Name: Justice Catches Up To The Gilbert Goons #383
Uploaded: 2024-03-18T16:00:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Justice Catches Up To The Gilbert Goons #383' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Justice Catches Up To The Gilbert Goons #383' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-18. Transcript available.

I want to thank the good people of Arizona and I want to say you're welcome.
I want to thank them because with very little resources, very little,
the citizens of Gilbert, Arizona, were able to push the police
to arrest seven people in the murder of this kid, Preston Lord,
that we talked about on this show, and I want to tell the citizens of Arizona,
I want to say that you are welcome.
I don't need a pat on the back.
I don't need, but let's be very clear.
This is me. I did this.
Let's be very clear about this.
I sounded the alarm bell nationally for this.
That's what happened.
I don't need someone to come over and call me a hero or write an article about
me
or make a documentary about me or say that they're amazed at how much of a
humanitarian I am.
I don't need to stand on a stage with an award, but let's be very honest.
I was the one pushing this story.
And yes, it is because I want to make a film about it, partially, only
partially.
I also want justice.
But I was the one, and people said to me, why do you care about this story?
Why does it matter to you?
I'll tell you why.
I'll tell you exactly why.
And I'm glad you asked.
I'm a capitalist, and I believe in things.
I believe, I have virtues that I believe in.
When I heard that these low-rent,
Tybo, gym-owning people or whatever
were trying to cover up a murder of a kid,
I'm like, you don't get to do that
because you sling smoothies in the desert, dummy.
You only get to do that if you're a real blue-blood elite.
You want to drive off a bridge with a chick in your car?
Your name better be Kennedy.
You want to go AWOL on the Vietnam War,
and then when people find out,
all of the buildings that house the documents
that they could prove that
and end up going on fire,
your name better be Bush.
If you are not elite,
I do not want you covering up murders
because I believe in the country I live in.
Do you understand that?
Or do I have to explain it again to you?
I will not let the final days of this country,
okay,
the end stage of this empire,
I will not let the history of this be written
by people that own smoothie cafes in Arizona.
You will not be getting your kid out of trouble.
They will go to jail.
They will go to jail.
Now, initially,
we made this into a whole Mormon conspiracy
that wasn't true.
That wasn't true.
But it took the heat off the Jews.
Now,
so never question my motives.
Do you understand?
Everybody's like,
wait,
are the Mormons covering up a murder in Arizona?
And then just,
you know,
stadiums of Palestinians just,
I didn't intend,
it wasn't my intention.
It's what happened.
But Sam Harris made a good point.
Israel calls them all first,
which I think is nice.
Israel actually calls the phone
of every Palestinian they're going to kill.
This is actually true.
Many people don't know this.
They call them up
and they're like,
hey,
what's up?
We're going to bomb you soon.
And it's nice.
I like that.
I like it.
I thought,
I thought they weren't doing it,
but they do.
They call,
they text.
They send just a couple of fire emojis.
Watch out.
A couple of fires,
emojis.
It's nice.
It gives people,
it's respectful.
But this whole,
this,
the reason that I got so invested in this case
is because number one,
injustice everywhere is,
you know,
whatever that is thing,
the threat to violence.
And what did Dr. King say or Shakespeare?
Right?
The cops,
whenever there's a cop beating a guy,
here's my point.
My point is that
even these rat people
that live in this sand hell,
this sand pit,
where they think they have money,
they don't deserve to be killed.
You know what I mean?
So the reason that I got involved
was because I saw that there were,
there was not a national figure
leading this movement
trying to hold these people accountable.
These goons,
kids,
these white kids,
white demon devil kids.
Does no one watch this part of the show
where I'm crusading?
I,
for the imprisonment of white children,
there's no one,
does somehow they skip this part
and they only listen to the parts
where somehow accidentally
I say something glaringly racist
because I had a bad experience
at a tropical cafe or something
and I'm holding,
someone's got to be held accountable
that doesn't look like me.
But the point is,
no one listens.
I want these kids,
I was disappointed
that they're not going
for the death penalty
because I think it's funny.
