Name: Trevor & Tim Break Down The Dan Schneider Nickelodeon Scandal #385
Uploaded: 2024-03-28T16:00:28.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Trevor & Tim Break Down The Dan Schneider Nickelodeon Scandal #385' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Trevor & Tim Break Down The Dan Schneider Nickelodeon Scandal #385' from The Tim Dillon Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-28. Transcript available.

Have you seen the thing about The Quiet On Set, the new documentary from Max?
No, what's that about?
It's exposing all of Dan Schneider's.
Oh, Nickelodeon!
Yes, this is right up your alley.
Yes, Nickelodeon!
I saw this on the way here about it, and it's getting a lot of buzz right now.
Apparently, Drake Bell was saying a bunch of s*** how he got inappropriately groped,
and it's a lot of Dan Schneider's s***.
There might be a trailer for it, but it's on Max, I believe.
But this is right up.
If you're not yelling about it in this episode, you should at least in the next
episode.
I should scream about it, yeah.
You should.
Only just OD'd on the Epstein stuff.
It's like, here's the thing, folks.
This stuff will never get solved.
I don't know what to tell you.
I feel bad.
Well, here's the way you s*** an AI kid.
You can't s*** an AI kid.
How about that?
Ain't that the answer?
Let's watch the trailer for this.
Amanda Bynes Doc.
Yeah.
You know?
Where's she at?
Yeah, there it is.
Wow.
Yeah, I mean, it's kind of, anybody who pitches kid anything is a little off.
I feel bad, man, because, so, Dan Schneider was the one who.
He's like, the future's kids.
Right.
Yeah, that's his whole plan.
Right, and it ain't.
I've said it.
It's AI.
It's robots.
AI kids.
There we go.
Now.
He always looks like he's wearing a fat suit of, like, a character, though.
I know, and he unfortunately got, he made her crazy, right?
He looks like Goldmember in the last, the awesome powers.
No, he's the villain.
Keep the trailer going.
He's an actual villain.
He's like, hey, kids need to be monetized.
The reason that this town will just never function quite the way that it did is
because we know
all of these things now.
We have all of this information about how hard, now, which is good, because
people can protect
themselves in the future, but, like, now that we know this, you're inherently
suspect of
everything, you know?
Well, any kids show you see, you're going to be like, what's going on in the
background?
Right.
Who's filming this?
Let me see what the director looks like.
Is it also a kid?
Oh, it's an adult.
Check him.
Right.
It's, there's a thing, and it's just the Me Too movement, all these things, all
these
things have, like, made people aware of these really punishing corporate
structures that
allowed these monsters to do all this shit.
That's why a lot of people are doing stuff independently and having a lot of
success, because
you don't have to, you know?
I mean, the worst part is he was making great TV shows.
That's the worst part.
No, they all were.
Here's the problem.
They all were.
They all were.
Kevin Spacey.
They all were.
They all were.
You know, this is a terrible thing, and I don't know what to tell people about
it, other
than it's not worth it.
Good TV is not worth a bunch of kids.
But there's got to be, like, I don't know, some other way, like, maybe allow
them to be, like,
really, really anti-Semitic and racist.
The kids or the directors?
The people that used to be p***ing girls.
Gotcha.
They got to have a taboo.
They need an arc.
They need a taboo.
Yeah, they need to bring them back for, like, you know, when they do a survivor-effective
villain season?
She's a Nazi lesbian.
She has sex with people of her own age, but she's a fat Nazi, and she smokes.
That checks a lot of boxes right there.
Yeah, and the cigarettes, too.
Well, you can't give these jobs to normies, but we can't have kids and women
being thrown
into a pit.
So, what can we do?
We got to give them to people that are a little f***ing nuts, because those are
people that
make good s***.
Maybe it could be like, Blouse, I just have a foot fetish.
Yeah, exactly.
Right?
I mean, Dan Schneider loved feet.
He did.
Everywhere.
His feet and all these photos of Nickelodeon used to be a foot.
The logo.
That's a great point.
