Name: The Return Of Shame with Dan Soder | The Tim Dillon Show #363
Uploaded: 2023-09-30T16:00:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Return Of Shame with Dan Soder | The Tim Dillon Show #363' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Return Of Shame with Dan Soder | The Tim Dillon Show #363' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-30. Transcript available.

The Return Of Shame with Dan Soder | The Tim Dillon Show #363

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
Dan Soder, Colorado.
You're representative Lauren Brobert, getting frisky.
Have you ever been, have you ever gotten a movie theater handjob or a Broadway
theater
handjob or blowjob?
I mean, it's going to get, the first time I ever touched a woman's pubic hair
was during
Batman and Robin when it was in theaters.
In Aurora, Colorado?
In Aurora at the Seven Hills Movie Theater.
Jesus.
With the girl I was dating, but this is how stupid I was.
Most of the time you go in through the top of the pants, it was the summer, I
went up
the leg like a true 13-year-old boy.
Interesting.
I had no idea what I was doing and then I remember, that was the first time I
ever touched someone
else's pubic hair and I was like, whoa!
In the theater through the leg.
In the theater through the leg, completely blew it.
Probably could have gotten a lot more had I entered properly.
Was she like, what's happening?
Yeah, yeah.
She cheated on me that summer with two other guys who both like knew what they
were doing.
Jesus Christ.
That was one of those things where you're like, I fucked up.
Yeah.
I fucked up.
But seeing Lauren Boebert do that, you're like, oh, that's a clear, you just
got divorced
move.
Because you know, what's funny about watching elected officials is like, George
Santos is
from Long Island.
He just lies.
We're all liars.
So you know what kind of lie he's going to come with.
Absolutely.
And I know Lauren Boebert's coming from the Western Front.
Yeah.
The other side of the mountains where it's like Garfield County, you know,
where you're
like, sure, there's Aspen.
Yeah.
But then there's also Glenwood Springs.
Right.
And there's like, it's not all Aspen and Carbondale.
No.
It's a lot of like small little towns where they're like, they shoot guns in
order to
show joy.
They show that they're happy.
Yeah.
And she was going in.
I mean, she's giving him kind of, it looks like she's going in.
She's going in.
My favorite part about all of this.
Yeah.
My favorite part about all of this is when you find out it's a first date.
Right.
Because that's third date, totally fine.
That's a great point.
The first date, you're like, she got into it.
Yeah.
That means, because this is the show.
Yeah.
So they clearly got drinks, probably went to dinner.
Right.
And then headed down to the Buell Performing Arts Center.
Right.
They were probably, you know, in Lodo downtown.
Right.
Probably had a little, and then they go, and she's just ripped, she's hammered,
she's
ripping a vape.
Yeah.
Pregnant lady asks her to stop.
She's like, shut up, bitch.
Right.
And then he's just fondling those tits.
Because he knows, he's like, if I get her liquored up, and we go to Beetlejuice
the
musical, there's no way.
Nothing gets this girl hotter.
Right.
Than a Michael Keaton vehicle.
Yeah, she likes.
Where he's not even in it anymore.
Beetlejuice the musical is just going to get her in the right frame of mind.
Unfortunately, Mr. Mom the musical doesn't open for five months.
That does not work.
I could take her to Beetlejuice.
Yeah.
And my dick's coming out.
There's got to be, not the people next to them, but the people on the
opposite side of the aisle, just being like, is that woman grabbing that dude's
dick?
What's funny is, apart from it being Lauren Boebert, there's definitely just
people in
the theater going like, who's this piece of shit?
Yeah.
And the reveal.
The reveal that it's your representative.
You know, remember back when they did commercials for movies, where they would
do the audience
reaction as they left, where they were like, best time of the summer.
Yeah.
If they would have taken those people and been like, did you know that was
Lauren Boebert?
They would have been like, holy shit.
Like, if they would have grabbed that blast radius of who she was around.
Yeah.
It's just people being like, we had no idea there was a whorehouse operating at
Beetlejuice
the musical.
I don't know.
She must have walked from Colfax.
It was incredible.
Because you know that no one knew until the news.
That's right.
Maybe even a couple people at the theater maybe knew.
Right.
But most of those people around her are like, who is this slut in this dress?
Just a drunk person acting inappropriately in public, which is not rare.
Now, if I could have informed them.
Yeah.
Informing them that it was Lauren Boebert probably would have been about third
on the list.
Yeah.
Because what I first would have done was gone, now that woman's 36.
Right.
And they go, okay.
And I'd go, she's a grandma.
And they'd go, okay.
And then you'd go, it's Lauren Boebert.
They would have been like, holy shit.
Well, what's fun about her is that, you know, she is a wild woman.
Like, her husband and her used to get in brawls.
The cops would come.
Which, I mean, dude.
You know.
Honestly, the Colorado blood in me.
Oh, yeah.
Understands voting for that.
Oh, yeah.
You want someone who's going to defend your state.
Yeah.
The way she defends her car from her husband with a bat.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like someone where it's like, oh, you really are like a Rihanna song.
And what's funny.
Your whole.
Yeah.
The whole thing is.
Your whole.
What's funny about her is like, you know, she had no interest in politics.
She was working at a bar.
Some bar called Shooters or something.
That was her bar.
It was her bar.
She owned the bar.
Yeah.
And she was like, this is what I'm about.
And then somehow she became a congresswoman.
I honestly.
I get it.
Yeah.
Because 13 year old me.
Yeah.
If I'm making up a woman to jerk off to.
That's it.
I'm watching all these action movies.
I'm like, she's got a Laura.
Lauren Croft.
Right.
A Tomb Raider gun on her leg.
Yeah.
She's just, you know, not taking shit.
Right.
