Name: The Great Shark Debate | The Tim Dillon Show #356
Uploaded: 2023-08-10T02:23:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Great Shark Debate | The Tim Dillon Show #356' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Great Shark Debate | The Tim Dillon Show #356' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-10. Transcript available.

The Great Shark Debate | The Tim Dillon Show #356

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
We are here, a very good friend, director, actor, writer, Eli Roth.
Thank you for coming.
Thank you for having me. I know it's a rare occasion.
It's a rare occasion for a guest on the show.
There's very few, and most of them are hated.
Well, I'm a listener to the pod, so I hate when you have guests
because I tune in to listen to you rant,
so I know how people feel hearing my voice.
And I'll just say this, don't kill sharks.
Thanks, Tim.
No, but here's why I wanted to have you on.
Very rarely do I want to talk to someone about something.
It's true.
I spend a lot of time alone.
I drive my car alone.
I swim in the ocean alone.
I stare at people.
I go up and down PCH.
It's actually, I don't mind solitude,
and I gather my thoughts, and then I come here,
and I say them.
Very rarely do I want to speak to anyone about anything
and hear, you know, if I want to talk to someone,
I'll just play something they've said on YouTube,
and then when I'm done with it,
I can just exit out instead of having an actual conversation.
But you, outside of the work we've done together,
because we did just do a film together,
which we will not speak about because we are in a strike.
In solidarity with the strike, yes.
Which will end soon, we hope.
We hope, and we can get on and talk about all that stuff
because I have a lot to share, but we will not do that.
Yes, later on, months from now, when the strike is over
and everyone is happy, and the executives and the writers
are hand in hand.
We're having lunch with Zaslav later,
so between that and your dinner with Reid,
and your, you know, the breakfast with Bob Backish,
I think you should be able to solve this.
I may be the secret weapon, meaning like,
and I've said this before,
why am I not on a negotiating committee?
I understand the way the executives live,
where they eat, what they enjoy, what they value,
and the writers don't,
because the writers live in Echo Park and Silver Lake,
and they're just, it's a different breed of human,
if you want to call them that,
and I respect and love them,
and I know that they need, their needs met,
but they need to find a way to communicate that
to the denizens of Beverly Hills of Malibu,
people that I know and that I see
and that I respect and I like,
so we need to meet in the middle.
But one thing,
one of the reasons I wanted to have you on
is that somewhere along the line,
and I don't know when,
your Instagram got completely hijacked.
I thought you had been,
I thought your Instagram had been hacked.
Hacked, yeah.
I thought it was hacked.
By environmentalists.
I didn't know what was going on,
because I know you as a director of films
and an actor,
and I'm like, okay,
and you would ask me,
I auditioned for a thing you did a bunch of times,
I didn't get it, that's okay,
it's bygones, not a big deal.
I did, I think, 40 auditions.
It's all right, it's fine.
And I think it was like,
I think you were like,
we hired someone who's even fatter.
And I was like, god damn it.
All right.
I don't know if I use those words,
but by the way,
it did serve as the audition for the new one.
You know,
I basically was like,
okay, he can do it.
And that's good.
Yeah.
And I didn't make you re-audition,
I wrote something for you for the new one.
That's a good point.
So I knew that from the first audition,
I was like, oh, he's great,
and he can nail it.
It's just, we needed a different type for that role.
I like that.
And this was like,
I'm going to write something great for you,
and well, again, we won't talk about it.
We can't talk about it,
but that's why I didn't.
Yeah.
But then I'm looking at your Instagram,
and I'm just seeing bloody sharks,
bloody fish.
I'm seeing the entrails of fish.
I'm seeing sharks that are opened up.
And you're having this moment
where it's all about sharks.
And what's interesting about this
is people have breakdowns in a myriad of ways, right?
In Hollywood.
Like, people have all of these,
like, there's all kinds of ways to lose it, right?
Lizzo was making people eat bananas
out of vaginas in Amsterdam.
People just, they get to a certain point,
and they go, and listen,
nobody's above a break, nobody.
And I'm looking at this,
and I'm going, is everything okay?
Can you communicate to me
why at some point in your life
you decided to care about vicious killing machines
that inhabit our oceans?
Well, thank you for that lovely introduction, Tim.
I agree.
I mean, you could say it's a mental breakdown,
but I also have a somewhat manic personality
and obsessive,
which I think helps being a director.
I think you, I'm like you,
I'm totally alone.
I like to be in solitude.
I like to write what I want people to say
and then control the actions of what they do
and then edit it.
It's part of what I enjoy in storytelling.
But I think, I also love sharks.
I grew up in Massachusetts.
I will say this,
and you're a swimmer and an ocean person.
I'd never seen a shark in the ocean before.
Have you?
I have not seen a shark in the ocean.
So everything we knew about sharks
came from TV and movies
because we had never encountered one in the ocean
because why would you want to?
Because a shark, as far as I was concerned,
was just going to eat me.
So then I heard,
someone asked me to be part of Shark Week
with the show Shark After Dark,
and they started saying,
well, you know, we're killing 100 million a year.
I'm like, how's that possible?
They go, yeah, we are.
It's for soup in China.
And I go, really?
That doesn't make sense.
And I started talking to more activists going,
is this thing real?
And they go, yes, since 2000,
it's a recent phenomenon.
They serve it at weddings.
And the shark trade has started.
Then they stopped.
They said, well, you can't take the fins
because that's cruel to throw them back in.
So they started,
the shark liver oil started.
