Name: Patreon Bonus #186 - The Tim Dillon Show
Uploaded: 2023-02-12T00:36:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Patreon Bonus #186 - The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Patreon Bonus #186 - The Tim Dillon Show' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-12. Transcript available.

Patreon Bonus #186 - The Tim Dillon Show

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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Patreon episode. Uh, I was
watching, uh, the
Grammy reaction on Twitter, um, to the Sam Smith, uh, thing that he did. Um, by
the way,
Madonna looks exactly, get up Bram Stoker's Dracula. Like Madonna looks exactly
like the dude in Bram
Stoker's Dracula. That guy, this guy right here, he, Madonna is just, I think
there's a certain amount of
work that you can do to the body before the body just starts fighting it. And
you look demonic.
Like something starts happening where the body starts fighting the filler and
the shit you put in.
And then you end up looking just like a demon. Like there's nothing like that
disturbed me
so much more than whatever Sam Smith is doing to get attention.
It's, you, you know, the problem with the, the right wing people and the maggot
people, uh, a lot of times
is that everything is Satanism. Everything is Satan. And listen, Sam Smith is
like this very talented guy
who started his career doing, he was thin and he was singing like really good
songs. That only works for a
little while. You can't keep people excited about that. Then he came out as gay
and people were like,
they don't really care about that. Then he came out as non-binary and they went
a little better.
Then he got fat and they're like, all right, we're listening. Now he's Satan.
And they're like,
ah, now we get, it's, it's, it's, it's a, it's an exercise. And by the way,
does this guy,
when you think of say, first of all, you really start to realize this doesn't
work. Hollywood
does not work if people are gross. It doesn't work if people are ugly. It does
not work. The
problem with Sam Smith, the most offensive thing is that he's trying to do all
this stuff. He looks
like a plumber. Like Sam Smith looks like a guy that would fucking show up to
fix the HVAC in your house.
And he's got devil horns and he's in like a, a fucking, you know, a red onesie
and he's jumping
around. If you're going to sell this androgynous shit, you got to have a David
Bowie charisma. You
have to have a little magic about you. Harry Styles gets near that, but it's
not Bowie. Like
Harry Styles is kind of like the knockoff Bowie. But Sam Smith, I mean, looks
like my uncle at a
fucking Halloween party. Like it's, and everyone's like, it's satanic. It's
Satan. This is like plastic
devil horns on a hat. He looks like, like the, the fat guy at a Halloween party
who's had too much to
drink and he's jumping around with these people. I just, I can't the rage that
the right wing cut, like
constantly has about like everybody said every year, someone does something
to evoke like the idea of the devil. This is not new. Nicki Minaj did it.
I'm sure Gaga has done something like everybody does it. And every time they do
it, uh, people go,
they're taking our kids, which no children are watching the Grammys. Nobody's
watching the Grammys
except maybe these right wing Christian people to get angry. But this is like,
this is the same energy
that when your mom was like, you, you, you can't go to the hot topic in the
mall because like the girl
who works, there's a Satanist. It's like, no, she's a fat chick with a dog
collar. That's what she is.
It's not, there's nothing past it other than that. Like, it's like, I don't
know what Sam Smith believes
in. I don't think he believes in anything probably except the tension, which he
gets. This is all
about attention. And the quickest way to get attention is not to make good
music, which that
song is good at the body. It's a catchy song. And you know, people in the right
wing, they can't do that.
They, they, they get mad that the people that disagree with them make kind of
good
shit. You know, they could have tried, you know, got the Pfizer shot. Now he's
dead in the hallway.
Like they, but their rage at this stuff is just like, this is not, this is just
an, it's kind
of embarrassing. Like it just shows you that Hollywood is an image business.
That's all it's ever been.
It's been hot people. Some of them are talented. Some of them are not, but
usually they've been
relatively attractive and what bothers people, like he's got this new music
video where he's like
jumping around and he's got pasties on his nipples. And again, people are
nowhere near as offended by
this. If it's not, if it, he doesn't look like the Michelin man, that's why it's
confusing to people.
People don't understand. They go, if you're going to do Satan shit, shouldn't
it at least be sexy?
Shit. Like there's no tolerance for like a fat androgynous Satanist in this
country. There's just
none. There's none. You're asking people to accept too many things at once. You
know, these people are
just trying to be fucking edgy. They're trying to get attention. You know,
people are like, well,
my kids are watching. It's like, well then why are they, why are they watching
it? Tell them not to watch it.
It also looks cartoonish. Like it doesn't look like, like, like a Catholic mass.
It seems more
satanic than this, you know, with chanting and incense and fucking hush tones
and the Gregorian.
Like this seems again, like chubby chicks at the hot topic are now the biggest
stars in the country.
