Name: A Time Gone By with H. Foley & Kevin Ryan | The Tim Dillon Show #364
Uploaded: 2023-10-07T22:23:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Time Gone By with H. Foley & Kevin Ryan | The Tim Dillon Show #364' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Time Gone By with H. Foley & Kevin Ryan | The Tim Dillon Show #364' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-07. Transcript available.

A Time Gone By with H. Foley & Kevin Ryan | The Tim Dillon Show #364

Kevin Ryan H. Foley, the Are You Garbage podcast.
First time in studio.
Thank you guys for coming in.
What's up, man?
Thanks for having us.
Thanks for having us, buddy.
I'm in Australia right now.
This is coming out in a week.
Time travel.
I will be in Australia.
Have you gone to Australia yet?
Not yet.
It's a 15-hour flight.
That's what I hear.
It's 15 hours.
It's Blood Clot Central.
Widowmaker Air.
Two pairs of compression socks for that flight.
I get up and I walk in the middle of it.
And the flight attendant will be like, what are you doing?
I go, I'm trying to survive.
I don't want to stroke out.
Yeah.
I'm trying to get off this plane with both sides of my body operational.
But it's a great country to do stand-up comedy in, but it's a long fucking
flight.
Yeah.
I mean, you were there not too long ago as well, I feel.
That's also a mistake.
You can't go back immediately because the people go, we get it.
We know what you do.
We're aware.
But yeah, we're doing well.
We got Sydney's sold out.
Melbourne is on its way.
Then Brisbane, and then the other ones, we're doing Auckland, New Zealand.
We canceled Christchurch.
I thought more tickets would sell because that's where they had that shooter
did that manifesto.
So I really was hopeful about Christchurch.
And I said to my team, I go, we're going to be okay with Christchurch because
that guy, what did he shoot up a synagogue?
Yeah.
I go, listen, I'm just saying they're wild.
So maybe we're getting, and I'm not for any of that behavior.
I'm just saying I think we're going to move some tickets.
We did not, which makes me happy.
Yeah, it's a good reflection.
It makes me actually very happy that those people are not coming, you know?
So, I love you, gentlemen.
Everybody knows the Are You Garbage podcast.
You are the best new podcast in the world.
Thank you.
Thank you, buddy.
Yeah, it means a lot.
I wanted you guys on around this, even though it's warm out in New York today,
which fucks me up.
I like the fall to be the fall.
Love it.
Love the fall.
Right?
The best.
It's a little hot.
A little too much.
I went swimming yesterday in the ocean.
Really?
Yeah.
Where at?
Out in the Hamptons?
Out in Southampton, yeah, in the ocean.
October.
What do you think?
Atlantic City's on the goddamn East.
I don't know what this guy's doing.
I went to Galveston, Texas and swam in the waters of the oil water.
But I want to talk about Halloween with you guys because I know that it's, is
it the trashiest holiday or no?
It ain't the classiest, I'll tell you that.
It's definitely not the fucking classiest.
It's the greatest.
It is amazing.
Any Snickers, let's go.
As two fat dirtbags who don't like candy and fucking mischief, you know what I
mean?
Where do you put the holidays from classy to trashy?
Because that's kind of interesting.
Do you go Christmas as the classiest because you got the candle in the window?
Christmas can go south.
Not our Christmas, not our Christmas.
Sorry, what are you talking about?
Christmas can go south real quick.
Nice fight on Christmas morning.
Yeah.
Where, I think Christmas can be the classiest.
If you're going Catholic, like, Easter to me, there's no, like, real boozing on
Easter.
It's Sunday afternoon.
You go to church.
Easter stinks.
It stinks, but that's the classiest.
I'll tell you right now.
Here's how we can ruin that.
Horseshoes.
My family, during Easter at my Aunt C's house, God rest her soul.
This is why I have the top rated episode.
You do?
Which just passed a million, by the way.
I know Shane and Segura are climbing on me.
I know it.
But I'll tell you this.
My Aunt C, God rest her soul, and her husband, Uncle Bill, was a cop.
Was that shooting justified?
