Name: The Life Coach | The Tim Dillon Show #309
Uploaded: 2022-07-31T01:00:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Life Coach | The Tim Dillon Show #309' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Life Coach | The Tim Dillon Show #309' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-31. Transcript available.

The Life Coach | The Tim Dillon Show #309

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the tim dillon show we are in what they call a
recession uh or
there's some debate about that because a technical recession is two quarters of
negative growth which
we have not had but uh you know the prices of things now the gas the what do
they call it the
pain at the pump god i love that pain at the pump the gas the the inflation oh
yeah everything's
going up everything's going up food i mean what does it cost to feed a fat
american family now like
three thousand dollars a week right i mean it's the the you just gotta you
leave with like buckets of
chocolate sauce for the kids it's so much money you you can't get ahead and biden
our president who's
with us this week he's back he said uh biden says the u.s is not in a recession
despite uh two
consecutive quarters of a shrinking economy but maybe there's some some uh
there's some debate
about whether it's it's it's not negative growth or listen it's it's it's
hurting out there people are
hurting out there but the job numbers are good people are employed people are
scooping italian ice
people are out there working so that in and of itself is um a positive it's a
positive thing
there these are positives right there are negatives uh the gas being very high
the food the cost of uh
you know uh flying if you can even fly they just cancel everything now they
just cancel the flights
um but certain companies are being creative with this and this is what i want
to tell you you have
to be creative to survive you're not going to be able to get through this time
unless you survive
airbnb has decided to start trafficking women and this is creative and it's a
good business it's
controversial for sure but airbnb you know it's a company that i love and
respect great company uh they are
now moving on from just simply a hotel uh service to a trafficking the women
that stay in the hotels
to to stay in the homes now airbnb is saying let's traffic those women uh to
local traffickers
and that will make us a little bit on the top they want a little extra on the
top so this is an article
here florida woman alleges airbnb host in tulum attempted to sex traffic her
and friends i gotta say
smart right it's just smart so you have the florida woman claims airbnb host so
they uh st petersburg
uh woman amber jackson had the scare of her life while checking into an airbnb
in tulum
upon checking into the vacation home jackson and her friends noticed that there
appeared to be blood
on the gate the concierge team assured her that it was just paint so the airbnb
concierge team i don't
know if you know if you know this now they will assure you that the body in the
uh house is a joke
like the airbnb concierge team their job is to just let you know that whatever
um you know
whatever bodily fluid that you find on your rental property is supposed to be
there that's a part of
the experience don't worry about it and uh they said it's just paint and jackson
uh didn't believe
them amber jackson said uh i don't believe you once inside jackson noticed that
the keypads were not
set for the rooms this would allow anyone to walk into the home and have access
to the belongings or the
women themselves after configuring the keypad herself jackson was ready to head
out and have fun with her
friends okay however when they returned they found a strange man standing
outside the home claiming to
be security it's important to note that by this time they had been there for a
few days and never saw
security any other nights jackson immediately contacted the homeowner and concierge
team to verify
the man's claims but nobody answered for the entire night the women guarded
themselves with knives as
they slept and checked out early the next morning so this is now what uh airbnb
is doing airbnb has
decided that they need to start earning more money how can you earn more money
right now trafficking your
guests this is the best way to do it um i mean it's it's great and they gave
her a refund of 67
and they didn't traffic her which may say something about the way she looked
and the way her friends
looked they might not have been trafficable but you have to be um you have to
be vigilant
and you have to be creative in this economy if you're going to stay alive so i
applaud airbnb uh from uh
you know like expanding their business model from the uh general uh staying in
people's dilapidated homes
to actually trafficking uh vulnerable people who stay at their properties so
that is a great by the way
hats off to everyone at airbnb for making this change in your business and when
you report earnings i'm sure
that people will respond positively to this i think investors are going to like
it i think people are
going to go well here's a company realizing they're on the way out because they
are on the way out people
are getting sick of it hotels are back and we've made this point before you
know the air the mystique
of the airbnb staying in someone else's house vacationing in someone else's
life going oh my god
do i want to live in charleston let's see this is all over now the pandemic has
ended you're back to
your horrible life you've returned to your horrible life you can no longer
pretend to live in a 90 other
lives during the pandemic everybody had this fantasy where they could go around
the country living in
people's lives people putting cowboy hats on and line dancing they had no idea
who they were and some
of those people bought property fucking idiot doing that okay some of those
people had a pulled pork
sandwich and went yeah i should have a mortgage with this um and that's why you
saw how you know
uh places like austin and nashville these places that are just exploded and if
you're happy there god
bless you um and there's a ton of reasons to get out of new york and la but the