She'll fight right by your side.
Right.
And then you find out she's just fast and loose.
She's fucking in the theater.
Which, by the way, I would have much rather.
My mom made me go to Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
Yeah.
In that theater.
Yeah.
When I was like 11.
Right.
If I would have been there, I would have been like, I'm a theater.
I'm a theater nerd.
Oh, yeah.
No, if you would watch Lauren Bober jerk someone off during fucking.
Beetlejuice.
Beetlejuice.
You would have been like, we're never not going to the theater.
I love the arts.
Right.
I love the arts.
Right.
More funding for the arts.
No, I mean, that's amazing that she did that.
Get up the TMZ where she responds to it because they did catch her.
Yeah, yeah.
And what I like about her is she's just kind of like, hey, now the guy that she's
fucking
owned like a gay bar.
He owned a bar where they have drag shows.
A bar where they have drag nights.
He's a Democrat.
Yeah.
And I love that she's like, wow, fuck.
She had such a.
But it's also people that are surprised about it.
She's like, no, no, no.
I'm a whore.
I don't care who.
I'll sleep with anyone.
It doesn't matter.
You could have been Al-Qaeda.
I would have sucked them off in the back.
Right.
So here we go.
This is Lauren Bober.
I know it's been a rough week.
What has it been?
You know, it's always hard whenever there's gravity put on the voters.
I'm here to provide levity and lift burdens off of people.
Hold on.
Pause this already.
She's already got hot girl giving a book report.
She's in front of the class.
Because you know she wants to walk up and go like, shit happens.
Guy had a hog.
With that shoulder showing and that Colorado hat that she looks like she bought
at DIA.
She's not a bad looking woman.
She's hot.
She's hot.
And she probably walked across the street being like, ah, you suck some, you
fuck some, and
you lose some.
Right.
But see, now she's got to like, run that back.
It's very interesting.
The gravity.
She might as well have given tent fingers.
She's like, the gravity of the situation.
This is like when my parents would be like, hey, there was $100 on the mantle
and it's not
there anymore.
I'd be really high.
I'd be like, well, you know, the spatial relationship between objects.
Honestly, with inflation and everything going on right now, I think we can
understand.
You know, big banks do way worse.
Yeah, right.
Let's see this.
Lauren Boebert.
What has it been?
You know, it's always hard whenever there's gravity put on the voters.
I'm here to provide levity and lift burdens off of people.
So anytime that they're carrying mine, it's something that, you know, I kind of
feel deep
inside.
But ultimately, all future date nights have been canceled.
And I learned to check party affiliations before you go on a date.
But all in all, you know, it was mostly a lovely time.
And, you know, I've taken responsibility for my actions.
I'd love to know how the musical ended.
And I encourage people to go and see it.
But, yeah, it was a great time back in the district seeing voters.
So how are the voters taking it?
How are the voters taking it right now?
Are they understanding at this moment?
Yeah, there's a lot of folks who are certainly understanding.
And they understand that it was a part of my personal life.
They understand it was hot as shit.
There's a lot of people jerking off to this right now all over the world.
There's, you know what's surprising is, our response to Sarah Palin was an
immediate
porn parody.
Right.
Starring Lisa Ann.
It was almost immediate.
Right.
It's incredible.
Yeah.
That there is already not a porn parody called, like, Congresswoman in the
Theater.
It's, it's, it's, I would say that it's, if it's not already there, it's in the
works.
Yeah.
They're filming.
Absolutely in the works.
Yeah.
In the Valley, there's a studio converted into a fake theater right now.
It's just, if you're, if you're not doing that, it's wasted time.
What are you doing?
They give you this?
It's wasted time.
I mean, she is a.
That's what's going to bring the world together, is more porn parodies of
politics.
Yes, of politics.
I want the Hunter Biden, crack whore, fuck tape parody.
I want the Lauren Boebert Theater one.
Theater, Dick parody.
I want Marjorie Taylor Greene and a CrossFit.
Yeah.
You know those, like, muscle porns?
Yeah, she's like a, she's like a CrossFit mom.
Yeah, and this is like a super jack guy on steroids.
Well, this is like Colorado, being from Colorado, you know it's like a little
wild, and the people
that live there like to feel it's a little wild, so this kind of fits into what
people do.
That's exactly what it is.
That's right.
It is, it is mini malls built on stolen land.
That's right.
And it's, it's, you're only three generations removed.
Right.
My mom and I were talking, my mom was like, yeah, your grandfather was born 1924
or 1925
in Alt-Colorado.
Yeah.
And immediately I was like, oh, so there's definite blood on our hands.
Right.
So what did you guys do?
You came in and killed all the Native Americans.
Yeah, you just broke all the treaties.
Right.
Took all the land.
Right.
And then acted like, what are you talking about?
The Chili's has been here forever.
Right, right.
No, that was, that Chili's is ancestral.
That's Manifest Destiny.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That, that Applebee's off Iliff.
Yeah.
That was created by God himself.
Is there anything about it you miss?
Colorado?
Yeah.
I, I, there is, what you're talking about with the people, there is this like,
joyful curiousness.
Yeah.
That people in Colorado have.
Right.
Where they're kind of like, oh, and what do you do?
Whereas New York, which I still enjoy, New York's mind your own fucking
business and look
forward, whereas Colorado's like, hey, what are you?
Who are you?
But that can also go real sideways where it's like, who the fuck are you?
Well, you were on one of the most New York shows ever.
Billions is one of the most New York shows ever, right?
It's very, and being, being by your studio, we were talking.
Yeah.
I'm in, I'm in downtown and you're in the heart of your.
Walking here, I was like, guys, guys, please.
Because young finance guys are, they just come up to you all the time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They think I'm a fee.
They think I'm a fee fro