Name: #298 - Puerto Rican Papi | The Tim Dillon Show
Uploaded: 2022-05-15T01:00:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '#298 - Puerto Rican Papi | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '#298 - Puerto Rican Papi | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-15. Transcript available.

#298 - Puerto Rican Papi | The Tim Dillon Show

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the tim dylan show uh late may getting ready
for the summer
one of my favorite people the guy who told me to start a podcast this is a fact
yeah what you are what is his what is the name lewis gomez i'm kidding lewis j
gomez
i always have to say lewis gomez i know why is it so important to jay uh well i
mean look at
this point it's not really important not for you not for your name if i didn't
correct you it would
be right it would be weird it's a whole thing it's okay yeah i just paul f thompkins
if you call paul
thompkins if he never be on this show that'll never ever come up in my life is
paul f thompkins on this
show yeah i uh no it doesn't really you know what it is honestly why i use the
j truthfully it's because
when i was a child and i was practicing my autograph the loops of your
signature yeah yeah i love that
you call it an autograph it was no but i wasn't practicing my signature i was
practicing an
autograph that you were gonna one day give to people yeah i was gonna one day
which is a weird
thing because nobody asked for autographs i mean nobody wants an autograph but
the j looked so good
the lewis it does look yeah yeah you know very my instagram handle is tim j dylan
there's something
about a j that's nice it's it it puts that stop between the two words donald j
trump donald j trump
luis j gomez yeah i get it you know we're we're talking about a lot of things
obviously the economy's
a horror yeah and you have a child you know how much things cost food yeah i
try i try not to pay
attention of course genuinely genuinely yeah you just don't pay attention i i
don't
if i i like that i'll drive myself crazy dude yeah gas prices if if my life was
dictated where i was
walking around going dude these gas prices yeah look it sucks and i know it
drives the price up of
everything right but at the same time like that's not the game i'm playing i'm
not i'm not driving
down the gas prices right so what's the point about caring it's a great point
you can't affect it yeah
but it's just a truism it's out there yeah it's out there it's tough of course
i only you know you play
your cards that's what i say i agree yeah you got you got to do what you can do
out there but you're
also you have a business you you're doing well i'm doing all right there's a
lot of i'm not doing
tim dylan well yes you are no i'm not tim you know tim did yesterday he goes i'm
in his apartment and
he goes he's like i'm gonna go buy a car and i'm like all right that's cool
dude and i was telling
about how big j has a jeep yeah i was like it's real i was like a jeep's
actually like under the
radar like a really dope wrangler so then he was like yeah i'm gonna get a jeep
yeah and i was like
really i was like i was surprised and he was like yeah good for the money i
like it yes and then he
came back two hours later to bring me to the gym yeah in a bentley bentley
flying spur and i was like
i thought you would get a jeep he's like i'm kicking a jeep i left the
apartment thinking about
getting a jeep i did and but here's the reality you know i didn't end up
getting the jeep i had not
slept here's a fair point yeah i had not slept in 48 hours i was all up from
australia from
the jet lag yeah when i got back and i told him i gave him a whole big speech
about financial
responsibility the night before about how you have to save your money things
don't last forever
and eventually we're probably gonna have to live in a state like florida you
know because it's
less expensive to own property and taxes are better and i said we just got to
be smart about our money
of course i gave him a real big speed and the next day i bought a bentley
bought a bentley and yeah
i've always wanted this rolled off the lot thirty thousand dollars just melts
off of it immediately
well sure that's yeah of course but here's the other thing um those cars do
have a resale
a decent resale yeah because there's always going to be somebody that wants
that car it's not going to
be as much it's i i you know it's funny it's just a car that i would never i
would never get that car
it's incredible it's beautiful right but i just feel like if i were to get that
car i would also
need a driver like ben should be driving you around hey by the way by the way
agreed yeah it really should
hey hey zero argument for me zero argument for me uh in that in that thing such
different worlds right
like he pulled in i thought we were going i thought we were going to his
apartment before we were going
to lunch yesterday yeah and he pulls into the beverly hills hotel yeah and i
started to take my bags out
of the back thinking we're home he's like i don't live here you idiot yeah yeah
i was like no no no
well it's it's a um we've been lucky because we have a friend who has a really
really big podcast
and he's had me on a bunch and he's the most influential podcaster in the world
and his name
is tony inchcliffe and by doing that show so many times i was exposed to lots
of people yeah and i was
able to get it get a a big group of people listening so we're happy about that
um i also don't have kids
i'm not gonna have kids i don't have a family it allows me to kind of misbehave
for you to buy a
bentley instead of funding your kid's college is criminal right criminal of
course but that's the
freedom you know you you know you do those things yeah because you know you
feel good and that's nice
fuels something else that is harder yeah you know so it's like if you want to
have a
bentley you're not you're not going backwards now tim no and that is an
investment into your own
self-belief and your own sort of way of doing things and i look at spending
money as an investment
i i take stupid vacations you know i try to have nice things you know right um
i just i'm classless
