Name: White Marble with Paul Virzi | The Tim Dillon Show #314
Uploaded: 2022-09-04T01:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'White Marble with Paul Virzi | The Tim Dillon Show #314' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'White Marble with Paul Virzi | The Tim Dillon Show #314' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-09-04. Transcript available.

White Marble with Paul Virzi | The Tim Dillon Show #314

By the way, do you know how fucking great it is that a fucking, do you know how
great it is
and how fucking happy I am for you that you fucking came here in this
disgusting town
and you fucking are a New York kid doing this?
Yeah, still, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, you pulled up in a Bentley and I fucking got real happy.
I appreciate it, thank you.
I got real fucking happy.
Thank you.
Well, you know, it's...
Are we on?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, shit, okay.
Well, yeah, we don't tell people when we're on.
Oh, okay, yeah, no, that's good.
Well, what's good about me is that I'm at the comedy store and I'm not in jail,
you know,
because it's been rough for a few years out here.
Left and right, people getting taken out, headshots.
Yeah.
I just wished I lived at a time when you didn't know smoking was bad for you.
That's the time I wish I lived in because, you know, we know so much now that
to do certain
things now, you have to really have a death wish, which I don't have.
But back, you know, I don't have that.
But back then, you could just enjoy a cigarette.
I saw clips of, like, Jackie Gleason.
You could see, like, when Jackie Gleason was on, like, train carts and they're
just drinking
and smoking.
And there was no talking about it.
It was just going to the club and having scotch and drinking cigarettes was it.
Well, there was, you know, there was a thing in that era where people really,
like, fun
was a big deal.
Like, having fun.
Right.
Like, fun.
Letting loose.
Right.
Letting loose.
Yeah.
Having fun.
We've kind of done away with that now.
Yeah.
Where, like, there was the idea that you could really enjoy yourself and that
part of your
life should be defined by your ability to have fun.
Right.
To let loose.
Yeah.
Well, if you know, I mean, I'm sure Giannis has told you, Giannis Papas, of
course, but
I, my problem in my fighting with my wife is that it's a little too much with
me.
Right.
So, if I did live in that time, I probably, it probably wouldn't have been long-lived.
Oh, yeah.
You know, like, I still, I mean, I still, I have two, I say I'm going to have
two white
claws.
I'm up all night drinking.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, I just.
You just have fun.
I just have fun.
And then let's smoke a cigar.
But, Paul, it's three in the morning.
Yeah.
You got to be up with the kids tomorrow.
Yeah.
I'll be fine.
And then I'm a mess.
The kids will be fine.
Yeah.
And then I'm an absolute mess for two days.
Yeah.
And then she handles the kids.
And then she handles the kids.
And then she's resentful to me.
Yeah.
Oh, by the way, then I'm going, now I'm going to Beverly Hills for a week.
Yeah, but she's not on Netflix.
You know what I mean?
Like.
I'm the one with the special.
Yeah.
I mean, like, hey, wake up a little bit.
You know, are you funny?
That's hilarious.
So, your Netflix special's out.
What is the title of it?
The Netflix special's called Nocturnal Admissions.
Nocturnal Admissions.
Admissions, right.
I like that.
Yes, and yeah, it's on Netflix right now.
It's streaming.
It's doing extremely well, so I'm very, very thankful about that.
That's awesome about it.
Check it out, man.
It's getting great reviews, and I'm really happy.
I was working hard, and luckily I got COVID early.
Yeah.
Because getting COVID.
You got COVID like, you were like patient zero.
Dude, I joked.
I said I got COVID like I was waiting for an album to drop.
Right.
Like, I was online at midnight for PlayStation 5.
Yeah.
I got COVID.
And then you just basically, like, coasted for the next two years, like, unafraid.
And, yeah, yeah.
You were like, immunity, who gives a fuck?
Well, yeah.
And then five months after, when the world was shut down, I was like, all right,
now let's
go to the states that really don't believe in COVID.
Right.
And that's what we did.
Yeah.
We went on tour that whole time.
I wonder, to be honest with you, I wonder in our lifetimes if there will ever
be a more
interesting time to do stand-up than when we did it, like, during that era.
And I think me, you, Brett Ernst, and maybe a couple of other people were out,
out.
Yeah, we were out.
No, no, like, I was like, people were like, dude, are you touring?
Like, is this your tour?
We were out like it wasn't happening.
Yeah, we were out like it didn't exist.
Yeah, we were out.
I was in Texas.
I was in Arizona.
All those things.
100%.
And I was doing it every week.
Yeah.
And some comics were like, I see the, I mean, obviously, I don't think they
were talking
about who, I don't know who they're talking about.
Right.
But yeah, these comics who have, like, full schedules, like, yeah, that's
responsible.
And it's like, nobody's booking you.
Right.
You're not giving up anything.
You're not.
Well, Callan and Schaub went out early and they got sick.
Yeah.
And then they had to post, hey, if you shook my hand in the meet and greet.
And that was funny because it's like, wait, you did a fucking meet and greet?
Like, that was like, that was like the next level of like, wait a minute, what?
So that made a lot of people start going like, what the fuck?
You're, you're doing comedy and you're doing a meet and greet.
But it was like, listen, the way I looked at it was like this.
Listen, I was like, you know, I've done comedy now.
I started in like 2010, like late 2010.
So I was like, listen, I'm doing it a very long time.
You're 13 years in.
13 years in.
I was like, I finally have some people that want to come see me.
I've been on the road a very, very long time.
And I'm taking every precaution.
And just knowing a little bit about viruses, you knew basically, you know, this
wasn't,
there was no way this was going to be preventable.
I mean, people are going to get it.
