Name: Christmas in Nantucket | The Tim Dillon Show #325
Uploaded: 2022-12-04T05:47:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Christmas in Nantucket | The Tim Dillon Show #325' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Christmas in Nantucket | The Tim Dillon Show #325' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-04. Transcript available.

Christmas in Nantucket | The Tim Dillon Show #325

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
We are in the midst of Twittergate.
This is a big deal, big news, big story, epic, huge.
This is big.
It's our boy Hunter Biden's laptop.
If you remember that, Elon Musk, who now owns Twitter,
and what he has done is he has given internal documents
to Matt Taibbi, who's a journalist about the supposed,
and it seems pretty, I won't even say the word supposed,
it seems pretty established that the suppression
of Hunter Biden's laptop story.
Now, you remember Hunter Biden is the president's son.
He's a crackhead.
He likes whores.
He has all of that on a lap.
I don't know why he has every photo of everyone he's fucked
and every crack pipe he's ever put into his mouth
in a fucking Google Drive, but he does.
He has everything that he's ever done.
It makes no sense to me.
I'm a guy that used to do drugs, not as many as Hunter Biden,
and I didn't have that much fun doing it,
but it never occurred to me in the midst of my drug use,
like straw in nose over CD case.
It was the gin blossoms.
I never said to myself, why don't I have a fucking photograph of this?
Why don't I have, you know, why isn't this documented?
But every single thing Hunter Biden has ever done
is documented, and it's on a fucking laptop.
And the laptop went to a, I guess, a laptop repair shop,
and he just left it.
This is apparently what happened.
Hunter Biden on crack with hookers, photos on the laptop.
Also has this weird job at Burisma,
which is some energy company in our favorite country, the Ukraine.
Hunter Biden's dad got him the job, or maybe,
or the idea that they would have some closeness with the dad inspired them.
I don't know that Hunter Biden was really, you know,
enthused about natural gas,
or that he had a passion for energy.
This is some type of sweetheart gig that he had.
All of this starts looking and feeling like a scandal,
whether it is or not, but it probably is.
This is a story about a father and a son.
And, I mean, Joe Biden, and I've said this before,
he's had the most tragic life of anyone I've ever,
I mean, he's like, I mean, like, Joe Biden,
one son died of a brain tumor.
The other son is a crackhead,
started dating the one son who's died's wife,
started fucking his wife, okay?
I believe Joe Biden's first family,
if you can look this up,
I think they're all, like, dead.
I think Biden's first wife died.
Like, Joe Biden's first family
was, like, some type of tragic situation, too.
Like, they're all, yeah, yeah, she died.
His first wife died.
Yeah, she died.
God.
So this was a, she died in a car crash
with her one-year-old daughter, Naomi.
Her two sons, Beau and Hunter,
were both critically injured but survived the wreck.
So this family has, like, a gypsy curse put on them.
I've always said that maybe Biden
had sold his soul to the devil for power
and the devil said,
well, I'll make you president,
but you're gonna, I'm gonna take a lot
in the way, on the way.
It's like nothing I've ever seen.
It makes you feel bad for him, right?
I mean, even though he's, you know, whatever,
you put a bunch of black people in jail
and he's probably done some horrible things himself,
it's sad when you look at his entire life
is tragic, right?
So now he's got this son, Hunter, and this laptop
and the story comes out in the New York Post.
There's, like, all kinds of shit on this laptop.
It's not good.
And now Twitter goes on the laptop
and the Twitter safety group,
whoever the people are that handle
the Twitter misinformation,
because you gotta remember,
it was all Russia and Russia's coming
and they're gonna make you believe you're, you know,
and it was a whole thing about how everybody's Russian.
Your aunt is Russian who likes Trump.
She's, everybody who was Russian or Chinese
and everyone's a bot or a troll
and nobody was real.
Who's real?
Who's real?
Is Uncle Ralph real?
No, he's Russian.
The Russians put him up to it.
Everything after Trump was elected
was about how Russia had apparently taken over
all of Facebook and started posting
as your aunts and uncles.
Nobody really voted for Trump.
It was, now listen,
was Russia fucking with our elections?
Sure.
Have we fucked with all of theirs?
Yes.
Was it an overreaction
by the intelligence community in America?
Seemingly a bit.
Because they then spent two years
going Trump's a Russian asset
and they couldn't prove any of it.
But they had to sit down with Twitter all the time
and they had to go,
there's disinformation coming.
You better get ready.
Are you ready for the disinformation?
And you know the people at Twitter,
they wanna be good.
I've met some of these people.
Not that they work at Twitter,
but I know who they are.
They go to Stanford and they're,
you know, they're like,
we are elite and we are the utopians
and we are ushering in a brave new world
where everyone's gonna love each other
and be nice to each other
and say these words and not those words.
And they'll get the right information
at the right time
so they can make the right decision.
And by the right decision,
I mean the decision that we made three months ago
that they're going to now adopt.
This is the way they believe.
This is what they think.
And they eat dumplings and vegan food
and, you know,
not because they're all Asian,
but there is a contingent
and there's nothing wrong with that.
But this is, you know,
I like the Asian culture.
It's a very clean culture
and there's a lot we can learn from them.
But the thing of what I'm saying here,
I'm not going Kanye here, relax.
What I'm saying is that
you have, it's a different culture.
Tech is different.
Finance is more aggressive and agro.
Tech is a little bit more,
you know, it's a cold and cool,
manipulative kind of sociopath culture.
They really believe
they're doing the right thing.
They really believe it.
They really believe
that you just got to get on board.
