Name: Please Behave | The Tim Dillon Show #338
Uploaded: 2023-03-18T01:40:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Please Behave | The Tim Dillon Show #338' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Please Behave | The Tim Dillon Show #338' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-18. Transcript available.

Please Behave | The Tim Dillon Show #338

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the tim dylan show uh we have uh coming up
later in the broadcast
an insider from svb silicon valley bank who calls into the show and discusses
the chaos that's
happening they have been taken over by the federal government he said there's
ads now for svb saying
silicon valley bank is the safest place uh to put your money um but we're
looking at potentially um
you know they're trying to find a buyer for svb they're trying to find a buyer
it's a it's a very
woke bank and you know it's diverse and inclusive and fun and sexy and you know
gender is a construct
and everything it's a fun kind of silicon valley bank that's what they do and i'm
not that's not
the reason it collapsed i'm not i'm not going on some reactionary thing here i'm
just saying it's
part of the vibe it's a vibe silicon valley bank was a vibe and they tried to
get the saudis to
buy it and the saudis have a little decidedly different vibe than that but i
think nothing
would make more sense than having the saudis come in and whip silicon valley
bank into shape watching
an analyst at silicon valley bank explain the concept of non-binary to muhammad
bin salman
is something i would like to see that's something i would like to see members
of the saudi sovereign
wealth fund sitting there with silicon valley bank and going through just the
office policies
you know the human resources policies at the bank who can say what to whom i
think that's a great idea
in fact if this if this whole bank collapse which people are debating whether
it's going to be
a massive collapse i'm reading things that say this is lehman brothers credit
swiss is going down even
though they got a 52 billion dollar loan from the central bank of switzerland
they're still done
they're looking at scenarios for the bank over the weekend people going this is
a similar thing that
happened to layman monday is going to be black monday credit swiss is going to
go first national is
going to go credit swiss is a trillion first national with all the regional
banks it'll take down with
it is a trillion we're looking at massive runs on the bank i believe i believe
a crazy amount of money
was taken out of jp morgan because these are bank runs people going we want our
money and maybe peter
teal caused this run at svb we don't know it's possible but people that the
bank's been insolvent
for a while and peter teal goes i gotta get my fucking money out of there and
people start you know
going well you know what peter teal took his money out maybe i'll take my money
out but these are kind
of these old-fashioned bank runs um and people don't really know how bad they're
going to get
if this is going to be systemic and spread but um what excites me potentially
about this is seeing
middle eastern dictatorships take over progressive bay area lenders in america
just that because it's a fun
sitcom it's an actual fun sitcom to see saudi nationals going into silicon
valley bank and dealing with the
people that work there it's an actual if that's what comes out of this with the
middle eastern you
know ultra conservative religious saudi people have to go in and run this woke
american northern norcal
northern california company is this not going to be a hoot that to me could be
a lot of fun now
obviously people are saying that's best case because nobody wants to buy svb
the saudis don't want to
buy it because it's just you know it's got a bunch of shitty startup ideas and
a bunch of people are
walking around with blue hair and the saudis go we're not into that we want
live nation that makes the
money we get it we understand it put billy eilish on the stage she cuts herself
the kids pay the money
not this fucking game of like no you have no idea how many great ideas we have
tell them about your
idea tell them about your idea it's that's what it is silicon bank gave every
fucking guy
at stanford with a hoodie four hundred thousand dollars to come up with
anything they wanted and
where are where is the new uber where are these things they don't exist because
tech like everything
else is fake there's a few good ideas like movies or music there's a few good
ideas many of them happen
by accident most of the good ideas in tech are people that are like i would
like to
women i mean this is what happened with facebook zuckerberg the entire facebook
all of meta which is
now a nightmare because people are leaving this horrible world he created on
the on the metaverse
i don't know who's left in the metaverse it's like pedophiles that are like
what is this let's go back
to the dark web this is horrible but all meta was was mark zuckerberg trying to
get laid you know all a
lot of these advancements in tech come because you have people that are
brilliant but maybe they're on the
spectrum maybe they're not the most socially capable people and they actually
have these you know brilliant
ideas and some of those ideas end up enriching our quality of life and many of
them don't right many
of them have made our quality of life kind of worse more lonely more isolating
and uh you know but
silicon valley bank they're the big startup bank they're the bank that hands
money to all these
motherfuckers and goes just run with it do what you you know do what you want
to do and uh nobody's
buying that right now like nobody they haven't found a buyer it's not to say
that they won't but they
haven't found a buyer because you know it's not it's it's like you know people
going that's not a sure
thing it's the opposite of a sure thing you have all this entrepreneurial
talent supposedly
you have all these great ideas for companies maybe but what you don't have is a
surefire thing
so the saudis commit by live nation no problem in the middle of the pandemic
they're like yeah we know