I love a good bit
and you know,
these kids are in high school.
They're 17,
18,
but they're adults.
That's the line.
I say kill them
if you can convict them.
Kill them.
Let me follow it up with this as well.
Get renters,
that's the kid.
Can I say their name now?
If they sue me,
I'll sue you back.
I mean,
we can beep it,
but his name's in public record,
yeah.
If you sue me,
you have no idea
what I will do.
I don't have a family.
You have a family.
I don't.
Yes,
your family is junkies
and murderers,
but I don't even have those.
So you have no idea
what I will do.
I have all of my monies
reserved for these things.
By the way,
look at the judge in this case,
please.
Is Arizona even a real state?
Can you look at this judge?
Can you look,
can you close up on this judge?
What is going on here
with the f***ing mustache
of this judge?
He's one of the goons.
He's on the inside.
I watched this arraignment today
and I was,
I looked at this judge
and I'm like,
is this even a person?
We don't have ad block.
Oh,
it's AZ Central.
Take a look at this.
Look at this judge's
handlebar mustache
and his black rimmed glasses.
May I get you a seated
big terrific
in Williamsburg,
sir?
Jenny Slade is absent.
Tim Dillon and Lisa Traeger
will be on this evening.
But that's what you get.
Let me tell you
what needs to be done.
Get Renner's attorney up
because she's no f***ing joke.
I also,
by the way,
I mean,
none of these people
know how to,
you know what I mean?
Like they don't,
this isn't really a state
where people know
how to dress.
Let's just be honest.
They used to be cowboy.
It's like a freak show
over there.
Let's be,
let's be very honest.
I know.
Oh,
Tim,
you were f***ing.
Shut up.
I'm not saying I'm the thing,
but I'm saying
let's be very honest,
okay?
We got,
this is Daria
who grew up here.
So,
this woman is now,
but by the way,
the guy who's behind her
is a real criminal
who just does dewees.
I looked him up.
I looked these people up.
He's a real criminal.
But I like him.
You need a good criminal
because he'll go plant
evidence and stuff.
You need that.
He's a real criminal.
And they probably have
something on him,
this family.
Who I'm not,
completely,
I haven't,
I haven't completely,
even though I am interested
in justice,
I haven't decided
that I wouldn't work
for this family
in the few,
you know what I mean?
Like I ha,
like I haven't written them off.
You know what I mean?
DMs are open.
That's my attitude on them.
Because I don't know
everything that's going on here.
This b***h good.
What's her name?
Christine Whalen.
Christine Whalen.
Now, here's the deal.
She might get these
b***h off for this one of them.
Talon, Talon.
There's two Talons.
Talon, Talon.
Talon, Talon.
They have all these weird names.
They're trash.
They have dumb names.
The point is this.
They're garbage.
They're horned b***h,
you know,
spiny toad.
I mean,
this is a nightmare,
this place.
Of course,
not Paradise Valley.
Scottsdale,
Paradise Valley.
Many friends,
many friends.
The point is,
this woman could get,
so here's the deal.
Here's the real.
I need to try the case.
I need to try the case.
If you bring in a lawyer,
a DA,
to try this case,
you may lose.
This b***h is good.
I'm better.
Okay?
The jury pool in Arizona
will have a reading level
of second grade.
Do you understand?
The average reading level
in America
is fourth to fifth grade.
The reading level
in the Arizona jury pool
will be second grade.
Okay?
On average.
Which means
some of the jury
will be reading
at the level
of a kindergartner,
where it will be words
and then the majority
is pictures.
Okay?
Like my Godson is three.
Monkey,
he goes,
oh,
you're not,
it's just what you're
dealing with.
I know how to get
their attention
with loud outfits
and big sunglasses
and big pops.
They're not going to care
about the facts of the case.
If you think
these jury members
are going to care
or even listen
to the facts
of this case,
you got to find
people dumb enough
to not have an opinion
on this,
by the way.
This is the only news
coming out of that state.
Literally it.
So you got to find people
that are so dumb
that they don't have
a strong opinion
on this,
you know,
or at least lie.