Why was the logo of Nickelodeon a foot?
There was also something about, like, on iCarly, he had fans send in.
But do they, I mean, let me be honest with you, does that not look like a happy
couple?
All right.
Anyway, it's a joke!
But he had also kids send in foot photos for, like, an iCarly, like, contest.
People would take, like, kids would take photos of feet and, like, send it in
to danandnickelodeon.com.
It's so crazy, like, that this one guy's foot fetish became a network.
Do you know what I mean?
Yes, look at this.
Like, this guy's foot fetish became a literal network.
This was 2009.
He goes, if you have weird toes, please send it to us.
I don't even think the show was on in 2009.
I think this was, like, four years later.
He's like, who wants a reboot?
Yeah, let's go.
Speaking of boots, get those dogs out.
It really is.
Now, he's not on X anymore, right?
I think so.
He's alive, correct?
Yeah.
Somewhere?
He's somewhere.
He's probably still in L.A.
He's probably still taking generals, being like, cool, shoes off.
Yeah, I wonder where Dan Schneider would be now.
Is that his profile?
Is that him?
Did he retweet the link?
No.
Yeah, this is the first time he tweeted in five years.
Okay.
Oh, he talks about it.
Hold on.
That's not Dan Schneider.
This is Dan right here.
Okay.
By the way.
He looks thin.
By the way.
By the way.
He looks better.
This is great.
He's actually addressing this?
Yeah, yeah.
Let's go.
I really appreciate you reaching out and giving me the opportunity.
They're sitting so close to each other.
We saw over the last two nights.
I'm really glad you're here because I believe this is important.
By the way, you know where this should have happened.
Hey, Mom.
Thanks for doing this, Mom.
Well, in the documentary, Mom, it says that you were like, well, they suggested
you were
like a f***er, Mom.
How do you like Austin, Mom?
It's great.
We love it here, Mom.
How great would that be?
What if Dan Schneider and Rogan, like he went on Rogan and then Rogan just
talked about
how great Austin was?
The people are friendly, Mom.
Now you're accused of f***ing kids.
What is that, Mom?
All right.
Let's see what he says here.
We've got a lot of things to unpack, but before I dive into my list of topics
that I'd
like to discuss, is there anything you'd like to start off with?
Absolutely.
Watching over the past two nights was very difficult, me facing my past
behaviors, some
of which are embarrassing and that I regret.
And I definitely owe some people a pretty strong apology.
Let's talk about the massages.
I thought you were going to say the massage.
I thought you were going to say let's talk about the massage.
I was going to be like, oh my God, this is getting good.
All these dudes love massages.
Well, it's a way to get people in.
Yeah, okay.
Wrong.
It was wrong that I ever put anybody in that position.
It's like the modern day trench coat.
I'd never do it today.
I'm embarrassed that I did it then.
I apologize to anybody that I ever put in that situation.
And even additionally, I apologize to the people who were walking around Video
Village or wherever
they happened because there were lots of people there who witnessed it who also
may have
felt uncomfortable.
So I owe them an apology.
That's so surreal.
Dan, talk to me about the writer's room.
From what I saw.
That's not the issue.
No, no.
And I don't mean to cut you off, but if I can cut right to the chase, let me
just say, no
writer should ever feel uncomfortable in any writer's room ever.
Period.
The end.
No excuses.
Most TV writers, comedy writers have been in writer's rooms and they are aware
that a lot
of times there are inappropriate topics come up.
Yeah.
It's like an odd.
That's how I write.
Yeah.
But here's what's interesting about this, right?
This is what's interesting about this.
This is a very interesting.
No one advised him to do this, by the way.
There was, there's no, no one, no PR team was like, get out ahead of it.
Yeah.
He could have fallen off the face of the earth and nobody would have said
anything.
He's doing this because he's basically trying to like, he's trying, because
this documentary
that comes out, this is like an asteroid, right?
It's a meteor coming, right?
A lot of spotlight on him.
Now he's like, okay, I can shoot it with a missile.
