian battalion if it fights Russian invasion.
This is like the
Patrice O'Neil bit. You have sexual harassment day. Facebook's just got to
reserve a day for
everyone to praise the Nazi of their choice. Whether it's the Azov Battalion or
someone in America,
you should have a day to praise the Nazi of your choice on Facebook. There
should be
one day, just like Patrice said about sexual harassment. You would go in, you
go, I can harass
you today. I think you should be able to praise a Nazi on Facebook for one day
out of the year.
I think it's fair. And it shouldn't only have to be the Azov Battalion. It
could be your neighbor
who showed you some weird, cool World War II paraphernalia that he's got. And
he's, you know,
you could say, Hey man, my neighbor Chucks is a Nazi and today's his day. I
respect the hell out of him.
He takes in my mail when I'm gone, but he's literally a Nazi. Not all of his
ideas are great,
clearly, but he's kind of a cool dude. I think that's good. Facebook's now
allowing up for people
to just call for violence against Russians. Facebook's allowing people to just
basically,
the social media company is temporarily allowing some posts to call for death
to Russian President
Vladimir Putin or Belarusian President Alexander Lukashenko. Well, that's not
right. According
to internal emails and content moderators, they're basically saying, let them
have it.
Let them have it. As a result of the Russian invasion of Ukraine, we have
temporarily made allowances
for forms of political expression that would normally violate our rules,
like violent speech, such as death to Russian invaders. We still won't allow
credible calls
for violence against Russian civilians. Now, who decides what's credible and
what's not?
There's a large chunk of Russians living in the Ukraine. So by allowing this
type of stuff,
you might be fomenting some type of civil war, which is not what Mark Zuckerberg
intended.
He just wanted to get his dick wet. He wanted a cool, exclusive... And by the
way,
could anything be less exclusive than Facebook? But that's how you make
billions of dollars, right?
You give up the exclusivity. You let everybody in. You start it out. You're
like, I just want hot
singles that are going places that can communicate with each other. And then
later on, you're fomenting
a civil war in the Ukraine. And you don't even know how it happens, but it just
does. What a life.
Now, citing the Reuters story, Russia's embassy in the US demanded that
Washington stop the, quote,
extremist activities of Meta. The temporary policy changes on calls for
violence to Russian soldiers
apply to Armenia, Azerbaijan, Estonia, Georgia. Okay. I feel like I'm reading
an ad.
The promo code is not applicable in Armenia, Azerbaijan, Estonia, Georgia,
Hungary, Latvia,
Lithuania, Poland, Romania, Russia, Slovakia, and Ukraine, except for Donbass.
And so now the White House, because there's this propaganda in the war,
everybody has their take on
things, right? There's people in America that think that we have, of course,
two groups of very rational
people here. People that believe that Putin is cool because he's restoring the
greatness to the white
Christian nation of Russia, which again, historically has been incredibly godless.
But Putin, who's devoutly
religious now, who is a Soviet his entire life, but, you know, a godless Soviet.
But some people believe
that it's cool because we are the godless West and there's drag queens are
reading the cat in the hat
and we got all kinds of problems here. And Putin's a strong man and he's not
woke. That's some people,
they go, we like him. Who cares that no one there has any money and they die at
60? Doesn't matter.
They're not woke. And then we have the other people, the other half of that,
again, we have the people
that are like, he's great. This is great. The deaths of women, children, men,
everybody, elderly people,
the displacement of people. It's all cool. And it's all justified because, you
know, they don't have to
sit through Oscar speeches that bring up politics, you know, because he's not
woke. So this is, it's
ultimately not woke, right? To invade a country. It's like the least woke thing
you could do,
I guess, is to invade with tanks. And then the other group of people we have
here, again,
very rational, just go, we just need a nuclear war to show the support. Like we
need a no-fly zone,
which brings us into direct conflict with Putin. And those people are going,
okay, maybe we'll do a
10-year civil war where we arm the Ukraine, not fight with them or for them,
but we arm them with
our weapons that they buy. And we arm them and we just create Syria in Eastern
Europe, you know?
