Name: A Job Is A Job | The Tim Dillon Show #381
Uploaded: 2024-02-11T08:00:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Job Is A Job | The Tim Dillon Show #381' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Job Is A Job | The Tim Dillon Show #381' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-11. Transcript available.

A Job Is A Job | The Tim Dillon Show #381

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show.
We are late, and we apologize for that,
because I was coming back from the Levity Live Comedy Club
in the Palisades Mall.
What a treat.
And, you know, it's a dump.
It's a fun dump, and the audiences were fun.
The area is kind of a dud.
And I was coming back, and I was on the FDR,
and I hit a big pothole with my car,
which is a luxury car,
and I was up in Harlem when that happened.
So I turned off the FDR drive
onto a street corner in Harlem, you know,
with this brand-new Bentley car,
which the people in Harlem loved, to be honest.
They were very complimentary about it.
Everyone that was walking by was like,
we love the car.
What kind of car is this?
This is very nice.
And there were cops parked there who promptly left
when I got there.
They were like, eh, let's see what happens,
which I would have done, too, if I was a cop.
I would have said,
it's not going to be any fun if we sit here on the corner.
Let's take a loop and then see.
And we couldn't get a tow truck until 4 a.m.,
and it was just me and my opener,
and we were sitting in the Bentley,
and it was on, we were on 145th Street,
142nd and 5th Avenue,
and we were sitting there in the Bentley,
and we would stand outside of it periodically from time to time,
and people would walk over and talk to us,
and some people would look at us,
and some people would, you know,
and then the one tow truck guy,
we got a pizza at one point,
and we're eating the pizza,
and one tow truck guy came over,
it was like a Dominican guy,
and he's like,
I can't tow it because it needs a flatbed.
And I was like,
yeah, that makes sense, you know,
and he's like,
you got to watch out for these Venezuelans.
I'm like, what?
And he goes,
yeah, the Venezuelan migrants,
they're robbing everybody.
They're just taking purses,
and he goes,
there's one guy,
he goes,
he's on a walkie-talkie,
he tells him,
he goes,
go get me a phone,
go get me a phone.
I'm like,
wait, what?
What's happening?
So, you know,
again,
that's not,
I didn't say that.
You know,
that's a guy who's coming up to me,
a Dominican guy,
at 1 a.m.
in Harlem going,
you got to watch out for the Venezuelans,
which just made me laugh.
I was like,
where is that guy on the news?
But, you know,
you never see like,
where is he,
where is his react?
You know,
you never see like the Dominican tow truck driver reaction to what's going on.
But he went on and on.
He was going on and on about Venezuelan migrants,
gangs,
and, you know,
I was like,
oh,
well,
we'll,
you know,
we'll do our best.
We will do our best to avoid.
But,
you know,
we were sitting ducks.
If anybody wanted the car,
they would have taken it.
Nobody did.
We,
we ended up getting it out of there.
But that's why we're late.
So it's not,
and we weren't in,
maybe that's important.
We weren't in the center of things.
We're kind of off to the side.
But,
you know,
it's not that bad.
Fox News.
It's not that bad.
A new Bentley sat on the corner on 142nd and 5th.
It looked like a sting.
I think if you wanted to steal a car,
it looked like a sting.
It was like me and this other white kid standing outside of the car,
like two undercover cops with this Bentley there,
eating pizza,
waiting to get jacked.
So I think it was one of those things where like,
people were like,
wait a minute,
you know,
I was like,
this is a little too,
this is a little too on the nose,
maybe.
But the cops kept,
you know,
like they would,
they would be like,
you know,
every like hour they'd be like,
oh,
you're still here.
I'm like,
what does that mean?
I'm like,
this isn't such a bad area.
They were like,
no,
it's not,
it's not good.
But nothing happened.
But what did happen was we did not get home until 5 a.m.
And everybody,
I was exhausted.
And so I slept till like one.
And now,
of course,
I'll lose the car for a month.
The thing about having these luxury cars,
which is stupid,
I've kind of learned my lesson about them.
I think maybe the next things I get when this is a lease,
when I turn it back in,
I think I'll just not do this again because anything that goes wrong with
any of these cars is like the minimum a month and you have to turn it in
and you know,
it's annoying.
Now,
obviously it's not as annoying as other things that people go through,
right?
This is not,
you know,
I'm not,
you know,
people are going to be like,
what about Gaza?
You know,
I,
you know,
I know I'm aware that seems worse,
but it is annoying that you can't take this to a regular.
They don't have a spare tire in the Bentley.
There's none.
There's no spare tire.
You're just out there like,
and then you got to go through their people.
You can't use triple A.
You got to go through their whole thing.
And,
you know,
it's a very annoying process,
but the,
what is happening in Gaza is worse.
Is that okay?
Is that okay to say that the starvation,
the mass starvation now and the,
you know,
and of course being in a tunnel,
the people that have been in that tunnel for a long time,
the hostages have been in that tunnel now.
For how long have they been in that tunnel?
Probably about two months since October,
three months,
four months,
almost four.
Yeah.
Four months in the Hamas tunnel.
And a lot of them have died now.
It's,
it's never going to work over there.
I mean,
this is just my surmise from the whole thing.
It's just not going to work.
And,
you know,
we're not going to talk about it because,
you know,
it's just not going to work.
You know,
eventually you just,
you know,
you have to accept that it isn't going to work.
You know,
I remember my,
I had an uncle and an aunt and they,
you know,
it just didn't seem good.