Hey.
No.
Why are you bringing up bullshit, Tim?
Split-second decisions.
No, they were good people.
It was a different time.
Yeah.
They were good people, and, you know, they had Easter Sunday, and my family
would drink
and then throw horseshoes.
Jesus.
And so there would be kids running around, and then you'd have a metal horseshoe,
like,
whizzing by your head.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And, like, you'd be in your church, you know, and then, like, you know,
somebody would scream
at you.
You'd be like, get on flat away!
Yeah.
And just sling a-
Throwing metal through the air.
But I agree with you.
In theory, there's nothing classier than Easter.
Yes.
Yeah, but it sucks.
And I always thought in horseshoes that I wasn't good at it, because I didn't
have a cigarette
hanging out of my mouth.
Well, that's true.
That's what I thought made the uncles that good.
It was a hiney.
You had to have a Heineken.
Sure, huh.
And a cig hanging out of the mouth.
In the throw, you had to have that.
You had to have it.
And they were, and they played horseshoes during Easter Sunday.
And then Easter Saturday, we would do, my nanny would do a pink ham, and she'd
do the mustard
vinegar glaze.
Okay.
Which was real nice, and then she would do, you know, the sides and stuff.
Yeah, when they, when those honey baked started getting popular-
That changed the game, dude.
That's a big deal.
That was like, we're going to get the honey baked, the spiral cut.
Yeah.
Woo!
Cheese potatoes.
Little cinnamon apples.
Yes.
Yeah.
Of course.
But I'll tell you why Easter can kick rocks.
One, pastels.
Get the fuck out of here.
Interesting.
I hate that shit.
Interesting H. Foley coming out against pastels.
Yeah, dude.
He takes the hard takes at H. Foley.
Early, early on in the episode.
Church is nice on, uh-
Church stinks.
On Christmas.
No, but I'm just saying, you know, you have something nice on, it's the winter,
you're
not going inside, you're hanging out in the back, you're goofing around.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
You maybe got a couple M&Ms or some Hershey.
It's not as proper, it feels, yeah.
Dude, fucking Easter, you feel like you're a used car salesman.
I'm walking around in a pink blazer like a dickhead.
Get out of here with that.
I will tell you one thing about Easter, there's, the Easter cigarette outside
of the church.
Oh, it's nice.
Grass is coming in.
There's a little bit of a breeze, sunlight.
A little bit of a breeze.
I'll give you that.
You're still sweating.
You're still sweating, but the sweat's being cooled by the breeze.
And you're having a ciggy outside the church.
And the priest, they're all looking at you, I know what I'm doing, but I'm here.
I'm on the property.
I'm here.
I'm on the property.
They were always waiting to rip a heater.
That's right.
Remember the first time he saw a priest ripping a dart behind the rectory?
Holy shit.
He's like, I got to have something, you know?
So Easter, I think you're right about that.
Easter does kind of.
The candy's whack, too.
It presents as the classics.
I don't like the candy, and I don't like, you know, the Easter egg, hunt the
basket.
Hey, hey, hey.
What are we working for here?
I know you got to give it to me.
There was only one that had a five in it.
You know, my aunt used to hide these baskets so aggressively that people would
start crying.
Me and my cousins would start crying.
There was no baskets?
She would hide them in places.
My grandfather did well.
And he built his own house in Mutton Town, Long Island, which is an area where
Jennifer Lopez lives.
Mutton Town doesn't sound nice.
Mutton Town sounds amazing.
It sounds amazing.
It's behind a butcher shop.
No, I know.
But it's one of those things rich people do where they're like, you'd think it's
not, but it's stunning.
And he had a 5,000 square foot house, which to us was huge.
It's a big house.
But here's the problem.
When you hide baskets, kids start crying because you look in a few places and
people start getting upset now.
And my aunt really liked that because she was sick.
She had dementia, yeah.
And she didn't have children herself.
And when people would start to cry, and she would just go, look, look, look
harder, work harder.
And we'd run up and down the stairs.
And then we'd eventually find it.
And then what was the treat?
Nothing.
You know, a couple of pastel.
