Name: The Sugar Algorithm | The Tim Dillon Show #373
Uploaded: 2023-12-09T17:00:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Sugar Algorithm | The Tim Dillon Show #373' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Sugar Algorithm | The Tim Dillon Show #373' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-09. Transcript available.

The Sugar Algorithm | The Tim Dillon Show #373

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show.
We are deep into the holiday season here.
And it's the holidays everywhere, even in places where things aren't going well.
So we have our tree.
We have a beautiful tree with great ornaments to celebrate this very special
and momentous time.
It is even the holidays for Hunter Biden, who are the president's son.
In the unending persecution of artists in America, they're trying to get him on
nine counts of tax evasion.
This guy's got to remember to not smoke crack, not fuck hookers, not leave blow
in the White House, and pay your taxes.
It seems a little lofty of an ideal to hold a human being to that standard.
There are so many things this guy has to remember when he wakes up.
Don't call anyone I've ever met.
Don't reach out to any of the exes.
Don't call my brother's ex, who's my dead brother's ex.
Don't fuck her.
Don't do that again.
Don't commit a federal drug crime.
Don't commit a felony.
He's got a lot on his plate.
And he's an artist.
Okay?
And many of you don't relate to that because you are not artists.
But he's an artist.
Hunter Biden sees the world, the imperfections, the terrible things, and he
wants to make them into something beautiful.
For you!
That's what artists do!
What's interesting about this is you know Gavin Newsom, that snake, had this
done.
Because he wants to be the president.
So he directed his cronies in California to charge Hunter Biden, recovering
addict, artist, father, son of our president, who's very present and in the
moment and not at all dead, our president.
And this is a beautiful family that is now being attacked by the silver-tongued,
although not so silver-tongued in that debate with DeSantis.
Let's be honest.
Gavin got a little cocky and kind of shit the bed.
But I can't believe that they got this guy on tax evasion.
Hunter Biden was indicted on nine tax charges in California as a special
counsel investigation into the business dealings.
Of President Joe Biden's son intensifies against the backdrop of the 2024
election.
They cannot get Biden to quit.
This is the thing.
He won't quit.
I don't know if it's him that won't quit.
Maybe it is him.
Every poll that is being released is basically like, you cannot run.
You cannot walk.
You can't do it.
You're going to lose.
You're putting us at a big disadvantage in the general election.
They have him matched up against Trump.
Anyone, dissanted, dead people.
Biden always comes out the loser by like 10 points.
So now I think they've basically, now they're going to basically see like, well,
let's see how much we can leak on his son because this guy won't leave.
And I don't know why he won't leave.
What did he do?
What did this guy, what are they afraid of the next person finding?
This is the only thing I've cooked up in my own head and I may not be correct.
What are they afraid of?
Why will he not leave?
What, what do they not want?
The next person stumbling upon?
Why would he even want this gig?
Why do you even want the job?
So now Hunter, the only son he has left, three felonies, six misdemeanors, in
addition to federal firearms charges in Delaware, alleging Hunter Biden broke
laws against drug users having guns in 2018.
Why shouldn't a drug user have guns, Delaware?
They need them.
Drug users need them more than regular people.
They come after the implosion of a plea deal over the summer that would have
spared him jail time, putting the case on track to a possible trial as his
father campaigns for re-election.
Well, there it is.
Biden's campaigning for re-election, the Hunter Biden trial.
He spent millions of dollars on an extravagant lifestyle rather than paying his
tax bills.
Yeah.
So what?
They say he owes 1.4 million in taxes because between 2016 and 2019, he wasn't
paying his taxes.
He was smoking crack.
But the back taxes have since been paid.
So I don't understand what the problem is.
If convicted, he could face a maximum of 17 years in prison.
Based on the facts of the law, if Hunter's last name was anything other than
Biden, the charges in Delaware and now California would not have been brought,
Lowell said.
Here's the thing.
I would almost argue the opposite.
It's like nobody's had more leniency kind of than this guy.
Think about this.
This guy is the son of the president.
He has videos of himself smoking crack and holding guns to escorts heads.
We're kind of chill about this.
We've been pretty chill about it.
You know, like everybody's kind of been chill.
It hasn't been like, like obviously the Republicans have, you know, been like,
hey man, you suppressed that story.
The laptop, which they did.
It's a fact.
They didn't want that story.
But people have been kind of chill here about the content, which is like, this
guy was wild.
Like, I'm sure Roger Clinton was wild, Bill Clinton's brother, and Neil Bush.
But we just don't have photo and video evidence of every fucked up thing they've
ever done.
With this guy, I mean, you can see him smoking crack, guns to the heads of hookers.
Can we get any of that up that we can play without it being a problem?
Some of it's in Scrub.
I can find some of it for sure.
What's interesting about it is people are like, well, he's being attacked
because his name is Biden.
It's like, no, no, no one could do that.
If my aunt found my uncle's laptop and he had even one of the videos that
Hunter Biden had, his whole life would be ruined.
Can you imagine that if anyone found, think to yourself, you have a laptop,
maybe in, I don't know, your spare room.
Your wife finds it, your husband, your significant other, your kids, they find
a laptop.
On the laptop is photos and videos of you smoking crack with hookers in the
Ukraine.
Anyone, anyone's life would have been ruined.
This guy's doing well.
He's painting.
He lived in Malibu up until recently, maybe still does.
This guy's doing great.
There's no way my uncle could have a laptop with photos and videos of him doing
the things Hunter Biden did and end up in Malibu.
