Name: #302 - Put Them In A Big Pot | The Tim Dillon Show
Uploaded: 2022-06-12T01:00:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '#302 - Put Them In A Big Pot | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '#302 - Put Them In A Big Pot | The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-06-12. Transcript available.

#302 - Put Them In A Big Pot | The Tim Dillon Show

um i'm you know because we've done well here on the show and uh you know that's
no secret to
anyone and we're you know grateful to all the fans for that uh i've decided to
get a personal
trainer and this is something that i have put off doing for a long time and uh
and i it's out of
fear but i finally found somebody that i think i connected with and somebody
who i look at as an
example of what i think i can do and that's big to me to find someone who i
look at a certain body
type i look at somebody i go that's out of reach or that's something that i can't
do but this is
someone who i met with we had a consultation he understood my limitations and
he he understands
the potential there and uh i'm excited about this and i think that it'll be it'll
challenge me you
know this will be something that um you know i don't you know take lightly this
is something that
i'm really going to now really try to do with this person who i see who's i'm
fully committed and they
are fully committed and they have represented some people you know and they've
you know coached i don't
even know the term trained some of the most famous people in the world um so
this is my personal trainer
pat i was ralph may's personal trainer let me see how that went he really tried
to pull a guy at least
i got his money yeah well he did work with ralph at the end and i don't think
we can look at the results
i think we have to look at the journey and i think the journey was valuable and
i think even though that
that didn't necessarily end in a way that you know is positive i think i don't
think it's your fault i
think you certainly did the best and what what are your plans for me what
should i really be i mean
looking forward to and what what should i be kind of like focused on lots of
walking
yeah well we can do that we certainly can do that but again this is someone who
gets me
and he gets what i'm capable of and so many trainers when i've met with them
don't and they push me
uh pat has said i don't really or shouldn't even think about going to a gym for
three to four years
which i think is important to just kind of start slow and isn't that right pat
you said i should
just really not push myself and this is something that i'm trained lizio too
yeah he's trained lizzo
and they're getting very serious now with lizzo you know and i saw you know
lizard kind of walking
you around the mall and kind of pushing you around and i think that's that's
good that's where i'm going
to start we're starting just kind of moving pat through certain you know areas
it's amazing when
you meet someone who has a passion for fitness that pat does because i have not
you know my whole life
i haven't had one but pat has kind of showed me that fitness isn't necessarily
any one thing
fitness could mean many many things and the passion that he has for fitness and
what he's been able to
do at one time i think he weighed over four or five hundred pounds and what he's
been able to do
you know with his body is completely is very impressive um and i i am just in
awe
of that and it's something that i want to emulate and this is something is even
a workout too yes yes
breathing is and that's what he told me because breath control and breathing is
is probably the most
important thing and that i shouldn't really get into weights or cardio to just
kind of just the in and
the out the in and the out the in and the out are you are you taking on any new
clients right now is
there is there anything that you're excited about is there anything that you
want to promote or you're
promoting any fitness programs because i don't want to keep all this to myself
you know there's a lot of
people out there that need help and one thing i've learned is that when you
have something good you
want to give it away you want to share it because that becomes you know a
really important part of
the journey of growth is not hoarding the knowledge sharing it freely with
other people and pat has
allowed this you hopefully you won't die like ralph did well that's the goal
that is certainly the goal
but we go we go nice and slow that's what we've learned slow and steady wins
the race and that's
what pat has always said we don't want to move too quickly we don't want to
disrupt the systems
that we've come to rely on and uh it's really amazing you know how how you've
inspired me and i want
to thank you again for everything that you've done not only for me but for
several other people that in this
business that you've worked with and you know the trainers don't get a lot of
attention you know
nobody nobody calls and says hey what a great job but you've you've you've you've
done a lot and uh
it's i really am i'm excited to to work with you and to see where this
relationship goes i think it's
just going to be amazing and and a lot of people are very excited that i've
chosen pat you know because
a lot of people were worried that i would choose you know one of these la
bullshit trainers but i chose someone who i believe is inspiring and committed
been an amazing
uh time we've worked together for two months we haven't really done anything
yet physically
but the point is to really just kind of fully you know he has me reading
through the history of
gyms and personal fitness and exercise writing a lot about that and you know
just reading a lot of theory
and that's where i think the other trainers don't work hard like i do that's a
good point a lot of
them don't and it's unfortunate and it's something that i think you know is is
really amazing is that
when you find somebody who who gets it and uh i want to thank you and i just
want to i hope that you
don't give up on me just don't give up on me that's all i'm asking i know
sometimes it might be frustrating but
we're in this for the long haul i just i'm just hoping that you are in this as