You know, you get a nice Reese's duck.
I mean, Reese's, what is it?
A bunny Easter egg.
Those were our, the Peeps.
The Reese's egg, yeah.
The Peeps can kick fucking rocks, dude.
Reese's egg, the Cadbury, I do like a Cadbury Cream McFlurry in London.
Love a Cadbury Cream egg.
Love them.
A Cadbury Cream McFlurry in London is nice.
Holy shit, really?
They're doing that over there?
Welcome to the world.
Oh.
Welcome to global.
I gotta get a passport.
That's all right.
Yeah, it's not bad.
The candy didn't catch up until recently.
When I was, when we were kids, it was the shitty, low, low, low, off-brand
chocolate bunnies
that were hollow.
The wax.
It was like waxy chocolate.
And it was chemical taste.
Yeah.
It sucked.
You had a chemical taste.
And plus, I remember getting.
Was it a Russell Stover?
What kind of bunny did you get?
Russell Stover, I'd be all right with.
Russell Stover was the one that was kind of mid-grade.
Yes.
Mid-grade, respectable.
Your father still has a job.
You got a Russell Stover.
He got a bonus that year.
Lint is a little next level.
Lint?
Lint.
Who was getting Lint?
That's crazy.
I didn't have that.
I wasn't getting that until 32.
Yeah.
A touch of seesaw?
Seesaw and I'll get about it.
The Lint bunny is a nice bunny.
Whoa.
The Lint bunny is a good bunny.
I remember one year getting a solid white chocolate crucifix.
And I was like, can I?
Let's see if you can even find it.
Can I eat this?
I would love to see a solid white chocolate.
Dude, what the fuck?
I was like, can I eat this?
Crazy.
That was definitely something they gave out for the Ku Klux Klan.
By the way, it's real.
It's real.
I love that you can get a white chocolate crucifix.
How do you feel about the white chocolate, Tim?
Oh, sucks.
I'm a fan.
Here's what I like.
I love it.
I like it in ice cream.
Well, my favorite flavor in Haagadass is a white chocolate raspberry truffle
ice cream.
That's good.
When Godiva had their ice creams, and they were only around for a few years, in
the glory days of the late 90s, the early aughts, the early 2000s, they had a
white chocolate raspberry ice cream.
White chocolate raspberry in ice cream might be one of the greatest flavor
combinations.
It's good.
But as an actual candy, I don't like it.
The only one that kind of hangs in there is the Hershey's cookies and cream.
Of course.
That's a little different, though.
Yes.
It was so classy to me.
It was so like you get it once a year when it comes.
I think, looking back, I don't know if I love the taste, but I love the idea of
it.
There's a pageantry to Easter, the flowers, the church and stuff.
It is, in theory, classy.
So we put that at number one.
We're ignoring, by the way, Islamic and Jewish holidays here, not because we're
not inclusive, but I don't have any experience.
Do you, gentlemen?
No, I do not.
We don't have any experience with Ramadan.
I was always jealous of my Jewish friends on Christmas Day that got to go get
Chinese and a movie, though.
I say that all the time.
Yes, but it's sad.
Yeah, I don't.
There's a sadness to it.
I didn't think so.
I thought it was under the radar and chill.
No lines.
And a nice Chinese restaurant.
Well, I think that in a Chinese restaurant.
You can do that on a Tuesday afternoon.
Go get your movie and Chinese food.
It's something that we would do.
They do it then as like a-
They got nothing else going on.
That's right.
It's actually a little sad.
Yeah.
I loved it.
It's a little sad, but I will say that like-
A little Kung Pao chicken and Saving Private Ryan?
Well, there's nothing wrong with that.
Shout out to D-Day.
There's nothing wrong with a little Kung Pao chicken.
You know, you got to remember like, you know, that being-
First of all, that had to be amazing when movies were amazing.
When you were like-
A big blockbuster.
We're doing some lo mein and the mask.
Yeah.
Right?
Like, oh, we're going to see Ace Ventura too.
Like, when movies were-
Now I feel like it's not as-
You know what I mean?
People are probably doing