Name: The Tim Dillon Show #334
Uploaded: 2023-02-05T02:24:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Tim Dillon Show #334' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Tim Dillon Show #334' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-05. Transcript available.

The Tim Dillon Show #334

raleigh tucson phoenix monterey vancouver napa oklahoma city palm beach inglewood
huntington new brunswick tim dylan comedy.com we'll see you out there ladies
and gentlemen
welcome to the tim dylan show army hammer now coming back uh has an apology i
don't i never
understood what the big deal was with army hammer and why he was in so much
trouble i know that
there was this sticky situation and people have used the word rape and stuff
but from my understanding
he was just fantasizing about eating people which is legal you're allowed to
fantasize about being
accountable it may not be a fetish that you know is widely accepted and i'm not
projecting by the
way don't be like well this is you're projecting and you're clearly i i don't
want to eat people
i'm saying that you're allowed to a guy like army hammer who like if that's
what gets him off
eating a imagining eating okay a consenting adult now obviously people would go
can you consent to be
being eaten um yeah probably but also if this was in the realm of fantasy like
if he never did it if he
never cut somebody up if he never cooked human flesh if this was just something
that got him off
i don't understand why we are quote unquote kink shaming someone who's into
this this is what they're
into we don't know why he's into it although now he's he's saying a youth
pastor molested him
and that's why he's into it he said he's been in a bdsm since 13 his words not
mine and to me i don't
understand uh if it's in the realm of fantasy why because you got to remember
army hammer is so
attractive having sex with an attractive person stop being interesting to him
probably about i don't
know 17 years old most people it's a porn everything's about someone hot that's
the
whole game of attraction that gets your dick hard it gets your wet if somebody's
hot quite simply big tits big dick whatever it is that gets someone hot army
hammer's done that
maybe thousands of times he's bored with that it doesn't get him going anymore
because he's had
those experience the experiences that you dream of in your life when you're
sitting there in your couch and
you're waiting for a a postmates or a uber eats driver to knock on the door and
hand you thai food that
you slurp down and you get sticky and you watch you know the experiences in the
back of your mind
that keep you going that animate you he's done those all of them like a lot he's
bored anything you think
about on a beach guarantee army hammer's done it on a private art he's done it
here oh look we're coming
in the eiffel towers in a backdrop three women how about that skipping threesomes
right to orgies i'm
army hammer he's everybody he's everybody from every race brazilian women
whatever norwegian women every race he's the only thing that will get him going
now is the idea that
he can eat one of them that's it that's the only thing that gets him off now is
the fantasy that one
one day he would eat a woman to possess them fully and completely as they uh
would then live in his belly
and i'm not saying that that's the easiest thing to bring up at a dinner party
i don't
envy army hammer i think it's a it's not an easy fetish but let's read some of
these uh dms he sent to
people that are supposedly that bad and then we'll look at his apology um
because i think he went down
and he sold timeshares and he's kind of like you know he's he's been punished i
believe they also
looked into the rape thing they go we don't know how if that case is really and
again i believe all you
know i believe all people who pay me so i i don't know who's saying what and
who's doing what
what i do know is that um army hammer was accused of rape no good but uh people
have
come out i believe the authorities and said yeah it's kind of a you just live
to obey and be my slave
i will own you that's my soul my brain my spirit my body now by the way
it's fun if you want to have a little fun you know when a postmates driver
contacts you
and goes i'm seven minutes away send this it's fun send this would you come and
be my property
till you die again nothing offensive yet unless he's sending it to a black lady
not good if he's
doing that then that's not good but if it's a you know if i wanted to cut off
one of your toes and
keep it with me in my pocket so i always had a piece of you in my possession
hot oh my god that
just made me so hard it makes me confused as to why is that even possible so
hard thinking of holding
your heart in my hand and controlling when it beats that's hard to do i am 100
accountable i want to
eat you that's scary to admit i've never admitted that before i've cut the
heart out of a living
animal before and eaten it while so warm here's the thing here's the thing i
defended a lot of this
really before i read the text i came out very pro him in the beginning i didn't
do a ton of i don't
really research the show i don't do a ton of prep work i never have in seven
years of talking i do
everything as it happens on screen i figure things out i read during the week
and i talk to people
during the week but like i don't do deep dives into these issues before they
happen i i imagined that
mr hammer was kind of like it was kind of like oh i want to eat you i want to
put you in a smoothie but
i don't love this i've eaten a live animal's heart before do we believe him do
we think do we believe
him or do we think he's just trying to be cool hammer had carved the letter a
near okay so this is
interesting on january 25th a 22 year old instagram influencer named page lorenz
another woman hammer had
dated after separating from his wife told the new york post's page six that
hammer had carved out the
letter a near her vagina with a knife licked the wound proposed quote consuming
her and told her that
he wanted to eat one of her ribs i thought he was kidding lorenz said i it didn't
register to me this
