Name: The Diaper Spa | The Tim Dillon Show #380
Uploaded: 2024-02-03T17:00:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Diaper Spa | The Tim Dillon Show #380' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Diaper Spa | The Tim Dillon Show #380' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-03. Transcript available.

The Diaper Spa | The Tim Dillon Show #380

yeah he's a wonky honky walking down the street he looks like a junkie cause
his arms touch his
feet and his pockets are clunky but he ain't packing heat yeah he's walking
funky in his
head there's a beat i don't hate it this is a new artist i've come across uh
justin moan
right m-o-h-n he's a new artist justin moan i'm lucky enough to be able to do
what i do for living
when i find somebody who's an artist i share what they're doing uh justin m-o-h-n
moan
really good play the other one too this is a uh an artist out of where is it
pennsylvania
yeah levittown levittown pennsylvania and it's someone that i think i think
this guy's coming
up i'm gonna say it right now i'm gonna go out on a limb i i will go as far as
to say this
i think in the next year he's gonna have you're gonna know more about him than
you ever did
coming up soon
you're not my son why mom cause you're the one why'd you go so far out of your
way to try to
kill me
kill me kill me they drove through the hilly hilly it may sound silly silly but
really
spies run our cities reds and cults roaming freely filthy sissies tricky tricky
they feel the weakness of
achilles bad dogs never do feel guilty they work for the piggy piggy make your
head feeling dizzy
i mean
the very talented justin moan
coming out of levittown
pennsylvania he's an artist he's a composer writer singer
triple threat guy he's out of levittown pennsylvania justin moan taylor swift
in the news
again always all the time taylor swift we can't we can't get away and we wouldn't
want to
why would we want to there's nothing to get away from we have it all we have
love we have
uh you know intrigue we have politics dating travis kelsey the super bowl there's
sports you know
i i am at the point now
where you know because now
the scuttlebutt is
that she's gonna one day
soon
endorse
president biden
and
the trump people are figuring out how to
counter that
they're
they're
and there's all these lurid conspiracies about
you know what is happening behind the scenes and
so that's where we are we're we're all fighting for the
affection
of taylor swift
if you
live in this country
you must
be blessed
knighted
if you will by taylor swift
um
so then i guess the people that are
the trump people are going
at her
risky move
it's a gambit
because she's incredibly powerful
i think we give her the country
give her the country
why have an election
give her the country
she's gotten to that point now
give it to her
stop
let's stop pretending
this is a country
give it to her
how bad
can she do
the president's not really running it
the god
biden's not even awake in the meetings
the wife is sitting in the meetings
bringing him back information
so at the end of the day
it's like how bad
could taylor swift do
just give it to her
ask her
knock on her door
in one of her homes
and knock on her door
and ask her if she has an interest
in being the president of the united states
and if she says no
compel her
to be the president
but how about
instead of endorsing biden
run in his place
run
run
we
we don't care
that you don't
have any experience
it is of no interest to us
we don't care
just run in his place
an endorsement
is wasting
her capital
her social capital
right now
is so high
that in order to fully
take advantage of it
she must run
she must run
and announce it
go I
I thought about it
and I've decided
that the best way
to safeguard
our democracy
is if I run
for president
let her do it
let her do it
I don't care anymore
if all
let her be the
if everyone's just
going to talk about this woman
every day
all day
which is all anyone does
and now I'm doing it
because I've noticed
that other people are doing it
what am I going to talk about
you want me to talk about
Greek mythology
