Name: Love and Lizards | The Tim Dillon Show #326
Uploaded: 2022-12-11T04:00:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Love and Lizards | The Tim Dillon Show #326' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Love and Lizards | The Tim Dillon Show #326' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-11. Transcript available.

Love and Lizards | The Tim Dillon Show #326

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the tim dylan show i was watching the nude and
by the way happy
holidays to all of you that are celebrating anything this year whether it's
christmas
um and what we're doing here on the show that's a joke it's hanukkah kwanzaa
which is what me and
my family celebrate uh the winter solstice which is a beautiful seasonal
celebration
uh whatever it is out there that you're celebrating we hope you enjoy it and we
hope the holiday
season is um you know bountiful plentiful whatever uh harry and megan hit the
netflix uh over the
weekend and uh or yesterday and uh i got an email it's like a documentary you
may enjoy um and it's
the it's the documentary harry and megan about prince harry and his wife megan
markle uh the
actress from suits and i don't know what to think because i have a very
negative opinion of these two
just from my own um the the thing with me is i'm i'm a pretty good judge of
character and the reason
that i'm a good judge of character is because i don't i don't deal in extremes
i deal in extremes
when it's funny when i go you know when i'm making a funny point but but people
are usually not all good
or all bad um usually uh they had like for hitler for example was no i'm
kidding but to see megan markle
to me there are certain things about her as a character in a documentary you
watch and they're
sympathetic right she is caught between two worlds she's black but doesn't
really look black so
i get it i totally understand what you know growing up in that type of
environment and then being thrust
into um this this you know royal family and the press in britain is crazy and
um you know they're
vicious they're more vicious than the american press but also as you're
watching this documentary
something begins to hap there's little tells here and it's not this is not an
attack per se
on megan markle and her autistic husband it would because he is i mean and
there's nothing wrong with
that but he's being led now there's little tells that start to happen
throughout the documentary where
you go something because in the beginning of the documentary it's very nice in
the beginning of the
documentary it's like she's like at wimbledon and he's like would you like to
have drinks and
it's a whole thing and you know he's late the first time he's a little late and
she's like well i'm not
going to do that you know she said when she's on the interview and he's like
what do you mean and she's
like well you know a man that has such a big ego and shows up late like there's
little things you go
okay that's fine you know i guess she thought that he was telegraphing his
importance but maybe it was
maybe she was also just kind of like not thinking there could be traffic or
something
and uh there's a little tell and then one of the things that gets me where she
goes she goes
when i first met the queen i didn't know i was meeting the queen and then harry
goes
do you know how to cut say and she goes she goes i thought it was a joke
bitch what do you mean you thought it was a joke she's the queen of england
this is when you start
to realize something is off something is wrong something doesn't feel right she's
the queen of
england what do you mean you didn't know you're gonna have to curtsy in front
of her
nobody gets famous by accident rarely and certainly nobody stays famous by
accident
nobody starts dating the prince of whatever it is over there i don't even know
what his title is but
sussex or essex or the duke of york i don't know whatever he nobody starts
dating him they know
anybody who grew up in her era get megan markle's age up because i bet her age
and my age are similar
i'm 37 i bet megan markle is 30 41 even older she grew up watching the royals
she knew how big
of a deal they were she knew about charles and diana she knew how the press if
we're to believe the
story and we might the press killed the other bitch they killed diana they
killed that in the tunnel
they killed her they ran her off the road this is how crazy the british press
was that your your
boyfriend's mother was killed by them so this idea that this documentary starts
where she's like i
was like unprepared for the level of scrutiny that i was receiving like being
and i get it i get it
that it's it's unsettling when you are in toronto shooting suits and people are
in their in their cars
bothering you because they want photo let's by the way i want you to watch the
official trailer i don't want to
taint because i can already tell people are like you're going after a black
woman again stop it her
friends are all white cut it out it's like her saying that she's had a lot of
problems because of
her race it's like me saying i'm discriminated against every day because i'm
gay meg it's just not true
yes people have called me a faggot but it's not every day at coffee so it may
now when she did start
boinking this freak what happened this inbred guy who's a sweet guy but he's inbred
and he's all over
the place nobody believes he fought in what war over there let's cut it out he
didn't do anything in
afghanistan you know and he goes to africa and they let him you know do juggle
with the monkeys and
stuff and i mean the actual monkeys like i mean he's doing conservation that's
what he does like i'm not
trying to it's not slurs this is literally he likes animals he goes everything's
all that's a
wolf and they go yeah let's go to you know go feed it water um and and and he
but he's not i mean come
up conservation is what you do when you know it's he's not exactly like the
pride of the state right
they send them to i mean britain is a little racist it's like the the most
important person over there you
don't send them to africa to you know study like rhinoceros you know whatever
irrigation systems