I'm telling you,
you make me,
you make me
the prosecuting attorney.
I'm telling you right now,
I deliver a conviction.
I deliver a conviction
because I will put on a show.
You have to put on a show.
Okay?
And this is not
to disparage
the residents of Arizona
at all,
but you're really,
really stupid.
And that's not,
and I don't mean to,
and I'm not saying that
in a negative way.
It's an,
I've observed that.
Okay?
Now,
because of that,
there are ways
that information
needs to be presented
to you.
Okay?
I'm not above
doing a freestyle rap
for an opening statement.
Do you understand?
I'm not above that
being like,
you think you're a goon?
Leave the fucking room.
You know?
He killed that kid.
You know?
But I'm,
you know what I mean?
But you got to picture it
with kind of
with a very colorful hoodie
with kind of
the 80s boombox.
You know,
kind of really put the work in,
put the effort into it.
He killed that kid.
They stomped out his head.
His parents tried to cover it up
because they think
they got bread,
but they ain't got bread.
Listen to what I said.
Like,
it's got to be rhyme.
I'm telling you,
it's an Arizona jury box.
It's a bunch of lizards.
It's got to be rhyme.
It's got to be,
am I above,
you think I'm not coming out
with a smoke machine
for my closing statement?
You're out of your mind.
First of all,
it happened on Halloween.
There's a Halloween party
where this kid get killed.
Unfortunately,
an RP to the kid,
I pray there is a heaven and a God.
I always have.
And,
and I,
and I,
I think there kind of is maybe.
I get more religious
as I get older.
I don't know what that means,
but I'm either getting more correct
or more incorrect
and no one will know
and no one can call me on it.
The point is this.
I would have everyone
come in a Halloween costume
for the,
for the summation,
the closing statement.
And even though
that would seem
very,
very counterproductive
and it would lose me,
a lot of the people
who think it's a very heinous
and disrespectful thing to do,
people like dressing up.
Legit.
You understand?
So if I'm going to recreate
what happened
at a Halloween party,
I'm going to ask the jury
and the members
to everyone
wear a costume.
Okay?
Now this is unorthodox.
People just say to me,
this is unorthodox.
Play Rachel Mitchell,
this little goblin.
Yelling at everyone
on the Reddits
and saying that it's,
it's wrong
that we're circulating
unsubstantiated conspiracy theories.
I don't get a check
where you get a check.
I said,
you know,
and I read these Reddits,
I don't really post on them
because I don't,
I don't really know enough
about Arizona
to say anything,
you know,
other than it's a hole.
I love this award,
Aquapana.
Sponsor the show.
No,
play the press conference
she had
where she announced
the indictments
and then she told,
she yelled at the community
for going on Reddit
and trying to solve
the f***ing crime.
Now here's what,
yes,
were some members
of the community wrong?
Did they impugn
the credibility
of the investigation
to a degree?
Sure.
Did they launch
unprovoked accusations
at members
of the community's children?
Yes.
Did they f*** up
things to a degree?
Yes.
But everything,
you know,
it was the inertia
that moved this case forward.
Was the community
demanding they do something
because the Gilbert police
have done nothing
for years,
all these kids
just attacking random people
and then one of them died.
Lake Riley,
say her name.
Lake Riley.
Lake Riley.
She's a lovely young woman
killed by an illegal.
Now,
this woman,
I have respect
for this woman,
okay?
Because I've said
a lot of negative things
and I say them in jest
about Arizona,
but here's the deal
and this is why
I respect them,
okay?
This woman is no joke.
This Rachel Mitchell
who's doing,
handling this.
I respect
that they have,
they got the penguin
up here
doing this.
Rachel Mitchell,
please.
I don't want to cover up
the microphone.
Am I okay here?
Sound wise?
Everybody okay.
Good evening,
everyone.
Today,
a grand jury
has indicted
four people
in the murder
of Preston Lorde.
And before I discuss
the details
of these indictments,
let me remind you
that we are talking
about the death
of a 16-year-old boy.