I'm noticing what's going on
around me
what's going on around me
is it's a never ending
all day
every day
discussion of this woman
and who she likes
who she doesn't like
who she thinks
is going to be a good president
and
what's her take
on the Barbie
Oscar snub
has she weighed in
make her the leader
of the country
why not
it seems to follow
logically
that if you have
an unhealthy obsession
with this person
that's rooted
I don't know in what
but I
you know
in nostalgia
and growing up with her
and her making you feel good
and the music
evoking emotions
she's the greatest
whatever
it's not true
it's not true
that she's the greatest
entertainer
it's beyond
it's not true
but it doesn't matter
because nothing matters
so make her the president
make her the leader
of the United States
of America
let her fire
nuclear weapons
let her kill
the Palestinians
let her do it
you know why
because we need
somebody
who
can put
a happy face
on some of the policies
that people are having
trouble with
let her write a song
about Gaza
as we bomb them
into smithereens
into
you know
as we obliterate it
let her write
a song
about it
and how sad it is
and people go
you know Taylor
wrote that song
about how sad it is
that they're
being bombed
and they're dying
I mean
why not
it's
it's a
it's an idea
it's certainly
an idea
to have this lady
just take it
or just go
we're at this
we are at the point
now
we are at the point
very soon
where we're gonna
just hand
the country
over
to someone
someone
we're just gonna
give it
to someone
we're going
to kind of
say
we're just gonna
continue to do
what we do
and you
can have it
so before
it's China
let it be
her
let it be
Taylor Swift
I don't mind
that
I do not
mind that
at all
she challenges
Trump
she wins
and you know
it's just happy
with any
you know
just sit
we're singing
songs
everybody's
in love
with her
they're happy
we'll still do
everything we're doing
we'll ramp it up
it'll get worse
we will
if Taylor Swift
is our president
the things
we will do
the blood
that will spill
will be like
nothing
you've ever seen
and it'll be okay
because it'll be
the most beloved
figure
on planet earth
I wonder if she
realizes how much
power she has
it's probably
gotta fuck her up
realizing that she
could sway
presidential elections
you know
whatever she wants
to do
it's gotta kind
of make her
go
wow
I had no idea
but she can
she is now
the most important
figure
in America
right now
Taylor Swift
it's
that's it
this is
by the way
this is not
any type of
exaggeration
Taylor Swift
at this moment
in time
is the most
important
figure
culturally
in our
country
there's
nobody
I don't
know how
this happened
it happened
without my
involvement
or knowledge
I'm just
reacting to it
and I'm going
with it
I'm going
with it
I'm
I'm going
with it
I'm asking
you to deliver
the country
to her
give it to her
now
give it to her
I'm asking
you to do it
I'm asking
you to do it
please
so that there's
a reason
that I
let her
and Travis
Kelsey live
in a White
House
and fire
drone strikes
at our enemies
the Houthis
and all
these other
let them do it
have the CIA
come in
and say
Madam President
and she'll say
call me Taylor
and that's her
new album
her new album
is called
call me Taylor
and Kara Swisher
and the rest of
these people
whose brains
have been eaten
like fermented
alcohol
just you know
what I mean
like a fruit
rotting
their brains
have gone
they can all
go
and you know
what
you know
what the
you know
why her
new album
is called
call me Taylor
because the CIA
director came in
to give her
a briefing
the presidential
daily briefing
the PDB
and you know
she just sat there
and she was looking
so smart
and she just
looked at him
and she said
call me Taylor
and he was amazed
by that
because she doesn't
even that
that's how big she is
she doesn't even
need the title
do it
give it to her
give it to her
I will not resist
I will not resist
I will cheerlead
for her
because we
want to live
in North Korea
we want it
with like
all of our
we want
our loyal
our
this woman
our undying
obsession
with this woman
proves
that we really
want to live
in North Korea
let's do it
give it to them
give it to them