so he's a little off and and and and megan markle his uh love um you know meets
this guy
and and i don't want people to say i get the racial thing and i get that the
press was vicious to her
and i get people online suck so they're they during this documentary they show
all these comments about
people saying he's a race traitor and horrible thing i get listen i get it
people are racist
people are bad people anonymous people online are crazy my whole thing is
trying to get to the bottom
of what this really is because they got a hundred million dollars from netflix
to talk about what
happened i'm not done with the documentary i still don't know what happened but
for right now it seems
like this was a little bit of a play from her and it was smart and it was
pretty sharp and kudos to her
hats off to her because she's got a hundred mil and they're up in montecito and
she's got
this guy who she's with who has no idea what's going on i fully believe he's
unaware of what's
i think she tells him i think she goes to him in the night and goes your mother
called me the n-word
he's like my mother's dead my mother's dead my mother is dead and she goes well
your other mother
that old oh the queen mommy called you what again she called me the n-word and
she used the r at the end
and then he's like oh no what should we do and she goes we're going to montecito
where's that it's
in california and i'm gonna be a star because remember she's an actor she's
always wanted to be famous
she always wanted to be a famous star and the royal family are inbred reptilian
uh uh the overlords of
the anglo-american uh fading empire over there so you have inbred reptilian
they feed off negative energy
they convert it to power and they uh and that's how they live and that's how
they've lived forever
and they live forever and they are strange looking pale kind of gaunt and they
have the eyes that are
and the you know but they don't really have opinions about anything other than
that they need to feed off
the negative energy that comes with the death and the pillage and the the
droughts and the floods and
all the things that keep them coming now otherwise they're just like a normal
family of vampire
energy uh you know freaks that's just what they are but they don't wade into
controversial topics
often they just don't that's not they are like the real power structure in the
sense of like they
don't have any political power because politics is fake they just want like it
okay here comes the infant
cook cook you know they cook it you know they just watch cooking shows and they
eat all the children
that disappear from the british orphanages and and but they're not but they don't
they're not like
the trans bathroom issue they're it's not what they do they are just old and
there's something nice
about that there's something nice about tradition there's something nice about
tradition that old
bitch as long as you gave her a baby every morning plumped up cooked nice like
not not american bacon
where it's nice and crispy but nice and cooked and charred and you gave her the
leg of an infant with
some baked beans and a whatever she was good she didn't need to get political
and there's something
nice about this tradition it's tradition they're an inbred uh royal uh cannibal
vampire family now
megan markle is a hollywood actress is very similar that's a very similar thing
they're actually one in
the same they're not that different she pretends to be other people all the
time she doesn't really
know who she is when you get the vibe when when you hear her that she's
carefully curating this
image of herself which is what everyone i've met who's a real actor uh not the
brilliant actors
they're just insane and not the people like me who like do these little you
know bit parts where i'm
like i don't know what i even do like here's the tomato and you know but what i
mean is like you know
actors the vast majority of them are constantly curating the parts of
themselves they want to be
known at any given time right and there's parts of the documentary where megan
markle's like you know
i was always the i was always the smart one people think that i was like the
hot one but i was always
the girl who was trying to be smart because you weren't hot yet you weren't hot
yet once you got
hot you stop with that you cut that out and then you went to become an actress
and
again a lot of people gonna hear this is an attack on markle i actually respect
markle i respect her
because she ran a good high level scam and she separated uh this guy from his
family uh to the tune
of a hundred big ones hundred sticks hundred mil nothing wrong with that in the
grand scheme of
things right you know it is what it is but let's watch the trailer here i don't
want to taint any of
your perspective bert kreischer's wife by the way i think agrees with me on
this because they facetimed
me once and i went on this rant and leanne was going yes yes yes and christina
p does women and wives
get it they get it and if you're not imposing your own political agenda on this
which many of you are and
always do you could kind of separate and go how shocked were you that there
were press they killed
his mother it was shocking to you how shocking was it to you that this was a
firestorm that guy he was
like the most eligible bachelor in the world i don't know why people want into
the blood cult and
she then started i want to watch this trailer and then we will comment more on
it but again if you're
disagreeing with me here that's okay i haven't seen the full thing but i think
i'm right and i think
you think you think i'm right too it's really hard it's really hard now because
what happened
you hear that that is the sound of hearts breaking all around the world she's
becoming a royal rock star
stop here stop it for a second i was just in africa feeding a pig a salad and
then i met megan and
megan told me that everybody was calling her the n-word in the castle so then i
came to california
that's really what i mean so like the people at netflix like okay so let's let's
unpack that can we
unpack that right well that's pretty much the story then we are megan always in
africa and what
i was doing there is you got this