so when i say nice things like i got an inflatable hot tub and i'm like dude i'm
killing it right
right right you know i'm not i'm not uh you have nice things people would get
with marlboro miles
you know what i mean like nice things that would come out of a cigarette
catalog
you get you know like a marlboro leather jacket yeah they'll get a tent one of
those red tents they
used to have there's nothing wrong it's beautiful these are beautiful things
dude i would look at the
marlboro miles catalog in awe being like wow dude yeah all of these things you
could get none of it
matters the only thing that matters is uh friends and family yeah now yeah here's
the difference though
it is a it is all of these things are inherently dumb anything you buy is kind
of stupid but it makes
you feel good and it's it's a nice thing and and that's all it is right i mean
they're not they don't
change your life but they give you maybe a little bit of joy in a you know
world where you need uh
every now and then you need a little joy i think you in worthwhile investments
are your home your car
right you know wherever you're spending a lot of time to yourself thinking
quote unquote meditate we
don't fucking meditate anymore but right when you're driving you can't really
be texting i mean i do
right you know sure um but when you when you're driving like you're alone with
your thoughts you
listen to music but you started thinking through your life and all that and if
you're in a
shitty car you're gonna just feel like in my opinion yes i think it's i've been
in a
shitty car i used to drive oldsmobile 88 not even a year that's the type of car
and you it would
literally like when i when i would press the brake too hard the car would shut
off yeah like i i i've
been in mitsubishi a lot i've been in old pieces i just i would just buy for
years yeah the cheapest car
at the used car dealership like and not like a used car dealership like like a
certified pre-owned
toyota like i'm talking about like a guy and this is certified pre-owned good
this is certified pre-owned
bentley good 2018. it's not brand new you don't have to tell people that well
but here's the reality
it's no different than a 2021 but or 2022 but people ask my friends can you
look up the differences
between the 2022 and the 2018. there's very few there's going to be a handful
of them but there's not that
many yeah what were you saying bentley's not a high-tech car meaning like it
doesn't have like
the runner lights like when you get into bentley it doesn't you know it's not
like a new beamer or
mercedes or where they have the pink and purple running designed by a puerto rican
yeah it looks
kind of ethnic it looks a little ethnic um you know the reality is this is more
of an english gentleman's
car it doesn't it doesn't have a horn that goes beep it did it did it yeah
right right yeah this isn't a
you know so they have some new my audi like literally half the technology is
being able
to change the lighting panels and everything right it really is dude that's all
the technology went into
i got a white trim some people like when they get in a car to for it to be lit
up and to feel like
a you know some type of carnival yeah because that's where they work or that's
where they their
good family memories are going to a free carnival it's a simple way yeah they're
treating they're
treating people like morons they're going you like flashing lights don't you
yeah and we do yeah i
love it for sure i mean there's nothing there's nothing if i want to if i was i
could match my
lighting scheme to my outfits and that's what they sold it to me that way they
looked at me when they
they're like that this puerto rican guy's gonna love this feature right and
they said they're like
you can match the lighting scheme every day to whatever outfit you're wearing
and i was like what the
is wrong yeah i mean it's that that's such a so the new one is going to
probably i don't even know
these d what these differences are i mean they both have a v8 engine right yeah
i have a sport
i have a sport package which they don't even make anymore which is faster mine
my engines might be
even better and this is the uh this is the uh 2018 right here four liter v8
same yeah same
shit i mean you know and again if you look go to the interior of the 2022 i
mean by the way is
this not a relatable segment this is like the least relatable of the 20th i
mean there there are people
i have people watching this overdosing on heroin right now but if you look at
it look at it yeah go
to the next one ben go to the right right can i tell you why it's relatable
yeah yeah tell me why
because they oh they watched you dude i remember yeah i remember tim once a
month would ask me for an
advance on his i would six hundred dollar a month podcast payout i would and
like the 27th would hit
and yeah he's like dude i need the money i need i need it in cash i know and
you'd give it to me
and that would upload a photo an hour later at a steakhouse
but it's 75 dollars today it's inspiring for people to watch you this is why
people like you
that is relatable you're not yeah you're not gifted anything dude you've been
hustling and grinding for
a long time yeah no i've been it's 12 years yeah it's a long time it's a really
long time and i think
people see it like i'm 37 the best years of my life are over and they were poor
yeah like the vast
majority of my life i would have rather have this money at 21. yeah because you
have more energy it's
more it's cooler that's why the la peep now obviously i have more perspective
now and blah blah blah
but the la life that these tiktokers live is what's supposed to happen you get
famous at 18
you're famous until you're 25 and then you die 27 or 28 and because it doesn't
get better and you
did it and you were famous at the best time to be famous you didn't work for it
you didn't know what
it was you had no now we have perspective it's you know but there's something
nice about just
getting a whole bunch of you don't even know why you have it yeah and all of it's
just fun
i i don't even understand how i got laid when i was in my 20s i was so poor
yeah and dirty yeah my
body right was