It's like there's all those disaster movies are like, mate, we hope it burns up
by the
time it gets into the atmosphere.
You know, they're like, maybe King Charles will die.
Like, yeah, he's banking on something big.
So he's going out there now and going, okay, none of that happened.
This is a big thing.
What if I do an open and show, like a 20 minute interview where I just talk
about, now
here's the thing.
The beginning of this starts with him being very, you know, conciliatory.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Eventually he'll start to defend himself.
This is the only reason.
For 20 minutes.
Yeah.
Skip.
You can't say sorry for this long.
Go 10 minutes in.
There's no way.
I always think they should put ad like brand deals in the middle.
Right.
Just to really piss people off.
Yeah.
And before I tell you what I really did behind those closed doors, we're going
to talk about
factor meals, everybody.
Let's see.
Because eventually this turns.
Let's see.
Very evident as it is in the second one.
And then the first movie I ever made for Nickelodeon, which starred Kenan and
Kel.
And every show I did after that had a lead black actor in it.
I'm very proud of that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
See.
And not only am I proud that they were in my shows, I'm exceptionally proud.
That's an art.
He's winning you over at the end.
No.
It was never about apologizing.
It was only about getting to this point of it where he can go, hey, I just want
to
let everyone know that we were out there for, I was the first woke f*** pile.
He goes, I was the first woke f*** pile.
He goes, you know how many racist f*** piles were in this town?
He goes, I also wanted to have sex with black children.
Yeah, no apology video needs to be 20 minutes where they're not hyping
themselves up.
Unreal.
It could be two minutes.
Unreal.
But the 20, can you do like a one more click over to see what he's talking
about?
But that's hilarious.
And say this is not a good situation.
Okay.
So I decided I'm going to do what most showrunners do, which is you're not on
the set.
With my cock out.
There's a director there to shoot it.
I'll go up to the writer's room.
I'll work on the next script.
But because everybody was so used to me caring about every detail of every show
so much,
for me not to be on the set, maybe some people thought I got banned.
So it was more of an assumption.
How does it end, baby?
Because this guy's here.
What's his plug in?
He has it here.
Let's watch the last couple of minutes.
See me at the Omaha Funny Bone this weekend.
He's like, I've got a great new movie coming out.
What's it going to mean within your family?
Let them find out.
And then that way, if a kid doesn't want to be on a TV show, they can opt out.
That psychologist, that therapist could come to us and say, this kid doesn't
want to do it for us.
Right.
It's the kid's fault.
Their parents aren't understanding what it's good.
He's like, if your kid doesn't want to be ***, have a therapist.
Let us know.
Have a therapist come.
If nobody wants...
He's like, I'm not going to change.
Yeah.
But if they've got a therapist.
If your kid can't handle some balls on the shoulder, a couple of fun uncle
tricks, you can have a therapist.
Have a therapist.
Break it up.
Break it up.
Because otherwise, it's like, hey, man, I'm not going to change.
Get rid of that.
Dan Schneider, everyone.
Rehabilitating his image.
Dan Schneider.
Wow.
Breaks his silence after watching that documentary.
Are you a feet guy?
I'm not.
Not a foot guy.
Interesting.
They don't do anything.
I've tried to have sex with a foot once.
Didn't do anything for me.
Right.
The positioning was kind of weird.
Yeah.
I did like, you kind of like move it around a little bit.
Yeah, I feel you.
Didn't really do anything for me.
Interesting.
Anything for you?
Maybe a little, but nothing crazy.
Okay.
It's not like a...
It's just like a taboo thing.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
So it's kind of like a thing that's like...
It's just there.
It's there?
Yeah.
It's not something you should not engage with.
Yeah.
If there's a charcuterie board, I'm going to try a little bit of everything.
Yeah, you're not going to...
You should not not engage with it.
But I wouldn't set up a network with a logo of a foot.
No.
Like that's a huge...
That's a big commitment.
Yeah.
I have no problem with the foot, but the idea that it's the entire rationale
for that guy's
life.
Yeah.
Maybe he was just trying to do it so big.
