Name: We Should Just Give The Country To Taylor Swift #380
Uploaded: 2024-02-08T17:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We Should Just Give The Country To Taylor Swift #380' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We Should Just Give The Country To Taylor Swift #380' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-08. Transcript available.

Taylor Swift in the news, again, always, all the time, Taylor Swift.
We can't get away, and we wouldn't want to.
Why would we want to?
There's nothing to get away from.
We have it all.
We have love.
We have, you know, intrigue.
We have politics dating Travis Kelsey, the Super Bowl, their sports, you know.
The scuttlebutt is that she's going to one day soon endorse President Biden
and the Trump people are figuring out how to counter that.
And there's all these lurid conspiracies about, you know,
what is happening behind the scenes.
So that's where we are.
We're all fighting for the affection of Taylor Swift.
If you live in this country, you must be blessed, knighted, if you will, by
Taylor Swift.
So then I guess the people that are, the Trump people are going at her.
Risky move.
It's a gambit.
I think we give her the country.
Give her the country.
Why have an election?
Give her the country.
She's gotten to that point now.
Let's stop pretending this is a country.
Give it to her.
How bad can she do?
The president's not really running it.
Biden's not even awake in the meetings.
The wife is sitting in the meetings bringing him back information.
So at the end of the day, it's like, how bad could Taylor Swift do?
Just give it to her.
Ask her.
Knock on her door in one of her homes.
And knock on her door and ask her if she has an interest in being the president
of the United States.
And if she says no, compel her to be the president.
But how about, instead of endorsing Biden, run in his place.
Run.
Run.
We don't care that you don't have any experience.
It is of no interest to us.
We are at the point, very soon, where we're going to just hand the country over
to someone.
Someone.
We're just going to give it to someone.
We're going to kind of say, we're just going to continue to do what we do.
And you can have it.
If Taylor Swift is our president, the things we will do, the blood that will
spill, will be like nothing you've ever seen.
And it'll be okay because it'll be the most beloved figure on planet Earth.
Her social capital right now is so high that in order to fully take advantage
of it, she must run.
She must run and announce it.
Go, I thought about it.
And I've decided that the best way to safeguard our democracy is if I run for
president.
Let her do it.
If everyone's just going to talk about this woman every day, all day, which is
all anyone does, and now I'm doing it.
Because I've noticed that other people are doing it.
What am I going to talk about?
You want me to talk about Greek mythology?
I'm noticing what's going on around me.
What's going on around me is this never-ending, all-day, every-day discussion
of this woman.
And who she likes, who she doesn't like, who she thinks is going to be a good
president.
And what's her take on the Barbie Oscar snub?
Has she weighed in?
Let her write a song about Gaza as we bomb them into smithereens.
Taylor Swift, at this moment in time, is the most important figure, culturally,
in our country.
There's nobody, I don't know how this happened.
It happened without my involvement or knowledge.
I'm just reacting to it, and I'm going with it.
I'm going with it.
I'm going with it.
I'm asking you to deliver the country to her.
Give it to her now.
Give it to her.
I'm asking you to do it.
I'm asking you to do it.
Please.
Let her and Travis Kelsey live in a White House and fire drone strikes at our
enemies, the Houthis, and all these other.
Let them do it.
Have the CIA come in and say, Madam President, and she'll say, Call Me Taylor.
And that's her new album.
Her new album's called Call Me Taylor, and Kara Swisher and the rest of these
people whose brains have been eaten.
Like fermented alcohol.
You know what I mean?
Like a fruit rotting.
And their brains have gone, you know why her new album is called Call Me Taylor?
Because the CIA director came in to give her a briefing, the presidential daily
briefing, the PDB.
And, you know, she just sat there, and she was looking so smart.
And she just looked at him, and she said, Call Me Taylor.
Do it.
Give it to her.
Give it to her.
I will not resist.
I will not resist.
I will cheerlead for her.
Because we want to live in North Korea.
We want it.
Our undying obsession with this woman proves that we really want to live in
North Korea.
Let's do it.
Give it to them.
Give it to them.
They want the people out there that you see on the Chick-fil-A line that loops
around and around and around.
It keeps going.
Or the in and out line.
It goes back blocks and blocks and blocks and blocks.
The people that are sitting, that they have the time to sit 45 minutes, an hour
and a half for s*** food.
It's not good.
It's not that good.
They have two hours to sit and wait for French fries that by the time they get
them will be cold because they've been sitting there.
Give them what they want.
They want gods, and they want someone to worship.
They want someone to worship.
Give them Taylor Swift.
She can fall in and out of love with migrants.
And the country will react to the migrant crisis based on who she's in love
with.
So if she's in love with like a North African guy, you know, who came over, it's
like hot.
But if she dumps him, no migrants.
Then they get kicked the f***ing.