People are going to get it.
You know what I don't like now, Tim?
Yeah.
Is that now they're coming out going, the truth is, the real truth is, if it
wasn't an
N95 mask, it kind of didn't, like if you had a cloth mask.
It was fake.
It was fake.
Yeah.
Well, remember the hand sanitizer.
Remember all the things we did, wiping down packages, all that shit.
And then we realized, oh, none of that worked.
That's not how it spread.
We don't have to fucking wipe down all of this shit.
You don't have to take out fucking ethyl alcohol and spray down.
It doesn't affect food.
Yeah.
Panda Express fucking to-go boxes.
Yeah.
We didn't have to do any of that.
Nobody.
It was insane.
But we were out there, and I remember doing standup the week before the
election, and
it was November, and it was the week before the election, and I remember it was,
we had
the pandemic and the election, and I remember saying to my opener, we were
sitting in the
back in the green room, and I said, and then Trump, I believe, had gone, he had
just got
COVID.
I think you were in Nashville, yeah, and he was getting flown in a helicopter.
Yeah, and I don't know when this was.
It was maybe, it was October.
Yeah.
It was close to the election.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I said to my opener, I'm like, we could find out the president is dead in
the middle
of the show.
I'm like, we don't know what's going on.
I'm like, the president of the United States, who's in his 70s, has COVID.
Yeah, that's true.
He's overweight, in his 70s, has COVID, and we are sitting in the back of, I
don't know
if it was stand-up live in Phoenix.
I don't know where I was, but I said, we're close to an election.
I'm like, there's never been a crazier time in my memory to do stand-up comedy
than this
period.
No, it was, we did it in a time where when we talk about it, and you tell
people, you're
going to go, like, years and years, you got on stage, like, during it.
Right.
Like, at the height of it, actually.
I was actually in Arizona at the height of it.
Yeah, it was like, every other table, they had partitions, people had masks.
People are going to go, wait a minute, what?
We did shows outside.
Yeah, you know how funny it was when Trump was like, I was fine.
Yeah, he was like, it was great.
But he, you know, when they put him on the plane.
I heard he actually had a rough time.
Yeah, he said when they put him on the plane, am I going to go out like Stan
Scherer, who was
a friend of his who died with it?
So, you know, he was like, what the fuck?
And it is one of those things where, you know, it was weird, because most
people were okay,
but then every now and then you heard somebody that was like, they got really
fucked up, and
you went, wait, what?
Sometimes it was somebody who you wouldn't expect.
But we were out there doing stand-up during that time.
That was crazy.
We were, and I was getting real busy, and it started to get weird, because,
like, not many
people were doing it.
And then I asked myself, I said to my wife, I was like, is this okay?
Like, am I a fucking, like, am I, and then I was like, I told people, listen,
like, you
know, if you want to come out, like, be safe, like, you know, and then, like,
all the clubs
had that, like, gun that, like, did something with the air, which you didn't
know.
Like, I didn't know.
Nobody knew what that was.
You know, no one knew.
I mean, no one knew.
These comedy clubs are.
Comedy clubs are trying everything.
They're the worst, you know, they're infectious disease breeding grounds, right?
It's people close together, eating, drinking, and laughing.
Hopefully.
No, but we're spraying stuff.
Right.
Everyone's fine.
We got Lysol.
Everything's fine.
Yeah, there's 300 of you.
Very close.
But the spray, we're recycling the air.
They said that, and I go, what is that?
Like, when they said, no, we recycle the air, the air's new.
I didn't know what that.
They didn't know what it was.
It was just everybody.
They were just like, listen, we need money.
That's the other thing.
That's what it should have.
That's the other thing that people forgot.
You know, people needed money.
Yeah.
And people, you know, there were, certainly there were benefits for people that
didn't
have, but there were people that were like, hey man, I got a family.
Yeah.
I got to feed people.
You have two kids.
That's why I was going to say, fuck you.
Yeah.
I have no kids, but I want money.
Yeah, yeah.
So I was like, listen, if you come to the show, you know, I don't know how many
people
I killed with my tour.
Someone, someone died from my tour.
Someone died.
No, I have no way of knowing.
I found out one guy got sick at mine.
Like that actually came back.
That got sick.
Cause I said, I go, if you guys hear anything, just let me know.
One guy got it.
And then like a week later, I didn't hear anything.
So I guess he made it.
I don't even want to know how many people died from my tour.
A few people died.
A few people died.
People are going to die.
And you better crush that night.
No, it's, you know, I mean, you, you came out.
Yeah.
But you could have died from going to the grocery store.
Yeah.
So what are you going to do?
And I also think that there are some people that were like, look, I know the
risk.
I'm not living like this.
That's right.
I'm not living like this anymore.
So if God forbid, if God forbid something happens, I'm going to a comedy club
to laugh.
Tonight and I'm done.
Cause I sat in the house for months and I'm going to see this guy who I like.
I'm sure a lot of people did that.
A lot.
And they were probably very Republican.
Yeah.
And they were, and they were good audiences.
And to me, I love comedy.
Like to me, comedy is a live sport.
It's meant to be seen live.
Like it's obviously it's great when it's recorded.
It's great.
But to me, being in the room is, is, is the thing.
It's a hundred percent true.
There were no, so to me, there were no substitutions.
These live stream shows that people were doing the shows on zoom, all of these,
you know, whatever, you know, technological innovation that allowed people to
perform.
You know, I just was like in standups got to be live.
Yeah.
Podcasting can be what it is, but standups got to be live.
So I didn't feel like there was any substitution.
So I'm like, I'm either going to not do it.
Right.
For two years or I got to go out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, I 