well for the long
haul with me this is uh you know it's just you're a spectacular find and uh i
hope you're as committed
to this as i am i will never give up on me but it's a really good paycheck
there you have it this is my new personal trainer pat
thank you so much for everything we we appreciate it and again if you're
interested in in training with
pat uh contact me via dm and we'll get you his information because he's
absolutely one of the best
thank you so much i took the helix quiz i was matched with the firm mattress
because i sleep on my side and it's great i love it it's a huge upgrade it's
something that's very
important sleeping is one of the most important things in life because you're
rested you're ready
to take on everything but a lot of people out there don't sleep well so they're
insane
what do you think about sleeping i love sleeping man it's the best especially
with helix it makes
it a lot more fun well helix makes your bed match you perfectly nice right nice
because here's what helix does
they like ben will fill out a quiz and they go oh this guy's an idiot where
would he want to sleep and
then they match him with the bed that's right for someone who's thoughtless
head hits the pillow every
night somebody like me they go oh we got to get a bed for a genius they have a
10-year warranty and
you get to try it out for 100 nights risk-free they'll even pick it up for you
if you don't look i mean
this is in all actuality all of my beds are helix they're easy they come in the
thing you know
they ship them to you i mean it's really good you have the they have the
pillows free pillows
they're offering up to 200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our
listeners helix sleep.com
slash tim d helix sleep.com go and get because here's the deal they're cheap
and they will ship
them to you and they're great beds yeah 10-year warranty i've never heard of a
mattress having
something like that and they could do financing options which right now with uh
i mean it's huge
great idea you might want to keep that cash i mean i think helix is just it's
taking over the market
you know helixsleep.com tim d ladies and gentlemen welcome to the uh tim dylan
show that was our friend
pat pat our very funny friend pat who uh has a muscular dystrophy and we uh
brought him out to
california my voice is going and uh it's not coveted we've i've tested 95 times
no cigarettes five days
um but you're gonna hear the voices uh it's a little strained but instead of
abandoning you and
giving you nothing we're doing an episode but that was our friend pat who um we
flew out here
uh with his mother and his nurse um to be a part of the show and you know no
one's gonna write an
article about that but maybe they should maybe they should and maybe if you are
in the press
and you want to write an article and stop lying about the homes i have and
start saying who does
more for people with muscular dystrophy than tim dylan right is trash tuesday
bringing out
cripples no no no no no they are not no they are not so of course i'm here and
i it's not and i don't
do nice things to keep bringing them up it's not a big deal that we paid for
the whole thing and
brought him out here with his family it doesn't matter it's something that
anyone would have done
and i'm not bringing it up to to to basically try to get goodwill for for
myself or for this show
i'm what i'm stating is a fact that we did a selfless act and when an act is
selfless you don't
need to bring it up and we don't and i don't i don't bring it up i say one time
what we did i tell
you one time what we did and then if you want to go to the press you can go to
the press and i am
available to do interviews about it because it was a nice thing to do he was a
sweetheart of a man
and we like him a lot and um his nurse was a little bit wacky his nurse was a
little wacky his
nurse now again with the nurses i'm telling you right now these nurses i'm
telling you they're
i mean it's i'm not even going into like hacky covener shit that's for my
special it'll be out
in seven months but i'm telling you the nurses have to be watched because this
guy's nurse
ended up stealing his credit card and then sucking dick for crack on sunset boulevard
at like three o'clock in the morning this is true this is all true and his
nurse was on
many drugs and and it was very strange to me am i lying no so far no lies so
far no lies so
i'm just saying we wish the best to everyone involved because his nurse was it
was stunning
the nurse hadn't been a nurse for a while and then they brought him back for
this like
i think they fired him because he was doing drugs with the guy and then they
said you can't do drugs
with him and i think the nurse's attitude was like who cares it'll be fun you
know he's lived longer
than we thought he would live let's have a party and then um i think the
parents were like let's not
do that let's get out of here and then they brought him back for this one trip
and they go oh we're
going to la to do the tim dylan show we're going to bring you on this trip and
the nurse
then went buck wild as soon as he got here he raided a mini bar he was insane
and he stole
the kid's credit card and he smoked crack and i believe he was sucking people
off for crack
this is
what i heard and the guy has a voice app this guy pat and at the lunch
the voice app would be he would be like you know the nurses i'm not going to
say the nurse's name but
whatever the voice that would be like he is also an alcoholic he drinks all day
and you would just
be sitting there and like looking at the nurse like so what are you gonna do
but but a lot of fun and
very good very nice people um chesa budin the san francisco district attorney
was just recalled they
had a recall election for chesa bud and this was the guy who was he wanted to
reform the criminal
justice system in san francisco um he wanted to reform it till there was none
like he was
he was basically he was like if you get stabbed he was like hey that's part of
it
calm down and he treated he treated the drug addicts in san francisco kind of
the way
i treat my friends that are on drugs i ignore them and i don'