Name: The New Braveheart | The Tim Dillon Show #344
Uploaded: 2023-04-29T16:00:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The New Braveheart | The Tim Dillon Show #344' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The New Braveheart | The Tim Dillon Show #344' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-29. Transcript available.

The New Braveheart | The Tim Dillon Show #344

ladies and gentlemen welcome to the tim dylan show back here in uh in our home
in dubai uh
broadcasting from the united arab emirates for tax purposes um very excited to
be with you go and
watch that colin quinn episode it's a great episode uh we talk a lot about
comedy uh so far
14 people have watched it and enjoyed it so if you could be the 15th that would
really be helpful
uh subscribe rate reveal like i don't know tweet text
um and uh we're back we're back we're still on the road got a few days chicago
theaters almost
sold out in chicago the masonic in san francisco we have some seats left and it's
because people
are very scared about parking their car and walking to the theater in san francisco
because they
recently just had to call in the national guard to deal with the um fentanyl uh
and uh homeless
epidemic in san francisco hey i mean listen i understand that but let's be
honest you're a
fucking pussy if you can't deal with that for a few blocks it's a few blocks
get as close as you can
bring a bat and walk for three blocks with a bat and then leave the bat and
then come in the theater
it's fine most people are not going to be maimed going to that show someone
will that's the that's
statistic that's unfortunately someone walking the show is going to get maimed
and maybe permanently
i don't know lose an eye it'll be the scar someone but it's the likelihood that
it's you
is almost nothing it will be someone might be a couple someone walking to my
show in san francisco
is gonna get it but it's so rare that it would be you to not want to go it's so
statistically it's
almost impossible that it's going to be you they're going to pick up like it's
going to be a big group
of people moving towards the venue and then they're just going to pick off the
people on the sides of
the group have you ever seen lions the way they so it's not a big thing um and
we've got that we have a casino in
uh out an hour from san diego i mean we've come to that maybe um i wanted to
talk about this um
because this is sad um an uber eats driver was dismembered
um in florida and florida is it's being sold to everybody as the state and i
love parts of florida
there's parts of florida that i love palm beach now but the right there is a
rest of it now obviously
the miami is great and i'm kidding the west coast tampa and saint pete oh that's
great but you do have
to remember that 90 percent of florida geographically is an unlivable hell
where things go on and it's
not it's not a political statement i'm not like and it's ronda santus's fault
no it's just this is a
place where people eat each other this is a place where there is you know
behavior that is biblical
biblical behavior where you look at it and you go this is something i don't
even understand i don't even
understand this chicago we get it the shootings you're on my block i'm on your
block boom boom
you know i mean there's maybe a little more but not that much florida is like i'm
gonna dismember
someone i'm gonna dissolve them in a bathtub uh i'm gonna choke a pit bull
things you don't think
about you know you don't think about someone choking a pit bull but people do
and they do it in florida
a demonic ms13 gang member by the way i'm not saying that the new york post is
so i have no issue
with the salvadorians a demonic ms13 gang member robbed and dismembered an uber
h driver in florida
for no apparent reason last week oscar solace 30 who moved to the sunshine
state
in january after being sprung on parole from indiana allegedly yanked randall
crook 60 into his home
on april 19th and butchered him god cook was making his final delivery of the
night
and that should be the eli roth movie at the next one i do called the final
delivery
eli roth will call me he'll be like so there's a movie called final it's called
final delivery and
it's based on the ms13 driver who's uh dismembered in his home um so he's just
a guy trying to make
a living for his family that's what they're all saying and he brings them in
the house and then he chops
him up what would what would motivate someone to do that how late was this guy
can we look at that
is there is there because i've gotten delivery i ordered delivery once from a
mexican restaurant
and it was so it had moved around so much in the car when you opened it up the
guacamole was all on the
top like the roof of the styrofoam and there was just like one taquito see i
didn't even know where
the rest of them were there are there are like mitigating factors i think to
this where it's like
and by the way what was the order can we do we know the or can we find out the
order
the final delivery but this is what i mean you know months ago i talked about
the gig economy being a
horror movie what the gig economy is is you're just out there hoping someone
doesn't kill you
that's really what it is you're hoping to god the person who gets into your uber
or walks into walmart
doesn't shoot you eat you maim you because as the drugs get more potent and as
the people that are
doing these things are just out in the open and they deal directly with you you're
at they're at your
doorstep they're handing you food you're sitting in the back of a car and you