reality is you have to
choose a life now the pandemic is over you must actually choose a life for many
many months there
you did not have to choose a life you could literally week to week be a
different person
every single week am i the bread baking ho what am i am i politically conscious
ho am i nashville
boots ho am i fucking austin texas taco ho you have to choose what type of ho i'm
not gendering this
but you have to choose what type of hoe you're gonna be now you must choose a
life you had your
chance you had your time and it was fun and it was entertaining and i hope
everybody enjoyed it and i
hope to god you use those couple of years to really go out there and see what
you like and and that's
what airbnb was for it was for pretend oh we can all pretend to live in each
other's lives i wonder
what it feels like to be an artsy person in the west village and i wonder what
it feels like to
live in montana and look at these mountains every day and what does it feel
like to be in palm springs
it's so hot and sexy but you eventually have to choose a place you know you
eventually have to
choose a life to live and that is why airbnb which is just an extension of
people's madness um
and of course bachelorette parties and uh bachelor parties and and things like
that which is i guess
what airbnb is let's get like is they tried to sway it from that they tried to
steer it away from the
idea of like let's rent the house to have a big party but that's really what it
should be you know
because during the pandemic it became like maybe i live in maryland but what it
really is is you know
what i mean like i like crabs but now what it really is is going back to what
it should be where you just
rent the house you have a party you trash it and someone dies that is what airbnb
always should have
been a party house like they should have you should have three insurance
policies on your home
and you should just have like frat guys come in and just pillage for 48 hours
and hope to god that
nobody gets alcohol poisoning and dies in the pool and they all give you
thirteen hundred dollars for the
privilege of partying in your dump of the house in tucson arizona that's what
airbnb should be and
that's what it'll be now now that uh the pandemic's over but now monkeypox is
here and people are getting
monkeypox uh in orgies and monkeypox is a disease that's affecting a a gay man
what a fun way to be you
know you got to come out of the closet to just tell people you have monkeypox
right and you go oh but i'm
not gay i don't know how it happened but this is what happens right people
monkey park monkeypox monkey
parks monkey parks a new discovery land community you know the discovery land
people now you don't many
of you don't know about the discovery land people because you're you're just
out of it but the
discovery land people are the people that are behind um the new development in
la quinta out in the desert
of california called the madison club where the kardashians live uh the
discovery land properties
and they have one in cordelaine idaho and they have a bunch of them and what
they are is a investment
group uh that caters to high net worth individuals that want to have homes all
over the country in
different desirable locations like the mountains the beach um you know some of
them want to live in
the woods and they spend like two weeks you know a year in each home and what
they do is they they
entice a bunch of celebrities to buy these homes very early on like leo they
give a house to leo
dicaprio and then he goes to like the local general store and then the
photographers photograph him there
and then all of the sudden all these billionaires start going well i want to
live near leo
i want to do that so the discovery land people go well he's got a house in the
development act now and
all these houses like you know there's one house on sale in the madison club
right now it's 26 million
dollars so it's very very expensive um and uh they are a interesting you know
when i like to keep tabs
on what the super rich are doing what the what super wealthy people do uh
interest me especially as
things um unfold the way they are in our society right uh you go where are the
people like where
are they going and they love these discovery land they are secured they are gated
they are all around
championship golf courses they are and this is where they want to live this is
where they don't want to
live with you and nobody's air being being their homes uh out in these places
let's play now this is from
2016 it's an old video but let's play that because i'm hoping that they give me
one of these homes
i can't do any of the music it's copyrighted but so here here's the type of
homes they have baker's bay
in the bahamas yellowstone club in montana perhaps you'd like gaza ranch
quarter lanes how about makina in maui hawaii
perhaps the summit in summerland nivana would be more to your liking
how about silo ridge i love these names these sound like like white supremacist
compounds
the madison club in la quinta beautiful
el dorado they kind of stole that one huh
so what they do is they just go around the world creating these little narniers
for people now why haven't they done one in austin texas it seems like a no-brainer
to me to have a madison i mean what is wrong with them are they nuts
are they stupid are these people daft it seems to make so much sense to me
to put one of these places in austin texas which is let's get the weather up
right now what is the
weather in austin texas this is when folks i got to be honest with you california
you can hate it and
and and and and i'm not saying you shouldn't but the climate we really are
winning climate right now
odds in texas 100 degrees humidity 41 percent yeah and it's been that way for
what like forever
yeah and it'll go up to 103 by wednesday it's why doesn't the madison like why
doesn't um the
people behind the discovery land properties build a luxury because what they
should do is build a luxury
compound in austin texas where every single house has its own podcast studio
and comedy club
every house so every like 15 000 square foot house has a comedy club in it
where rich psychopath