they want
the people
out there
that you see
on the
Chick-fil-A
line
that loops
around
and around
and around
it keeps
going
or the
in and out
line
it goes
back
blocks
and blocks
and blocks
and blocks
the people
that are sitting
that they have
the time
to sit
45 minutes
an hour
and a half
for shit
food
it's not
good
it's not
that good
they have
two hours
to sit
and wait
for french fries
that by the
time they get
them
will be cold
because they've
been sitting
there
let
give them
what they
want
they want
they want
gods
and they want
someone to
worship
they want
someone
to worship
give them
Taylor Swift
give them
Taylor
and then
she can
you know
she can
really solve
a lot
of problems
that
haven't been
able to be
solved
yet
she can
fall
in and
out
of love
with
migrants
and the
country
will react
to the
migrant
crisis
based on
who
she's
in love
with
so if
she's
in love
with like
a North
African
guy
you know
who came
over
it's like
hot
but if
she dumps
him
no migrants
then they
get kicked
the fuck
out
which by
the way
Topeka
Kansas
I love
how bad
they're
doing
they're
literally
going
give us
migrants
Topeka
Kansas
is going
we've
got
nothing
left
the
main
industry
that
Topeka
Kansas
had
was
the
God
Hates
Fans
Church
that was
their
main
but it
was
their
main
industry
it
really
was
their
main
industry
was
like
hate
that
was
their
main
thing
and
they've
got
nothing
left
so
Topeka
Kansas
is
basically
telling
migrants
like
hey
we're
out
here
we've
got
nothing
this
article
came
out
I guess
it was
in the
Times
or
something
where
Topeka
Kansas
is
literally
advertising
for
migrants
going
please
Kansas
capital
hopes
to
lure
migrants
with work
all through
day
how great
is it
you're a
migrant
you just
got here
and
and
they're
like
what
about
Kansas
and
even
they
know
they're
like
oh
I
don't
know
yeah
I
don't
know
about
Kansas
while
many
American
cities
are
struggling
with
large
numbers
of
newly
arrived
migrants
Topeka
is
inviting
anyone
and
everyone
with
permission
to
work
in
the
US
anyone
and
everyone
like
a lot
of
smaller
cities
the
Kansas
capital
is
grappling
with
near
stagnant
population
growth
and
unemployment
rate
well
economic
development
officials
finding
people
to
fill
it's
roughly
6600
open
jobs
has
been
a
struggle
so
there
are
6600
jobs
in
Topeka
Kansas
that
people
don't
want
to
fill
they
don't
want
to
go
for
Topeka
Mayor
Michael
Padilla
a
Democrat
in a
largely
Republican
state
the
effort
to
attract
immigrants
along
with
Americans
living
in
other
cities
just
made
sense
because
Topeka
is
coming
out
and
going
if
you
are
fucked
that's
Topeka
Kansas
and by
the way
that could
be a
good
it's
really
not a
bad
way to
attract
people
it's
like
if
you
are
fine
if
it
didn't
work
anywhere
else
come
here
did
you
fail
in
Austin
come
to
Topeka
did
Miami
not
pan
out
did
you
not
ride
the
Bitcoin
wave
of
Miami
to
Star
Island
it
didn't
work
out
you
don't
live
next
to
Jared
in
Ivanka
on
Indian
Creek
Island
come
on
down
to
Topeka
Kansas
work
in a
food
truck
truck
that's
that's
nice
you
serve
a
couple
burly
lesbians
to
Menchiladas
every
morning
come
work
in a
food
truck
put
the
hash
brown
in
the
burrito
thank
you
come
work
in a
food
truck
learn
all
about
Native
American
fry
bread
or
whatever
the
fuck
they
serve
come
down
to
Topeka
Kansas
live
in hell
and there's
nothing wrong
with that
come
live in
hell
come
work
the
front
desk
at
the
Hilton
a lot
of
these
people
Libya
you'll
want
to
go
back
to
Libya
when
you
are
standing
and
working
in
the
last
remaining
pizza
hut
in
Topeka
Kansas
serving
the
morbidly
obese
baseball
team
at the
high
school
their
fourth
pizza
in
Topeka
Kansas
come
on
down
come
on
down
to
Topeka
Kansas
a
hollowed
out
meth
hell
and I
like
Kansas
I'm not
saying
anything
bad
about
them
really
I'm
just
stating
facts
as to
what's
going
on
over
there
cities
with
something
going
on
they
can't
have
all
the
migrants
in
here
they
just
don't
want
it
they
don't
want
it
New York
is
going
we
can't
do
it
Martha's
vineyard
is
like
hey
man
we're
a small
island
we
can't
handle
this
Topeka
Kansas
we don't
care
what
you
did
we
don't
care
what
you
did
in
your
country
we
don't
get
rap