As I have said
in the past,
I have spoken
with his family
and they are
in agony.
The loss of a child
is unimaginable
for most of us,
but to live it
is a whole new
level of horror.
I do want to say this
to all of those
who have continued
to post innumerable,
unfounded,
ill-informed theories
on social media.
How dare you?
I hope you will pause
and consider
and evaluate
the effect
that you may have had
on this family
over the past several months.
It gave them hope,
Penguin.
Because now
you are about to see
the crucial steps
of the real
legal process
at work.
This has taken months,
but not because
no one was working on it.
Because we had to
find the ring
and then bring it
to Mount Doom.
More about that
in the moment.
All right,
get her out of here.
I'm just saying,
get her out of here,
Rachel Mitchell.
We want the kids convicted.
I want them given
the death penalty.
Okay?
I'm just saying
that's not going to be
easy to do,
but I would like it
to happen.

Justice Catches Up To The Gilbert Goons #383

I want to thank the good people of Arizona and I want to say you're welcome.
I want to thank them because with very little resources, very little,
the citizens of Gilbert, Arizona, were able to push the police
to arrest seven people in the murder of this kid, Preston Lord,
that we talked about on this show, and I want to tell the citizens of Arizona,
I want to say that you are welcome.
I don't need a pat on the back.
I don't need, but let's be very clear.
This is me. I did this.
Let's be very clear about this.
I sounded the alarm bell nationally for this.
That's what happened.
I don't need someone to come over and call me a hero or write an article about
me
or make a documentary about me or say that they're amazed at how much of a
humanitarian I am.
I don't need to stand on a stage with an award, but let's be very honest.
I was the one pushing this story.
And yes, it is because I want to make a film about it, partially, only
partially.
I also want justice.
But I was the one, and people said to me, why do you care about this story?
Why does it matter to you?
I'll tell you why.
I'll tell you exactly why.
And I'm glad you asked.
I'm a capitalist, and I believe in things.
I believe, I have virtues that I believe in.
When I heard that these low-rent,
Tybo, gym-owning people or whatever
were trying to cover up a murder of a kid,
I'm like, you don't get to do that
because you sling smoothies in the desert, dummy.
You only get to do that if you're a real blue-blood elite.
You want to drive off a bridge with a chick in your car?
Your name better be Kennedy.
You want to go AWOL on the Vietnam War,
and then when people find out,
all of the buildings that house the documents
that they could prove that
and end up going on fire,
your name better be Bush.
If you are not elite,
I do not want you covering up murders
because I believe in the country I live in.
Do you understand that?
Or do I have to explain it again to you?
I will not let the final days of this country,
okay,
the end stage of this empire,
I will not let the history of this be written
by people that own smoothie cafes in Arizona.
You will not be getting your kid out of trouble.
They will go to jail.
They will go to jail.
Now, initially,
we made this into a whole Mormon conspiracy
that wasn't true.
That wasn't true.
But it took the heat off the Jews.
Now,
so never question my motives.
Do you understand?
Everybody's like,
wait,
are the Mormons covering up a murder in Arizona?
And then just,
you know,
stadiums of Palestinians just,
I didn't intend,
it wasn't my intention.
It's what happened.
But Sam Harris made a good point.
Israel calls them all first,
which I think is nice.
Israel actually calls the phone
of every Palestinian they're going to kill.
This is actually true.
Many people don't know this.
They call them up
and they're like,
hey,
what's up?
We're going to bomb you soon.
And it's nice.
I like that.
I like it.
I thought,
I thought they weren't doing it,
but they do.
They call,
they text.
They send just a couple of fire emojis.
Watch out.
A couple of fires,
emojis.
It's nice.
It gives people,
it's respectful.
But this whole,
this,
the reason that I got so invested in this case
is because number one,
injustice everywhere is,
you know,
whatever that is thing,
the threat to violence.
And what did Dr. King say or Shakespeare?
Right?
The cops,
whenever there's a cop beating a guy,
here's my point.
My point is that
even these rat people
that live in this sand hell,
this sand pit,
where they think they have money,
they don't deserve to be killed.