And all these kind of side businesses started.
And I go, well, what does shark taste like?
They go, well, you can't really eat it.
It's too toxic.
I go, what does shark fin soup taste like?
They go, it's nothing.
It's like fishing line.
It's fingernail.
They have to flavor it with chicken stock.
I'm like, wait, hang on a second.
Why do we need sharks?
Like, what's the big deal?
And they go, well, sharks are what keep the ocean healthy.
They're like the doctors of the sea.
Like, if you think you have a swimming pool,
like, imagine if you didn't have the filter
and all the scum started building up on the top layer
and there was nothing to clean it.
Like, that's what sharks function are.
So I went.
Is this true?
Yeah.
Because I've never once heard,
and I'm not saying you're lying,
and I'm not saying these people are lying.
And maybe you could look this up.
Are sharks the doctors of the ocean?
Yes, they are.
I'll tell you why.
They are the oldest predators.
They're 400 million years old.
I know everyone's already tuning out,
so I'll try and make it fun and short.
400 million years old.
They're older than trees, older than dinosaurs.
They've evolved to basically be a perfect hunter
where they'll only kill what they can catch.
And they don't eat a lot.
They'll eat once a month,
and they eat the sick and dying fish.
So what sharks do is they keep everything in balance
and they clean up the ocean.
This is interesting.
It says here,
as well as keeping the ocean food web in balance,
sharks also play a pivotal role
in keeping populations that they prey on
genetically healthy,
as well as removing disease and sickness from the ocean,
hence the term doctors.
I've never heard this.
Well, there's a reason.
Yeah.
And there's a reason you're afraid of them.
There's a reason you hate them.
It's because the fishing industry
is making millions and millions and millions of dollars
off of their death.
But they also attack people.
12 people a year.
More people are killed by vending machines.
Is that true, Eli?
Yes, it is.
This is one of these fake statistics.
It's not a fake statistic.
How do you die from a vending machine?
Because your Zagnut bar gets stuck,
and you pound the damn thing going,
give me my candy bar,
and the thing falls on you.
Like 38 or 40 people a year die from vending machines.
More people are killed from armed three-year-olds.
Oh, my God.
At least 37 deaths and 113 injuries since 1978
that have resulted.
Oh, but that's since 1978.
That's not per year.
That's what they're aware of.
A lot of people aren't bragging about,
well, poor Larry.
It says the yearly risk in the U.S.
of dying from a shark bite
is roughly 1 in 250 million.
In contrast,
the yearly risk of dying
from a vending machine accident
is roughly 1 in 112 million.
Okay, so this is the party line.
These are the talking points.
All right, so it's basically...
So you came in prepared with this.
Well, I know this stuff from doing the...
So I spent five years making a documentary
called Finn that is on...
It aired during Shark Week.
It was on Discovery Plus.
Then that sold to your friend David Zaslav.
So now it is on stream on Max.
Well, no one cares more about sharks than him.
Right, exactly.
Well, the thing is,
nobody likes sharks
because they don't have faces.
They don't have personalities.
They don't have vocal cords.
It's not like...
When you say save the element...
Right, and by the way,
creepy.
And here's the thing.
This is the way I feel about sharks.
I don't have a particular issue with them.
But when people say, like,
we have to live in balance with nature,
okay, but I mean, let's take that to the extreme.
Are we not going to use bug spray?
Are we not going to try to limit
the incursions of rodents
and things like that into our homes?
I do think that at the end of the day,
we should be looking at sharks.
You know, we have these seal populations
that are out of control.
They're nuts in where you come from.
There's a documentary right now
called After the Bite.
Yes.
And it's incredibly boring
and a waste of everyone's time.
But I watch it so you don't have to.
What it's about is all these people
from Massachusetts with heinous accents.
The water, it's the worst.
Yeah, I grew up with it.
But what it is,
is the seal populations have gone nuts.
The sharks are feeding on the seals.
There are more sharks now than ever.
And it's created a really dangerous situation
for people that want to enjoy the water.
And it's become like the tough guy thing
on the internet to go,
hey, you're living with the sharks.
You're in their home.
You better be, you know, aware of that.
You're taking a risk.
And my thing is like,
we need, I think,
to really not let sharks intimidate us.
And we need to see them as a threat
and counter that threat
the same way we would counter a threat of China
or a country, you know?
We are building up an arsenal right now
to fight China in our defense department.
We have trillions of dollars of money
being spent on weapon systems
to eventually counter China.
Should we not look at sharks the same way?
Should we not experiment with fences at beaches,
electric fences?
Sharks are there.
They don't want anything to do with us.
They don't.
99% of the time, they're there anyways.
They don't want any more interaction with you
than you want with them.
What you should be afraid of is the algae.
Interesting.
The acidic algae blooms.
Look at the beaches.
This is interesting.
This is this summer.
I am also afraid of this, by the way.
Look at, if you want to worry about
sharks closing a beach,
okay, you can have shark spotters
they have in South America.
Someone looks and they go,
oh, there's a shark.
People come out.
They go back in five minutes.
But that's only if the fin is up.
No, they can, you can,
I mean, you can see them.
You can, they can have drones.
They can have helicopters.
This is a video up of that person in Egypt being mauled.
I want you to defend this, Eli.
I'm not going to defend it.
I want Eli Roth to defend.
Hang on a second.
Let's talk about the algae.
Yes.
Look up in Ventura County this summer,
the beaches that were closed
because of acidic algae blooms.
Dol