They would show up,
they would show up to the,
you know,
the holiday parties at different times.
She would come later and bring dessert.
She would kind of not come for the dinner and he would come for the dinner and
she would kind of show up with like chocolate covered strawberries,
you know,
three hours later.
And we were like,
Oh,
something's up.
And something was up because they are now divorced and they both live happy
lives separately from each other.
But this is what I think is happening over there.
Now,
obviously there was in my uncle and aunt's case,
there was certainly less violence.
There is more violence over in the Middle East from my perspective with my
uncle and my aunt.
My uncle and aunt,
they like made a lot of faces.
There was a lot of like scowls and kind of,
you know,
and that was,
that's not nothing,
but it certainly wasn't kind of the,
you know,
the bombing of the hospitals and everybody dying.
That's a little bit more,
that's a little more depressing,
you know,
but our president now,
I think that they're getting into the,
they're getting into the final stages of grief.
And they got to get rid of this man.
They cannot run him.
They are going to lose if they run him.
This is the scuttlebutt.
I talked to a lot of people that certainly know more than I do.
And they're all basically saying that this is not going to work.
They cannot run a guy who is essentially in a stage of mental decline.
We all know that it's,
it's quite obvious to everyone.
Trump also confuses things and make mis,
makes missteps,
but in,
in nowhere near the level that Biden has publicly.
And finally,
the special counsel just released a report that they're not really indicting
Biden
for these documents that he had because he doesn't know where he is.
They were basically like,
he's a,
you know,
this is a kindly old fellow who doesn't know where he is or what he's doing.
He has a poor memory.
There was a quote that basically said that,
that,
you know,
alleviates his responsibility.
It would have been better if he was indicted because people would have went,
oh,
okay.
You know,
the old dog can still fight,
you know,
at least he can still lie to us.
I mean,
that's all we really want our politicians to be able to do is to be able to lie.
That's the,
that's the job requirement.
That's the whole description of a political figure primarily is that they have
the mental
capacity to lie to,
you know,
to make things up,
to,
to manipulate.
That's what a politician does.
And he's too old to do that.
He's too confused to do that.
He's too forgetful.
He doesn't really know what happened.
You know,
and you know,
the,
the money quote,
I think was it.
Yeah.
He's an elderly man with a poor memory.
You know,
the jury would be sensitive to an elderly man with a poor memory.
The president did not remember when he was vice president.
Even within several years,
when his son Bo died,
the memory appeared hazy when describing the Afghanistan debate that was once
so important
to him.
So,
I mean,
this is the biggest,
you know,
non-story because we know all of this,
but,
you know,
now the people are being forced to confront this.
And now there's not that many people.
I mean,
you have Michelle Obama who,
you know,
half the country is convinced as a man.
You know,
I don't know if that,
you know,
hurts her.
I imagine that it could help in certain areas and certain areas,
you know,
might be a problem,
but she's kind of it.
Gavin Newsom is a hated charlatan who lives on a vineyard and manages a failed
state from
a vineyard that is trying to be,
I mean,
the,
the plagues,
the biblical plagues are descending upon California at a rate that only
suggests that
there is a God and that he is not impartial to the coasts.
He clearly prefers the East coast,
which of course he would.
If there is a God,
there's no way he likes the West coast better.
You know,
there's no way.
That would imagine he's like the most superficial being and he just cares that
it's pretty,
you know?
No,
I'm sure he's,
you know,
he's interested in,
you know,
the floor and the fauna,
but he also likes the,
the,
the life,
the people that he's created.
And there's no way that he's not disappointed in the West coast.
There's just no way.
And Gavin Newsom is a,
you know,
a hated figure.
He's not liked.
He's,
he's,
you know,
he's smarmy.
There's all the things about him.
He's a good looking kind of 50 year old fuck boy that nobody trusts and no one
should.
And he's presiding over a state.
And when he had the chance to really wipe the floor with Ron DeSantis in the
debate,
he didn't,
he didn't,
he kind of choked,
you know?
And DeSantis is not like a great debater.
He's like a cop.
DeSantis is like a cop.
Best case.
He's like a principal.
He's like a substitute math teacher.
He's like a substitute math teacher who takes himself way too serious.
We had a guy like that.
We had a substitute math teacher that like was really proud of his,
that he was a teacher and he was a coach and,
you know,
he wasn't a full-time teacher.
And he like,
you know,
it was like doing extra around the school to try to get hired full-time.
And he'd like call you out if you were wearing a hat in the hall.
That's kind of the vibe.
So,
you know,
you can easily kind of trounce Ron DeSantis,
but Gavin Newsom didn't do it.
So I don't think he's the move.
And then you're looking at the rest of the field and nobody,
nobody has name recognition.
That's the biggest problem.
The biggest thing with the political system in America is you need name
recognition.
And Michelle Obama has name recognition.
She can come in.
And if she comes in,
I'm telling you,
it's the only shot they have.
It's the only shot they have is if Michelle Obama comes in and they do the
whole kind of,
because it is powerful,
right?
The idea of like black female president,
you know,
you know,
identity politics is annoying and ultimately probably destructive.
We know it's destructive,
but it does have a certain visceral appeal.
And it always has a certain visceral appeal.
Even I catch myself.
I I'm not a human being when I watch people and they're very emotional about,
you know,
the fact that they are taking steps that nobody in their race has ever done
before,
even though that's not true.
Like a lot of these people,
like no one has ever done that.
And it's like,
no people have like,
they erase,
they erase a lot of peopl