It's like, what?
That's ironic.
I put that up there just for fun.
Yeah.
Or he wanted to see it every day he got to the office.
No, he wanted...
I mean, he was like, this is my mission.
This is my thing.
This is what I've done.
This is my life.
Yeah.
Not looking great for him.
It's not looking great for him, but here's the deal.
There is a world in which he runs as RFK's VP.
Perhaps.
We got to really reach the children.
And Dan, listen, Dan has had some problems, but he has basically addressed all
of those.
He liked getting massages.
He was overweight.
He had a lot of joint pain, a lot of joint issues.
And he has a therapist now.
He has a therapist now.
If the kids come in now, their therapist will say, they will say, do I want Dan
to touch
me or not?
And that's really all we can do.
We just have to, we have to go from the children.

Trevor & Tim Break Down The Dan Schneider Nickelodeon Scandal #385

Have you seen the thing about The Quiet On Set, the new documentary from Max?
No, what's that about?
It's exposing all of Dan Schneider's.
Oh, Nickelodeon!
Yes, this is right up your alley.
Yes, Nickelodeon!
I saw this on the way here about it, and it's getting a lot of buzz right now.
Apparently, Drake Bell was saying a bunch of s*** how he got inappropriately groped,
and it's a lot of Dan Schneider's s***.
There might be a trailer for it, but it's on Max, I believe.
But this is right up.
If you're not yelling about it in this episode, you should at least in the next
episode.
I should scream about it, yeah.
You should.
Only just OD'd on the Epstein stuff.
It's like, here's the thing, folks.
This stuff will never get solved.
I don't know what to tell you.
I feel bad.
Well, here's the way you s*** an AI kid.
You can't s*** an AI kid.
How about that?
Ain't that the answer?
Let's watch the trailer for this.
Amanda Bynes Doc.
Yeah.
You know?
Where's she at?
Yeah, there it is.
Wow.
Yeah, I mean, it's kind of, anybody who pitches kid anything is a little off.
I feel bad, man, because, so, Dan Schneider was the one who.
He's like, the future's kids.
Right.
Yeah, that's his whole plan.
Right, and it ain't.
I've said it.
It's AI.
It's robots.
AI kids.
There we go.
Now.
He always looks like he's wearing a fat suit of, like, a character, though.
I know, and he unfortunately got, he made her crazy, right?
He looks like Goldmember in the last, the awesome powers.
No, he's the villain.
Keep the trailer going.
He's an actual villain.
He's like, hey, kids need to be monetized.
The reason that this town will just never function quite the way that it did is
because we know
all of these things now.
We have all of this information about how hard, now, which is good, because
people can protect
themselves in the future, but, like, now that we know this, you're inherently
suspect of
everything, you know?
Well, any kids show you see, you're going to be like, what's going on in the
background?
Right.
Who's filming this?
Let me see what the director looks like.
Is it also a kid?
Oh, it's an adult.
Check him.
Right.
It's, there's a thing, and it's just the Me Too movement, all these things, all
these
things have, like, made people aware of these really punishing corporate
structures that
allowed these monsters to do all this shit.
That's why a lot of people are doing stuff independently and having a lot of
success, because
you don't have to, you know?
I mean, the worst part is he was making great TV shows.
That's the worst part.
No, they all were.
Here's the problem.
They all were.
They all were.
Kevin Spacey.
They all were.
They all were.
You know, this is a terrible thing, and I don't know what to tell people about
it, other
than it's not worth it.
Good TV is not worth a bunch of kids.
But there's got to be, like, I don't know, some other way, like, maybe allow
them to be, like,
really, really anti-Semitic and racist.
The kids or the directors?
The people that used to be p***ing girls.
Gotcha.
They got to have a taboo.
They need an arc.
They need a taboo.
Yeah, they need to bring them back for, like, you know, when they do a survivor-effective
villain season?
She's a Nazi lesbian.
She has sex with people of her own age, but she's a fat Nazi, and she smokes.
That checks a lot of boxes right there.