You know what I mean?
So the reason that I got involved
was because I saw that there were,
there was not a national figure
leading this movement
trying to hold these people accountable.
These goons,
kids,
these white kids,
white demon devil kids.
Does no one watch this part of the show
where I'm crusading?
I,
for the imprisonment of white children,
there's no one,
does somehow they skip this part
and they only listen to the parts
where somehow accidentally
I say something glaringly racist
because I had a bad experience
at a tropical cafe or something
and I'm holding,
someone's got to be held accountable
that doesn't look like me.
But the point is,
no one listens.
I want these kids,
I was disappointed
that they're not going
for the death penalty
because I think it's funny.
I love a good bit
and you know,
these kids are in high school.
They're 17,
18,
but they're adults.
That's the line.
I say kill them
if you can convict them.
Kill them.
Let me follow it up with this as well.
Get renters,
that's the kid.
Can I say their name now?
If they sue me,
I'll sue you back.
I mean,
we can beep it,
but his name's in public record,
yeah.
If you sue me,
you have no idea
what I will do.
I don't have a family.
You have a family.
I don't.
Yes,
your family is junkies
and murderers,
but I don't even have those.
So you have no idea
what I will do.
I have all of my monies
reserved for these things.
By the way,
look at the judge in this case,
please.
Is Arizona even a real state?
Can you look at this judge?
Can you look,
can you close up on this judge?
What is going on here
with the f***ing mustache
of this judge?
He's one of the goons.
He's on the inside.
I watched this arraignment today
and I was,
I looked at this judge
and I'm like,
is this even a person?
We don't have ad block.
Oh,
it's AZ Central.
Take a look at this.
Look at this judge's
handlebar mustache
and his black rimmed glasses.
May I get you a seated
big terrific
in Williamsburg,
sir?
Jenny Slade is absent.
Tim Dillon and Lisa Traeger
will be on this evening.
But that's what you get.
Let me tell you
what needs to be done.
Get Renner's attorney up
because she's no f***ing joke.
I also,
by the way,
I mean,
none of these people
know how to,
you know what I mean?
Like they don't,
this isn't really a state
where people know
how to dress.
Let's just be honest.
They used to be cowboy.
It's like a freak show
over there.
Let's be,
let's be very honest.
I know.
Oh,
Tim,
you were f***ing.
Shut up.
I'm not saying I'm the thing,
but I'm saying
let's be very honest,
okay?
We got,
this is Daria
who grew up here.
So,
this woman is now,
but by the way,
the guy who's behind her
is a real criminal
who just does dewees.
I looked him up.
I looked these people up.
He's a real criminal.
But I like him.
You need a good criminal
because he'll go plant
evidence and stuff.
You need that.
He's a real criminal.
And they probably have
something on him,
this family.
Who I'm not,
completely,
I haven't,
I haven't completely,
even though I am interested
in justice,
I haven't decided
that I wouldn't work
for this family
in the few,
you know what I mean?
Like I ha,
like I haven't written them off.
You know what I mean?
DMs are open.
That's my attitude on them.
Because I don't know
everything that's going on here.
This b***h good.
What's her name?
Christine Whalen.
Christine Whalen.
Now, here's the deal.
She might get these
b***h off for this one of them.
Talon, Talon.
There's two Talons.
Talon, Talon.
Talon, Talon.
They have all these weird names.
They're trash.
They have dumb names.
The point is this.
They're garbage.
They're horned b***h,
you know,
spiny toad.
I mean,
this is a nightmare,
this place.
Of course,
not Paradise Valley.
Scottsdale,
Paradise Valley.
Many friends,
many friends.
The point is,
this woman could get,
so here's the deal.
Here's the real.
I need to try the case.
I need to try the case.
If you bring in a lawyer,
a DA,
to try this case,
you may lose.
This b***h is good.
I'm better.
Okay?
The jury pool in Arizona
will have a reading level
of second grade.
Do you understand?
The average reading level
in America
is fourth to fifth grade.