was something he was serious about until he brought it up multiple times and
seeing other woman would
come out and say the same thing and then it was like wow this is really scary
um she said the incision
was about an inch deep and engraved with the whole tip of the blade and of
course his lawyer goes that's not
true i mean what if you want to eat people to be honest like in our society
which is relatively
permissive in many uh arenas and i think that's good i think people should be
allowed to live as they want
but if you wanted to eat a person if that was the is there a way to do it
safely
where someone who has been who has died could consent or maybe their family
could get money so that people
like army hammer with money not the poor can indulge in this but is there a way
that people like army
hammer with money can pay their families off to eat the their corpses of their
relatives to be honest
like that might be is that a crazy idea like if let's say your son or daughter
died in a i don't know a
motorcycle accident could someone like army hammer go to the family and say i
will cover the funeral expenses
and give you 150 on top but i want to eat them i want to eat your daughter i'm
going to need her body
and i'm going to we're going to consumer flesh and can this be done safely um i'm
just proposing things
i think might make sense um and like man when it rains it pours he also
committed other acts of
violence against me to which i did not consent she went on for example he beat
my feet with a crop
what so they would hurt with every step i took for the next week but do you
understand how hot army
hammer is get up a photo of him understand how hot you have to be a better one
than that even though
that's not bad he's got the porn stash do you understand how attractive you
have to be to beat
a woman's feet and carve letters into her without her caring i mean he doesn't
even look he doesn't
look phenomenal there what about to the left right there that's maybe a little
bit yeah i mean you
it's a statement to how attractive he is that he was able to carve things into
women and beat their
feet and then basically they're like oh my god he's just so weird we love him
so now he's broken his
silence and i don't know if i'm going to support him but i may i may throw the
full weight of this show
behind army hammer our our full uh you know the the microphone here the bully
pulpit the platform
are we going to back army hammer even though he does he has carved things into
people and claims that
he has eaten um a beating animal heart um the thing about it his statement that
he released um by the
way he attempted suicide after this so this whole idea of like like that we're
just going to pile on
to this poor man he said hammer said in february he attempted suicide while
quarantining in the cayman
islands i just walked out into the ocean and swam as far as i could and hoped
that either i drowned
was hit by a boat or was eaten by a shark then i realized that my kids were
still on shore and that i
couldn't do that to my kids he lost between 14 and 16 million dollars alone as
he was removed from
multiple movie projects my financial status is not only am i broke i'm
massively in debt
there was a point in all this where i had to have a friend to help me buy
groceries but yet and this is
my favorite lie i love by the way there's nothing better than this and this is
what everyone says after
they've been through something like this he wouldn't change it he wouldn't
change it for the world this
is my favorite this is because it's to show that they've learned this is this
is what you have to
do you have to actually show that you've learned this guy was one of the let's
just put this in context
he was one of the biggest celebrities in the world he was a movie star uh
beloved by the industry of
hollywood he was a multi-millionaire um he then was outed as being a cannibal
and a rapist
and sent to an island uh to sell timeshares and he wouldn't change a thing he
wouldn't change a thing
um he says it made him a better person and a father to his children made him a
better dad
being outed as a cannibal has made him a better father he's around now to throw
the ball
with his kids if someone came up to me and gave me a magic lamp and said there's
a genie in here
but it only gives you one wish by the way this is the biggest lie that first of
all if there's a
genie in a lamp that gave him one wish he wants a woman tied to a fucking table
in that epstein little
temple that they had on little saint james this idea that he i mean i love this
though listen to this quote
i get it you can't be on after you've been outed as a cannibal honesty is what
you
honesty him he was too honest he went out and said i want to eat
women i can't believe i'm admitting that i feel so close to you i want to eat
you i want to put your
toe in my pocket and carry it around that's just me being me that's army being
army and then the honesty
is what really him so he can never be honest again a guy like army hammer is
swimming out in
the cayman islands maybe maybe he thinks he's gonna get eaten by a shark maybe
not but he can never
be honest again he knows that he knows down deep honesty is the worst policy
for him it just didn't
work it didn't work at all he let everybody know what he was into and then they
responded by uh ruining
his life so he'll never be honest again ever about anything because you by the
way those thoughts
don't go away you don't go away if you're at a restaurant you see an attractive
waitress and she
hands you a meal and you look at her forearm and you go god i just want to
fucking bite into that
i just want to bite into this bitch's arm that doesn't go away i don't think it
goes away maybe
with some therapy but still it's a kink it's a it's just something you're into
he goes if somebody
came up to me gave me a magic lamp and said there's a genie in here but it only
gives you one wish
if you rub this lamp the genie will come out and take you back two years in the
past and you can undo
all of this which by the way sounds great
i wouldn't do it says army hammer he would not do it i