And then there's people that go, that's not good enough. We need nukes. We need,
we need to do a
real nuclear exchange here. We need to push Putin and see how far he can go,
isolate him, sanction him,
put him, put his back to the wall and let's see if he'll really push the button.
We got some sick
fucks here. So those are the two crews. We have Putin's awesome. This is great.
We love this. Thank
God for this. And then the other side of the people that go, hey, let's have a
nuclear war to show our
support for the Ukraine. Nothing shows our support more than a nuclear exchange.
Both of those aren't
helpful. And I was going to talk about this too. The White House is briefing
TikTok stars
about the war in Ukraine. With millions getting their information about the war
from TikTok,
the administration wants to get its message to the top content creators. This
is what I talked about.
Whatever you think of what Russia did here, whether you think it was justified
by the expansion of NATO,
with Slavoj Zizek had a good point. He's like, this whole idea is like, yes,
some of that led to it. But like,
this whole idea that countries should have like a sphere of influence isn't
like any type of
principled leftism or whatever. Not that this is a leftist show, but it may be
today. It started out
as a Nazi show and it may be a leftist show. And then by the end, it's a Nazi
show again to cover
all the internet. And then the beginning, we give you a little neoliberal sushi
in the middle,
just a little like fun dating taps. And then we oscillate between fascists and
communists. But,
so the TikTok story, because here's what's happening in Ukraine and people don't
understand it. Nothing,
it's not, conventional war is boring. No one, no one cares. It held our
attention for 72 hours at most.
Couple of missiles, you see the tank, you got the cell phone video, and then
the people,
all the refugees are running in the ratty little sweaters. It's sad and we hate
it. No good.
But after a while, it gets a little like, okay, it's taxing. What do you really
want me to do?
Well, I've been there, done that. We get it. It's, it's, it's dated. It's retro.
War is retro.
It's dated, frankly. It's not exciting in the sense that, you know, the images
that are coming out of
there, it's very European. It's very World War II. It's very period piece. Even
the clothes they're
wearing, nothing's new, nothing's modern. So I'm not really connected to it. I'm
not connecting to it.
I'm not connecting to it. I'm like, okay, yeah, I get it what you're doing. And
I understand the tanks
and the weapons and the stingers and the, but it just feels more like a World
War II film that I didn't
see. And someone said I should have, but I didn't. And that's the problem
because there is no content.
Putin does not have a content strategy. He's got some of the alt-right on his
side in America. And
we've got some, you know what I mean? He's got a few people, but he doesn't
really have a content
strategy. Now, one thing you could say about America, we don't educate our
people. They die on
the streets. We don't give them retirement. We let billionaires pillage us. And
then we worship them.
We do a lot of horrible things. We have a massive chaos in the city. We have a
crime
problem that makes third world country murder numbers look good. We have
organized gangs. We
have militias storming our government buildings. We have congressmen insider
trading, selling stocks.
We have an insane amount of corruption. We have a nexus of national security
agencies that are in bed
with business people and private defense contractors inching us closer to
nuclear war
every single minute. However, we do content, baby. We make content. As Gary Vee
says, we don't slack
off on the content. And if you do, you'll see it in your numbers. And that's
what we're seeing here
with Putin is that he went in there with tanks and missiles thinking it was
going to matter, but it
doesn't because he doesn't have a content strategy. The physical world doesn't
matter nearly as much as
the digital world. I've been saying this on Joe Rogan. I've been ringing this
bell and no one listens to
me. I can't get anything going on. The Nell people have a Trump on. I'm getting
dodged by Tulsi Gabbard.
I can't even get Tulsi Gabbard there in Mar-a-Lago with Trump. I can't even get
Tulsi Gabbard here.
And I promised her caviar and Russian vodka and she won't come in. I sent that
to her. I said,
you come in here and do whatever pro red thing you want. I don't care. We do a
whole thing for you.
We bring her in, give her caviar, a little Russian vodka, 