The reading level
in the Arizona jury pool
will be second grade.
Okay?
On average.
Which means
some of the jury
will be reading
at the level
of a kindergartner,
where it will be words
and then the majority
is pictures.
Okay?
Like my Godson is three.
Monkey,
he goes,
oh,
you're not,
it's just what you're
dealing with.
I know how to get
their attention
with loud outfits
and big sunglasses
and big pops.
They're not going to care
about the facts of the case.
If you think
these jury members
are going to care
or even listen
to the facts
of this case,
you got to find
people dumb enough
to not have an opinion
on this,
by the way.
This is the only news
coming out of that state.
Literally it.
So you got to find people
that are so dumb
that they don't have
a strong opinion
on this,
you know,
or at least lie.
I'm telling you,
you make me,
you make me
the prosecuting attorney.
I'm telling you right now,
I deliver a conviction.
I deliver a conviction
because I will put on a show.
You have to put on a show.
Okay?
And this is not
to disparage
the residents of Arizona
at all,
but you're really,
really stupid.
And that's not,
and I don't mean to,
and I'm not saying that
in a negative way.
It's an,
I've observed that.
Okay?
Now,
because of that,
there are ways
that information
needs to be presented
to you.
Okay?
I'm not above
doing a freestyle rap
for an opening statement.
Do you understand?
I'm not above that
being like,
you think you're a goon?
Leave the fucking room.
You know?
He killed that kid.
You know?
But I'm,
you know what I mean?
But you got to picture it
with kind of
with a very colorful hoodie
with kind of
the 80s boombox.
You know,
kind of really put the work in,
put the effort into it.
He killed that kid.
They stomped out his head.
His parents tried to cover it up
because they think
they got bread,
but they ain't got bread.
Listen to what I said.
Like,
it's got to be rhyme.
I'm telling you,
it's an Arizona jury box.
It's a bunch of lizards.
It's got to be rhyme.
It's got to be,
am I above,
you think I'm not coming out
with a smoke machine
for my closing statement?
You're out of your mind.
First of all,
it happened on Halloween.
There's a Halloween party
where this kid get killed.
Unfortunately,
an RP to the kid,
I pray there is a heaven and a God.
I always have.
And,
and I,
and I,
I think there kind of is maybe.
I get more religious
as I get older.
I don't know what that means,
but I'm either getting more correct
or more incorrect
and no one will know
and no one can call me on it.
The point is this.
I would have everyone
come in a Halloween costume
for the,
for the summation,
the closing statement.
And even though
that would seem
very,
very counterproductive
and it would lose me,
a lot of the people
who think it's a very heinous
and disrespectful thing to do,
people like dressing up.
Legit.
You understand?
So if I'm going to recreate
what happened
at a Halloween party,
I'm going to ask the jury
and the members
to everyone
wear a costume.
Okay?
Now this is unorthodox.
People just say to me,
this is unorthodox.
Play Rachel Mitchell,
this little goblin.
Yelling at everyone
on the Reddits
and saying that it's,
it's wrong
that we're circulating
unsubstantiated conspiracy theories.
I don't get a check
where you get a check.
I said,
you know,
and I read these Reddits,
I don't really post on them
because I don't,
I don't really know enough
about Arizona
to say anything,
you know,
other than it's a hole.
I love this award,
Aquapana.
Sponsor the show.
No,
play the press conference
she had
where she announced
the indictments
and then she told,
she yelled at the community
for going on Reddit
and trying to solve
the f***ing crime.
Now here's what,
yes,
were some members
of the community wrong?
Did they impugn
the credibility
of the investigation
to a degree?
Sure.
Did they launch
unprovoked accusations
at members
of the community's children?
Yes.
Did they f*** up
things to a degree?
Yes.
But everything,
you know,
it was the inertia
that moved this case forward.
Was the community
demanding they do something
because the Gilbert police
have done nothing
for years,
all these kids
just attacking random people
and then one of them died.
Lake Riley,
say her name.
Lake Riley.
Lake Riley.
She's a lovely young woman
killed by an illegal.
Now,
this wo