Yeah, and the cigarettes, too.
Well, you can't give these jobs to normies, but we can't have kids and women
being thrown
into a pit.
So, what can we do?
We got to give them to people that are a little f***ing nuts, because those are
people that
make good s***.
Maybe it could be like, Blouse, I just have a foot fetish.
Yeah, exactly.
Right?
I mean, Dan Schneider loved feet.
He did.
Everywhere.
His feet and all these photos of Nickelodeon used to be a foot.
The logo.
That's a great point.
Why was the logo of Nickelodeon a foot?
There was also something about, like, on iCarly, he had fans send in.
But do they, I mean, let me be honest with you, does that not look like a happy
couple?
All right.
Anyway, it's a joke!
But he had also kids send in foot photos for, like, an iCarly, like, contest.
People would take, like, kids would take photos of feet and, like, send it in
to danandnickelodeon.com.
It's so crazy, like, that this one guy's foot fetish became a network.
Do you know what I mean?
Yes, look at this.
Like, this guy's foot fetish became a literal network.
This was 2009.
He goes, if you have weird toes, please send it to us.
I don't even think the show was on in 2009.
I think this was, like, four years later.
He's like, who wants a reboot?
Yeah, let's go.
Speaking of boots, get those dogs out.
It really is.
Now, he's not on X anymore, right?
I think so.
He's alive, correct?
Yeah.
Somewhere?
He's somewhere.
He's probably still in L.A.
He's probably still taking generals, being like, cool, shoes off.
Yeah, I wonder where Dan Schneider would be now.
Is that his profile?
Is that him?
Did he retweet the link?
No.
Yeah, this is the first time he tweeted in five years.
Okay.
Oh, he talks about it.
Hold on.
That's not Dan Schneider.
This is Dan right here.
Okay.
By the way.
He looks thin.
By the way.
By the way.
He looks better.
This is great.
He's actually addressing this?
Yeah, yeah.
Let's go.
I really appreciate you reaching out and giving me the opportunity.
They're sitting so close to each other.
We saw over the last two nights.
I'm really glad you're here because I believe this is important.
By the way, you know where this should have happened.
Hey, Mom.
Thanks for doing this, Mom.
Well, in the documentary, Mom, it says that you were like, well, they suggested
you were
like a f***er, Mom.
How do you like Austin, Mom?
It's great.
We love it here, Mom.
How great would that be?
What if Dan Schneider and Rogan, like he went on Rogan and then Rogan just
talked about
how great Austin was?
The people are friendly, Mom.
Now you're accused of f***ing kids.
What is that, Mom?
All right.
Let's see what he says here.
We've got a lot of things to unpack, but before I dive into my list of topics
that I'd
like to discuss, is there anything you'd like to start off with?
Absolutely.
Watching over the past two nights was very difficult, me facing my past
behaviors, some
of which are embarrassing and that I regret.
And I definitely owe some people a pretty strong apology.
Let's talk about the massages.
I thought you were going to say the massage.
I thought you were going to say let's talk about the massage.
I was going to be like, oh my God, this is getting good.
All these dudes love massages.
Well, it's a way to get people in.
Yeah, okay.
Wrong.
It was wrong that I ever put anybody in that position.
It's like the modern day trench coat.
I'd never do it today.
I'm embarrassed that I did it then.
I apologize to anybody that I ever put in that situation.
And even additionally, I apologize to the people who were walking around Video
Village or wherever
they happened because there were lots of people there who witnessed it who also
may have
felt uncomfortable.
So I owe them an apology.
That's so surreal.
Dan, talk to me about the writer's room.
From what I saw.
That's not the issue.
No, no.
And I don't mean to cut you off, but if I can cut right to the chase, let me
just say, no
writer should ever feel uncomfortable in any writer's room ever.
Period.
The end.
No excuses.
Most TV writers, comedy writers have been in writer's rooms and they are aware
that a lot
of times there are inappropriate topics come up.
Yeah.
It's like an odd.
That's how I write.
Yeah.
But here's what's interesting about this, right?