it hey as soon as the pandemic's over people are gonna go out they're gonna go
to concerts they're
gonna go to comedy shows like the ones i'm doing at the chicago theater uh on june
9th and the masonic
in san francisco on june 21st tim dillon comedy.com get all your tickets to
everything i'm at milwaukee at the
pabst theater second show we edited the pantages theater in tacoma whatever it's
not a commercial
for myself what i'm saying is that tim dillon comedy.com what i'm saying is
that live nation
probably is a better it was a better it's more you can understand it the saudis
understand it they go
we like live things usually it's we get the hand but we understand what a live
thing is we understand
live events usually we're beheading women we're burning gay people at the stake
but it's live they like
live they get it this is like you know they don't know what the fuck's going on
so they understand
yes we put a bunch of people in a room and we go and get the thieves and we cut
the hand off the thief
and everybody cheers and we go oh it's not quite like that it's more like drake
and ice spice
and a big field but the saudis understand that they understand what live is i
wouldn't buy silicon
valley bank i don't know what i don't know what's happening i don't know who
you got do you have the next
mark zuckerberg you have the next elizabeth holmes we don't know but what we're
excited about is tech
now becoming the new manufacturing where it's taken over other people do it in
other countries and the
tech people we force them to live the same way that we have forced generations
of people in
manufacturing to live they live in rust belt states they live in the middle of
the country we ship their
jobs overseas and they get addicted to opioids we watch their lives hollow out
we watch their faces
hollow out like ozempic where you know you know it gets because the ozempic
gets really you start to
see it now in california it's really hard and it's like a fish and they get
really hard kind of like
that scream painting but we watch the faces because if you go to some of these
play you know read meth land
which is a great book all of these people their their faces hollow out and they
have blue under their
eyes and they live in these these horrific uh conditions in these towns uh with
water that's not
good and food deserts where they can't get this salad right we we are we are
optimistic that many of
the that hopefully the tech people will meet that same fate that it's only fair
right it's only fair that
eventually tech people have to live in i don't i don't want to say a place
because people are going to
get offended by whatever i say right if i'm going to use a a town as an example
or um uh something that
is grotesque and you know but but let's just say uh let's just say a town uh
somewhere uh where it
is not nice out huh it's not nice and maybe it's hot and sticky and there's a
you know there's just
it's a town that has seen better days may you know will austin one day look
like flint michigan
i mean will austin one day look you know because we go when i go on the road
i go we drive through these things we drive through flint michigan we drive
through these old you know
rust belt or you know all of these different states that at one time were
centers of manufacturing you
know up and i believe i did a theater up in rochester new york and you know
there was a guy
standing next to me i believe it was rochester it might have been schenectady
but i believe it was
rochester and i was staying the theater was by the kodak what used to be the kodak
factory people used to
take photos and then the kodak obviously was the film and this was big up until
digital cameras and phones
and now the kodak factory tests people's blood they do blood tests i think they
test for drugs or maybe
they test for cancers i don't know but that's what it is now the kodak factory
has become a blood testing
facility i believe up there in upstate new york so i go to places like this to
perform and they were a
great audience and and we you know we were we're grateful to everyone that
comes out to see comedy
but it is it is just my sincere hope it's a little thing that i i like i love
hope and to me one day if
austin texas is instead of a tech hub just a thing where like people walk
around and the only thing that's
left is the mothership comedy club the joe rogan comedy club and i somehow
survived despite you know
my smoking and the weight and everything i somehow survived and i'm in my 70s
or 60s and i'm there
and and and i'm like we have the busts of ron white and roseanne that are long
gone but we just we've
stuffed them you know we've done we've done like uh what do they call that taxidermy
we've taxidermied
our favorite uh comedians and i'm up there being like austin used to be a real
tech hub look at it now and it's
just the tech people meet the same fate as the manufacturing sector there's
something so great
about because it's it's it's great now in austin everybody's excited and
everybody's in new glass
buildings and they're buying houses in the west lake hills that look just like
la except you know it's
there's a there's a disgusting vomit colored river whatever it's fine i i've
gone i i've i've done that
well repeatedly and you know whatever i i actually like austin a little more
now than i did but just it's a
perfect example in san francisco see san francisco it's not even fun san francisco
is already a
hellscape it's already where what it's going to be there's something about this
if the tech
thing is so good for humanity why is everywhere that the tech things going on
looks like the apocalypse
why is that why if this tech thing is just such a universal good is san francisco
the area that tech
has been concentrated in for years literally an insane hell it's very
interesting i was passing i was in
austin for south by for the opening of joe's club which is a lot of fun if you're
down there go grab
tickets um when i saw there's a little homeless encampment in austin and then
there's something
right next to it there was a poster this is the rise of virtual communities and
there was a poster
and there's this guy you know sitting there on a on a mattres