know they're sitting in
the back of your car and you're driving them to their who knows they're you
know so at the end of
the day it's like the gig economy which is you know the the delivery and the uber
and things like that
let alone the uh department stores where you're a sitting duck you're literally
sitting there these
things have just this increased likelihood now that one of them is going to end
incredibly bad
incredibly bad and you read about them all the time you read about these all
the time where you're
driving an uber and then somebody gets in and you wonder if someone knows like
do you know you wonder
if somebody knows do because people say they get premonitions before they die
this is what people say
does someone know when they accept this delivery and they go to
i'm gonna say el pollo loco because ms13 but i don't know it might have been
italian i don't know
do they know when they pick up that food and when they're driving to this guy's
house do they feel
a little bit in the pit of their stomach like this could be maybe this is it
maybe this is the last
taquito i drop off this might be the last burrito i hand a guy what a horrible
way to die
you just hand them food and then he yanks you the way the article was written
he yanks you in and now
you're in his lair you're in the dungeon now that's how you get kids to pay
attention in school go sure
you could do uber eats but i'll tell you you might get yanked into the lair of
an ms13 guy who eats
you so do you want to do your homework or not they're saying what are they
saying here so they
they've asked the wife but she didn't share the details of it well why seems
pretty personal yeah
so he was dismembered and the guy's been charged with felony murder um
he was the last delivery of the night though of course but this is what they're
saying they're
saying he wasn't in his right mind he was probably on drugs this is what they
are saying i mean these
people look you know like good people here this is bring that get that up there
that's really really
sad this is crazy what are you doing uber eats for in florida i know people
have to and that's the
comments i'm gonna go oh you're out of touch you got the 14 000 sunglasses you're
out of touch you
don't understand that people have to do uber eats i know but do you is there
nothing else to do look at
that that's who you're delivering food to bring that up that's who you there
should be a photo of him
on the delivery where you go no i'm not bringing a burrito to him he's got to
get it if you do that to
your face you have to go out and get your food if you do that you shouldn't you
are not getting home
delivery i'm not bringing you an eggs benedict at 9am you have to go out and
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this was interesting
because coachella just passed and um it's always good at coachella to see a 40
year old uh comedians
going i have a ticket is there anywhere i can stay is there anywhere i can stay
can someone house me
i'm going to coachella i'm 60. can someone house me i'm elderly i've left my
family to go to coachella
does anyone have a floor i can plop on now coachella is a festival in the
desert where there is music
and uh people are let loose because there's not enough time in our society to
really just
let loose and relax and there's not enough music festivals in my opinion that's
a big problem
and these are young usually good decent looking people that are out there
living the california
dream this is the california dream it's being on drugs being uh outside and
being uh in the presence
of celebrities that's the thing that's what the dream is i'm on drugs i'm
outside and someone famous is
that way that's why this state exists and coachella is a distillation of that
people going and i'm
dressed like a native american i'm a white person dressed in wacky garb i'm in
a mud pit and i'm uh there's
nikki minaj that's what it is and i haven't been i'd like to go i want to see
it i'm sure i'm not above
it i'm sure it's very enjoyable uh but i haven't gone i'm always working i'm
working i can't do it but
um all of these people that went the people at coachella supposedly somebody
somebody went and asked
them how much money they make and if their ticket was worth it and uh i guess
this was
so the ticket cost about 500 is there a video of this uh no this is just a uh
like a opinion piece
or you know sort of like a feature thing just photos of the people with their
danielle made 37
her pronouns are i'm sorry now danielle is 37 years old her pronouns are she
her her income is 210
000 i'm a rich auntie i'm a single woman in the world well that sounds fun
nothing sounds funner than
that 210 grand rich auntie i'm a single woman in the world worth it here's what
she said
i like the diversity of the artists what i don't even know i like that i'm not
crowded or overwhelmed
even the food i would say is worth it like today we're having chicken fingers
but yesterday we had
fantastic dumplings i mean all these people's brains have been broken i like
the diversity of the artist even
the food's good chicken fingers dumplings they got it all i mean it's very
organized we were talking
about like how east coast festivals people are kind of pushy nobody pushed me
once
once nobody pushed i have not been pushed i can eat my chicken fingers in peace
without being pushed and
it's only 500 maybe people run into you walking and stuff like that well that's
what they that's what
it is no one's pushing you what do you mean on east coast festivals p