The whole thing
is about getting you on board
with all of the solutions
that are going to fix your life.
And this little thing
you have in your head
called the brain is no good.
And they have to figure out
how to basically have you relax.
It's like a plane.
You know, when they started
taking the pilots out of the aircraft,
the plane started crashing less
because the planes
now do most of the work.
This is the way that tech people
kind of think about the world.
If they can get you
out of the decision-making process
of whatever it happens to be,
voting for who you want,
taking a vaccine,
whatever it is,
they don't want you in the process.
They want to remove you
from the process
as much as possible
because you don't have the information.
They have the information.
They're the guardians
of the information.
So every week,
and this is,
again, I listen to Yoel Roth
on Kara Swisher's podcast.
I've listened to Vijigati before.
She's been on Rogan
and stuff like that.
I don't think these are evil people
by nature.
I think they are kind of drunk
on their own power a little bit.
And I think they have like a,
it's like a mom complex.
Have you ever met a real mom
who's like,
you know,
I used to have an aunt named Michelle
who was like a mom.
She was like,
what's going on?
Like she has that energy.
You know what I mean?
Like a mom who's like
with a shirt that says
it's wine o'clock.
And you know what I mean?
And she's like a martyr.
And she's like,
if you knew half
of what I had to deal with,
you know how many Nazis
I deal with on a daily basis.
And it's a mom energy.
It's like a drunk wine mom
who's had enough
of her shit kids.
And she comes in the house
and she's like,
fucking Christ,
y'all eat when I say you eat.
And you'll watch the things
I say you can watch
because I'm a mom.
And you can understand it
because that's a mother.
But these people
are a little drunk on their power.
They have a little bit
of a mom energy.
They're like,
there's a lot of kids
and teenagers and trolls
and Nazis and Russians
and Chinese.
And everybody's yelling
at each other on these sites.
Nobody really wants to admit
that these sites
are just kind of bad, right?
I mean, that would be the real,
but we can't admit that.
There goes all the money
because we can't admit that,
that these things
are easily gamed.
They make us less human.
The eventual thing
is that they destroy
our humanity entirely.
But between now and then,
there's a lot of rev.
There's a lot of ad revenue.
So people have to go.
It's almost like,
you know,
it's almost like
going to a crackhead
and going,
can't you just smoke
a little bit?
I mean,
you're embarrassing yourself
if you're sitting
on the street.
Can you smoke a little bit
at the end of the day
after work?
And it's like,
no, they're on crack.
So what happens
with these sites
is it is kind of funny
to watch people debate
how to make them
really, really great
when a lot of the problems
seem like they were present
at the design
of these things.
And it feels like
these things are kind of
working exactly
how they're supposed to work.
So Elon Musk,
so every week
or whatever
during the election time,
the FBI would sit down
with Twitter
and go,
get ready for it.
It's coming.
All of the disinformation
is coming.
It's a hack.
It's a hack and leak.
They're going to do
a hack and leak
like a WikiLeaks.
They're going to hack
our government,
find out that
we've been fucking,
God only knows,
shooting civilians
in the face
in Iraq
or, you know,
that was the WikiLeaks thing.
But then they're going to
distribute
hacked information
on your site
and you're going
to be in trouble.
So you got to stop that
from happening
because foreign countries
want to embarrass us
and expose us.
You know,
that's what they did.
They sat down every week
with these people
and they're like,
this is a hack
and leak campaign.
They're coming.
They're going to show you
all the shit we've been doing.
And, you know,
it's almost like somebody
in the room will be like,
so what are we doing?
What are you guys doing?
Like, you know,
have you ever,
have you ever like seen
someone go to grab
their phone?
Like, you know,
their phones like this,
they're like,
where's my phone?
And you're like,
what is on their phone?
So there is,
there is something like that.
So now Hunter Biden
has a laptop.
So the people at Twitter
go on the laptop.
This is what happens.
They go on the laptop.
They see that
all the child porn
is tastefully done.
They make a decision.
They say all of this CP
on this laptop
is actually
very tastefully done
as CP goes.
They bring it in
to Vigilante Gotti
and the other guy
and they sit down
and they watch
the hours and hours
of Hunter Biden
chasing whores around
with a crack pipe.
And then they go,
no, I'm kidding.
That's a joke.
Maybe.
I don't know.
But they basically decide
that the New York Post
story comes out
where it's like
Hunter Biden.
They go,
there's a laptop out there.
And I think there's
pictures of his hot.
The Biden team
has said,
listen,
we just didn't want
to show pictures
of my son's hog.
This is America.
It's 2022.
These are the issues
of the day.
The Biden team
has come out
and they have said,
the reason we pushed back
and pressured Twitter
is because it's like
one of my sons is dead.
Can you at least
have the decency
to not show
my other son's hog?
Maybe it's a nice hog.
I bet Hunter's got a cock.
This is my bet.
I bet Hunter has a dick.
This is what I think.
Anyone who,
anyone who fucks
their dead brother's wife,
you've got to have a dick,
right?
You've got to have a dick.
Like she's not doing
that for nothing.
Hunter's probably got a cock.
It's,
it's,
it might have issues.
It might,
I think it might be gnarled
where it's like
some dicks are veiny
where they look like
they were in an electrical fire.
There's like wires.
It may be not,
maybe it's not pretty,
but it's,
I think it's substantial.
It's a dick.
If I had to guess,
it's a dick, right?
So Joe Biden
is probably like,
listen,
I don't know what else
is going on.
I'm sure there's
Burisma and the Ukraine
and the energy.
Listen,
I'm sure that that all
plays into it.
But what Biden has said,
this is what he