This is what's interesting about this.
This is a very interesting.
No one advised him to do this, by the way.
There was, there's no, no one, no PR team was like, get out ahead of it.
Yeah.
He could have fallen off the face of the earth and nobody would have said
anything.
He's doing this because he's basically trying to like, he's trying, because
this documentary
that comes out, this is like an asteroid, right?
It's a meteor coming, right?
A lot of spotlight on him.
Now he's like, okay, I can shoot it with a missile.
It's like there's all those disaster movies are like, mate, we hope it burns up
by the
time it gets into the atmosphere.
You know, they're like, maybe King Charles will die.
Like, yeah, he's banking on something big.
So he's going out there now and going, okay, none of that happened.
This is a big thing.
What if I do an open and show, like a 20 minute interview where I just talk
about, now
here's the thing.
The beginning of this starts with him being very, you know, conciliatory.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Eventually he'll start to defend himself.
This is the only reason.
For 20 minutes.
Yeah.
Skip.
You can't say sorry for this long.
Go 10 minutes in.
There's no way.
I always think they should put ad like brand deals in the middle.
Right.
Just to really piss people off.
Yeah.
And before I tell you what I really did behind those closed doors, we're going
to talk about
factor meals, everybody.
Let's see.
Because eventually this turns.
Let's see.
Very evident as it is in the second one.
And then the first movie I ever made for Nickelodeon, which starred Kenan and
Kel.
And every show I did after that had a lead black actor in it.
I'm very proud of that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
See.
And not only am I proud that they were in my shows, I'm exceptionally proud.
That's an art.
He's winning you over at the end.
No.
It was never about apologizing.
It was only about getting to this point of it where he can go, hey, I just want
to
let everyone know that we were out there for, I was the first woke f*** pile.
He goes, I was the first woke f*** pile.
He goes, you know how many racist f*** piles were in this town?
He goes, I also wanted to have sex with black children.
Yeah, no apology video needs to be 20 minutes where they're not hyping
themselves up.
Unreal.
It could be two minutes.
Unreal.
But the 20, can you do like a one more click over to see what he's talking
about?
But that's hilarious.
And say this is not a good situation.
Okay.
So I decided I'm going to do what most showrunners do, which is you're not on
the set.
With my cock out.
There's a director there to shoot it.
I'll go up to the writer's room.
I'll work on the next script.
But because everybody was so used to me caring about every detail of every show
so much,
for me not to be on the set, maybe some people thought I got banned.
So it was more of an assumption.
How does it end, baby?
Because this guy's here.
What's his plug in?
He has it here.
Let's watch the last couple of minutes.
See me at the Omaha Funny Bone this weekend.
He's like, I've got a great new movie coming out.
What's it going to mean within your family?
Let them find out.
And then that way, if a kid doesn't want to be on a TV show, they can opt out.
That psychologist, that therapist could come to us and say, this kid doesn't
want to do it for us.
Right.
It's the kid's fault.
Their parents aren't understanding what it's good.
He's like, if your kid doesn't want to be ***, have a therapist.
Let us know.
Have a therapist come.
If nobody wants...
He's like, I'm not going to change.
Yeah.
But if they've got a therapist.
If your kid can't handle some balls on the shoulder, a couple of fun uncle
tricks, you can have a therapist.
Have a therapist.
Break it up.
Break it up.
Because otherwise, it's like, hey, man, I'm not going to change.
Get rid of that.
Dan Schneider, everyone.
Rehabilitating his image.
Dan Schneider.
Wow.
Breaks his silence after watching that documentary.
Are you a feet guy?
I'm not.
Not a foot guy.
Interesting.
They don't do anything.
I've tried to have sex with a foot once.
Didn't do anything for me.
Right.
The positioning was kind of weird.
Yeah.
I did like, you kind of like move it around a little bit.
Yeah, I feel you.
Didn't really do anything for me.
Interesting.
Anything for you?
Maybe a little, but nothing crazy.
Okay.
It's not like a...
It's just like a taboo thing.
Oh, okay.