That's the problem. The people, I mean, this is what someone would wear at a
mall to get a tent. Like
usually like one or two people dressed like this in an award show, be like one
or two people came in
looking like, like look insane to make their point. Now it's like every person
is dressed like they,
they got out of a Halloween store. And it's, it's, it's great. And I get it. I
get if you're in middle
America go, what the fuck is this? What is this? I understand that. It's just
the, the rage about
like there's Satanists are coming for our kids. It's like, these people are fat
chicks from the hot
topic with dog collars on. We just made them faint. Like that's the aesthetic
now that famous. Sam Smith
started as like a normal guy singing, but he's like, if I want real attention,
I have to become a fat
chick from the hot topic with a dog collar on because everyone's going to say
it's beautiful and brave
and everybody's going to love me. And I'm making these statements for body
positivity and whatever
else. And you know, it's confusing to people. It's confusing. People have to
understand why you're a star.
They have to get it. They have to look at you and go, that person is better
than me. They have to feel
that in their bones. They have to look at somebody. You look at Beyonce, you go,
Beyonce is better than
me. She's more attractive than me. She's a better singer than me. And when they
see Sam Smith, he
obviously is a great singer and the music is catchy, but this appearance where
it's constantly just like,
he looks like he looks like the newest video. He, I mean, he looks like such a
fucking mess with the,
get the video up where he's got pasties on his tits and I don't even know what
he's wearing. I mean,
it looks, he looks like he's in like a hospital gown.
People are, people are so offended by it. It's, it's insane looking. I don't
even think that people are
like, people just don't even understand what's happening. It's, you know, it's
not even that
people are homophobic or transphobic. They're confused. Everybody doesn't
understand why a guy
who looks like a plumber is wearing like some Elizabethan. Fucking like, I don't
even know.
Like he's wearing a half of like a Victorian era house dress with pasties on
his tits. He's got to
create, it's just too much for people. It's too much. It's like, I don't even
know what to say
anymore about any of this. Like I, I, I, I, I, I'm kind of tapping out. Like I,
I, the culture is no
longer interesting to talk about really. It's not, maybe we'll end the show.
Like, I, I mean, to be
honest, it's like at a certain point that the, the, the culture is just rotted
to the point where like
on every side of everything, there's nothing, there's no take to have here.
This is what it is.
Shut it off. If you don't like it, don't watch it. This is what it's going to
be.
You know what? Are you going to change any of this? They, they want fat plumbers
and would
paste these on their tits to jump around. No one's hot anymore. No one's good
looking.
The more disgusting you are, the better it is. This is what they want. So I,
you know,
and then the other side thinks everyone's trying to fuck their kids and no one
really is trying to
fuck their kids. Sam Smith is probably not trying to fuck your children. He's
just trying to make more
money from this nightmare that we're in and he's doing a good job of it. But
like, there's not much,
there's not much to gain here from like constantly having this fight. Let them
have this. There is no
one culture. There is no one thing. Your kids don't have to watch this. They
don't have to see it.
You can keep them from it. If you can't keep them from it, you're a bad parent.
If you can't keep your
kids from seeing Sam. And you know what? Listen, if your kids see this and they
start dressing like
this, well then, you know, then you've not done a great job, I guess. Or if
they start dressing like
this and start making millions, well then fuck it. That's good. That's great.
Maybe this is how they
have to compete in the new world. Like there's, there's really not anything
about this that is
interesting at all. None of this is interesting. Like the fact that people care
at all about the
Grammys and it bothers them that people jump around in devil cock. Like just
stop. Who cares? Like
there's nothing about this that has any meaning. It's not, it's meaningless.
And then people keep
trying to give it meaning. They're invoking Satan. Satan doesn't want to be
involved in this.
It's like, it's just, it's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed for the country. I don't
know why
people come here. Truly. I think maybe less. I understand if you're like
Mexican and you live,
whatever, you're out running the cartels, like life's horrible and all these
other places.
This country's an abomination. It's an embarrassment and an abomination. And I
don't know what's left to
even do really. I mean, like move. If you can leave America, leave America.
There's better places to live.
Like the UK is a better run country in every respect. It's, I talked to Shane
Gillis about it.
We were like, yeah, it's kind of embarrassing when you go over there and you're
like rah, rah America.
Then you get there and you're like, oh yeah, you guys, I mean, it's gray and it
rains, but it's a better
country. It's a better country. The way it's set up for people, for most people
to live. Not if you're a
multimillionaire, not if you're rich, but you're not for the most part. So it's
just like, uh,
yeah. I mean, is this, we don't have, uh, you know, we don't have any like
there's, we don't have a
purpose. We don't have a reason to exist. Are you ready for the biggest 