No way.
No way.
No one.
No one.
If you recorded every bad thing you've ever done, fucking hookers, guns to
their head, lines of coke, cooking crack.
If you recorded every single thing you've ever done, if you recorded every
single thing you've ever done, your life would be ruined over.
Your wife would divorce you.
She would take everything.
The judge would be like, buddy, what the fuck?
You'd go into rehab.
You could potentially be charged with something.
I don't know.
Documents, text, and videos obtained by Daily Mail show Hunter Biden spent a
staggering $30,000 on escorts in a five-month period.
By the way, $30,000 in five months.
You can do that.
That's not that staggering.
I mean, come on, he's not, these aren't bottom-of-the-barrel whores here.
He's got good whores.
But can you imagine that if you spent $30,000 on escorts in five months and
recorded the entire thing and then your wife found it, you would be DOA, dead.
He's doing pretty good.
He's still at the White House.
They still let him in the White House.
He still gets to stand on the balcony.
He's probably still leaving cocaine in the White House.
He had an arch.
Didn't Hunter Biden have, like, a show of his work?
Yeah, it was here in Soho.
Yeah, he had a show of his work in Soho?
This is not a guy who's, like, a hopeless guy.
People will, well, he's being persecuted because of his name.
No, no, no, no, no.
It's his name, which is the reason that the guy can live in Malibu and have art
shows in Soho.
No regular human being can spend $872,000 on prostitutes, porn, and sex club
memberships.
Take $1.6 million from ATMs.
By the way, it's a job his father got him in the Burisma fucking around in the
Ukraine.
That's how he has all this money.
He's a lawyer.
Lawyers don't have any money anymore, by the way.
Anyone listening to this thinking about becoming a lawyer, when you graduate
law school now, you're impoverished for, like, 15 years.
You can't make any money.
There's, like, 20 lawyers that have any money.
It's not a lucrative thing anymore.
Doctors, same thing.
You talk to the big real estate agents.
You go, who did you represent 20, 30 years ago?
They go, it was doctors, lawyers.
They go, now I don't have one doctor, one lawyer.
They can't afford shit.
It's all tech, finance, creative people on a very high level, and athletes.
Lawyers and doctors are out.
This guy's a lawyer.
How the fuck's he taken 1.6 out of an ATM?
It's because he had a fucking job where there was a slush fund, which he used
for hookers and blowers.
And, by the way, I'm not even moralizing about any of that.
I've had my own problems.
I'm not moralizing.
I'm not saying that this guy should be condemned.
I'm saying he's getting less than what a normal person would get.
I sat in AA for years.
I still do occasionally.
It's not anonymous when it's my program.
I keep other people's anonymity.
I don't give a shit whether you know what I'm in or not.
I don't go enough.
I should go more.
But I've heard stories of how people's lives get wrecked when they do what he's
done.
I've lived them.
Right?
I lost a house.
My credit got shredded.
I lived with comics on couches and rooms in New York City for years, working
shit jobs, trying to learn how to be funny.
There was no art gallery show in Soho.
There were no high-end rehabs.
I didn't live in Malibu.
I wasn't invited to the White House.
That was not part of my sobering up journey.
I had tax problems, too.
I had to pay the fucking money.
I had to get a shitty little lawyer that didn't really care, who tried their
best, and we paid the fucking money back.
I didn't really owe that much money.
He owed a lot more than me.
But this idea that, like, Hunter Biden's had it particularly rough is insane.
That's insane.
It's crazy.
He's not had it particularly rough.
I know tons of addicts whose entire lives, and they didn't do a fraction of
what he did.
I know people who lost their entire lives because they drank too much one night
and got in a car and got pulled over.
Didn't hurt anyone.
Didn't kill anyone.
Didn't have, you know, 200 videos of Ukrainian human trafficking victims
fucking them with a gun to their head.
They just made a left when they shouldn't have.
They got pulled over.
They lost their car.
They lost their job.
They had to pay restitution.
They didn't have the money for it.
It took them years to get their lives back.
Years.
So this idea that the Democrats are going to be like, well, it's actually
Hunter is paying a price that other people don't pay.
He's paying far less of a price than any drug addict ever that's been caught
with anything.
And no matter what you believe politically, I don't care if you love Joe Biden
and hate Donald Trump, you have to agree if you're a rational person that
Hunter Biden is not paying the price that other people have paid.
How many drug addicts, by the way, are in Malibu with an art show in Soho?
And, I mean, this is wild.
So Hunter's four years of wild spending.
He went nuts spending money.
ATMs 1.6.
2016, he withdrew $200,000.
This is, by the way, a lesson in progressive drug use as well, how it gets
worse.
2016, $200,000.
2016 is probably not that bad.
He's smoking crack occasionally, a couple of lines of the powdered cocaina.
It's okay.
Things aren't great, but it could be worse.
2017, $503,000 out of an ATM.
Now, he's not taking this money out to tip valets.
Understand, this money goes right to the dealer.
I know I was a drug addict for many years.
That's why when I'm talking about him, I'm not condemning the act of using
drugs.
I'm condemning this idea that he's had it particularly rough.
He hasn't.
$500,000 in 2017.
2018, things get a little unmanageable.
$772,000 at an ATM or cash withdrawal where he shows up sniffling at a bank and
goes,
I got to take some money out.
I need some money now.
And he goes in.
He's got a nice suit because he spent a lot of money on clothes.
That's the next thing coming up.
Clothing and accessories, he spent a total over this.
And so the last year, it's $772